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Thread: ENFP or ENFJ

  1. #11
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    ah, ENFP and ENFJ. my best friend is ENFJ i'll run through a few differences between us. from your first post, my guess is ENFJ. not sure why, just sounds more Jish in general.

    anyway, the first point i have to make, which i suppose will underscore all of this, is that when a P does something, it's often just because it seems right, while a J almost always has a longer-term future intention. not to say us Ps don't have plans or goals, but Js are much more deliberate, and that probably is the biggest factor underlying the differences between ENFJ and ENFP. Ps act following our Fi beliefs - almost like a code for how we need to act / respond to situations that we assess with Ne, our Perceiving function. Js don't have that underlying code, but instead have a Ni vision that pulls them forward, motivating them, and then their Judging function, Fe, manipulates the external world to meet that vision. of course we both do some of each, responding and initiating, but in general the P is going to tend to respond (because we Perceive first), and the J to initiate (because they Judge first). this plays out IRL between my friend and i. i tend to take things as they come; she tends to have very longterm intentions. that seems exhausting and restricting to me, but my way seems unstable and uncertain to her.

    so there's that fundamental difference, plus the secondary most important of extraverted Feeling first or extraverted iNtuition first. a relatively easy test for this is probably how much of a general nerd she is... if she's kind of nerdy across the board, point towards ENFP; if she's only nerdy in a few choice subjects, point for ENFJ. and then if she's socially open and well-liked, point towards ENFP; if she's socially smooth and well-respected, point towards ENFJ.

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Very determined, this seems to be a hallmark of ENFJ's, at least in my experience with them. I feel they are guarded somewhat but not in a way easily seen or picked up on. They are very funny, they have that sense of humor that's almost tailored to their audience and they are so charismatic, you can't help but love them. Funny though, my ENFJ man can grow more weary in social settings than I do at times, perhaps it's all those vibes from others, the ones I miss or will never see that wears him out. [...]

    They are very observant, very much seeing what's needed and then doing or organizing the means to do what's needed. Perhaps that's why volunteering rates high for your friend. They don't like to talk the talk, that's for sure. When they set their minds to something, they do and do it well. Career, good is not enough. Standards are set very high for themselves (and others, they are motivators) they don't see failure as an possibility and take it very hard when failure does occur. I think it is a gift to know them well as generally, they know a lot of people and have a lot of acquaintances and friends but few people know them. They are protective and can be smothering from time to time. They very much give off a "parental" feeling and I think they enjoy it.
    yes, yes, and yes to all of this. subtle guardedness; more obvious guardedness when you know them better. as an ENFP, i open up often - i don't have much reservation sharing my inner struggles with acquaintances. i hide my secrets in breadth, not depth (people in my yoga class don't know i'm secretly in love with a range rover, etc.) i'm not particularly garrulous or even talkative by any means, but i'm pretty open when it comes to hard subjects. my ENFJ friend, on the other hand, is much more selective about when she opens up about her deeper feelings and struggles. not about things that are obvious - but like, deep running concerns about life in general. she's more paranoid than i am, and harder on herself in terms of meeting her own standards, whereas i tend to hit more rough emotional patches along the road. correspondingly, ENFP tends to fountain inner feelings, while ENFJ avoids talking about them, and ENFP also tends to blow up when we get pissed (apologies if you've seen that in action) - ENFJ tends to bottle up stress and get quiet/leave when upset.

    my ENFJ friend also tires of social situations more quickly than i do - curious, because she is more conventionally "social" than i am. she's better at keeping up with people, maintaining steady (platonic) relationships. she's much more observant, and pays more attention to people interaction, while i'm more interested in individuals and "atmospheres". she can socialize plenty, but having many acquaintances and few close friends is true for her. i tend to have more close friends, though our relationships are not as steady and i might not like all of those people as much as you would think.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    can be a bitch but always knows the right thing to say, is very supportive and warm and loves people, but I think she's somehow inwardly more "distant" and less intense than me [...] I would overall say she has more "smooth" Fe with people than me, even though I think some people think of us as being similar with our humor, etc, especially people we went to school with. Her nurturing is a very Fe kind of nurturing. [...] I think ENFPs are more outwardly distant and ENFJs are more inwardly distant. In that I mean ENFPs can seem more flaky or play favorites, but when it comes down to it they show you who they are. ENFJs are more "present" with everyone and seem more fair, but inside are more guarded, I think.
    yes to this as well. if you can observe her across situations talking to people who have very different relationships to her, you can probably get a reading on Fe because of how much she will change from interaction to interaction. a Fi person will probably tend to respond a similar way to this people, because they're anchored with Fi inside, but a Fe dom will tend to do more adjusting of their responses to meet the needs of the other. i think it's also useful to observe her in conversation with you - does she tend to keep the conversation on other people, especially behavior, and long-term goals / implications of patterns (Fe + Ni), or does she tend to talk alternating between various theoretical topics and themselves or others' inner feelings (Ne + Fi)? i notice with Fe dom/auxs i have to struggle more to get them to talk about themselves in conversation - they often will talk about you until you directly ask them about themselves. they're more polite but more distant. also, when an ENFJ doesn't like you, you get the cold shoulder. like marm said - can be a bitch if they want to be! when an ENFP doesn't like you... well, depends on the circumstances, i guess. you'll probably just get told why, instead of the ENFP having to play social games (which we are generally bad at) to slowly demonstrate their dislike.

