^ i also agree with the sentiment of flirting is "you're a cutie"... more of a suggestion of possibility than a promise, love kundera though i do.
A promise without a guarantee... yes, that sounds like something an ENFP might say...
This is my biggest issue with sexual flirting without intent. To create sexual tension but withhold release is nothing short of cruelty.
I don't understand why supposedly empathic people would be into that. And if they genuinely don't understand what they are doing, then they are not the great empaths that they claim to be....
there is a significant difference between connecting with someone on a feeling level and understanding their thoughts towards something. Fi is intrapersonal mastery, but not interpersonal, and flirting is an interpersonal communication. the problem is, it's easy to get a read on another person's mental/emotional state - anxious, happy, joyful, impatient, concerned, yearning, drawing back, protecting, hiding, etc. - but not so easy to get a read on why or towards what. so while an empathic person could see that the other person is feeling desire and pleasure, it's not clear where their reasoning or intent lies. hence many ENFPs echoing the sentiment that we back away when we are unsure - because we may know the feeling, but we don't know what direction the feeling is moving in. heisenberg uncertainty, if you will
anyway, i'm not trying to excuse that behavior, but trying to explain why it's not a cruel move - why someone who is an intrapersonal expert can nevertheless be much less interpersonally aware. as others have said, others often interpret ENFP behavior as sexual communication even when there is no intent on the part of the ENFP. to be honest, if someone asked me instructions on how to flirt, i don't even really know, besides act like i normally do. be interested, be engaged, be caring and aware, touch the other person in a comforting way if they seem to need reassurance. i don't understand the social back-and-forth, really - when to push forward and when to draw back. i always just ask my best friend - who incidentally is a Fe dom. she always knows what to do.
i'm just grabbing two posts from the to ENFP males thread, totally independent of this topic:
Ming said:
I'm naturally happy/flamboyant/smiley ENFP annoying person, but I don't consciously flirt (if I do at all!). I don't think I'll flirt on purpose
Emectar said:
i know what your saying and when i first heard that thing about ENFPs leading people on about a year ago i vehemently denied it too myself. I think the trick is that we dont do it intentionally. The way we act around people naturally is the way most types reserve for those they like.
though it also occurs to me that girls - at least in the US - are more socially expected and conditioned to flirt, so i think all of this holds even more true for men.
We are so happy to be able to understand another human being this clearly, we don't give a crap how messy it all is. In turn, the ENFPs gain a relief from their curse: someone around whom they can say anything without fear.
