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[NF] I get so tired of second-guessing everything...

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
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...Well, maybe not everything... But whenever I make decisions that don't turn out the best or have painful consequences for me and/or someone else, it seems like the second-guessing will go on for weeks, months, years... I always think "if I'd done that differently/better, maybe things wouldn't have worked out this way.." etc etc etc.

It's absolutely exhausting. I don't know how to switch it off. Anyone?

I suppose it may really be more of an enneagram 6 (fairly sure that's my type) thing than an NF thing...?
 

SecondBest

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I have the perfect solution for this.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8"]Not giving a fuck[/YOUTUBE]
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
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I have the perfect solution for this.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8"]Not giving a fuck[/YOUTUBE]

:nice:

Still doesn't quite solve my problem though. NFs are bad at not giving a...
 

ilovelurking

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Aug 10, 2009
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I used to second-guess alot.

I still do it, only less often.

I was spending time with a close friend of mine and she mentioned if I prefer to live in the past with all that analyzing going on in my head because,"What has been done is done", she said. Of course, I choose not to live in the past. It takes practice to let it all go and once you get there it feels liberating.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
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I used to second-guess alot.

I still do it, only less often.

I was spending time with a close friend of mine and she mentioned if I prefer to live in the past with all that analyzing going on in my head because,"What has been done is done", she said. Of course, I choose not to live in the past. It takes practice to let it all go and once you get there it feels liberating.

Yeah. I think I am a bit better than I used to be. The trouble is, I often start to let go only at the point where I have exhausted myself by too much not-letting-go. It's when I get to a "ohhhhhh...I'm just too tired and fed up with this to worry about it any more" stage. I would rather let go a bit more before I get to that stage!!

Mind you, I have no trouble at all letting a lot of things go. But the things that I do have trouble letting go...oh man!
 

Quay

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...Well, maybe not everything... But whenever I make decisions that don't turn out the best or have painful consequences for me and/or someone else, it seems like the second-guessing will go on for weeks, months, years... I always think "if I'd done that differently/better, maybe things wouldn't have worked out this way.." etc etc etc.

It's absolutely exhausting. I don't know how to switch it off. Anyone?

I suppose it may really be more of an enneagram 6 (fairly sure that's my type) thing than an NF thing...?

One thing you can be fairly certain of my dear 6w5 twin ( :D ) is that you can't change anything in the past. That's pretty much my mantra nowadays, because within milliseconds I will find myself down this same path you describe. I resort to calling myself all sorts of dumbasses, and thinking "if I hadn't done this 7 years ago, I wouldn't be in this mess right now".

I don't know how I turned off the switch honestly, or if I even have. I think the more I focus on what's happening right in front of me, and right at this second, the less I think about how I screwed up 10 years ago. It takes a LOT of effort I tell you.

Sometimes I think I am addicted to rehashing and dissecting the past (negativity), but I think it's more of, "I don't ever want to do this same shit again and I want to be aware of all angles I missed the first time around."

But it is a relief to see something I did wrong, and just say, "Well, I won't do that again because the result sucked." and don't think about it again, but still have the awareness, or imprint, in my mind that allows me to be aware of the past but not necessarily living it.

forgive this garble.... lol
 

Such Irony

Honor Thy Inferior
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I think MBTI Ps are more prone to second guess than Js. Well INTPs anyway. It seems to be a big difference between INTPs and INTJs. The former tend to doubt their decisions and the latter rarely revisits then and is confident.
 

Nijntje

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you can't change anything in the past.

THIS. Learning this is probably the most valuable thing i have done in recent years.

Sometimes I think I am addicted to rehashing and dissecting the past (negativity), but I think it's more of, "I don't ever want to do this same shit again and I want to be aware of all angles I missed the first time around."

But it is a relief to see something I did wrong, and just say, "Well, I won't do that again because the result sucked." and don't think about it again, but still have the awareness, or imprint, in my mind that allows me to be aware of the past but not necessarily living it.

I think that as long as you take something from an experience, be it good or bad, that you LEARN from it, it can't be a bad thing. "Always a lesson, never a mistake" is kind of my mantra, and believe me, i've f*cked up royally in the past, but it all makes up who i am, as a whole.

Every sh*tty experience or wrong move, or mistake you make just gives you another thing to chalk up to experience.

