[NF] INFP/INFJ...differences... :/

[MePutPeePeeInUrCoke]

Ok i am aware of the differences in function.. I am also aware that there have been countless INFP mentioning this inability to get on well with INFJ's...
It is quite stressful for me, and I am coming to terms with the fact that though I used to think i got on well with INFJ's, now I do not...and more than likely it isnt something that can really be helped..
I attracted a few in the past and became "close" but it seems to me now that we INFP are actually worlds apart from most INFJ..in the beginning it may be fun but it seems to turn so sour..and I have even developed negative feelings towards the INFJ type in general, when they were once one of my favorite..
I have not turned to MBTI for a very long time, but I remembered how it can be benficial at times, and give me a clearer idea or at least the fuel to sift through it all while in a extreme emotional state.. I have never really met another INFP....my bestfriend is an INTP and has never gotten along well with INFJ, but I would like to hear a bit more (or alot more) on INFP experiences with them....it's almost as if you go by a completely different set of rules when at first you thought the world of someone..then sooner or later...you realize the big separation in how something is percieved, what one prefers and blahhh i cant explain it all at the moment...(it is after 3 in the morning)... but id appreciate some feedback.....sigh* <im tired>

 

[Soar337]

Yeah, at first glance it seems like infjs and infps are two peas in a pod but in reality they think very differently and clash....:/

 

[Athenian200]

INFPs and INFJs are... VERY different. To say the least.

I don't know why we're even associated with the same temperament group.

Both of us probably have more in common with INTJs than with each other. I share Ni with them, you share Te/Fi use. I think that INFPs generally have a better chance romantically with an INTJ than an INFJ.

I mean... we use NONE of the same functions, and they're all in different orders.

An INFJ is primarily an Intuitive. An INFP is primarily a Feeler. Let's list the conflicts:

Ni vs. Ne
Fe vs. Fi
Ti vs. Te
Se vs. Si

Different perspective on everything... with ENFPs, there's a bit more similarity due to having the functions in the same order, but... INFPs and INFJs are quite incompatible. I don't understand people who can't decide which they are... they need only interact with one or the other group for a while.

 

[Kaizer]

In the IN family, it does seem more so than not by a significant margin at least, that the PJs gel together far better than the PPs or the JJs

 

[Onceajoan]

Hmmm. My love interest/guy friend is an INFP. I'm an INFJ (on the INTJ cusp...) We get along splendidly! No complaints after four years. One of the major differences tho, is that I'm much more direct and honest than he is (he hates to hear it when I accuse him of not being honest - but it's true if you're always tactful and diplomatic - where's the honesty there?) Secondly, I have stepped on his toes once or twice - but I made a point to immediately apologize and try to make it up to him. He can get pretty secretive, which bugs me. He can hide, which bugs me. But I've learned to adapt (at least sometimes). He's worth it.

Any type can get along with any other type. It just requires some maturity, emotional stability, patience and an open mind, IMO.

 

[OrangeAppled]

INFPs and INFJs are... VERY different. To say the least.

I don't know why we're even associated with the same temperament group.

Both of us probably have more in common with INTJs than with each other. I share Ni with them, you share Te/Fi use. I think that INFPs generally have a better chance romantically with an INTJ than an INFJ.

I mean... we use NONE of the same functions, and they're all in different orders.

An INFJ is primarily an Intuitive. An INFP is primarily a Feeler. Let's list the conflicts:

Ni vs. Ne
Fe vs. Fi
Ti vs. Te
Se vs. Si

Different perspective on everything... with ENFPs, there's a bit more similarity due to having the functions in the same order, but... INFPs and INFJs are quite incompatible. I don't understand people who can't decide which they are... they need only interact with one or the other group for a while.

I think you're choosing to view the cognitive processes differences as "conflicts", when that is not necessarily the case. I don't know where people got the idea that you need to use the same thought processes to get along anyway .

Besides, while INFJs may prefer NiFe & INFPs may prefer FiNe, they both judge according to Feeling, and they both perceive with iNtuition. Unlike an INTJ, both will choose to evaluate in a personal manner wherever possible than to do any kind of impersonal analysis, and both focus on abstract info & ideas than tangible info. Yes, the attitudes of the processes are sort of "inverted", but they serve the same functions (to assign value and intuit). Both also have the typical INxx demeanor, which is generally reserved and somewhat hard to decipher at first.

