[ENFJ] ENFJs I have figured you out.

[Thessaly]

Hmm that didn't sound so soothing to me LOL.. But its very interesting that you use the word soothing..

Because someone who soothes me wins my heart..

Well maybe NTs aren't soothing, but they are great at just shaking their head and smiling when you are losing your insanity over what they would consider nothing. I like that. INFPs probably take the sooth prize. Whenever I need soothing they are who I call.

 

[Arclight]

I can sort of see that. People only freak though because you probably maintain such an immaculate facade. I remember my ENFJ once confessing to me that he didn't care about taking part in my environmental rituals and I was like WHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT??? If anyone else had said the same thing I would have shrugged.

What exactly is it that has freaked people out about you if you don't mind me asking?

They are never quite able to articulate it .. so I am not even sure they know..

Intensity???

Someone said to me recently that my posts often make her think of something or some angle she never even considered .
So I guess I often challenge people's constructs??
Not everyone appreciates that I guess??


You also bring up something I alluded to earlier in this thread.. ENFJs are just held to higher standards.. I watch people regularly shrug their shoulders at things that when I do it, land me in hot water.

 

[Arclight]

Well maybe NTs aren't soothing, but they are great at just shaking their head and smiling when you are losing your insanity over what they would consider nothing. I like that. INFPs probably take the sooth prize. Whenever I need soothing they are who I call.

They are supposed to be my ideal mate.. INFPs that is..

 

[OrangeAppled]

1st question.. Perhaps. Except that would create a paradox.. because how could she be the one if she rejected me??

Yes we are masters at diversion or at least I am.. INFJs are generally better, So maybe you want to ask them about that

In my case it comes from a life time of watching people make a face of fear or disgust every time I open up for "real". I see it on here even.. people don't know how to take me sometimes. I freak some people right out. So I divert.. I accommodate, I do it the name of protecting us both.

I am sincere in my insincerity.

I get this, because I do it too (keep guarded) and I am extra sensitive to people's reactions.

How do you test the water with people? What kind of response makes you feel safe to open up more instead of putting a wall up?

I admit I toss "tests" out there for people sometimes...

Because someone who soothes me wins my heart..

I find NTs agitate me, but that was probably just those individuals. How can someone soothe you if you don't open up to them? INFPs are actually great at this - why we get the "healer" tag. However, I'm not going to force someone, and I know that wouldn't work anyway.

 

[Glycerine]

Ironically for me INTPs/ISFPs are more soothing to me. I am usually on edge with many INFPs if I hang out with them a lot and vice versa. We usually like each other a lot but it's far from soothing usually.

 

[Arclight]

I get this, because I do it too (keep guarded) and I am extra sensitive to people's reactions.

How do you test the water with people? What kind of response makes you feel safe to open up more instead of putting a wall up?

I admit I toss "tests" out there for people sometimes...



I find NTs agitate me, but that was probably just those individuals. How can someone soothe you if you don't open up to them? INFPs are actually great at this - why we get the "healer" tag. However, I'm not going to force someone, and I know that wouldn't work anyway.

Those are Good questions OA..

How do you test the water with people?

I know things about people before they start talking often.. But I just gently or sometimes blatantly probe. It's kind of like asking a writer where their ideas come from.. I can't really answer in a satisfying way. I just do "it".

What kind of response makes you feel safe to open up more instead of putting a wall up?

How can someone soothe you if you don't open up to them?

If only I could answer this. I don't know. Some people are just better at it than others. When I say "soothe" What I mean is .. This person somehow makes all the noise stop. My focus goes directly on them and what they are saying. All the other voices are gone. This person somehow gets directly past everything else and speaks to my core. They stimulate my thoughts and feelings and manage to marry both of them together so I can hear myself.
People who make me hear myself are magic. They can teach me. Somehow I trust them. They are rare treasures.

 

[Domino]

Ironically for me INTPs/ISFPs are more soothing to me. I am usually on edge with many INFPs if I hang out with them a lot and vice versa. We usually like each other a lot but it's far from soothing usually.

Probably because they're on the same emotional modality-wave length as we are. You can't shield yourself with them around. NFPs can rip me a new one faster than just any other type because I have ZERO defense against them.