Letting go and looking at things objectively, no matter how hard it is or how long it takes to actually get some emotional distance to be even ABLE to be objective is a huge part of it i think.

I regret very little in my life, and the one or two things that i do, i have made amends for.
 

Eruca

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...Well, maybe not everything... But whenever I make decisions that don't turn out the best or have painful consequences for me and/or someone else, it seems like the second-guessing will go on for weeks, months, years... I always think "if I'd done that differently/better, maybe things wouldn't have worked out this way.." etc etc etc.

It's absolutely exhausting. I don't know how to switch it off. Anyone?

I suppose it may really be more of an enneagram 6 (fairly sure that's my type) thing than an NF thing...?

How to be a pessimist or optimist: A handy thought guide.

Pessimism
Something bad happens: This will effect me for a long time, This will negatively effect other areas of my life, This was my fault
Something good happens: This will only make me happier for while, This is not likely to positvely effect other areas of my life, I got lucky

Optimism
Something bad happens: This will only effect me for a short while, This wont have an impact on the rest of my life, Other forces were at play
Something good happens: This event will brighten up my life, This even will effect other areas of my life, This event was a deserved result of my efforts.

GL ;D
 

mochajava

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Nancynobullets How to be a pessimist or optimist: A handy thought guide.

Pessimism
Something bad happens: This will effect me for a long time, This will negatively effect other areas of my life, This was my fault
Something good happens: This will only make me happier for while, This is not likely to positvely effect other areas of my life, I got lucky

Optimism
Something bad happens: This will only effect me for a short while, This wont have an impact on the rest of my life, Other forces were at play
Something good happens: This event will brighten up my life, This even will effect other areas of my life, This event was a deserved result of my efforts.

Whoa. Wow. I didn't know I was such a pessimist... This was informative .
 

skylights

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How to be a pessimist or optimist: A handy thought guide.

Pessimism
Something bad happens: This will effect me for a long time, This will negatively effect other areas of my life, This was my fault
Something good happens: This will only make me happier for while, This is not likely to positvely effect other areas of my life, I got lucky

Optimism
Something bad happens: This will only effect me for a short while, This wont have an impact on the rest of my life, Other forces were at play
Something good happens: This event will brighten up my life, This even will effect other areas of my life, This event was a deserved result of my efforts.

nicely expressed. :yes:

i second-guess things too, but i do most of my second-guessing pre-decision, instead of post-decision. :shrug: it makes me a shitty decider, but i don't ruminate over the past much.

anyway, maybe when you find yourself second-guessing you can try to channel that energy into doing something that works towards counteracting whatever negative result you didn't like.
 

ExAstrisSpes

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I have the perfect solution for this.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8"]Not giving a fuck[/YOUTUBE]

That made my night. Thanks. :)

:nice:

Still doesn't quite solve my problem though. NFs are bad at not giving a...

I'm super bad at not giving a fsck. Although for some reason, when things are super-busy for me, and I don't give a f... about all of the stuff going on, I get so much more done and I'm so much better at everything. And then I peak (or crash, depending on how you look at it), and then I'm exhausted for at least a week. The exhaustion forces me to not do anything, so I end up thinking about everything I should be giving a f... about, and the cycle continues.
 

Arclight

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I'm super bad at not giving a fsck. Although for some reason, when things are super-busy for me, and I don't give a f... about all of the stuff going on, I get so much more done and I'm so much better at everything. And then I peak (or crash, depending on how you look at it), and then I'm exhausted for at least a week. The exhaustion forces me to not do anything, so I end up thinking about everything I should be giving a f... about, and the cycle continues.

Wow.. that sounds like me, especially with school.
 

skylights

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haha wow, that's like the opposite of my cycle. when things get busy, i'll get really into everything, and be productive, but when things are really calm then i won't feel like i need to be productive and therefore i won't give a fuck, but then eventually guilt will come creeping in that i ought to give a fuck, and self-doubt and all those little monsters, until i get off my ass and do something again.
 

SilkRoad

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Wow.. that sounds like me, especially with school.

Yup, sounds quite a lot like me as well! I have busy times when I feel particularly extroverted. I see a lot of friends, do more than usual socially, etc etc. And that over-thinking part of me switches off or at least quietens down. But part of me is always thinking "I'm too busy and being too extroverted...there will be hell to pay fairly soon..." and then I crash and feel depressed and yes...
 
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