Anyhow, I usually get along with INFJs in real life, my current boyfriend happens to be one, and I get compared to my INFJ aunt a lot personality-wise from non INxx types (but they compare to other INxx types in general). I definitely see us as coming from different thought processes & having distinct personalities, but I can see why they are lumped as the NF mindset, as these thought processes can actually lead to similar conclusions & ideas (different roads, same destination). I have yet to meet an INFJ in person who does not have remarkably similar interests to me, which is rare for me to find in people.

I see the differences more as complementary than leading to conflict. ESTJs, who use the same functions as an INFP, cause me much more grief & their mindset is far more puzzling to me.....

 

[KDude]

I think it's just a matter of some balance in dom/aux. This makes the two types open. I said in another thread that I'd rather be responsive to INFJ though. Quite honestly, I don't know how to deal with more introverted Ni doms. Many admit to not being very open to outside views, so what use am I? =) And some younger ones are downright mean. I don't know how to interpret that kind of behavior. When I get mad and opinionated or stubborn it still kind of feels nervy and crappy inside. It's just sometimes necessary. Now the thing is, why would I speak to someone who's acting like that on a permanent basis? They seem to indulge in this state. All that tells me is that they're not feeling anything. If they did, they'd stop and take care of themselves. Instead they persist, and not only that, they proudly sit on top of an 800 mile high ivory tower, throwing turds from above.

Don't tell me it isn't true. I don't know why some are like this, but it sucks. When a healthy one comes to me, it's great.. I wish I knew more people like this. I'm just at a loss on who's who anymore.

 

[Arclight]

I am one or the other, and I get along great with both and often can only tell them apart through subtle differences.. I love them Both.. INFs are just awesome people.. I dig them to their souls.

Even if they suck

 

[Forever_Jung]

I have no problem getting along with INFJs...although I only know of 3 IRL. One of them is kind of full of themselves intellectually, but we still get along. I find them pretty agreeable and insightful. I wouldn't say I seek them out, but I like them, generally speaking. It's pretty individual how people get along, IMO.

 

[KDude]

Even if they suck

For all I know, some of the people that I have in mind are INFP. I don't know. I'm complaining more about arrogance than anything. It could happen in any type.

 

[MePutPeePeeInUrCoke]

I am one or the other, and I get along great with both and often can only tell them apart through subtle differences.. I love them Both.. INFs are just awesome people.. I dig them to their souls.

Even if they suck

^_^ lol at "even if they suck"

 

[MePutPeePeeInUrCoke]

I think you're choosing to view the cognitive processes differences as "conflicts", when that is not necessarily the case. I don't know where people got the idea that you need to use the same thought processes to get along anyway .

Besides, while INFJs may prefer NiFe & INFPs may prefer FiNe, they both judge according to Feeling, and they both perceive with iNtuition. Unlike an INTJ, both will choose to evaluate in a personal manner wherever possible than to do any kind of impersonal analysis, and both focus on abstract info & ideas than tangible info. Yes, the attitudes of the processes are sort of "inverted", but they serve the same functions (to assign value and intuit). Both also have the typical INxx demeanor, which is generally reserved and somewhat hard to decipher at first.

Anyhow, I usually get along with INFJs in real life, my current boyfriend happens to be one, and I get compared to my INFJ aunt a lot personality-wise from non INxx types (but they compare to other INxx types in general). I definitely see us as coming from different thought processes & having distinct personalities, but I can see why they are lumped as the NF mindset, as these thought processes can actually lead to similar conclusions & ideas (different roads, same destination). I have yet to meet an INFJ in person who does not have remarkably similar interests to me, which is rare for me to find in people.

I see the differences more as complementary than leading to conflict. ESTJs, who use the same functions as an INFP, cause me much more grief & their mindset is far more puzzling to me.....

hmmmm perhaps instinctual variants play an even larger role? I can see an SP dom INFP hitting it off well with an INFJ especially if bpoth are SP, with similar interests...

 

[Elfboy]

INFPs and INFJs are... VERY different. To say the least.

I don't know why we're even associated with the same temperament group.

