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[INFP] The World vs INFP

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I guess my drinking tea took away from her uniqueness in some way...at least in her mind. It seems to be a very slippery slope to create an entire identity based on things that are so precarious, especially because she is a special person for reasons so much more profound than a box of tea.

Now here's a question - would she love or hate coming to England...? :cheers:
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I think that people of all types can fall into the trap of defining themselves externally (God knows I've been guilty myself) although I do notice that 4's seem to have a long list of small things (rather than a short list of broad things, e.g. money, status, popularity, etc).

I have a friend who I feel certain is a 4 who drinks tea rather than coffee. I mostly drink coffee, but sometimes enjoy tea in the evening and always have a variety on hand. One day a offered her a cup of tea, telling her of all the flavors I had. She became genuinely despondent and said, "But tea is my thing!" We had a whole conversation about how she felt like drinking tea, dressing artsy, changing the spelling of her (common) name so no one else would have the same name as hers, listening to British punk, etc is what made her different and special (and maybe even "better"). I guess my drinking tea took away from her uniqueness in some way...at least in her mind. It seems to be a very slippery slope to create an entire identity based on things that are so precarious, especially because she is a special person for reasons so much more profound than a box of tea.
Fascinating.

I think your friend is an example of someone who's taken that 4 issue too far. Most of us aren't that overt about it and like to pretend that this stuff isn't really going through our heads ("Me? Pretentious?"). I once read something about 4s: that they had to be special in some way or an authority on some subject as a way of proving they deserve to be in any given social situation or society in general. In other words they bring something different (and worthy) to the table therefore their existence is warranted. All of which is an attempt to counter our social ineptitude and all those feelings of inadequacy, because in our minds, if you're not either socially adept or 'special' in some way, you're just nothing. Of course, the problem is, as you say, there is always someone else that can do it just as well and disappointment is inevitable. I have experienced this myself.

Wow. It is depressing talking about this... :shock:
 

JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
Joined
Dec 17, 2009
Messages
659
MBTI Type
eNfj
Enneagram
2
Now here's a question - would she love or hate coming to England...? :cheers:

Ahhhh...she IS from England. She moved here when she was 12 and emphasizes some of her British ways as a means of differentiating herself. I'm sure if she moved back to the UK she would emphasize her American ways as a means to differentiate herself there :newwink:

Fascinating.

I think your friend is an example of someone who's taken that 4 issue too far. Most of us aren't that overt about it and like to pretend that this stuff isn't really going through our heads ("Me? Pretentious?"). I once read something about 4s: that they had to be special in some way or an authority on some subject as a way of proving they deserve to be in any given social situation or society in general. In other words they bring something different (and worthy) to the table therefore their existence is warranted. All of which is an attempt to counter our social ineptitude and all those feelings of inadequacy, because in our minds, if you're not either socially adept or 'special' in some way, you're just nothing. Of course, the problem is, as you say, there is always someone else that can do it just as well and disappointment is inevitable. I have experienced this myself.

Wow. It is depressing talking about this... :shock:

I think you have hit the nail on the head. This is exactly what I think is going on.
 

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Ahhhh...she IS from England. She moved here when she was 12 and emphasizes some of her British ways as a means of differentiating herself. I'm sure if she moved back to the UK she would emphasize her American ways as a means to differentiate herself there :newwink:

Haha that explains everything! It probably doesn't hurt that Americans hold Brits in high esteem most of the time (I don't know why this occurs, but I think it does nonetheless!).
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I think your friend is an example of someone who's taken that 4 issue too far. Most of us aren't that overt about it and like to pretend that this stuff isn't really going through our heads ("Me? Pretentious?").

I can't identify with someone who has taken their need to be unique that far either. I can be elitist, but not at the point where I resent others being unique (or sharing similar strengths/interests or whatever). I usually get excited when I meet someone I deem "similar"; I suppose I see it as a sign that I am not "defective".

I think a 4 downfall is envy, but not jealousy, and the distinction is really important. As a kid, my ENFP best friend was a bit younger & would pull some copycat moves, like you'd do with an older sister, but it didn't bother me. Maybe I'm a 4 whose ego is so inflated I imagine people are copying me because I am oh so special, hahaha :D.

My older ESFP sister has shown signs of resentment when someone else shares her "thing" that she thinks separates her from others.... but I've typed her as 7w6, which makes way more sense for her, overall.
 

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I can't identify with someone who has taken their need to be unique that far either. I can be elitist, but not at the point where I resent others being unique (or sharing similar strengths/interests or whatever). I usually get excited when I meet someone I deem "similar"; I suppose I see it as a sign that I am not "defective".

Agreed, although I do prefer meeting someone "similar" who comes from a "different field", so to speak.

For example, I really enjoy engineering because it seems to bring together abstract maths/physics and manifest it in an aesthetically pleasing way. Also, there is a sort of "magic" to man's interrelation with universal truths such as magnetism, which just seem to exist and no-one really knows why. However, I get totally bored with the minutiae of the field, and totally zone out when it comes down to cogs, sprockets, waveforms, girders and architraves. Therefore, meeting someone who is adept at this aspect means I become more animated, because I realise that this person "bridges" the gap in my own knowledge. I often tend to ask this type of person loads of questions on their subject which is usually good for both, since I get to learn more stuff about what interests me, and the other person gets to talk about his/her love.
 

SpankyMcFly

Level 8 Propaganda Bot
Joined
Nov 19, 2009
Messages
2,349
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
461
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Increasing your self awareness can alleviate some of this angst you are feeling. If you know yourself, the good, the bad, all of it, you will come to accept and love yourself for who you are, even the "bad" parts. That someone or some group doesn't like you will not faze you as easily, if at all. It's their loss, which might even be your gain.
 

jtanSis1

New member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFP
I like to think INFP's are the physical manifestations of the values of society. I also think ENFJ's are looking for or trying to help others be like INFP's, INFJ's try to define those values, and ENFP's try to find those values. If anything people are wondering what does the closest thing to perfection actually do and if they can learn from and emulate it. People learn from us, not the other way around, as we may believe. If we were any more awesome we really would use magic to heal the world, so let's be glad were still human, not superhuman, otherwise we'd be feared or worshipped. We don't want that, now do we :devil:
 

Tyltalis

New member
Joined
Dec 25, 2013
Messages
39
MBTI Type
INFP
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5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I read this and started to cry.
 

Rosie Drew

New member
Joined
Dec 26, 2013
Messages
68
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Giggle, as a ENFP I sound more like a INFP here while my INFP friend sounds like a ENFP.
Everyone loves my INFP but me in real life its like I am a awkward unicorn that others like poking and hunting and trying to got it annoyed. >.<:smile:
 
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