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[MBTI General] I like an INTP...

Coeur

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
237
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
and I want to do something about it. He's a freshman in college and I'm a senior in highschool. We've known each other for four years and we are friends.

Does he like me back? I'm not sure. People have said in the past it definitely seems very promising, but nothing has happened. I DO know that he thinks very, very highly of me and respects me as a person. At the very least, we have potential.

I indirectly found out if I asked him to a dance, he'd say yes. I think asking a graduate to a dance demonstrates, "Hey, I like you," and for that reason I think it's a good sign that he won't say no. (As an INTP, he's not the kind of person who will go to something just so he doesn't hurt your feelings.)

If we go to the dance together and things seem to be going well, I was thinking about putting all of my cards on the table. I mean, I don't want to leave for college without thinking that I gave it my best effort. I was withholding it before because I wanted to wait for him to come around, but maybe I need to be more aggressive.

I just don't know if that's a good idea. :/ Any thoughts? I can give more information if needed, I just didn't want to ramble too much. XD
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
INTPs tend to only pay attention to those that can match their intellect or those that they very much enjoy. If he deliberately seeks you out, I'd say you have a good chance. I'd say start hanging out more one on one, seeking him out deliberately and casually drop the dance into the conversation, and work up to the fact that you'd like to go. See how he responds. At this point, ask him teasingly if he'd like to take you. That way you can avoid the akwardness if he doesn't and you can laugh it off, otherwise, you're in ;) Let Nature tend to itself, but be assertive enough to make it happen, as you're both I's and INTPs tend to want to know very *very* sure that they're not invading someone elses space and are right about what the other wants.

Happy Hunting to you ;)
 

quidtimeam

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2011
Messages
25
MBTI Type
INTP
I've known one INFP that I was quite attracted to, but it didn't work out due to age and distance issues. The one I knew possess a certain mystique that I found very attractive, and is likely characteristic of INFPs in general. As INXPs, you both share a a rich absorption in an abstracted world in which you can both lose yourselves. If you have a match on that level, especially via extraverted intuition, he no doubt deeply enjoys this relationship as well, and is likely to respond to your advances.

How socially mature of an INTP is he? If he doesn't have much experience with girls or dating, he may have been feeling the same way but afraid of moving on it for some time.
 

think2much

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2009
Messages
239
MBTI Type
intp
Just tell him,be stright forward. Giving "hints" makes it more confusing just be honest about it. Also if he's not sure give him time to think about it don't push anything.
 

The_World_As_Will

New member
Joined
May 18, 2010
Messages
415
Just tell him,be stright forward. Giving "hints" makes it more confusing just be honest about it. Also if he's not sure give him time to think about it don't push anything.

This. I say go for it, be honest, be straight-forward, He'll appreciate the honesty and the fact that you didn't draw it out, but certainly don't push, most of all just stay relaxed, No worries, It'll work out well!
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
go for it!

at the very worst, it will be a little bit awkward, and you will head off to college and have so many more awkward experiences that this will pale in comparison ;)

but seriously, i'm with the INTPs above. just put it out there and let him think about it. my brother's INTP, and if the guy you like is anything like him, then he'll be very kind and socially quiet about letting you down, if he has to do so. but i suspect that he will not... like i said, my brother's INTP, and my dad too, and they both agree that they don't really tend to initiate if they don't have to, and they tend to be the pursued rather than the pursuer... so... you should go for it! :yes:
 

Coeur

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
237
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Thank you for your responses! :D

You're right that he prefers other girls to initiate. At the same time, he takes dating really, really seriously and won't go out with anyone who he doesn't think is "the one." So, it's complicated. On one hand, I can't blindly "attack" without totally turning him off, but on the other I need do so something or nothing will happen. And I need to figure out where on the scale I am with few outward hints from him. Ai.... I get the impression that he knows I like him, and he hasn't run away yet. So that has to be a good sign? XD

He's had one girlfriend in the past. They were together for about a year and a half and broke up about six months ago.

I ended up asking him to the dance in a really clever way. :D I took his favorite Edgar Allan Poe story, bolded the words: "WILL YOU GO TO THE WINTER DANCE WITH ME?" in order as they appeared in the story, and sent it off in the mail. :p I'll get his response in two days or so. Bold, and something that he'll like.

The question is, if he says yes, where do I go from here? I really don't know how to act around an INTP. D:
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Very clever using the story! That can't fail to catch his attention in a good way.
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
I took his favorite Edgar Allan Poe story, bolded the words: "WILL YOU GO TO THE WINTER DANCE WITH ME?" in order as they appeared in the story, and sent it off in the mail. :p I'll get his response in two days or so.

Nice! Some might think it corny, but I think he'll like it.

The question is, if he says yes, where do I go from here? I really don't know how to act around an INTP. D:

Just act like an INFJ. Just be yourself. It's really that simple. The two types are probably about as good a fit for each other as there could be. If you try to be something you are not (a non-INFJ), that's when it will be bizarre. It's always new and exciting, fun and exhilirating at the beginning - and you should enjoy all of those things about it - but don't put "added" pressure into the mix. Don't go into it thinking, "This just has to work out. I'm going to drop everything and make sure that this is perfect." Don't let perfectionism or trying to "project a certain image" rule the relationship in the early going. Just be yourself - be real with him, as relaxed as possible. Do simple things. Go to a movie. Eat at McDonald's once in a while (along with nice dinners too). Let him see you with messy hair. Be yourself. Be real. If he likes you, he'll probably go out of his way to make things nice and exciting and all of that stuff, but at his core he's probably not into things that are overhyped and fake. I want someone with class, sure, but I also want her to be comfortable in blue jeans or pajamas, no make-up, etc. Don't try to "prove" that you are worthy of his love or anything like that. Just be you. You can't go wrong that way, whether it works out or not.

As an INFJ, if you are your authentic self, then the worst-case scenario will be that he will genuinely enjoy your company and enjoy talking to you. You will have a very loyal friend. The best-case scenario (if you like him), is that he'll fall for you and want to do everything he can to make you happy. But, 99% chance he won't "dislike" you.
 

Coeur

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
237
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
He responded! :D He sent me this on facebook:

Hey (Coeur)! I would love to go to the winter dance with you, and I thought your invitation was very clever! I really wanted to tell you in person, but I was sick on friday (I heard you did well!) and I guess I missed you when I went to play practice today.* At any rate thank you for inviting me and let me know what color your wearing so I can find a tie :p
See you soon,
(his name)

*He doesn't go to our school anymore, so it probably took him about 45 minutes to an hour to come to the practice. He was probably picking up his brother, but he wouldn't have had to volunteer to pick him up.

What do you think? :D
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
I can't believe I gave advice thinking you were INFJ. You're INFP. Whoops. A lot of what I said still applies though.

Yeah, that was a positive response by him. Just take it slow. Slow and easy.
 

ExAstrisSpes

New member
Joined
Aug 11, 2010
Messages
337
MBTI Type
ENFJ
How socially mature of an INTP is he? If he doesn't have much experience with girls or dating, he may have been feeling the same way but afraid of moving on it for some time.

Just tell him,be stright forward. Giving "hints" makes it more confusing just be honest about it. Also if he's not sure give him time to think about it don't push anything.

Yeah, that was a positive response by him. Just take it slow. Slow and easy.

All of these things.

Congrats on your positive response! Good luck and have fun.

INTPs need *a lot* of space/time to think and figure things out. I recently discovered that the INTP I'm dating is/can be quite shy, although it's a side of him I've never really seen. They really do need positive "go" signals and do appreciate it when you are straight-forward with them and can tell them what you need from them to be happy.
 
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