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[ENFJ] ENFJs I have figured you out.

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
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Oh god...this thread cannot turn into an ENFJ INFP love fest now. I know make-up sex only feels natural, but I'm a scorned woman and this is my thread dammit.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
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ENFJ #2:

We dated very briefly a couple years back to which he disappeared on me after a few great dates (he told me later that he "does that sometimes" ???). Anyways, I run into him at a bar to which he goes NUTS on me. Makes all sorts of extravagant plans to take me out and compliments me like he's been in prison and hasn't seen a woman in 10 years. Escorts me home and we kiss and then I NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN. I gave him the second chance because I figured time may have changed him a little.

It's just so psychotic. I mean to go from OMG YOU'RE AMAZING BLAH BLAH BLAH to COMPLETE SILENCE AND UNAVAILABILITY is weird. It almost doesn't register it's so bizarre. Like I don't even really acknowledge it's taken place because it's so f-ing weird.

There was a poster here with an male ENFJ cousin that got to witness this from the ENFJ male perspective. He really was an emotional roller coaster, and had about 6 (or so) women running through is life. He would come home in soul shattering love with one woman, and then the next day be over it and begin falling in love with a new woman. Then he'd tire of her, and move on or go back and fall helplessly in love with woman #1 all over again.

The thing was, in his mind he really was in love with all these women in the moment. Perhaps it's a combination of ENFJ emotional intensity (and emotions by nature ebb and flow) + the male animal instinct to mate with as many different women as possible + a dose of insecurity to make it all highly combustable. I haven't noticed this tendency in the ENFJ women.

Plus, there are plenty of ENFJ males that don't do this and would love nothing more than to be the white knight to a special lady. You should go find yourself one of those.
 

JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
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JoSunshine we've covered a lot of ground since that first post, but...thanks?

Indeed...and I read every one of them, which is how I know no one said what I wrote. Just sharing an additional viewpoint. I thought the point about the "sure thing" could have been particularly valuable in understanding what other healthy ENFJ's (or any type really) might be feeling especially considering that it has been my particular experience with my INFP that he tends to be cautious and reserved to the point that I have wondered in the past if he felt anything at all towards me, let alone that he was "sure" about me. It was clear to him that he did, but not so clear to me. Fi vs Fe, I'm sure.

How's that going, JoSunshine? :) (if you don't mind me asking) :D

You know Emerald, it is a relatively new relationship (only about 4 months). We have had our challenges for sure. The way I see things, our "insides" are the same, but our way of approaching things are almost opposite. I run at things head on and he slowly backs into things. It can be difficult trying to understand why the other person is reacting to the same situation in an opposite manner...but our end goals tend to be the same.


Luckily, we adore each other! We have the most amazing conversations (really deep) and have so much fun together! It is a giggle-fest when we are with each other :) So we are both committed to understanding each other better and and talking things through. Only time will tell if it will work, but I certainly hope so. I feel like our connection is special, and very different from anything I've experience before.

Oh god...this thread cannot turn into an ENFJ INFP love fest now.

I love you UDog! :hug:
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
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Plus, there are plenty of ENFJ males that don't do this and would love nothing more than to be the white knight to a special lady. You should go find yourself one of those.

No.
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
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Indeed...and I read every one of them, which is how I know no one said what I wrote. Just sharing an additional viewpoint. I thought the point about the "sure thing" could have been particularly valuable in understanding what other healthy ENFJ's (or any type really) might be feeling especially considering that it has been my particular experience with my INFP that he tends to be cautious and reserved to the point that I have wondered in the past if he felt anything at all towards me, let alone that he was "sure" about me. It was clear to him that he did, but not so clear to me. Fi vs Fe, I'm sure.

Ahh...I think I see what you were getting at now. Yeah, Fi vs. Fe for sure.
 

Sparrow

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Oh god...this thread cannot turn into an ENFJ INFP love fest now. I know make-up sex only feels natural, but I'm a scorned woman and this is my thread dammit.

Sorry lady :) I was just trying to persuade you to not give up on ENFJs ;). It can work!!! xoxoxo :hug:
 

Thessaly

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Not very long, but I don't commit to someone because they're endlessly interesting. I commit to them because I get something real out of it.

I'm taking a break from Fs now I think. I would love to score another INTJ.
 