 

[Thessaly]

Domino who is that hunk-a-hunk of burnin' love in your avatar?:yim_rolling_on_the_

 

[Usehername]

Val Kilmer -50lbs.

 

[Thessaly]

If only I could answer this. I don't know. Some people are just better at it than others. When I say "soothe" What I mean is .. This person somehow makes all the noise stop. My focus goes directly on them and what they are saying. All the other voices are gone. This person somehow gets directly past everything else and speaks to my core. They stimulate my thoughts and feelings and manage to marry both of them together so I can hear myself.
People who make me hear myself are magic. They can teach me. Somehow I trust them. They are rare treasures.

That was kind of beautiful.

 

[Thessaly]

Val Kilmer -50lbs.

Wow.

 

[ExAstrisSpes]

NTs can be very soothing.

Hmm that didn't sound so soothing to me LOL.. But its very interesting that you use the word soothing..

Because someone who soothes me wins my heart..

My INTP can be very soothing to me. I can get a little high-strung sometimes, but there's something about the energy around him (I know that sounds so new-agey) that's very calming and relaxing. He lets me talk through my problems, and then everything is OK. I could seriously spend an entire day lounging around being lazy with him. Typically I need to have something to do or see all the time.

Man. I miss his hugs and kisses.

Maybe it's not just soothing. I feel sometimes I can be very insecure, and it's hard for me to *really* trust someone because I've felt so let down and abandoned in the past. He's not around all the time, but there's some *thing* about how he interacts with me that gives me the impression that he will come back, or if I had a real problem that he would be there for me. I feel really safe with him and because of that I feel free to explore my more feminine facets (I'm an engineer by day).

 

[OrangeAppled]

I know things about people before they start talking often.. But I just gently or sometimes blatantly probe. It's kind of like asking a writer where their ideas come from.. I can't really answer in a satisfying way. I just do "it".

What if you intuitions are wrong sometimes? Are they?

If only I could answer this. I don't know. Some people are just better at it than others. When I say "soothe" What I mean is .. This person somehow makes all the noise stop. My focus goes directly on them and what they are saying. All the other voices are gone. This person somehow gets directly past everything else and speaks to my core. They stimulate my thoughts and feelings and manage to marry both of them together so I can hear myself.
People who make me hear myself are magic. They can teach me. Somehow I trust them. They are rare treasures.

That's very interesting....it also illustrates an aspect of Fe for me, which is to gain clarity of feeling through interaction with others.

I suppose this is an unusual thing then?

Probably because they're on the same emotional modality-wave length as we are. You can't shield yourself with them around. NFPs can rip me a new one faster than just any other type because I have ZERO defense against them.

Does this make you uncomfortable with them, or is it something refreshing on some level?

 

[Arclight]

What if you intuitions are wrong sometimes? Are they?



That's very interesting....it also illustrates an aspect of Fe for me, which is to gain clarity of feeling through interaction with others.

I suppose this is an unusual thing then?




Does this make you uncomfortable with them, or is it something refreshing on some level?

What if you intuitions are wrong sometimes? Are they?

Sometimes. But it depends on the intensity of my focus on someone and of course, my own state of emotional health. I can get jumpy and see things that aren't there when I feel under threat. Or at least that is what I am told anyway. I trust my insight so much, that even when it's wrong it feels right.
I don't normally sense danger, so when I do.. maybe I am not as crazy as I think I am. Every now and then someone comes along that is a complete mystery to me. But most often I am accurate.

I suppose this is an unusual thing then?

Yes it's rare. It's almost mythical at times.

That's an interesting point about the clarity through others. Not just anyone, but some people can see as well as I can or even better or just as well but from a different perspective(You ). I gain clarity through connection, it tends to be symbiotic and even synergistic. The problem is.. I can be so mistrustful.. That could be another reason why connection is rare. Maybe it would be more common if I trusted people more?

 

[Glycerine]

Does this make you uncomfortable with them, or is it something refreshing on some level?

Well if I can I add, it seems like I am always walking on eggshells with INFPs that seem to be off the charts F and same to them with me (occasionally). I will ask them questions and they typically go, "You think too much and you're making my brain hurt" and I can very easily step on their values just by trying to figure out why they believe what they believe. I also get paranoid by the many other INFPs that are not like that because I feel like they are trying to figure me out (they can be way off but also very accurate).

