• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[MBTI General] I am really nervous and confused right now

Eckhart

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2010
Messages
1,090
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
???
Hey, I really am not sure if I should write about it here, but as the title indicates it really eats me up right now and I think I need to get it out.

On New Year's Eve I am going to a party of old school mates. It is possible, although I really don't know, if there will come up also that girl I was really into for so long time. I didn't see her for over a year. Up until some months ago I still thought about her so often though. Then came a time where I thought less about her, and I really started to believe I was finally over her, but since some weeks I again think about her and it gets more intense the day tomorrow comes nearer. I mean, it is just the possibility that she might be there, I don't know if she is even there or if that even matters, since I mean, even if she was there, what should be even happening then?

It is already pretty exactly 3 years ago that I got that crush on her and still I did not forget about it, although we were never in a relationship or so. I guess going into the details would be too much for now though, it is a bit more complicated. I just wonder why I am feeling like that now, and try to find rational answers on it although I usually wouldn't care about that, and my heart seems to be pretty sure on that topic.

I mean, she was the only girl I really fell in love to yet, and I am rather lonely and maybe it is just the idea of love which is what I desire, and I necessarily associate it with her for that reason although it is already so long ago? Or are my feelings still so intense for her? How do I know if I am over her really, or how will I be able to get over her?

I just wonder that if I really should meet her there, and if we should come into a talk, what I should be doing then actually... I feel so confused, nearly as confused as I was back then in that time when I was still seeing her at school regularly.
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Have you ever said anything to her? Seems like it'll be something you always regret if you don't at least try to see if she may be interested.
 

Eckhart

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2010
Messages
1,090
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
???
No, I did not... as I say it was more complicated. Actually in backsight I think she was into me before I was into her. The thing just is I was not sure back then on it. I was unsure on myself on it back then too, and I waited too long on it (I was being an idiot), and I think she lost interest in me then later. I found then out by chance on holidays that she suddenly had a boyfriend. I know though that they broke up some time and that she is now single again.

But really, even if she would be there I would not know what to do. I mean, we didn't even talk for a year anymore and I doubt that she will have interest in me still.
 

Rex

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
600
MBTI Type
INTJ
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Just poke her on facebook or something.
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
Contact her. Living in this sort of misery is unnecessary.

There is a possibility that she only represents what you want in a partner/relationship, but it's a risk worth taking rather than stewing about it. If you don't ask, you'll never know.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

Well-known member
Joined
May 11, 2007
Messages
7,263
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Hey, I really am not sure if I should write about it here, but as the title indicates it really eats me up right now and I think I need to get it out.

On New Year's Eve I am going to a party of old school mates. It is possible, although I really don't know, if there will come up also that girl I was really into for so long time. I didn't see her for over a year. Up until some months ago I still thought about her so often though. Then came a time where I thought less about her, and I really started to believe I was finally over her, but since some weeks I again think about her and it gets more intense the day tomorrow comes nearer. I mean, it is just the possibility that she might be there, I don't know if she is even there or if that even matters, since I mean, even if she was there, what should be even happening then?

It is already pretty exactly 3 years ago that I got that crush on her and still I did not forget about it, although we were never in a relationship or so. I guess going into the details would be too much for now though, it is a bit more complicated. I just wonder why I am feeling like that now, and try to find rational answers on it although I usually wouldn't care about that, and my heart seems to be pretty sure on that topic.

I mean, she was the only girl I really fell in love to yet, and I am rather lonely and maybe it is just the idea of love which is what I desire, and I necessarily associate it with her for that reason although it is already so long ago? Or are my feelings still so intense for her? How do I know if I am over her really, or how will I be able to get over her?

I just wonder that if I really should meet her there, and if we should come into a talk, what I should be doing then actually... I feel so confused, nearly as confused as I was back then in that time when I was still seeing her at school regularly.

I don't know why you think this is weird. I dated a girl 7 years ago, and if I knew I would run into her, I would definitely have an emotional reaction. I don't like her anymore, and I don't want to be with her, but still, I had a lot of feelings for this person and I haven't seen her for years. Both of those factors create an emotional reaction, and if one begins to worry about the significance of that emotional reaction, as you are, the emotional reaction and worry will just increase, which'll provoke more worry, more emotion, more worry, etc.

I'm not suggesting you stop any of that emotional noise. I'm suggesting you don't need to, because it's normal, understandable, and even comical. Give it a little time and the intensity of those feelings will begin to subside (and then peak again when you're at the party, but then they'll subside once again and you'll have access to your calm self again.

You don't have to decide what to do when you meet her, whether to talk to her, ignore it, be friendly, be this, be that, whatever. You don't have to plan it. Just go there and see what happens. Maybe you decide to talk to her, maybe you realize it's not that interesting, or maybe you just wait and don't do anything proactive. Maybe you just reminisce about a memory or two and then play beer pong. You don't have to decide in advance. You can just see how you're feeling at that moment. There's no right way or wrong way to act or think or feel.

Just go. At the very worst, you'll be proud of yourself for standing up to your feelings and mind and doing something brave. At best, you make her jealous or sleep with her, whichever you prefer.
 

Eckhart

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2010
Messages
1,090
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
???
I guess I have no other choice than just look how things come today for now at least I guess. Oh well, if there was just not this overwhelming nervousity which makes itself noticeable even physically. I couldn't eat much for lunch. I don't even know what I can answer now here right now any more.
 

Eckhart

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2010
Messages
1,090
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
???
Of course it didn't work out as I wanted. She wasn't even at the party :(
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
Then contact her some other way.
 

Razvan

New member
Joined
Aug 28, 2010
Messages
26
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9v8
Why you do this and feel like this, well it's normal, you're a f****** INFP, I know the feeling and it pisses me off everytime I have it even know I know I cannot control it or stop it or do anything about it. Like, I had a crush like this in general school and it took me 1 or 2 years just to muster the courage to ask her on a date, just to see it wasn't like I dreamed it would be. :D Later, I got a hold of her and got her to do the personality test and it was amazing how it answered a lot of questions. :D Or break ups, I cannot not put my whole heart into one, there is no other way of loving that I know of, so whenever it ends, even the single mention of that person can be hurtful, seeing her or even pictures of her only brings back a lot of memories and it feels like there is a loss of some kind. It's hard to put into words, basically I remember all the fun times and I miss them and then I remember all the hurtful times and the negative emotions come back. I have never been able (because of this) to remain friends with an ex, there is just too much intensity in my emotions and till now, none of them knew how to handle them, in fact they only made things worse through their actions. SO I totally understand how you are feeling, it's normal that you feel that way, it's not weird at all. In fact if people would get a glimpse of the intensity of our emotions and inner turmoil...they would probably be overwhelmed.

The only thing I learned to do in order to cope with this is to phase out a bit when this happens. There are 2 things that usually help...maybe 3 :

1st : don't expect anything, you were cool before you met her and you will be cool if it doesn't work out anyway, so there is no possible loss if you try, only a possible gain, it may happen , it may not happen, but there is nothing bad going to happen either way. You need to control your fantasies at this point, I know how easy we can dream up different scenarios, when we really like someone and that Fi dreaming mood gets us to even ignore what our other function Ne tells us. You have to keep a balance between them and not make false illusion (or let it become an obsession), whatever happens it will be cool, like it has always been.
2. I'd say take baby steps, don't rush head in, see how she responds as you try to get closer and closer to her and use your Ne function to read her signals...go by your intuition and don't hurry.
and I forgot what the 3rd one was. :D All I can think of now is don't let fear eat you alive, there is nothing bad that can happen.

Since it has been NY's eve, I wonder what happened...? :)
 
Top