Sparrow

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The choice is yours, do what you gotta do girlfriend ;).
 

Thessaly

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lol stop making me smile Sparrow. I'm trying to turn my back on your warmth exuding type:doh:
 

ExAstrisSpes

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Ummm well everyone of my partners felt lucky at some point .. But things go to hell.. :(

Things always went to hell for me, even though I've been told by quite a few that I'm the best girl they'd been with. I somehow get dumped and then find out later that the other person regretted doing so. At that point, it's not my problem. Dude had his shot, and blew it. :shrug:

This thread is insane by my standards.
I am sorry for that.

But it's not your fault the thread is insane!!!!! :hug:
 

Lily flower

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Back to your original comment about ENFJ's, I have definitely experienced this behavior. It is enough to drive you absolutely crazy.

Thank you so much for this thread, because it explained a lot about someone I know.
 

Domino

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ENFJs make me tired all over!
 

Udog

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ENFJs make me tired all over!

This post is clearly an Fe attempt to distract people from the fact that ENFJs make you tired all over.
 

Arclight

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Things always went to hell for me, even though I've been told by quite a few that I'm the best girl they'd been with. I somehow get dumped and then find out later that the other person regretted doing so. At that point, it's not my problem. Dude had his shot, and blew it. :shrug:



But it's not your fault the thread is insane!!!!! :hug:

HA!!! That's hilarious.. I get told similar stuff. When I first joined facebook and I was speaking to High School people, 3 of my ex girlfriends told me, still 25 years later, I am the standard by which they measure their boyfriends.
Pure crazy..

I heard similar themes through out my life.
But I think therein lies the problem. I am often held to higher standards. I think more than few of my partners in life took it quite personally when they found out I was just human after all.

Also makes me wonder why they weren't more careful when they had me.
 

Udog

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Hindsight creates idealized visions of reality. Not that I'm discounting the fact that the exes were idiots, of course.
 

Thessaly

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HA!!! That's hilarious.. I get told similar stuff. When I first joined facebook and I was speaking to High School people, 3 of my ex girlfriends told me, still 25 years later, I am the standard by which they measure their boyfriends.
Pure crazy..

I heard similar themes through out my life.
But I think therein lies the problem. I am often held to higher standards. I think more than few of my partners in life took it quite personally when they found out I was just human after all.

Also makes me wonder why they weren't more careful when they had me.

Teenagers generally don't approach relationships with tender loving care.
 

Thessaly

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ENFJs make me tired all over!

I don't think I'd complain as much if ENFJs made me tired all over. They just give me trips to la la land, headaches, and rage.*



*in that order.
 

OrangeAppled

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Why do you decide to dismiss legitimate advice as mere “greeting card” clichés?

I'll try to elaborate: When you take responsibility for your emotions, you are no longer the victim that is being helplessly carried away by the manipulative ENFJ. You empower yourself. Perhaps the ENFJ is doing something to trigger your attraction, and then taking it back when you respond. Some definitely do this, and that is not acceptable. But we'll say that he's an insecure ENFJ desperate for validation. Normally that would equate to loser, but because of his charms, general social graces with the opposite gender, and push-pulling, he gets away with it.

This thread reads like the INFPs are completely dependent on the ENFJ deciding to stop needing that validation and ceasing his behavior. It's victim-hood. Good luck with that.

When you take responsibility for your emotions, you realize that you have the ability to DO something about it. On one end, you can stop all communication with the ENFJ. Less drastically, you tell the ENFJ exactly what it is they are doing to trigger your misconceptions, and clearly tell them that if they wish to remain your friend, they must stop. And if they don’t stop, then you now know their validation seeking is more important to them than your friendship.

I don't think it's legitimate advice as a one-liner. It's an oversimplified cliche that easily gives the wrong idea - that idea being that people bear no responsibility for their behavior & how it affects others. What you've typed here is not oversimplified....but if people don't make the effort to explain the point, it gets lost, and then you have that erroneous idea being spread. I see the propaganda of "being responsible for your own emotions" used to invalidate a person's feelings when they have been wronged too many times.

I disagree with the way the thread reads - it's clearly venting & looking for some outside perspective. To call someone out & hold them accountable for their actions is not "victim-hood" anyway. It's quite the opposite - it's the first step to "empowerment".
 
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