Good post indeed, it's the major trouble I have with my girlfriend. It's kinda difficult to explain, I'll try nevertheless:
As a Fe user you are generally uncomfortable with understanding your own emotions or to really think about them. So your focus is more often on other people. My girlfriend, infp on the other hand seems to only talk about her. even when you think this time the discussion is about you and you only, at some point she says how she feels about it and you think to yourself: "oh nice she ignored me again."
I've seen her in combination with her Mum a primary Fe-dom. She appears to be very egoistical then and even has this "grumpy-child-stumbs-on-the-ground" attitude if not everybody at the table is listening to her. Her mum is kinda oblivious to this and needs a long time to get agitated. Most often she tho keeps up the peace at the table and dubs egoistical vibes with humor.
Of course that agitates my gf even more because if she speaks she wants people to listen, cause the things she say are very important to her.
For me it's complicated on a different level. As an introverted thinker you have a constant flux of tetris going on in your mind. I am glad Ti isnt my strong function and I can switch the silly switch from times to let loose of a way to think which can be very straining. The problem is, you dont notice it, you go on at work all day working with your brain and even with simple exercises you think a trillion things thru so you can make the result perfect and leave no questions open. It's a curse and it does make you restless and unhappy, but you dont notice it.
When I talk to my infp after a long day, I start to vent. I basically only crave for some motivation then, like a pat on the back or a hug. She tho does somehow always relate things to herself. Before I really can start venting, we already ended in a discussion about her or us and that is never what I want. So before I get the chance to vent my own anger, I have to see after her and make it clear that I am not unhappy with our life.
You can see this two ways, some people would say Fi-people are the most egoistic clowns on the world, other people would say Fi-people are the most deep people on the world. When I am asked how a gearbox in a car works, I tend to answer there are a lot of things involved you need to understand before you know the place the gearbox has in the whole system 'car'. I demand the big picture. Well the same is it for my girlfriend, she extrapolates my unhappiness and expands it on a personal level, tho I never meant that, not even thought close about it.
She and me are maybe one of the most unfitting pairs on the world but that's exactly why we love each other. We have so much to give each other, it's amazing and a lifetime wont be enough. We argued a lot in the beginning and the last 5 years have been a constant growth for both of us. She made me a man. This thing I described here, she's well aware of by now, but she'll never give it up to think like that. That would be like to ask me to give up breathing aswell, cause our Ne-Fi-Ti combo just works that way.
The thing is many people think they have to educate other people and teach them some sort of social norms so these people can communicate better. But to really understand that when people communicate differently, they have aswell a fundamentally alien world in them, which is so intresting to explore and full of things you would have never noticed or found out without help, those people dont understand that. Those people will forever stay in their boring and fully safely explored own world and they are nothing that intrests me
