[INFP] Working through my strengths and weaknesses as an INFP

[izzie]

Currently I've been working a lot on personal growth, and post frequently about it on the other forums I visit.

One example I posted this as a thread:

I was tested as type 4. I suspect it is a time of my life that I need to be even much more open to constructive criticism/advice regarding my weaknesses.

So feel free to help me/mould me however you want/can.

I desire a more practical, grounded personality for myself because I need it or else I might forever be stuck in lala land.

Quote:
Personal Growth Recommendations
for Enneagram Type Fours

* Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know. Remember this advice: "From our present perspective, we can also see that one of the most important mistakes Fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings. The fallacy is that to understand themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones, before acting. Fours do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings or that the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves" (Personality Types, p. 172). Always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.

I don't know how else to understand myself better as a whole than my own deep feelings? I guess the issue is I find it hard to sometimes make a more objective analysis of myself because my feelings have often gotten in the way.

I would feel as though I had drowned many times after fighting for dear life. 'That the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves' I get guilty too easily. What if I have hurt people more than I realized and that has been a major cause for so much destruction in my life?

Quote:
* Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you are happiest when you are working—that is, activating your potentials and realizing yourself. You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to strike, so connect—and stay connected—with the real world.

I honestly don't know how to work too well without inspiration. I always need some love, spark, X-factor motivation, I can't help it. How do I remind myself to be consistent without having to rely too much on that ''inner'' inspiration?

Quote:
* Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. Therefore, put yourself in the way of good. You may never feel that you are ready to take on a challenge of some sort, that you always need more time. (Fours typically never feel that they are sufficiently "together," but they must nevertheless have the courage to stop putting off their lives.) Even if you start small, commit yourself to doing something that will bring out the best in you.

I always need more time than expected, because what if I make the same mistakes again?

I don't want to undergo positive experiences without enough of my personal meanings attached to them. I cannot help it. I wouldn't feel like going out with friends or even meeting new people unless I feel that it is meaningful and deep enough to do so. I admit it's quite unhealthy and it has resulted in me wondering if my idealism is destructing me and getting in the way of my social needs, but I pay too much attention to meaning, value and avoiding past mistakes. I want my interactions to almost never be superificial. My expectations are complex at this point of my life.

Quote:
* A wholesome self-discipline takes many forms, from sleeping regular hours to working regularly to exercising regularly, and has a cumulative, strengthening effect. Since it comes from yourself, a healthy self-discipline is not contrary to your freedom or individuality. On the other hand, sensuality, excessive sexual experiences, alcohol, drugs, sleep, or fantasizing have a debilitating effect on you, as you already know. Therefore, practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it.

Excessive fantasizing just creates such a nice reality to escape to

I guess I have to try and eat, sleep more healthily, but what if I end up over thinking?

Quote:
* Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful, or even excessively romantic. These conversations are essentially unreal and at best only rehearsals for action—although, as you know, you almost never say or do what you imagine you will. Instead of spending time imagining your life and relationships, begin to live them.

I often play very dramatic ''movie scenes'' in my head, some that would make the public laugh to tears. This dramatic side of me has undoubtedly made me a highly idealistic charismatic lover, interesting friend and creative philosophical writer over the years, but it has also been a source of unhappiness and instability in many other parts of my life.

I am now completely open and honest about my flaws.


Alright then..

After consulting feelers and thinkers in personality forums, I have made balanced conclusions:

1) It is okay to trust my intuitive powers instead of overthinking about doubts and fears. It is okay to accept myself the way I am, and let my intuition guide me towards more logical solutions. A source of my stress had been letting me overthink doubts and excessive negativity, some of which I suspect are highly imaginary.

2) Life is about both deep and superficial experiences. While I acknowledge I will always be a deep person, I have to also appreciate the happiness I can find in seemingly small but superficial factors of life. In other words, also work towards practical steps in connecting with the happiness in my external environment.

3) I need to work at conquering my deep-rooted fears that are related to the fear of potentially appearing stupid in front of people because of my thoughts.

4) It is okay to be a dreamer, just be sure to not get too carried away and end up forgetting the present in the process of romanticizing the past and worrying too much about the future.


Honestly, personality forums can be so hugely life changing. *Sighs*

 

[nolla]

I find it interesting that the quotes don't seem to be aimed at making you a better representative of your type, it seems like they just make you fit better in the world. The first one is something I find very hard to accept, it's never been a good idea for me to not pay attention to my feelings.

 

[izzie]

I think I do however take my feelings into account a lot of the times, I just want to be more balanced so that they won't get in the way of objective analyses that can help in the long run.

 

[nolla]

Ah, ok. You and I might have very different perspectives to this question, then. I've had so much practice of this "objectivity" in the past that it is the thing dragging me down, not the feelings.

 

[izzie]

Are you INFP? How does that drag you down? Just wondering out of curiosity

 

[nolla]

I had pretty much suppressed my F side at one time. I was interested in hard science and if you look at the world through that objectivity it becomes a place no one would like to live in. You know, such objectivity is a perspective outside of us, which makes it in fact irrelevant because nobody lives their lives outside their being. Be too objective and what you get is a cynical view where you don't really matter, at all. In fact, you don't even have a free will from that point of view, you are just kinda going through your life as an observer. I think to mistake objectivity as the most important view is the number one cause of suicide.

Yes, I am an INFP.

 

[angell_m]

As a fellow possible INFP I'm gonna say "You can't work around being an INFP. You're doomed!"

 

[izzie]

I had pretty much suppressed my F side at one time. I was interested in hard science and if you look at the world through that objectivity it becomes a place no one would like to live in. You know, such objectivity is a perspective outside of us, which makes it in fact irrelevant because nobody lives their lives outside their being. Be too objective and what you get is a cynical view where you don't really matter, at all. In fact, you don't even have a free will from that point of view, you are just kinda going through your life as an observer. I think to mistake objectivity as the most important view is the number one cause of suicide.

Yes, I am an INFP.

I see your point. I like the idea of myself striving towards combining subjectivity and objectivity in areas that I should.

 

[musicnerd93]

I agree with nolla. The quotes don't seem to teach you how to be a better you, but to teach you how to be like everyone else. If you're a four, let alone an INFP four, then that's the last thing you want is to be like everyone else.

Just do what YOU feel is best for you. Only you know what works for you, not even the most skilled typologist in the world could tell you, as an individual, what is good for you. Everyone is different, regardless of type. You can share hundreds, even thousands of things in common with someone, but there will still always be atleast one or two things that set you apart from them.

4) It is okay to be a dreamer, just be sure to not get too carried away and end up forgetting the present in the process of romanticizing the past and worrying too much about the future.

I tried to not live in my dream world before and tried to give the real world a try.

It was the worst two minutes of my life.