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[ENFP] Upset ENFPs: Handle With Care

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
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Jun 23, 2008
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For me, no booze....and food is good, but....

Just goofing around with me after giving me a little hug or positive affirmation, making me feel GOOD, strong again....

I don't know how we would analyze this psychologically? Leading me back to my strength after soothing me a bit? But not like, "Okay, I'm leading you back to your strength, now." A bit more subtle.

Essentially, what I've illustrated is: My husband leads us to a place we both feel comfy.

Neither of us feels especially comfy:

- Dealing with feelings
- Showing empathy in the 'proper' way (whatever that means)
- Sharing thinking - we do it differently

So we lead each other back to our common Ne...where we can have fun and kind of...I don't know....Get rid of whatever in kind of a comedy/funny kind of way.

But each person has his/her own way of dealing with stuff. :)
 

Lady_X

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The solution is simple... Food. Slip him/her some food, and tip toe away. It's like a peace offering, or a sacrifice to a blood-thirsty god. Either way, it helps lighten things up. (This isn't really a type thing, but happens to work on this ENFP.)

this is true...distract em with cookies. i can't stay mad if i'm eating ooey gooey chocolate lovliness.
 

angelhair45

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The food ideas is a good one but once I get angry I'm not hungry anymore... So give food early before ENFP become crazy...:D

Actually, I have realized lately that low blood sugar was making me fly of the handle... so food actually does help for me.
 

skylights

i love
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The food ideas is a good one but once I get angry I'm not hungry anymore... So give food early before ENFP become crazy...:D

Actually, I have realized lately that low blood sugar was making me fly of the handle... so food actually does help for me.

for me it's being tired... tired me has a 150% greater chance of being totally illogical and emotional. hungry doesn't help either.
 

phoenix13

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The food ideas is a good one but once I get angry I'm not hungry anymore... So give food early before ENFP become crazy...:D

Actually, I have realized lately that low blood sugar was making me fly of the handle... so food actually does help for me.

Dude, don't even tell me you have type I diabetes! The superior type of diabetes!
 

angelhair45

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Dude, don't even tell me you have type I diabetes! The superior type of diabetes!


Actually no I just have low blood sugar from to much activity and not enough food. I get busy, not good with planning or time management for myself.

My six year old son DOES have type 1 diabetes though, which is why I am very aware of low blood sugar symptoms and finally figured it out in myself.
 

phoenix13

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Actually no I just have low blood sugar from to much activity and not enough food. I get busy, not good with planning or time management for myself.

My six year old son DOES have type 1 diabetes though, which is why I am very aware of low blood sugar symptoms and finally figured it out in myself.


Ahhh. I got excited because I have type 1 diabetes (diagnosed at age 12).
Well, if you ever have questions about the ever-changing therapy options available, send me a message. (I'm hooked up to an insulin pump and continuous glucose monitor.) :)
 

angelhair45

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Ahhh. I got excited because I have type 1 diabetes (diagnosed at age 12).
Well, if you ever have questions about the ever-changing therapy options available, send me a message. (I'm hooked up to an insulin pump and continuous glucose monitor.) :)

Thanks! My son has been on a pump for a year, and when he gets a little older we want to get him a glucose monitor. When questions arise I'll be sure to hit you up.
 

slowriot

He who laughs
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Dec 1, 2008
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Okay, okay, okay, I'm going to go all S-central, and be more concrete so that I at least know what I'm talking about:

Stealing from the other dude who did it. (I forget who, and I'm not going to browse through five billion pages)

Here is what sometimes used to happen when between my husband and me when we didn't know each other that well.

