I dunno, I like both giving and receiving gifts. The distinction is that they are reflective of someone knowing who I am or thinking of me, or having taken the time to make the effort. Even little notes here and there or a piece of fruit or candy that I like can mean the world to me. I get a lot of fun out of figuring out the right gift to give someone or surprising them with something unexpected. It took me a long time to realize that that can actually even make some people feel uncomfortable. That is probably one of the things I appreciated most about my ex-boyfriend. He was wonderful at noticing little practical things I needed or that he thought I would like: a flashdrive when they were new, a book or magazine brought back from a trip (we lived in a place where you couldn't get that sort of thing easily), a small food surprise in my mailbox at school, a note on my door saying what the menu for the evening would be so I could look forward to it, a fire extinguisher for the apartment so we were both outfitted, a lanyard so that I wouldn't have trouble locating my keys.
I was going to put acts of service last, but that's not really true either. Many of the people I've dated have done things for me that I either didn't have the know-how to do or disliked doing and I've never forgotten it. My dad primarily shows he cares by doing things for me - things like checking my oil or noticing that my floor mats won't stay flat and replacing them or helping me pack my car or carrying my violin, guitar etc or giving me rides if it makes things more convenient etc. I probably don't remember to do some of those things for others as often, but if I know of something that will make them especially happy, I can't wait to do it for them and surprise them. I remember feeling really badly a couple of times when I arrived early from the holidays and took time to air out my boyfriend's apartment (which was next door to mine), put nice placemats on the table when he hadn't owned any and wanted some, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, replenished the water jugs for drinking water and put milk and a couple of nice surprises in the fridge because I thought it would be pleasant not to have to do those things right after coming back and I knew that it generally mattered to him. He walked in and didn't even comment on it, even though he had noticed those things had been done. I think it made him feel like I expected the same, which I did not.
Quality time matters a lot to me and so does physical touch, so I suppose those would be towards the top of the list. I like knowing that someone wants to spend time with me and that they also like the comfort and communication of being near me.
I think I need words of affirmation too though and give them quite freely if I feel they are true. If somebody doesn't say anything affirming, I tend to wonder if there is anything they appreciate about me and why they are even there if they don't. It makes me feel both uncertain or resentful.
Is it selfish to say I want it all?
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