• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFP] INFP betrayed your trust?

ntgirl

New member
Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
11
MBTI Type
intj
Has it ever been done to you that an INFP betrayed your trust by not keeping your secret? Then confessing you everything being overwhelmed with guilt but justifying himself he did it because it was bothering him so much.
I wonder would INFP ever do that? I question his type now and I'm pretty much shocked because I've never expected that from him.
Now what? We're friends who've just started to become more, kind of dating. Should this be a dealbreaker?
 

Cephalonimbus

New member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
96
MBTI Type
INFP
Whether or not it should be a dealbreaker... only you can make that decision. If you feel betrayed, it's definitely a problem because trust is very important in friendships and relationships. If you haven't already, i recommend you have a serious talk about it and make it very clear what your demands and expectations are.

As for me, i don't know any other INFPs, and i'm not sure how MBTI type relates to this to be honest... but i take secrets seriously. The only scenario where i would consider sharing the information with others, would be when the secret was a major violation of the law, or a major violation of the trust of somebody else. I don't remember this ever happening, though.

However, i have shared secrets without naming names or including details that would give away the identity of the person in question. I've done this for the purpose of making people feel better when they were at an extreme low point in their life. For example: when people tell me about a situation they're in which makes them feel hopeless, i might say i know somebody else who has been through something similar but has overcome that feeling of hopelessness. At a moment like that, i feel that sharing that information can give them hope and help them overcome their desperate feelings, which at that moment overrides the importance of keeping a secret. But i would always keep it anonymous.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
any type can betray your trust, [sugarplum]. it has nothing to do with type, people just suck. the end.also if its one person that did this, it's unfair to persecute the type as a whole. the person is obviously a sucky person, get over it. yes it sucks to have your secrets divulged, but it happened so what. unless you're going to jail or going to die it's alright.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

ntgirl

New member
Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
11
MBTI Type
intj
Thanks Cephalonimbus, I'm very much like you about secrets.
In my case, it was just a very personal thing he promised not to tell, and he did it in front of 5 other people I hardly know. I'm ashamed to look at their faces now. Not because me or anyone did something wrong, but it just very personal. I'm an NT and I don't do it with just anyone.
Strange thing is he feels so gulity about it, it makes me feel gulity too, like I'm responsible for him feeling that way, you know.
The most disappointing thing is he did it out of selfish reasons, he wanted to feel better, didn't think about me. I thought I knew him for 12 years!

prplchknz, sorry, but I'm not judging anyone, part of me was just interested in connections or not of that with NF. You just seems highly unlikely of betrayal, that's all.
 
Last edited:

InvisibleJim

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 19, 2009
Messages
2,387
If he didn't betray your trust as much he thinks then give him a hug. If you aren't happy them let him know. What else can one say?
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4sop
people make mistakes, even infps. ;) whether it can be forgiven or not is completely up to you.
 

Arclight

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
3,177
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
any type can betray your trust, moron. it has nothing to do with type, people just suck. the end.also if its one person that did this, it's unfair to persecute the type as a whole.

This....
 

tkae.

New member
Joined
Sep 4, 2010
Messages
753
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I've used things told to me "in confidence" to play two sides against each other for some kind of greater good (two friends fighting, I'll go to the other with each one's side in order to defuse the tension caused by lack of communication).

Is that what you mean?

If two people that I care about are being stupid and not talking to each other, I'll break my confidentiality rules and reveal things that twist the truth around until both are willing to work things out on their own, yeah.

But just a secret that I couldn't stand? If I told someone, it'd be the person I trusted not to share my secrets. And that's been rare. Usually I don't tell anyone. But it depends on the kind of secret, too, and how you treated me after you told me. If you were really good friends with me that day and told me this secret that I couldn't tell to anyone, then that's fine. But if you turn around a few months later and treat me like shit, you're a dumbass for keeping someone that close and then throwing them away.

Even then I'd still keep whatever secret you told me (unless you REALLY pissed me off and it'd still do damage to you), but the point is still that you're a dumbass.

And it depends, I guess. Does it feel like a dealbreaker?

