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[NF] Expectations and Ideals..

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
Joined
Jun 5, 2009
Messages
1,363
MBTI Type
xNFP
Enneagram
3w4
I just realised my last post encouraged maintaining idealists beliefs and hopes, but you know I generally believe realism is just a socially acceptable form of pessimism. I don't care for reality checks or being realistic. It's not in allignment with who I am and it always feels like I'm at odds with myself. I don't think there's anything wrong with reaching for the stars even if it seems foolhardy or the odd blow strikes a bit harder than it should. Just get back up at the end of the day and keep striving for whatever others think is crazy. I don't think NFs are capable of doing otherwise. It rots their souls.
 

Lauren

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
I just realised my last post encouraged maintaining idealists beliefs and hopes, but you know I generally believe realism is just a socially acceptable form of pessimism. I don't care for reality checks or being realistic. It's not in allignment with who I am and it always feels like I'm at odds with myself. I don't think there's anything wrong with reaching for the stars even if it seems foolhardy or the odd blow strikes a bit harder than it should. Just get back up at the end of the day and keep striving for whatever others think is crazy. I don't think NFs are capable of doing otherwise. It rots their souls.

I agree and generally live my life this way. As you say, it would rot my soul otherwise. When others tell me just be realistic or look at the facts, usually I know what those facts are already and focusing only on the facts offers no hope for the resolution of a situation. That requires hope and imagination. I've been hit hard by some situations when I thought an outcome would be different. Or, I hoped it would be. I rarely have expectations because I don't know the future and I can't control anyone else's behavior. Expectations are almost guaranteed to set a person up for disappointment. But for hope in a given situation or in life: I absolutely need it to live. And, if things don't go the way I hoped, I usually find something I learned from the situation. Even if I'm very disappointed at an outcome, I never regret taking a chance. My mother is a realist and as much as I love her, her practice is to level the dreams of her children by only seeing what's practical. If that's all you see, your life becomes flat. She was supportive of me by letting me dream in my youth and giving me space to be who I was, though she and I were very different. I can't think of the poet or naturalist who said this, but it was something along the lines of "Live your dreams and be who you were born to be, or one day you'll look for those dreams and find only ashes."
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
Joined
Jun 5, 2009
Messages
1,363
MBTI Type
xNFP
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3w4
Your practical (I'm guessing SJ) mom sounds a lot cooler than mine. She has taken dumps on my dreams since I can remember. We don't talk much about my life plans anymore. It hurts too much.
 

Lauren

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
Your practical (I'm guessing SJ) mom sounds a lot cooler than mine. She has taken dumps on my dreams since I can remember. We don't talk much about my life plans anymore. It hurts too much.

I know what you mean. My mom has given me sound, practical advice over the years and since practicality is not my strength, I've appreciated and heeded it at times. I also don't talk about life plans or my ideas or dreams with my mom (I think she's an ISFJ). She doesn't understand and think it's a waste of energy. So, I just don't go there with her any longer. The way I look at it now (my mom is a young 84) is that I don't need her to understand fully. Still, it hurts. I just change the subject and talk about something she'd like. She's an only child who has had her share of heartache. She also didn't feel appreciated or entirely loved by her mom. I like to let her know she's loved. I can keep my dreams and desires to myself or share them with my good friends.
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
Joined
Jun 5, 2009
Messages
1,363
MBTI Type
xNFP
Enneagram
3w4
I know what you mean. My mom has given me sound, practical advice over the years and since practicality is not my strength, I've appreciated and heeded it at times. I also don't talk about life plans or my ideas or dreams with my mom (I think she's an ISFJ). She doesn't understand and think it's a waste of energy. So, I just don't go there with her any longer. The way I look at it now (my mom is a young 84) is that I don't need her to understand fully. Still, it hurts. I just change the subject and talk about something she'd like. She's an only child who has had her share of heartache. She also didn't feel appreciated or entirely loved by her mom. I like to let her know she's loved. I can keep my dreams and desires to myself or share them with my good friends.

Yeah, I do my best to try to be on good terms and be loving despite the lack of support. I keep the quote below in mind to try to keep reasonable about any injustice I feel.

"Another part of the problem is when expectations become entitlement. I’ve heard from a lot of readers who bemoan how their parents/family/teachers don’t support them on whatever goal they have. The assumption is that these people should support them. This entitlement about who should support you gives those people veto power over your life." - Scott H Young
 

kyli_ryan

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2010
Messages
288
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2wX
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
On a different note, do you ever find that your reactions to things that don't meet your expectations out of place?

This may sound strange, but I often find that my expectations not being met by others generally makes me react strangely toward myself, as though I knew that the expectations couldn't be met and I'm angry at myself for having such unrealistic ideas about things. There have been several instances in the last month or so when I've had a very confusing time dealing with MYSELF. Does anyone else have this internal struggle with your expectations and knowing reality, but not accepting it?
 

ExAstrisSpes

New member
Joined
Aug 11, 2010
Messages
337
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Maybe it's not the healthiest way of dealing with unmet expectations of how "things should be", but I kind of just chalk things up that the world I live in isn't the perfect world I've envisioned. I have a bit of a cynical/pessimistic side that comes out sometimes.
 
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