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[MBTI General] INFx & Loneliness

anarchos

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2010
Messages
11
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
To all the INFx out there - have you ever feel frustrated over the fact that you have such a world of ideas & passion within yourself, but somehow just unable to share it with the people around you, especially to the ones you sincerely care about?

In your pursuit to be true to yourself as an individual, have you ever wish to be more 'normal', to conform & blend among the crowd?

Have you ever tried just that (conforming), then feel completely off for pretending to be someone you're not, and ended up hating yourself for it?

Just checking if there are fellow lonely wanderers out there... or is just me alone, after all.
 

Snuggletron

Reptilian
Joined
Sep 25, 2009
Messages
2,224
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
10
-I don't have a lot of ideas or passion at the moment, if I do it's usually not hard to share them with anyone.

-No, I also feel pretty normal anyway. I'm not a type 4 though, I think, so that would make some sense.

-Yeah, it's one of the reasons I like to avoid small talk with people I don't really know or go to strange places and expect myself to fit in perfectly. It just doesn't give much reward.
 

Eckhart

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2010
Messages
1,090
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
???
To all the INFx out there - have you ever feel frustrated over the fact that you have such a world of ideas & passion within yourself, but somehow just unable to share it with the people around you, especially to the ones you sincerely care about?

Yes, sometimes.

In your pursuit to be true to yourself as an individual, have you ever wish to be more 'normal', to conform & blend among the crowd?

No, not really. On the other hand, I often wished people could treat me more normal. Most people treated me different than other people in some way, and I don't always know why.

Have you ever tried just that (conforming), then feel completely off for pretending to be someone you're not, and ended up hating yourself for it?

No, not really. I never were that conforming that I had to question my identity. Which was not always easy though. Instead I chose to close myself off to some big extent, building walls up, which is not much better though. Breaking up those walls now again is difficult, but all that lone time helped me making first steps, and I feel they are slowly crumbling.

Just checking if there are fellow lonely wanderers out there... or is just me alone, after all.

No, you are not. All in all I think I am also just that, and apparently there are other people here having similar issues. I don't know if I can do much about that, so all I can offer is giving some of my time listening :)
 

Arclight

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
3,177
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
I was born alone and I will die alone.. the time in between is lonely even when I am not alone.

And how apt is it that someone just sent me this quote??. Because it explains why, at least some of it..

Loneliness does not come from having no people about one,
but from being unable to communicate the things that
seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views
which others find inadmissible.
- Carl Jung
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4sop
I find ways to transfer those ideas and passions into external revenues. There's no use in having passions or ideas if it can't be shown somehow, proven somehow, useful somehow. Ideas and passions can be transferred into writing, art, fashion, poetry, music, a desire to help others, a drive to succeed...etc. You know? Being ethical means acting ethical. Being passionate means acting passionate.

A lot of people are lonely for various reasons. It's not a phenomenon that only INFX experience.

It's not people's fault when they have no idea what you have bottled in because you never consistently reach out and try and try again.

Learning how to externalize some thoughts, some ideas is very important.
 

anarchos

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2010
Messages
11
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
It's not people's fault when they have no idea what you have bottled in because you never consistently reach out and try and try again.

Learning how to externalize some thoughts, some ideas is very important.

That's exactly the problem. I've been trying to externalize my thoughts, through conversations & previously, blogging. People are just not interested or find it "too deep".

Sometimes I wonder if I'm more of an ENFP seeking an audience, got disappointed chronically, & became a 'withdrawn' introverted. Most INFx I know don't seemed to have the need to "externalize" their thoughts (to borrow your words), or to share their views.
 

kccrush

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
53
MBTI Type
INFJ
I disagree with INFx's not needing to externalize their thoughts. I think that externalization of our thoughts and feelings is the one thing that enables us to connect with others, which is what we find most fulfilling. You wouldn't see so many INFx's on this site if that wasn't the case :)

I think that people are lonely during different parts of their lives and for different reasons, and most of those reasons stem from inside ourselves and how we're able to deal with things happening in the outside world. It's not just the people around you that are at fault. (I'm not sure if that's what you're trying to communicate, but it seemed a little like you were saying you want people to understand you....and you blame people for not getting you...)

