The quality I wish I can get more of is : courage.
I often fear if I stand strong in my views and what I do on my own, I might cause myself further pain instead. I often fear of everything that might go wrong in my personal life even if it appears imaginary. I often fear that people might think I am completely stupid if they knew my real mind and soul.
I am trying to overcome that fear, it's a hard fought struggle that leaves my heart exhausted.
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Quoted from another post:
I realize that I am okay with almost every other human quality except this : courage. Courage is the single quality that I lack the most in my entire life. Sadly I never have as much courage as I want.
As for other qualities..Humility? I have that in moderation, even when I'm acting like an attention seeker. Patience? I can act very impatient about certain things, but I am usually okay with waiting if it's for the best in the end. Language? It's obvious that I'm gifted in that *hah* Rationality? I struggle with it, but I can learn certain aspects of logic easily and I actually like it. Idealism? I think we all know where I'm at when it comes to that part. Organization? I may be disorganized, but I can get very organized when I'm in the mood for it. Intuition? It's my way of knowing truth. Sharing about my feelings and openness to others? I am a paradox of someone who holds back a little socially and someone who can be explosively expressive.
However, I really need courage. On a deeply intuitive level, I ''just know'' where I am going and where I am meant to be in my life. However, what has been slowing me down is my lack of enough courage. For instance, I know deep down inside, there is this light that says I am going forward but I have bouts of self doubt. That is because I lack enough courage to face changes. I lack enough courage to quickly chase after what truly makes me the happiest in this lifetime. I lack enough courage to completely face that I can be strong in my opinions even when I am alone. I lack enough courage to let go a little of what used to give me smiles and stars when I was much younger. I lack enough courage although I am moving towards a place where I will be better in light, independence, strength even if it means standing alone. I keep repeatedly facing blocks of fear even though I am getting closer to completely realizing everything that I ever want in my entire life. I lack enough courage to make some changes in reality, I lack enough courage to let go of the unconscious need for social validation and I lack enough courage to entirely face that I can never go back to who I was.
It's a hard battle, but I hope I will get there. Courage is the quality I lack but need the most. It is a part of me I struggle to redefine.
