[NF] Do you regret opening up to people?

[Siúil a Rúin]

I wonder if it is possible for people to be able to like those who are different in the degree to which they open up and communicate emotions or vulnerabilities. Or would people need to be more alike in that regards?

 

[Salomé]

I do think we are biased against people who do not "share", unfortunately.

US society is biased in favour of carey-sharey extroverted feeleriness to quite a sickening degree. And tragically, US dominance has had a degrading influence on global appetites.

 

[Qlip]

US society is biased in favour of carey-sharey extroverted feeleriness to quite a sickening degree. And tragically, US dominance has had a degrading influence on global appetites.

Eh, I disagree, but then, I live in the US. Maybe a large part of pop culture, but I wouldn't say that was the same as US society.

 

[Synarch]

US society is biased in favour of carey-sharey extroverted feeleriness to quite a sickening degree. And tragically, US dominance has had a degrading influence on global appetites.

We have the most to fear from being real. I am curious how you know so much about the US not living there, however. It might at least give you a limited perspective to balance the good perspective you have as an outsider.

 

[KDude]

I don't really volunteer that much information, but I open up within the context of sympathizing with people or using some anecdote from my life. The least I can do is say that I can relate or have been in the same boat. In all honesty, I'd feel guilty if I held something like that back, and tried to put myself in an untouchable position while helping them. Acting totally invulernable is seriously uncool.

 

[Synarch]

I don't really volunteer that much information, but I open up within the context of sympathizing with people or using some anecdote from my life. The least I can do is say that I can relate or have been in the same boat. In all honesty, I'd feel guilty if I held something like that back, and tried to put myself in an untouchable position. Acting totally invulernable is seriously uncool.

That's a really good way of looking at it.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I don't really volunteer that much information, but I open up within the context of sympathizing with people or using some anecdote from my life. The least I can do is say that I can relate or have been in the same boat. In all honesty, I'd feel guilty if I held something like that back, and tried to put myself in an untouchable position while helping them. Acting totally invulernable is seriously uncool.

I agree that sincere kindnesses are a way to look at the person eye-level. Withholding in that context can be a way to act superior. It depends on context. A person who reveals something personal is risking a great deal. Sometimes they receive sympathy, but more often it is judgment and criticism. People are often afraid when they hear of some sort of suffering and need to establish that it cannot happen to them personally. The reaction of judgment is to somehow demonstrate that the person who experienced the hardship was responsible for its cause. Then the person judging feels safe again. Opening up to others potential fears requires a great deal of risk when done in an honest and sincere manner.

There is a great deal of false expression in pop psychology. These tend to involve getting the person as worked up as possible for ratings, and then giving them platitudes and clique's about "never giving up", and "if you can dream it you can do it", etc.

I think it is possible to look at a wide range of people, those who express emotions without much thought, those who analyze and discuss every feeling, those who keep personal things hidden, to those who minimize emotional responses inside them. Different communication styles can result in balance amongst groups of people as well as inside a person. Preferring one style does not require dismissing another approach.

 

[Salomé]

I am curious how you know so much about the US not living there, however. It might at least give you a limited perspective to balance the good perspective you have as an outsider.

I was responding to your "We". One finds that too often Americans rarely consider that other perspectives exist/are equally valid. Occupying the centre of the universe, as they do.

In answer to your curiosity, 1)It's difficult to avoid at least a passing acquaintance with US culture in the modern world 2) I have friends there 3) I lived there myself (briefly - I couldn't endure the banality for long).

 

[Salomé]

I wonder if it is possible for people to be able to like those who are different in the degree to which they open up and communicate emotions or vulnerabilities. Or would people need to be more alike in that regards?

It's possible. I admire people who are self-contained, and I really admire people who take risks, emotionally speaking. Those are alternative expressions of courage. The only people I can't admire are those who lose their shit constantly or those who use expressions of suffering to manipulate others. Both those things are contemptible, in my view.

 

[Synarch]

I was responding to your "We". One finds that too often Americans rarely consider that other perspectives exist/are equally valid. Occupying the centre of the universe, as they do.

That's really more of a me problem than an American problem, at least in this instance. I'm horrible about assuming that the way I think is universally accepted. Working on it! In that vein, I appreciate you taking me to task.

In answer to your curiosity, 1)It's difficult to avoid at least a passing acquaintance with US culture in the modern world 2) I have friends there 3) I lived there myself (briefly - I couldn't endure the banality for long).

Interestingly, I have had a chance to see a bit of Europe now that I am here traveling and I must say that Europe is at least equally banal in some respects. Tourism has rendered parts of Europe completely insipid.

 

[Salomé]

That's really more of a me problem than an American problem, at least in this instance. I'm horrible about assuming that the way I think is universally accepted. Working on it! In that vein, I appreciate you taking me to task.

It's pretty much characteristic of your countrymen. This board provides much evidence of that.
I wasn't "taking you to task", just offering an alternate perspective.