Sometimes you just need one person, and one person alone, to share a connection with. Do you have that, or are you seeking an army of people? I'd suggest starting out small and just find one special friend. After that you'll feel much less lonely.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
it's not just you or INFx.

i have a hard time figuring out what i think until i process it in writing or speech - like bouncing it off someone else. so i'm not really able to share what i feel/envision/dream all the time either. it usually takes me a bit of dumb blundering first, and that can be alienating if i say the wrong dumb things to certain people.

kccrush said:
I think that people are lonely during different parts of their lives and for different reasons
:yes:
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
have you ever feel frustrated over the fact that you have such a world of ideas & passion within yourself, but somehow just unable to share it with the people around you, especially to the ones you sincerely care about?
I feel frustrated when I attempt to share these, but am not able to do so adequately. This does not make me feel lonely, so much as frustrated with myself. It spurs creativity though, and I appreciate that aspect of it. I do feel lonely when I manage to find a way to articulate my ideas/passion and no one seems to care. It's less about needing acknowledgment for coming up with them (as they aren't necessarily brilliant), as realizing that no one is really interested in connecting on that level. I need to share my inner world, definitely. Fortunately, at most points in my life, someone was interested, if I had the courage to share. It just has not always been the people I wanted to respond...

In your pursuit to be true to yourself as an individual, have you ever wish to be more 'normal', to conform & blend among the crowd?

I don't see myself as abnormal or strange, as I just do what makes sense to me (my sig is tongue in cheek ;) ). I have wished that some people would not expect my way to be exactly as their own way. I've never wanted to blend in so much as be appreciated for who I am without having to put on a facade, and to connect over things I value. With age, I appreciate external standards more & don't necessarily see them as an obstacle to being myself, and I have found that asserting my individuality is appreciated by others. Only in those tender teen years do I think peer pressure is a problem; I rejected the pressure & really made myself an outcast as the solution. At the time, I did not see it that way though, but it was giving up.

Have you ever tried just that (conforming), then feel completely off for pretending to be someone you're not, and ended up hating yourself for it?
Yes....mainly I've done this on job interviews, by taking advice to dress & act & speak a certain way in order to impress. I've also done the "be yourself" bit, which doesn't work either. I'm not sure which is worse to be rejected for... I do feel best when I "stay true to myself" and all that cute stuff, but I don't think I am so special that I have to pretend to be something I am not to connect with others. The more I embrace who I am, I think the more others embrace it (aw, that's cute also).
 

capslock

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2010
Messages
94
MBTI Type
INFP
To all the INFx out there - have you ever feel frustrated over the fact that you have such a world of ideas & passion within yourself, but somehow just unable to share it with the people around you, especially to the ones you sincerely care about?
Yes, very much so. Especially with friends when I was younger and much more unfiltered in the way I expressd myself. It didn't always occur to me that my thoughts would actually be difficult (for some people) to comprehend. I sometimes went blue in the face trying to amplify my reasoning. So, unfortunately, as a result I filter my thoughts alot these days - it would be fantastic to be able to share the unfiltered version with more people though.
I don't like the look/reaction of people who do not understand and I get tired of repeating myself or take my reasoning down a level or two. Thus, more often than not, I do reformulate my thoughts beforehand in my head so that they come out in a sensible way.
It feels amazing when I make people understand my unfiltered thoughts and ideas.
That still happens from time to time...:cheese:
So yes, it's still frustrating, who am I kidding. Especially regarding people that I
sincerely care about.

In your pursuit to be true to yourself as an individual, have you ever wish to be more 'normal', to conform & blend among the crowd?
I have never wished to be normal (or more normal). Being more true to myself is a continuous quest of mine. Scary but rewarding. And slow. Sometimes it seems I was more true to myself when I was younger and not as aware, if that's possible.

Have you ever tried just that (conforming), then feel completely off for pretending to be someone you're not, and ended up hating yourself for it?
In my work it would seem I compromise my personality at times, but that has never been too much of a problem for me. If I would have chosen a different path, closer to my earlier interests, who knows... - I rationalise my current path with the fact that I'm still helping people.

