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[INFJ] ENFP crush on INFJ need your help...

hermeticdancer

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OK. I need your help. I am ENFP, to get that part over with...
I have a serious crush on this guy, who happens to be an INFJ, he told me so over conversation. He is a counselor/interviewer of sorts and is helping me at an employment center for the last 2 months. OMG, I have the biggest crush on him, and I want to kiss him, just lean over the desk and plant one on his face. I think he is cute and shy and his eyes are so blue... I get nervous and butterfly's thinking about him... I don't know him that well... help... I don't have a reason to go in there anymore, as I have found a job, also, I don't think hes married (no ring) I'm not even sure if he has a girlfriend... He has set boundaries, and hasn't asked me out or anything, he is very professional, i get vibes that he's avoiding me... :( I have no idea on his end... just don't want to make him uncomfortable but I have to take my shot right? any advice... I'll always wonder... what if?
I've only felt this type of connection with someone twice before in my life...
 

thescientist

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Did you flirt with him or hint at all that you were into him? How did he respond to you?
 

hermeticdancer

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I flirted with him...
I wore cute clothes and makeup, and smiled... but I guess I wasn't aggressive...
 

hermeticdancer

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Ohh, he responded by being shy... and he laughed at a stupid thing I said... that was not even funny. I saw his pupils dilate... I am a total dork I know... I was watching for it... but I also felt that he was being nice to other people too, and he ignored me on other occasions as well. He would actually avoid me when i would walk into the center, and go into his cubicle, or a closet... or maybe I am imagining these things... when we were sitting he gave me his full attention, but got distracted a little bit, and had trouble focusing on things, when I asked him what the date was...
he seemed a little scattered... also, I don't know I just wanted to ask him out the whole time,,, and we had to talk about jobs. It was kind of painful...
But I asked him about him and he told me, and he just kind of insulted himself, and put himself down a bit, and said that his life is hard too, because I was kind of complaining a bit, about my struggles, so I guess he was trying to empathize I guess... who knows. It is a government office...
 

Rebe

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1. what do you have to lose if you ask him out?
2. what do you lose if you don't ask him out?

have you ever asked guys out before in formal-ish situations? i haven't so i can't say what the best way to do it is. but it'd be terrible to walk away from such a lovely thing, if you feel so strongly. the worse thing is he says no and the rest of your appointments are very awkward. ah well, life is awkward. missed opportunities suck. i can tell when guys like me when they laugh at my hundred and one jokes. i tend to make a lot of them and they are not really as funny as those guys make it out to be. it makes me awkward actually that they laugh that loudly.

can you be like ... i like you and i would like to get to know you. in a different setting. is that really awkward?
 

hermeticdancer

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Did you flirt with him or hint at all that you were into him? How did he respond to you?

Yes not out right, but I was flirting. I didn't say. 'yo, Im into you--'
How do you think he responded? Either he hasn't got a clue, he's too shy to make a move, he's not interested, or he's in a relationship,,,
in any case I'm alone in bed tonight when I want to be with him...
 

hermeticdancer

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1. what do you have to lose if you ask him out?
2. what do you lose if you don't ask him out?

have you ever asked guys out before in formal-ish situations? i haven't so i can't say what the best way to do it is. but it'd be terrible to walk away from such a lovely thing, if you feel so strongly. the worse thing is he says no and the rest of your appointments are very awkward. ah well, life is awkward. missed opportunities suck. i can tell when guys like me when they laugh at my hundred and one jokes. i tend to make a lot of them and they are not really as funny as those guys make it out to be. it makes me awkward actually that they laugh that loudly.

can you be like ... i like you and i would like to get to know you. in a different setting. is that really awkward?
I am just going to Jerry Maguire the place tomorrow...
 
Last edited:

highlander

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Just go ask him to go to lunch or something. If you initiate, he will reciprocate.
 
S

Sniffles

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but I guess I wasn't aggressive...
That was probably a good thing. You don't want to catch him off guard with your advances, and INFJs tend to be very protective of their comfort zones. So I would suggest start small(as highlander suggested above) and move from there. And be a little patient too, cause it can sometimes take us a while to open up to people. Hope this helps.
 

hermeticdancer

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How do I walk into the office (unemployment office) and just happen to see him, and ask him out? he is a special benefit interviewer? I should add, we terminated our relationship yesterday, because I got a job... So I no longer need to see him.
Basically he said If I have any questions or concerns to call him, (about work that is)... I don't think he meant personal...I have his card... do you see how this is formal, and awkward... it very much is... he is a formal guy... that's why I hesitate...
 

hermeticdancer

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I'm sad now. going to bed... I doubt ill actually do it... I'm too shy... the whole situation is ridiculous and he prob doesn't even like me.
 
