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[MBTI General] NF love?

cafe

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Apr 19, 2007
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9,827
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9w1
Both approaches have their flaws obviously. The F approach makes me nervous, I'd have to admit. It makes me wonder when love dies, would the person just walk. i.e. he sees no reason to be committed anymore. Whereas a T would keep their word, miserably, until an external catalyst comes to change the principle. I hope I'm wrong. But I don't know.
The more T approach as you are describing it, has the benefit of not causing instability in ones material life, but to me, the idea that my partner might stay in our relationship plodding miserably along and my being blissfully unaware of it (because I'm still feeling the love and the T has not allowed their feelings to influence their actions) until some kind of external catalyst changes something, has got to be one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't help to fix it. I don't want my partner miserable ever. I want him to be as happy in our relationship as I am.
 

Lateralus

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May 18, 2007
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The more T approach as you are describing it, has the benefit of not causing instability in ones material life, but to me, the idea that my partner might stay in our relationship plodding miserably along and my being blissfully unaware of it (because I'm still feeling the love and the T has not allowed their feelings to influence their actions) until some kind of external catalyst changes something, has got to be one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't help to fix it. I don't want my partner miserable ever. I want him to be as happy in our relationship as I am.
I can attest to the fact that the scenario you describes sucks.
 

white

~dangerous curves ahead~
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The more T approach as you are describing it, has the benefit of not causing instability in ones material life, but to me, the idea that my partner might stay in our relationship plodding miserably along and my being blissfully unaware of it (because I'm still feeling the love and the T has not allowed their feelings to influence their actions) until some kind of external catalyst changes something, has got to be one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't help to fix it. I don't want my partner miserable ever. I want him to be as happy in our relationship as I am.

What if the fix consisted of breaking things off though?

* I'm just exploring how NFs view love btw, I don't think any one way is right/wrong. Personally a balance between the two would be good for me -i.e. someone who's balanced on F and T.
 

cafe

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What if the fix consisted of breaking things off though?

* I'm just exploring how NFs view love btw, I don't think any one way is right/wrong. Personally a balance between the two would be good for me -i.e. someone who's balanced on F and T.
I guess I don't believe that breaking things off is something that you do to fix a committed relationship until problems have gone unaddressed for a very long time. You give your partner the opportunity to change what isn't working and failing that, attempt to renegotiate the terms of the relationship in a way that better meets each partner's needs. Breaking off isn't fixing, it's breaking it the rest of the way.
 

white

~dangerous curves ahead~
Joined
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I guess I don't believe that breaking things off is something that you do to fix a committed relationship until problems have gone unaddressed for a very long time. You give your partner the opportunity to change what isn't working and failing that, attempt to renegotiate the terms of the relationship in a way that better meets each partner's needs. Breaking off isn't fixing, it's breaking it the rest of the way.

If only every one held this value dear, I'd feel a lot better about dating et al. You've put it very well, what faith in a partner is. Not blind commitment to a principle or a person, but one with opened eyes to yourself and the other.

:hug:

I guess it really isn't a type thing then, huh?
 

cafe

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Apr 19, 2007
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If only every one held this value dear, I'd feel a lot better about dating et al. You've put it very well, what faith in a partner is. Not blind commitment to a principle or a person, but one with opened eyes to yourself and the other.

:hug:

I guess it really isn't a type thing then, huh?
:blush: I don't know. It's just what makes sense to me.
 

Carebear

will make your day
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
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1,449
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INFP
The more T approach as you are describing it, has the benefit of not causing instability in ones material life, but to me, the idea that my partner might stay in our relationship plodding miserably along and my being blissfully unaware of it (because I'm still feeling the love and the T has not allowed their feelings to influence their actions) until some kind of external catalyst changes something, has got to be one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't help to fix it. I don't want my partner miserable ever. I want him to be as happy in our relationship as I am.

Well, even if he did stay in the relationship plodding miserably along, I don't think he'd leave you blissfully unaware of it. If anything the two modes (commitment to person vs commitment to principle) describes what it takes to end the commitment, but there should be a lot of communication from people following both modes before they bolted. The responsibility to communicate threats to the relationship is there no matter what constitutes a threat.
 

wedekit

New member
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Nov 10, 2007
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694
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INFJ
I don't date casually at all. I don't date people unless I truly see myself having a future with them. Jumping from relationship to relationship would be a waste of time for me. I don't think I will find love if I intentionally search for it. As mentioned in another thread, you don't set out a search for new friends, you just one day hit it off with someone and your suddenly BFF's. I believe love also works like this.
 
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