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  1. #11
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Jun 2010


    INFJ's sometimes come across as "please don't interrupt' when they actually don't feel that way.

    I don't think it's fair to the 2nd girl to date her when you have stronger feelings for someone else.

    However, I wonder if a lot of your feelings for the first girl are simply because you cannot have her. There's nothing like "forbidden" or "unavailable" to make someone seem desirable.

  2. #12
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    2wX so/sx


    I hope that things have worked themselves out some since your post, but in the case that you're still struggling...

    In response to this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    I have feelings for both these people, hence the problem. Having been yearning for the first person so long, I feel that if I 'drop' those feelings that all the effort I have put into it will be wasted and that a golden opportunity will be missed by my impatience.

    I do not think my feelings for the second person are as strong as for the first, only that I like her. Nothing has built up like with the second. It would be a like a breakup without a relationship if I stopped pining for the first.

    I don't want to move forward until my feelings are clear.
    I would say, as a fellow INFJ who has been hung on similar feelings... seriously assess how much of your feelings for the first girl are built upon concrete interactions with her. I know that I have an easy time "fabricating" thing that may or may not exist between me and the object of my affection. It's easy for me to get attached to the "idea" of someone, rather than the actual embodiment of them. This is something I still struggle with, even when I've made sure to not focus my attentions on more than one potential partner at a time. I would say, after you assess the situation, try to decide what you like best about each of the girls. Is the attraction to the first girl based upon her interaction with OTHER people? Is it how she appears untouchable to others and how others see her that makes her interesting to you? Does the other girl make you feel more comfortable and more like yourself? I would say that picking the person who is least fabricated and most supportive of the "you" that you want to grow into is best.

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