S

Sniffles

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Paradoxically, INFJs often are "formal" in very informal ways - if that makes sense. When it comes to work and serious affairs, in my case at least, I do try to maintain a sense of serious professionalism, but that doesn't mean being uptight about things. I guess try to find a formal reason to get in contact with him and then in the course of talking to him, just throw something out in the more light-hearted moments of the conversation.
 

Domino

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Don't give in to the fear, sugar! Think of what could be! Ask him out! "You! Me! Smelly onion fish tacos at high noon, stud!" and then don't give him a chance to object.

ENFPs and INFJs are so cute together. I live with an ENFP sister who thinks they're the bee's knees.
 

CzeCze

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Perfect!

Because if you were still working together some would say that is unethical for him to date you or openly show he is interested in you. Like, his boss or the county for instance.

Now that your working relationship has been terminated, you can send him a 'thank you' like flowers or something with your cel. He will have to call to at least say thank you. Then you say, "I really enjoyed getting to know you over these last two months as you were helping me. And now that I'm no longer your client and our professional relationship is over, I would love to take you out for coffee and get to know each other as people."

Or something like that.

It can happen. The time window is now!

That might be less awkward then physically showing up at his office and putting him on the spot.


How do I walk into the office (unemployment office) and just happen to see him, and ask him out? he is a special benefit interviewer? I should add, we terminated our relationship yesterday, because I got a job... So I no longer need to see him.
Basically he said If I have any questions or concerns to call him, (about work that is)... I don't think he meant personal...I have his card... do you see how this is formal, and awkward... it very much is... he is a formal guy... that's why I hesitate...
 

hermeticdancer

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I kind of get what you are saying... but I will need to talk to him about my job again, soon, I am sure, it is just strange to throw on, asking him out at the end of it. and I don't want to go to lunch even... I want to go to dinner, and know more about him... I have to do me... I guess is what I am saying. I don't even drink coffee... but I guess that is what people do? Heck I don't even eat lunch.

p.s. Do I ask him to get in my car and drive him somewhere? Ohh I just thought of a place actually... that reminds me... (live in the middle of nowhere) I was wondering if you wanted to come buy groceries with me?
 
S

Sniffles

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Don't give in to the fear, sugar! Think of what could be! Ask him out! "You! Me! Smelly onion fish tacos at high noon, stud!" and then don't give him a chance to object.
I don't know about other INFJs, but I strongly object to that!! I highly resent being backed into a corner.
 

hermeticdancer

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Don't give in to the fear, sugar! Think of what could be! Ask him out! "You! Me! Smelly onion fish tacos at high noon, stud!" and then don't give him a chance to object.

ENFPs and INFJs are so cute together. I live with an ENFP sister who thinks they're the bee's knees.

Haaa...
I love tacos!
 

hermeticdancer

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Perfect!

Because if you were still working together some would say that is unethical for him to date you or openly show he is interested in you. Like, his boss or the county for instance.

Now that your working relationship has been terminated, you can send him a 'thank you' like flowers or something with your cel. He will have to call to at least say thank you. Then you say, "I really enjoyed getting to know you over these last two months as you were helping me. And now that I'm no longer your client and our professional relationship is over, I would love to take you out for coffee and get to know each other as people."

Or something like that.

It can happen. The time window is now!

That might be less awkward then physically showing up at his office and putting him on the spot.



hmmm... I like it.
It puts the ball back in his court too.
 

ilovelurking

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hermeticdancer... Your post makes me giggle. :)

This is exactly how my ENFP was and she's still sooo shy that her friends have to help her 'send messages' to me. (We are currently doing this long-distance, by the way. Long story but that's a story for another thread...)

I agree with CzeCze's suggestions. My ENFP and I used to work together, and I had this professional 'front' that it was hard for her to break through. It got easier when we no longer work together. This is your chance! I would've loved it if she had told me she liked me even when we were colleagues!

I also agree with Peguy about being backed into a corner...
 

Quay

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I'm not a dude, but I appreciate straight-forwardness. ENFPs are very good at this, thus my ENFP husband.

If you see him, ask him out...in my opinion anyway, but I'm a weird ass INFJ. The avoidance thing is something I have done (and still do) when I know someone likes me on any level, and I'm not sure how to reciprocate.
 
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