Both of us probably have more in common with INTJs than with each other. I share Ni with them, you share Te/Fi use. I think that INFPs generally have a better chance romantically with an INTJ than an INFJ.

I mean... we use NONE of the same functions, and they're all in different orders.

An INFJ is primarily an Intuitive. An INFP is primarily a Feeler. Let's list the conflicts:

Ni vs. Ne
Fe vs. Fi
Ti vs. Te
Se vs. Si

Different perspective on everything... with ENFPs, there's a bit more similarity due to having the functions in the same order, but... INFPs and INFJs are quite incompatible. I don't understand people who can't decide which they are... they need only interact with one or the other group for a while.

I disagree about INFJs and ENFPs being similar, but I agree on everything else. FPs and FJs are sooo different. most of the FJs I know do not think they get me and attach all these labels to me but don't understand any of my intentions. similarly, I don't understand them at all. I have no idea what's it's like to have "shared group values" or cry because you see someone else crying (I don't even cry when people die). I also can't stand their agreeableness. I can't even talk to FJs most of the time because they're too busy agreeing with me to maintain harmony than listening to me. Most of the FJs I know care more about getting along than coming to the right conclusion, a trait which I find extremely insincere, closed minded and completely lacking in backbone and integrity. At their best, they're more genuinely good listeners, able to not take disagreement personally and clarify the meaning of what you said if and before they accuse you of something, but I really can't get along with them unless they develop these traits.
PS: for whatever reason though, I find ISFJs the most easy to get along with

 

[OrangeAppled]

hmmmm perhaps instinctual variants play an even larger role? I can see an SP dom INFP hitting it off well with an INFJ especially if bpoth are SP, with similar interests...

Concerning my INFJ bf & aunt, I suspect both are social variants. My bf is likely e3 so/sx and my aunt e1 so/sp.

I think it's just a matter of some balance in dom/aux. This makes the two types open. I said in another thread that I'd rather be responsive to INFJ though. Quite honestly, I don't know how to deal with more introverted Ni doms. Many admit to not being very open to outside views, so what use am I? =) And some younger ones are downright mean. I don't know how to interpret that kind of behavior. When I get mad and opinionated or stubborn it still kind of feels nervy and crappy inside. It's just sometimes necessary. Now the thing is, why would I speak to someone who's acting like that on a permanent basis? They seem to indulge in this state. All that tells me is that they're not feeling anything. If they did, they'd stop and take care of themselves. Instead they persist, and not only that, they proudly sit on top of an 800 mile high ivory tower, throwing turds from above.

Don't tell me it isn't true. I don't know why some are like this, but it sucks. When a healthy one comes to me, it's great.. I wish I knew more people like this. I'm just at a loss on who's who anymore.

For Fi-doms who tend to be overly humble & self-deprecating, the self-assured & even arrogant attitude many Ni-doms seem to possess can be off-putting. When you get to know them, then you discover they are not so calmly composed & confident they are right; they might be more immediately likable if they showed some humility though....

 

[A window to the soul]

the self-assured & even arrogant attitude many Ni-doms seem to possess can be off-putting. When you get to know them, then you discover they are not so calmly composed & confident they are right; they might be more immediately likable if they showed some humility though....

^ It may be the person is not feeling supported, appreciated or understood in regards to something they are passionate about. Even behind the most serious exterior, there are basic human needs. I understand it works both ways. In a situation like that, both people have to let go of their defenses. It's amazing how much power one person has, to help turn things around, by clearly waving a white flag.

 

[MePutPeePeeInUrCoke]

For Fi-doms who tend to be overly humble & self-deprecating, the self-assured & even arrogant attitude many Ni-doms seem to possess can be off-putting. When you get to know them, then you discover they are not so calmly composed & confident they are right; they might be more immediately likable if they showed some humility though....[/QUOTE]