Just checking if there are fellow lonely wanderers out there... or is just me alone, after all.

I am a lonely wanderer, but I rarely, if ever, feel alone.
 

mochajava

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
475
MBTI Type
INFJ
Sometimes you just need one person, and one person alone, to share a connection with. Do you have that, or are you seeking an army of people? I'd suggest starting out small and just find one special friend. After that you'll feel much less lonely.

This is so true - one kindred spirit will do the trick. And sometimes, being lonely is just the open door that allows that relationship to happen.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i feel lonely when i'm trapped in my own ocean of disappointment, which usually involves a sense of feeling alien and rejected and defective and incapable. this creates a lot of nihilistic backdrops upon which i place myself doing nothing in a very nihilistic way, like a garden gnome.

it's this huge cataclysmic kablammo of what i want being frustrated and building up to epic proportions and my own sense of affectability, efficacy, motivation, and belief in my self plummeting. there's nothing i can do then but try to be as rational as possible and try to control the fire and quarantine it as quickly as possible before there's too much damage and too much costly repair work that will make me need too much wallowing time.
 

metabolic

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2010
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INFJ
it's this huge cataclysmic kablammo of what i want being frustrated and building up to epic proportions and my own sense of affectability, efficacy, motivation, and belief in my self plummeting. there's nothing i can do then but try to be as rational as possible and try to control the fire and quarantine it as quickly as possible before there's too much damage and too much costly repair work that will make me need too much wallowing time.

Ah yes. I know this feeling all too well. The worst part is that the only person in my life who really understands it is an INTJ that is on the other side of the continent...so I've been wallowing in my lack of a kindred spirit constantly present in my life. I'm in need of a sidekick...and I'm struggling with myself trying to figure out how to not need one...but it seems to me I need to change the nature of my personality to do that.
 

Synapse

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
3,359
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4
Its all in your imagination, its a figment, we create positive manifestations when we want to. I'll have to properly answer this, today I am feeling a lightheaded.
 

mochajava

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
475
MBTI Type
INFJ
I get that moods follow thoughts, but taking it much further than that (I.e., the secret) is a little creepy.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
To all the INFx out there - have you ever feel frustrated over the fact that you have such a world of ideas & passion within yourself, but somehow just unable to share it with the people around you, especially to the ones you sincerely care about?

I don't know if I'm just becoming old or what, but now that you asked, no, not anymore. If I get it right, you mean that you are unable to turn it all to words, or you are unable to speak? I do know that feeling and had trouble with it (although, at the time I didn't really even know how to put this problem into words or even in thoughts), but it seems like it's not there anymore. On one hand I've started to think that no matter who or what you are, it is impossible to put it into words, and on the other, I've found that I have a more convenient way of making myself heard. There are some weird forms of subtle communication that we are mostly unaware of. You know, like that person who is in a group and does (visibly) nothing but still has an enormous influence in the group. If you take him away the group will be missing something. I am starting to think that these different kind of communication methods are my thing. Why do I need to be able to turn everything into strings of letters in order to feel like I am understood? Of course I also use words and enjoy it, but it seems more complimentary for my well being.

In your pursuit to be true to yourself as an individual, have you ever wish to be more 'normal', to conform & blend among the crowd?

I don't feel like it is a huge sacrifice to not stand out too much, but there are some things that frustrate me about this.

Have you ever tried just that (conforming), then feel completely off for pretending to be someone you're not, and ended up hating yourself for it?

I tried. Epic fail. I actually think that people thought that I am even weirder than I am. Well, it's only logical. People sense fake personality, and if they don't, they will just think you're bi-polar or something, because at times the real you will come through.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
once you accept yourself as something 'other', you can't go back through that door again, even if you want to...
 

j-zero

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2010
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INFP
Have you ever tried just that (conforming), then feel completely off for pretending to be someone you're not, and ended up hating yourself for it?

Yes, and it was a disaster. But it taught me to always insist on just being myself, and that has been working great for me ever since.
 
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