 

[Udog]

I also get paranoid by the many other INFPs that are not like that because I feel like they are trying to figure me out (they can be way off but also very accurate).

If you don't mind me asking, which part worries you more? That INFPs are off base, or that INFPs might be very accurate? I'm highly capable of both.

 

[Domino]

Does this make you uncomfortable with them, or is it something refreshing on some level?

It's both. I can't submarine or put on a protective facade on the emotional level which is really my primordial state of being. There's no removal. So if the INFP were having a bad day (I can take a bad attitude pretty well overall) and bit me, I'd get it right down to the bone. They have me fully exposed and can hurt me very badly, almost to a point where I don't think it's fair to them. No one on earth can hurt me as badly as my sister. Not just because we're twins and we're close, but because she's got an in-road on me with the Fi.

In my experience, Fi users don't get destroyed like Fe users. I often think the best models are Fi based because the camera really doesn't exist. I look at Fi as being levels of tensile strength above Fe. If my sister really wants to dismantle me, she can. She just chooses not to. The very nature of Fi is so removed from it's surroundings it's got an immediate leg up on me.

Fortunately most INFPs I've met are not bad mean people. I've run afoul of malignant Fi before and it set off mortal combat, but on its terms. I was never fully in control. Fi users are dangerous that way. They set the pace whether they think they do or not.

It's both good and bad. I would have no fear of speaking personally to an INFP. I believe an interested or invested INFP would fall on his/her sword before letting me be hurt.

All this to say that my very first monster crush behind John Taylor was Johnny Depp, right? *laughs*

 

[OrangeAppled]

Well if I can I add, it seems like I am always walking on eggshells with INFPs that seem to be off the charts F and same to them with me (occasionally). I will ask them questions and they typically go, "You think too much and you're making my brain hurt" and I can very easily step on their values just by trying to figure out why they believe what they believe. I also get paranoid by the many other INFPs that are not like that because I feel like they are trying to figure me out (they can be way off but also very accurate).

Hm, I don't know if it's possible to think too much . The only way someone could make my brain hurt is if they don't make any sense & it annoys me (then I guess I get all NT-ish pedantic on them ).

INFPs can be sensitive to having questions asked about values if it seems to challenge them rather than just stem from innocent curiosity. I say "seems", because it's the INFP's own subjective guage which can be hypersensitive. I think this is where you'll see our wall go up.

It's both. I can't submarine or put on a protective facade on the emotional level which is really my primordial state of being. There's no removal. So if the INFP were having a bad day (I can take a bad attitude pretty well overall) and bit me, I'd get it right down to the bone. They have me fully exposed and can hurt me very badly, almost to a point where I don't think it's fair to them. No one on earth can hurt me as badly as my sister. Not just because we're twins and we're close, but because she's got an in-road on me with the Fi.

In my experience, Fi users don't get destroyed like Fe users. I often think the best models are Fi based because the camera really doesn't exist. I look at Fi as being levels of tensile strength above Fe. If my sister really wants to dismantle me, she can. She just chooses not to. The very nature of Fi is so removed from it's surroundings it's got an immediate leg up on me.

Fortunately most INFPs I've met are not bad mean people. I've run afoul of malignant Fi before and it set off mortal combat, but on its terms. I was never fully in control. Fi users are dangerous that way. They set the pace whether they think they do or not.

It's both good and bad. I would have no fear of speaking personally to an INFP. I believe an interested or invested INFP would fall on his/her sword before letting me be hurt.

All this to say that my very first monster crush behind John Taylor was Johnny Depp, right? *laughs*

I can't argue with any of that. I think Fi can detach & "bite" in a way people don't expect.

I don't exactly feel I have any upper hand in the relationships with the ENFJs I know though; part of it is the uneven exchange of personal info/feelings. In that sense, I always feel more vulnerable.

 

[1487610420]

@ OP:
Did you wash afterwards?

 

[Domino]

*spanks the turtle*

part of it is the uneven exchange of personal info/feelings. In that sense, I always feel more vulnerable.

Trying to pull an honest emotional response from my ENFJ male friend is like wrestling a mooing kicking bull to the ground. I can be pretty bad about self-revelation (without knowing it), but the guys in general?? MAN, they put up a fight.