[ENFP] How Could ENFPs Marry Young?

[Elfboy]

I think getting married and having kids too early is extremely stupid for several reasons
1) college debt, morgage, car payments... you're looking at $100,000 in the whole from the get go getting married and starting a family just out of college.
2) you have to know yourself before you can pick someone right for you
3) people who are good marriage material don't just magically appear. in fact, it's probably preferable to date several people at once until you find someone you can get really close to
4) having a kid before you have enough money to raise them well is just irresponsible
5) similarly, you have to have proficient communication skills to properly raise a child. most people I've met with kids had horrible parenting skills and did not know how to communicate with their children at all, or else thought that they shouldn't have to. I don't like my parents very much, but I'm glad that they waited until they could at least be good role models before I came along (even if there communication skills are still terrible)
truth be told, I don't think the majority of people should even have kids at all. I'm not getting married until I'm at least 27 and have my finances lined out and in order. I would say a good general age for women to get married is 23-28 and men 26-40.

 

[skylights]

^ why do women get a short, early 5 year window?! i'll take that 26-40 window too plz

2) you have to know yourself before you can pick someone right for you

sooo true

 

[Thalassa]

Yeah I'll take that 26-40 window, too, thank you very much.

Even in the 1920's and 1930's intellectual women of the middle to upper classes in English speaking countries married in their thirties.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

 

[Tabula]

Well this is a little embarrassing, but, I was sort of "engaged to be engaged" when I was 17. He was the first real relationship I'd ever been in, and so I felt that first love obsession all-encompassing-love-nothing-could-possibly-go-wrong kind of feeling. I think I always sort of knew it would never actually happen (and THANK GOD it didn't) but just liked living in the whole romantic idea of it at that point in time.

It's funny, now, I can't imagine myself ever getting married. I don't even think I was thinking of it in real terms of "marriage = commitment" back then either.

I have a friend who recently found out she's pregnant (we're still young, and she openly admitted she's really not exactly in an optimal position to be having a kid.) I really wanted to feel happy for her right away, but instead felt so guilty that the first thing that popped in my head when she told me was, "Thank god it's not me." So, I can definitely sympathize with your thoughts on having kids really young. I still feel like I'm 15 in a lot of ways - my relationship with "commitment" (heh) being one of them.

 

[Danster]

It's funny, I've always had this dream of finding my perfect man by the age of 20... and then he'd sweep me off my feet and we'd get married and live happily and amazingly ever after and yadda yadda yadda. But it wouldn't be a typical marriage, it would be one where we both have a lot of freedom in the sense that we could continue to live our lives without being tied down and I could continue to work on fulfilling my 50 other dreams (lol). If we needed we could live far away from each other... the thought of physical separation doesn't and wouldn't scare me because we would have some sort of *special connection* and our love surpasses all, etc etc. And we definitely would not have kids for at LEAST the first 10 years.

BUT, lol, that was all the idealist/dreamer in me, and I'm not one to think too rationally or specifically when it comes to my future. I just found out about my MBTI a little while ago, and I've been so captivated by it that it's caused me to look so much more into myself, I love it! But it's also forcing me to think more about things like this.

Basically for me, marriage has always meant finding my soul mate or perfect match, and actually I don't even really care so much about the legal standing or the label for a relationship as I do about the "relationship" itself. The biggest appeal that marriage has for me is.. well I'm a Christian and I don't believe in sex before marriage (haha).
But as much as I don't want to admit it, marriage does involve more than I want it to, and without a "soul mate" it doesn't sound appealing to me at all. In fact it makes me flinch lol. And this is all problematic because I really don't like the thought of my dreams for the future not coming true.

Not to mention I'm only 16! So... you see where I'm coming from here?

I've never even been in a real relationship before. I'm starting to think it's partly because I've built up such an impossible ideal for a boyfriend that it will be far too hard to find a match irl. I'm actually extremely afraid that I'll never experience falling in love because of this. Granted I know to admit that I'm young and I have years to find someone, but it's just when I look around and see no one i'm even remotely interested in it scares the heck out of me. Crushes? All the time! And they fade away and then bounce back in what is sometimes a matter of days! But something really serious... it's something I really would like for myself.

I've also never truly thought about children before. Whenever there'd be a question like do you want to have kids? I'd always say, "sure" because kids are cute and I like them and all that. But I've never really thought about kids and me until this thread.. I've just never made the connection before... I guess I never wanted to. But again, I'm looking more and more into who I am, the good and the bad, and my fears... one of them apparently being having kids. Or at least, having kids before I've accomplished what I want to. It's a suffocating thought.

It's just so much to think about... look at all the rambling I'm doing lol

 

[Laurie]

I got married at twenty. We were both (probably) nfs. We needed each other or some crap. I met him when I was 16. We are still together. Lots of rough patches but we have grown up together. Sometimes I wonder about my choices but who doesn't?

There is no guarantee that if I had waited I would have been any happier. Enfps are hard to please and he's done a pretty good job. He's giving and forgiving. I'm a mother flipping (it crowd reference) weirdo. It works-ish. When my grandpa died at 85 my grandma said she missed arguing with him. That's just awesome.

I don't want my kids to marry young but I don't want them to stick with rules for the sake of rules. I'm done having kids and I have a large family. I'm happy I'm not an old chick with young kids.

If you had asked me a couple years ago I would have said it was a huge mistake. Get back to me in a few years and see what I say then.