IT: So how are you?
EF: Ugh, it's been a rough day. ***goes in room, closes door, zones out like a zombie***
IT: What's the matter?
EF: Bad class today. X didn't show up. Y acted like a fart shit. And Z was being a total dick.
IT: You can't educate stupid people.
EF: Yeah, I know, but it's really frustrating.
IT: It shouldn't bother you. You let too many things bother you.
EF: Yes, but it matters, I mean really. And it does really bother me.
IT: Well, then you have to work on yourself.
EF: **feels blood pressure rising** Well, I know, but if they were only....
IT: But they weren't. Don't always focus on what could be or what should be. It wasn't. It's over. Don't worry about it.
EF: But it bothers me.
IT: Well it shouldn't bother you.
EF: *sigh* Okay, I went through all this trouble to prepare and do this and that, and it didn't even work.
IT: You shouldn't put too much effort into things people don't appreciate.
EF: BUT I HAVE TO!!!!!
IT: Who says you have to??? No one says you have to!!! YOU just have an obsession with making everything perfect.
EF: Well excuse the hell out of me if I try to do things right!
IT: Why are you yelling?
EF: I'M NOT YELLING!!!!!
IT: You just DID! Just because YOU have a shitty day doesn't mean you can blame ME!!!!!!!!!
EF: ***about ready to flip her lid*** OK, listen, YOU'RE NOT HELPING!!!
IT: Well, what do you want??? Why do you always have to bring your work problems home! Leave them there!
EF: I CAN'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!
IT: WELL LEARN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EF: You know what? Just FUCK IT and FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**slams door**

Now that's not really the MATURE way to handle it. But it's just two different ways of thinking/whatever coming together. Nowadays it's more like this:

IT: How was your day?
EF: Oh, well, it could have been better. But whatever. How was your day?
IT: It was good. My day's always good. Better that you're here.
EF: :wubbie: Aww, thanks. I need a hug. I had a kind of a rough day.
IT: Awww c'mere. ***hugs me*** Why, what happened?
EF: Oh, well, no biggie. Just the usual stuff. But sometimes it kinda piles on and you're like, wrrrraraararararrargh.
IT: Well, what did the fart shits do this time?
EF: OMG everyone was a fart shit. They farted here and shat there til I almost called the fire department.
IT: HAHAHA! Yeahhhhh and then...***random craziness***
EF: OH YEAH!!! ***giggles, giggles*** And then ***more random shit***
IT: Well, you're home now, screw the fart shits, let's eat and have some fun.
EF: Yeah, fuck em!!!!!!! ***giggles and smiles***

:yes: :nerd:

*sighs*

This is why I want an INTJ. ;)

hmmmmmm..... :thinking: .......... oh well....... :coffee:
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
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Dec 3, 2008
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INTPs and ENFPs arguing about agendas?

It happens so often too. And always leading in the same direction: to some place where the world is free from drama and there are proper ways to behave in public. It's almost like, *gasp*...



Or to put it another way, if you detect a hidden agenda, it's probably because there's introverted judgment behind the extroverted intuition. (And less than conscious extroverted judgment too.) And if you think you're not doing something absurd in developing your own position, then possibly the ENFPs are not doing something absurd either in developing theirs. But if you view with suspicion your own inner workings, then view theirs that way too.

Which cuts both ways, of course: if ENFPs are to be liberated from the oppression of too much propriety, INTPs are to be liberated from the distress of too much liberality. Muzzle both.
 

InvisibleJim

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Really?

(Re-reads OP)

Wow, so it looks like that was massively edited since the last time I read it. Still:

This is bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. I don't think ENFPs have to be approached this way -- like you have to tiptoe around them. If I actually took that message to heart, I'd lose respect for ENFPs.

If someone can't communicate something, or is saying untrue things about what they're thinking, why should they expect a positive response? They're misrepresenting themselves and they want people to know that. But sometimes they're not misrepresenting themselves. So to put the responsibility of figuring that out on the OTHER PERSON is completely stupid. No one can read minds. If you express yourself in a non-productive way, you are the one creating the problem. Not the person who is listening.

No one gets to just throw tantrums and expect the other people around them to give in. Most ENFPs completely agree with this.

I don't think it's productive at all to tell the people around you "hey, I'm going to be crazy sometimes, and it's up to you to figure out when and placate me. if I insult you, don't be offended, except when I actually mean it. Oh yeah, and you have to figure out if I do mean it."

I think you just want to pick a fight because you feel someone hasn't following your code of proper conduct and may have said something that offends you.

I don't think you know ENFPs as well as you think. They seek out unique feelings and situations. Sometimes that takes them to places that makes you where you feel embarrassed for how they are behaving. They are unfortunately a specific breed of drama prone individual.