Or if you aren't that much of a feel-y person (since I know INTJs tend to run on a different kind of decision-making fuel), does it equate to being a dealbreaker using whatever kind of equation you use?

My equation is that if it feels like a dealbreaker, it is. If it doesn't, then it's not.

You have to use your own criteria to decide that, we can't tell you that.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
do you know why it was bothering him so much? i think that's what would decide for me whether it was a dealbreaker or not. if he just freaked out and told people he trusted it'd be kind of different than if he gleefully announced it to a bunch of strangers.
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
You'll have to accept in life that the best functioning constructions are those you build yourself. Or that these are the worst functioning constructions. What this means is, it's up to you to decide on this. What you are definitly lacking is to decide on this
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
Hmm.. I think the only times I reveal secrets is either about a person I really dislike, or if I am drunk and joking with the person that has told me a secret, then accidentally joke about the secret (not remembering it is a secret and/or that there are people overhearing).. It's annoying, and somewhat embarrassing, but usually the people around don't get the full picture, so I can live with that. But since things like this happen, I have a pretty straightforward attitude about telling secrets to anyone. Basically I think that if I tell something to someone, the chances are that it will be public knowledge at some point. So, I never tell anyone "this is a secret" because I don't consider it a secret anymore if I tell even one person.
 

Serenes

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2010
Messages
75
MBTI Type
INFP
Has it ever been done to you that an INFP betrayed your trust by not keeping your secret? Then confessing you everything being overwhelmed with guilt but justifying himself he did it because it was bothering him so much.
I wonder would INFP ever do that? I question his type now and I'm pretty much shocked because I've never expected that from him.
Now what? We're friends who've just started to become more, kind of dating. Should this be a dealbreaker?

When I find out personal things about people, I am considerate about what they reveal.. I mean Sometimes I may bring up what was said with other friends if it's not something too important that would hurt their image/feelings or w/e, something I think they wouldn't mind being shared. But if it's something I know they would take personally if revealed, I would try not to bring it up with anyone even if asked (I'd act like I didn't know). When someone tells me to promise or asks me not to tell anyone before they tell a secret, then I'd Never think of revealing it to anyone... Oh and most importantly, I am protective of the secrets because I care about that person and respect them... so if I don't' feel that way, I May act differently.. but most likely, even if I didn't like that person, I would keep the secrets anyway because I wouldn't want people revealing my secrets either. I respect other people's privacy.

Although.. I have told some secrets before, but when I do.. it's done anonymously or it's told to other friends who would never meet that person or affect them in any way. So in a way, I view that the same as not revealing their secret :huh:

It depends on what kind of secret it was too... because if it was something serious like murder! or suicide, or breaking the law, etc. then I may tell someone because it's a secret that isn't just affecting one person but others as well and people's safety are at risk.

Dealbreaker? I guess it depends how serious the secret was.. and the reasons as to why he felt he needed to share it. If he was doing it just for attention using you as something to talk about than... yeah that's not very nice. I personally, wouldn't be able to trust them anymore with secrets. But it's up to you! It would be hard to get close to someone if you didn't trust them though.

That's the crappy thing about secrets.. it's a double-edged sword! You can risk your secrets to get closer to someone, but it can be used against you and destroy the closeness as well.. so you always have to remember if it's worth sharing. If you reveal a very personal secret, you kind of have to be ready for the possibility that they will tell someone.

So yess INFPs can do that.. I think all types can.
 

INTP

Active member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
7,803
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
my infp friend has told me things that he was told not to say, one thing was because he thought that i should know, even tho the other person didnt want me to. he has told me many other things that he wasnt supposed to talk about(that didnt involve me) because he wanted to share and knew i wouldnt tell other people and that it wouldnt do any harm to tell me. he has blurted out things after i told him not to talk anything about me to certain people(i said that if they ask something, he should just say that hes not allowed to talk about it anymore), this guy(from the certain people) asked if i got a problem us hanging out together and he said yes(and he didnt even know why he said yes, even tho its not true..), there is no problem, i just dont care to hang out with him unless there is some special group thing that he is also part of, i told him to correct it and he did. i dont know how much other stuff he has blurted out to these certain people.
 
Top