I can see that!
It definetely goes back to what an individual is willing to put up with, and put aside in order to understand and deal with better in the other person. Personally, I do not work well with arrogant people who are too self assured. It rubs me the wrong way (possibly due to life experiences early on) My experience with INFJ's is not uncommon among INFP i suppose. INFJ tend to be" so sure" they know more about you than you do yourself...I also (though have a curiosity) do not respond well to the way in which they may communicate, they seem so condescending, even if they arent. One can definetely percieve them that way, and whether it is the real them or not, people will remember how you make them feel. I had a best friend of nearly 4 or 5 years who was an INFJ, and she acted as if she was my mother. When we first found eachother it was like finding a soulmate. I feel as if she was unhealthy, also very paranoid. Within 2 yrs of knowing her, she began accusing me of the most off the wall things. She shared alot with me, but i couldnt handle her anymore, so i distanced myself, and eventually it ended pretty badly. As for others i have known (another significant person) I feel as if they are not only putting me through some test of worthiness to get to know them better, which is normal (we all choose who we open up with) but it is the way that they do it, beating around the bush, playing guessing games to see if you can figure out the cryptic note/hint they leave you (excuse me if my tone sounds too harsh but i do have some resentment for them at the moment) ....there is no warmth in that for me...I just feel like a chess piece... I have been doorslammed by a INFJ i knew for over 5 years, only to find 2 months later they wanted to be friends again..
Unlike with INTP or ENFJ's I know...INFJ are drama after drama...then when you finally let them know how you have been feeling about them it's "you dont know me at all"...perhaps it holds truth...
I do think it is possible for two HEALTHY individuals to make a lasting connection, but any misunderstandings or negative feelings about the other that pop up must be immedietly addressed. When things are left to sit and boil, it is difficult to let go, and the space grows wider.

 

[iwakar]

INFPs and INFJs are... VERY different. To say the least.

I don't know why we're even associated with the same temperament group.

Both of us probably have more in common with INTJs than with each other. I share Ni with them, you share Te/Fi use. I think that INFPs generally have a better chance romantically with an INTJ than an INFJ.

I mean... we use NONE of the same functions, and they're all in different orders.

An INFJ is primarily an Intuitive. An INFP is primarily a Feeler. Let's list the conflicts:

Ni vs. Ne
Fe vs. Fi
Ti vs. Te
Se vs. Si

Different perspective on everything... with ENFPs, there's a bit more similarity due to having the functions in the same order, but... INFPs and INFJs are quite incompatible. I don't understand people who can't decide which they are... they need only interact with one or the other group for a while.

I have been in a relationship with an INFP for many years and it can work because we are different/alike in curious ways, but this can also lead to its demise.

I agree that we have more in common with INTJs. I like the IP, IJ, EP, EJ groupings better I think than NT, NF, SJ, SP for my own purposes.

 

[Elfboy]

For Fi-doms who tend to be overly humble & self-deprecating, the self-assured & even arrogant attitude many Ni-doms seem to possess can be off-putting. When you get to know them, then you discover they are not so calmly composed & confident they are right; they might be more immediately likable if they showed some humility though....

I can see that!
It definetely goes back to what an individual is willing to put up with, and put aside in order to understand and deal with better in the other person. Personally, I do not work well with arrogant people who are too self assured. It rubs me the wrong way (possibly due to life experiences early on) My experience with INFJ's is not uncommon among INFP i suppose. INFJ tend to be" so sure" they know more about you than you do yourself...I also (though have a curiosity) do not respond well to the way in which they may communicate, they seem so condescending, even if they arent. One can definetely percieve them that way, and whether it is the real them or not, people will remember how you make them feel. I had a best friend of nearly 4 or 5 years who was an INFJ, and she acted as if she was my mother. When we first found eachother it was like finding a soulmate. I feel as if she was unhealthy, also very paranoid. Within 2 yrs of knowing her, she began accusing me of the most off the wall things. She shared alot with me, but i couldnt handle her anymore, so i distanced myself, and eventually it ended pretty badly. As for others i have known (another significant person) I feel as if they are not only putting me through some test of worthiness to get to know them better, which is normal (we all choose who we open up with) but it is the way that they do it, beating around the bush, playing guessing games to see if you can figure out the cryptic note/hint they leave you (excuse me if my tone sounds too harsh but i do have some resentment for them at the moment) ....there is no warmth in that for me...I just feel like a chess piece... I have been doorslammed by a INFJ i knew for over 5 years, only to find 2 months later they wanted to be friends again..
Unlike with INTP or ENFJ's I know...INFJ are drama after drama...then when you finally let them know how you have been feeling about them it's "you dont know me at all"...perhaps it holds truth...
I do think it is possible for two HEALTHY individuals to make a lasting connection, but any misunderstandings or negative feelings about the other that pop up must be immedietly addressed. When things are left to sit and boil, it is difficult to let go, and the space grows wider.

