[ENFP] LL's observations on my husband, who is an INTP, from an ENFP perspective

[Esoteric Wench]

Thanks, Peguy, for your input. It would be interesting to see if people with a well developed Ti in general relate to some/most/all of these points. Or even others.

#1 - I've dated an INTP before and I've gotta tell you, this is a very good list. Good job Little Linguist!

#2 - I'm dating an ISTP (with his dominant Ti) now and a lot of these points apply to him, too.

 

[Xenon]

Hmm. I wouldn't see myself resorting to such shabby arguementations. Unless! the issue isn't an issue at all from my point of view.

Yeah, really. I'm rather surprised to hear people have experienced this with INTPs actually; I find myself so often in the opposite role. ("On what do you base that assertion? Nothing? I see.")

It might apply if I have a long history of frustrating exchanges with the particular individual I'm speaking to. Then I might not want to bother trying to explain myself. Or if someone is so vastly underestimating my level of understanding on something and trying to introduce some basic idea that I considered and incorporated into my thinking numerous steps ago, assuming I've never thought of it. I tend to find that insulting, and might easily get snippy or shut down in that case.

 

[Fluffywolf]

Yeah, really. I'm rather surprised to hear people have experienced this with INTPs actually; I find myself so often in the opposite role. ("On what do you base that assertion? Nothing? I see.")

It might apply if I have a long history of frustrating exchanges with the particular individual I'm speaking to. Then I might not want to bother trying to explain myself. Or if someone is so vastly underestimating my level of understanding on something and trying to introduce some basic idea that I considered and incorporated into my thinking numerous steps ago, assuming I've never thought of it. I tend to find that insulting, and might easily get snippy or shut down in that case.

Yeah, like I said, I can only ever imagine responding like that if I don't see the point of investing any thought in it, which is an odd rarity, or indeed if I don't expect the other person to be capable of a certain level of understanding, based on previous encounters where I had already attempted to reach such understanding but failed.

 

[uumlau]

This drives me crazy about my ENTP husband. And it drives him equally crazy that he makes a point and I'm like "why do you think that? what's your evidence?"

Hmm. I wouldn't see myself resorting to such shabby arguementations. Unless! the issue isn't an issue at all from my point of view.

me neither, that doesent sound much like INTP thing, more like IXTJ

Yeah, like I said, I can only ever imagine responding like that if I don't see the point of investing any thought in it, which is an odd rarity, or indeed if I don't expect the other person to be capable of a certain level of understanding, based on previous encounters where I had already attempted to reach such understanding but failed.

I think this last bit hits close to the mark. It isn't that INTPs are "like that", but there are particular situations (that are all too common) where they can be "like that".

In my experience, if you have the friendship or at least a reasonable degree of mutual trust and respect, the Ti dom will explain his thinking to you, possibly with more detail than you'd ever want to hear.

But if there is a reason for lack of trust, especially if it feels to the Ti dom that the other person is putting pressure on him to say something, the discussion devolves to Ti just presenting conclusions without explanation or reasons why the conclusion is a good idea. In particular, I've seen this in software development discussions where the INTPs are all too happy to listen to your arguments for your ideas and shoot them down, but they will keep their cards close to the chest with respect to discussing the reasoning behind their own ideas.

I don't think it's a typical Ti behavior, but I suspect it's a common stress point.

So, to apantsy, I'd suggest that you make sure you aren't asking for your husband's reasoning in a harsh or stressful way. Tone down the delivery and make it clear that his ideas are welcome, as opposed to a potential point of conflict.