Now imagine you behaved that way; they are much more embarrassed than you are and they generally just want someone to try to understand and to be non-judgemental.

Also remember that the reason that they cannot explicitly state what they are wanting to say is because there is some kind of block, be that pride or expectation. Yes, sometimes they expect you to read their mind. You'll never convince them this is unrealistic until they've relaxed; therefore it is a lot easier if you calm them down! Generally I find you can't convince an ENFP of anything if they are stressed or upset or putting a lot of onus on it.

To reiterate, I've observed the system the following sequence of events.

1) ENFP gets upset about issue and can't process it
2) ENFP can't state exactly why they are upset and gets upset at themselves
3) ENFP might rampage a little - ENFP operates on Transmit only
4) ENFP looks for understanding and feels upset at themselves for not being able to understand why they behaved as they did
5) If someone doesn't understand what the ENFP is trying to say they then repeat at that person because it has became important. The person may become the target of the angst if the ENFP is getting more upset.

This is why I specified that ENFPs simply want someone to listen. Let them tell you everything and then make a judgement after they have said what they want to say and got all that information out. They have a point, they are just stuck trying to specify what it is.

They want to know that no matter how bizarre their one off behaviour is that you aren't going to hold it against them. Of course there are practical limits, I know that for (some) INTPs those are pretty low when dealing with these sorts of situations just like (some) ENFPs have more self control.

In terms of productive, it's not supposed to be productive its supposed to be a vent, not productive!
 

skylights

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In terms of productive, it's not supposed to be productive its supposed to be a vent, not productive!

well, and we really can be quite productive. i'm always on a productive kick an hour or so following outburst. but the Feelings have to be released and processed via Te for me to get to that point. and note that i really prefer being productive. being an emotional storm inside blows.

it just takes a little patience on the other person's side. :yes:

marmalade.sunrise said:
Speak for yourself.

:laugh: hah! okay sorry :D
 

Thalassa

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1) ENFP gets upset about issue and can't process it
2) ENFP can't state exactly why they are upset and gets upset at themselves
3) ENFP might rampage a little - ENFP operates on Transmit only
4) ENFP looks for understanding and feels upset at themselves for not being able to understand why they behaved as they did
5) If someone doesn't understand what the ENFP is trying to say they then repeat at that person because it has became important. The person may become the target of the angst if the ENFP is getting more upset.

This is so true. So so true.
 

slowriot

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Hmmm, okay. So the next time an ENFP gets a crush on me Ill direct them to the nearest single intj. It seems more efficient for all involved. :D

I have to remember Im an emotard and will never understand emotions as much as a Te user. So it makes sense, since Im totally unaware of human protocol, especially when it comes to emotional outbursts and always will be. *nudge nudge*
 

InvisibleJim

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Hmmm, okay. So the next time an ENFP gets a crush on me Ill direct them to the nearest single intj. It seems more efficient for all involved. :D

I have to remember Im an emotard and will never understand emotions as much as a Te user. So it makes sense, since Im totally unaware of human protocol, especially when it comes to emotional outbursts and always will be. *nudge nudge*

*fluffles Slow* :hifive:
 

Little Linguist

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for me it's being tired... tired me has a 150% greater chance of being totally illogical and emotional. hungry doesn't help either.

Agreed. If I'm tired, my ability to think clearly flies out the window. But isn't that the same with everyone? :shrug:

don't worry, as long as you promise to try to be patient and understanding then we'll take INTP too ;)

Definitely. INTX are wonderful, wonderful guys. Perplexing sometimes. Confusing sometimes. But really, really great.

INTPs and ENFPs arguing about agendas?

It happens so often too. And always leading in the same direction: to some place where the world is free from drama and there are proper ways to behave in public. It's almost like, *gasp*...



Or to put it another way, if you detect a hidden agenda, it's probably because there's introverted judgment behind the extroverted intuition. (And less than conscious extroverted judgment too.) And if you think you're not doing something absurd in developing your own position, then possibly the ENFPs are not doing something absurd either in developing theirs. But if you view with suspicion your own inner workings, then view theirs that way too.

Which cuts both ways, of course: if ENFPs are to be liberated from the oppression of too much propriety, INTPs are to be liberated from the distress of too much liberality. Muzzle both.