I actually really like self assured people. most of my friends are NTJs for this reason. if people are extremely self depreciating, I tend to agree with them. that's not to say I'm going to prey on their weaknesses or vulnerabilities, but if they have a constant heir that they don't respect themselves, I tend to not like to like them. I'm kind of a snob though

 

[OrangeAppled]

INFJ tend to be" so sure" they know more about you than you do yourself...I also (though have a curiosity) do not respond well to the way in which they may communicate, they seem so condescending, even if they arent. One can definetely percieve them that way, and whether it is the real them or not, people will remember how you make them feel. I had a best friend of nearly 4 or 5 years who was an INFJ, and she acted as if she was my mother. When we first found eachother it was like finding a soulmate. I feel as if she was unhealthy, also very paranoid. Within 2 yrs of knowing her, she began accusing me of the most off the wall things.

I have seen this with INFJs also... The thing is, they trust so much in their Ni hunches (often because they have proven reliable, so that they come across as insights as opposed to mere hunches) that even when they are totally off the mark they might insist on their view. My mom's best friend is an INFJ, and in moments of stress she seems nothing short of paranoid, and she has made some truly unfounded accusations against people because she's so sure of her suspicions. On INFJ boards, many claim they are "never wrong" about the vibes they get from people - it's highly unlikley that is true....

This is an issue for N-doms in general though. I know some Ne-dom who think they know a lot more about people than they do, and it also makes them seem arrogant and/or delusional. Being JiPe, INFPs have a much more "wait and see" attitude. Je just compounds the tendency for INFJs to come to a conclusion as fast as possible. The good news is, they will retract a judgment rather easily if sufficient evidence proves them wrong. Inferior Se can make them insecure about concrete proof, so they'll backtrack when presented with it.

She shared alot with me, but i couldnt handle her anymore, so i distanced myself, and eventually it ended pretty badly. As for others i have known (another significant person) I feel as if they are not only putting me through some test of worthiness to get to know them better, which is normal (we all choose who we open up with) but it is the way that they do it, beating around the bush, playing guessing games to see if you can figure out the cryptic note/hint they leave you (excuse me if my tone sounds too harsh but i do have some resentment for them at the moment) ....there is no warmth in that for me...I just feel like a chess piece... I have been doorslammed by a INFJ i knew for over 5 years, only to find 2 months later they wanted to be friends again..

Unlike with INTP or ENFJ's I know...INFJ are drama after drama...then when you finally let them know how you have been feeling about them it's "you dont know me at all"...perhaps it holds truth....

I've known such INFJs also, but they really aren't all like that. I'm going to call "unhealthy" on this one you're describing; it's not a whole type thing. This reminds of a post I made about what an INFJ gone bad looks like....they do become the high-maintenance, hypocritical mess you've described. I find INFJs a lot more needy than INFPs in general. They're introverts, but not lone wolfs in the way Ji-doms are. Fe adds this constant need for consensus or something...in healthy ones, this proves to be good for maintaining relationships & actually giving some credit to other people's perspectives, as opposed to trying to manipulate people & make them jump through hoops to sooth their insecurities.

I don't usually find myself in these conflicts with unhealthy INFJs because I sort of consciously decide to be unaware of their games. I don't want to say it gives me the upper hand, but I will say it prevents an imbalance where they hold all the power. Indifference does wonders to calm drama

 

[Fidelia]

I think INFPs tend to misinterpret why INFJs act as they do. They have a definite need for some kind of closure or some practical way in which they can improve a situation. Without enough information to give more context to the many Ni possibilities they are faced with, and no way to get it, they will make an informed guess and go from there. They are not insisting that they know what's best, but rather are grasping for some kind of solid ground to make them secure, especially when it seems like the other person will not help them understand more accurately. Of course, as with any type, there is unhealthy INFJ behaviour. In the realm of normal behaviour though, I think if an INFP gives the INFJ an idea of what practical action would be most helpful or gives them some context, they are willing to back off considerably and not annoy you so badly.