Interestingly, I have had a chance to see a bit of Europe now that I am here traveling and I must say that Europe is at least equally banal in some respects. Tourism has rendered parts of Europe completely insipid.

LOL. Only American tourists speak of "Europe" in those terms.

What "bits" have you seen?

 

[Synarch]

It's pretty much characteristic of your countrymen. This board provides much evidence of that.
I wasn't "taking you to task", just offering an alternate perspective.

Okay. I was just trying to be responsible for my own actions. The whys and wherefores don't really matter so much to me in that sense. I want to correct the behavior and to do so I have to own it.

LOL. Only American tourists speak of "Europe" in those terms.
What "bits" have you seen?

Yes, yes. Again, I am a cliche. I was very tentative in my statement, of course. Simply asserting that America, while perhaps the chief offender, does not possess a monopoly on banality.

I have been to London, Amsterdam, Berlin, and currently Munich. Headed to Venice tomorrow because I'm freezing. I am surprised to the degree to which I really have found Italians I've met traveling both ugly and loathsome. Individually, they seem fine and likable, but in groups they're often so clamorous and heavily made up and really tacky. I've really met some very kind people. I shared a night train berth with a German family of four. That was... interesting.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

LOL. Only American tourists speak of "Europe" in those terms.

What "bits" have you seen?

It must be tough being better than everyone all the time Salome....

 

[Synarch]

It must be tough being better than everyone all the time Salome....

My theory is that she is one of those people who must first offend and then be loved before she can feel and trust that love. So, she is purposefully difficult. Because if we still love her, then it actually means something. Of course, I could be projecting. But, I am generally a fan of her honesty, even if it is a bit like being raped in the face with a claw hammer sometimes.

 

[Zoom]

Ye have a way with direct honesty at times yourself, Synarch - it comes as being without agenda, which can give the message a clarity.

Salome, isn't a certain amount of banality par for the course in any culture which has been modernized and brought into the mainstream?

As to the OP's query, when I was younger I regarded information as power - the less I shared, the more others seemed to. I was a reflective surface in which they painted themselves through speech and sometimes lies. I didn't really use it... just watched. It can still be extremely difficult to take an active stance instead of observing and reacting, but I do it anyway. It feels like facing a cardinal fear, which I am a staunch supporter of.

I don't regret it - learning from the positive and negative examples is entirely necessary.

 

[Salomé]

It must be tough being better than everyone all the time Salome....

It's fucking hard work, I gotta tell ya.

My theory is that she is one of those people who must first offend and then be loved before she can feel and trust that love. So, she is purposefully difficult. Because if we still love her, then it actually means something. Of course, I could be projecting. But, I am generally a fan of her honesty, even if it is a bit like being raped in the face with a claw hammer sometimes.

I find your visual imagery disgusting and your motives for twisting every exchange we have into an opportunity for you to "analyse" me, pretty much unfathomable...

You're projecting. Being "loved" and being "hated" on this board amount to much the same thing and I'm anxious for neither (unlike your good self).

Salome, isn't a certain amount of banality par for the course in any culture which has been modernized and brought into the mainstream?

Which mainstream? Are you asking whether "the mainstream" is banal? Sure. Almost by definition. But some mainstreams are more banal than others.

I was a reflective surface in which they painted themselves through speech and sometimes lies. I didn't really use it... just watched.

Nice description.
I can "relate".
I am silver and exact....unmisted by love or dislike

 

[Synarch]

I find your visual imagery disgusting and your motives for twisting every exchange we have into an opportunity for you to "analyse" me, pretty much unfathomable...

You're projecting. Being "loved" and being "hated" on this board amount to much the same thing and I'm anxious for neither (unlike your good self).

It's not difficult to fathom. I relate to you. This inclines me try to create explanations for your behavior that harmonize your seeming disdain with the desire to speak your own mind in response, which, if you were truly disdainful you might not be inclined to do. Plus, I am not convinced that you respond to such things as "I like who you are, Salome." Instead you seem to prefer friendship via periodic combat, like some Klingon or Romulan (bad analogy but the first thing that came to mind) valkyrie. Yes, perhaps the visual imagery is inappropriate. I will try to be more respectful of the audience.

What are you anxious for? You do spend a lot of time here. What ego needs are served?

 

[Stanton Moore]

I think I'm in love, Salome.

 

[Synarch]

Hold onto your head.

 

[Salomé]

I relate to you.

Which part? The claw-hammered-face-rapist? Or the secretive egoist?

What are you anxious for?

An interesting conversation would represent a pleasing novelty.

You do spend a lot of time here.

Not really. I spend more than is warranted, though much less lately.

What ego needs are served?

None that come to mind.

I am not convinced that you respond to such things as "I like who you are, Salome."

I guess much depends on who's saying it.

Instead you seem to prefer friendship via periodic combat

Conflict does a better job of sharpening the wit than platitude.