In other words, both should stop being annoying shit heads? I agree! :D

I think you just want to pick a fight because you feel someone hasn't following your code of proper conduct and may have said something that offends you.

I don't think you know ENFPs as well as you think. They seek out unique feelings and situations. Sometimes that takes them to places that makes you where you feel embarrassed for how they are behaving. They are unfortunately a specific breed of drama prone individual.

Now imagine you behaved that way; they are much more embarrassed than you are and they generally just want someone to try to understand and to be non-judgemental.

Also remember that the reason that they cannot explicitly state what they are wanting to say is because there is some kind of block, be that pride or expectation. Yes, sometimes they expect you to read their mind. You'll never convince them this is unrealistic until they've relaxed; therefore it is a lot easier if you calm them down! Generally I find you can't convince an ENFP of anything if they are stressed or upset or putting a lot of onus on it.

To reiterate, I've observed the system the following sequence of events.

1) ENFP gets upset about issue and can't process it
2) ENFP can't state exactly why they are upset and gets upset at themselves
3) ENFP might rampage a little - ENFP operates on Transmit only
4) ENFP looks for understanding and feels upset at themselves for not being able to understand why they behaved as they did
5) If someone doesn't understand what the ENFP is trying to say they then repeat at that person because it has became important. The person may become the target of the angst if the ENFP is getting more upset.

This is why I specified that ENFPs simply want someone to listen. Let them tell you everything and then make a judgement after they have said what they want to say and got all that information out. They have a point, they are just stuck trying to specify what it is.

They want to know that no matter how bizarre their one off behaviour is that you aren't going to hold it against them. Of course there are practical limits, I know that for (some) INTPs those are pretty low when dealing with these sorts of situations just like (some) ENFPs have more self control.

In terms of productive, it's not supposed to be productive its supposed to be a vent, not productive!

This post was very insightful. Where have you got such a good grasp on ENFP?

well, and we really can be quite productive. i'm always on a productive kick an hour or so following outburst. but the Feelings have to be released and processed via Te for me to get to that point. and note that i really prefer being productive. being an emotional storm inside blows.

it just takes a little patience on the other person's side. :yes:



:laugh: hah! okay sorry :D

Actually, when I'm pissed or frustrated, I become VERY, VERY efficient. Usually an Ausräumung - clearing out - of anything cumbersome in my life. Thankfully, that doesn't include people (whispers: anymore :blush:) but I will clean out all my stuff, organize everything. And everyone would think I'm an ISTJ. Seriously. It's like a form of release and it's great. Or I get really deep into my work.
 

angelhair45

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So, InvisibleJim how do you know us so well?

1) ENFP gets upset about issue and can't process it
2) ENFP can't state exactly why they are upset and gets upset at themselves
3) ENFP might rampage a little - ENFP operates on Transmit only
4) ENFP looks for understanding and feels upset at themselves for not being able to understand why they behaved as they did
5) If someone doesn't understand what the ENFP is trying to say they then repeat at that person because it has became important. The person may become the target of the angst if the ENFP is getting more upset.

Excellent explanation. I went through this process just last night.
 
Last edited:

Poki

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This is bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. I don't think ENFPs have to be approached this way -- like you have to tiptoe around them. If I actually took that message to heart, I'd lose respect for ENFPs.

If someone can't communicate something, or is saying untrue things about what they're thinking, why should they expect a positive response? They're misrepresenting themselves and they want people to know that. But sometimes they're not misrepresenting themselves. So to put the responsibility of figuring that out on the OTHER PERSON is completely stupid. No one can read minds. If you express yourself in a non-productive way, you are the one creating the problem. Not the person who is listening.

No one gets to just throw tantrums and expect the other people around them to give in. Most ENFPs completely agree with this.

I don't think it's productive at all to tell the people around you "hey, I'm going to be crazy sometimes, and it's up to you to figure out when and placate me. if I insult you, don't be offended, except when I actually mean it. Oh yeah, and you have to figure out if I do mean it."

Some people are worth it.

edit: Also some people enjoy figuring things out. Its easier to be worth it for these people.
 
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