    that's a big difference, actually - ENFJ is much more patient with social protocol in general; ENFP often couldn't give a damn. what else... ENFP is more flexible, easier to convince to break their plans. ENFJ tends to adhere to plans, especially when there are people involved. all ExFJs i know HATE letting people down. me, i feel guilty, but unless i really like them, i don't get upset enough to do anything about it. ENFJs are better in charge, ENFPs are better troubleshooters. ENFJ seems to manipulate as second nature, ENFP seems to disregard rules as second nature. i think we both play favorites... ENFP is probably a little more obvious about it though, lol...

    i like this quote:
    Quote Originally Posted by enWTFp
    But really, you can just guess by how they're dressed. ENFPs look strange and charming, ENFJs are all class
    it's true... i'm never really "polished" even when i'm all dressed up... i'm always a little too artsy... and she's still put-together even when she's in PJs and a torn shirt... it's just, that J edge and P fluidity tend to sneak into everything...



    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    but when we were originally talking about it, she told me she didn't want this to be one of those things where we say we'll do this or do that, but have no follow through. she was very serious. i think this is much more J of her than P.
    yeah, that sounds J. as for the guardedness - it's very subtle, imo. and she probably runs close to the J/P border, which means that maybe it's less of a trait in her than in other ENFJs who are strong Js.

  2. #12


    ENFJ= more formal, have a controlled energy, they may sound more definite in their speech, goes with the status quo but has underlying rebellious energy (if we don't like the social protocol, we make our own rules and follow those), colorful in dress but still kinda put together, more paranoid and privacy conscious, tangential in speech in a subtle way, ironic, banter sense of humor, detached friendliness/warmth (until you get close to them).

    ENFP=casual. go with the flow energy, their own person (outwardly against the status quo), flashy and artsy in dress, tangential in speech in a broad way, punny, wordplay sense of humor, more personally warm.

    That's all I can think of right now.

    EDIT: I don't know if it is just me but it seems like the ENFPs on here seem more mellow but very individualistic and ENFJs on here seem friendly but at the same time, they give off a "we are going to kick your ass if you screw with us" vibe.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    1w2 so/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    EDIT: I don't know if it is just me but it seems like the ENFPs on here seem more mellow but very individualistic and ENFJs on here seem friendly but at the same time, they give off a "we are going to kick your ass if you screw with us" vibe.

  4. #14
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009


    ^ x2.

    I agree with pretty much everything skylights said...for a minute I was wondering if I was her best friend. :newink:

    As far as the wild child, party girl aspect goes. My ex boyfriend said I wasn't a social butterfly, I was a social pterodactyl I had HUGE parties a couple times a year and knew everyone if I went out for the evening. But in true ENFJ form, I would only go out if it didn't interfere with more pressing obligations. If I knew I had to be to work the next day, I would leave to go home at a decent hour. And even on the weekends, I was usually one of the first to leave because as has been mentioned, I would get drained and want to go home. The other thing to note is that even when going out for a big time, I would always call my close friends first and try to come up with a plan that all of my friends would enjoy and I would stay with them the whole night...if I wanted to stay someplace and they wanted to leave because they were unhappy, I would go. There were a lot of ENFJ attributes in my party girl behavior.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%
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  5. #15
    Member Ethelred the Unready's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011


    Quote Originally Posted by Edge View Post
    you could post a picture of her (if she allows it), at least around her eyes, and we could try and determine her type. EFJ eyes usually jump out at me immediatley.
    Wow, would you care to explain that bit about the eyes a bit more? I've never heard of this, but I'd love to find out more. I want to know if I've got ENFJ's eyes
    We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull; some have weird names and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.

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