[ENFP] Do ENFPs Know the Meaning of Personal Space?

[Vamp]

Yes. I will shut down completely if someone invades my personal space before I'm ready.

 

[Kibou-chan]

But what about respecting another person's personal space? Do you tend to keep your hands to yourself unless invited or do you assume that it's okay if you feel it's okay?

 

[Vamp]

But what about respecting another person's personal space? Do you tend to keep your hands to yourself unless invited or do you assume that it's okay if you feel it's okay?

I keep a definite bubble around myself. Not all ENFPs are the same and some are introverted. To touch someone else would be exactly like them touching me so I don't do it.

If I don't like others touching me out of the blue and invading my space why/how would I do the same to them?

But I imagine one day, when I get a really close group of friends I'd be able to touch them. I long for that kind of interaction. But I don't do it mostly because I can pick up on body language and social propriety and things like that. Which is why I don't think the guy you're describing is an ENFP- most ENFPs are kinda insecure (due to always seeing all possible outcomes) about how others will react to us and because of this second guessing we're usually quick enough to pick up on any little thing and turn it into "oh no, they don't like me". Even if that assumption is wrong. We're usually wrong in that direction. But we're rarely over estimate how much others like us.

Edit: Also, I notice you're in Arkansas. I'm in Oklahoma. W00t.

 

[Kibou-chan]

Which is why I don't think the guy you're describing is an ENFP- most ENFPs are kinda insecure (due to always seeing all possible outcomes) about how others will react to us and because of this second guessing we're usually quick enough to pick up on any little thing and turn it into "oh no, they don't like me". Even if that assumption is wrong. We're usually wrong in that direction. But we're rarely over estimate how much others like us.

I still think he's an ENFP. Just a dumb one/overconfident one. Maybe he's just immature and hasn't developed the empathetic side of himself as well as he should. I'm telling you, he for sure is ENFx. The P and J are harder to tell when you don't know someone that well, and he doesn't seem very much like the ENFJs I know (a lot more upfront about being fanciful, not as opinionated, not strong at Fe at all), so for that reason I don't think he's ENFJ.

I spent a little time with another ENFP friend of mine today and I noticed that he was very un-touchy, at least compared to the other guy. Even with his on-again/off-again love interest who was also there, he was very specific about keeping to his space. He did push/poke her once or twice when they were running around and being silly, but they were both doing it, and it was in a respectful and nice way, not in any way overbearing, and then he immediately went back to his space.

But I don't think either one of them share the insecurity you're talking about, especially the one that I'm closer to that I saw today (the non-stalkish one). Most of his emotional battles seem to be of a specifically Fi nature, where the doubts are coming from within the self, and while they may be set off initially by external stimuli such as people, they originate and fester within. I don't think it would be a huge deal for him if someone didn't like him, at least not in an Fe "I must be unlikeable because this person doesn't like me!" way, but in an Fi "What have I done wrong? I thought I was being nice!" way. He might be upset, but it wouldn't get at him for too, too long. Anyway, I don't think he's very insecure; at least, he comes off as confident and self-assured. He doesn't seem like the type who might be derailed by unkind words (like INFP me, though I've gotten better about it ), but someone who could brush it off and keep on going with a smile. But just like any other type, ENFPs are a varied group, and there are many different ways to express ENFP-ness, so I don't doubt the validity of anybody's type simply for that reason.

EDIT: For clarification, in the above paragraph I am referring to a good friend of mine who is an ENFP, not the person who is the subject of this thread who raped my bubble.

 

[Emectar]

Im still not at all sold on the ENFP thing. Going on the model of myself and the two other male ENFPs i know.

He also sounds very similar to a male ENFJ i know. Male and female ENFJS are strikingly different it often seems.

If he is an ENFJ, it can be tough to give him the message, this enfj guy i know has the same problem with the guys AND girls in his life. I think being very very straightforward about it is what works best in this situation. His feelings will undoubtably be hurt but once he recovers his pride i think everything will be better for both of you.

 

[Emectar]

Also ive noticed that when i am overconfident, (it happens occasionally haha), i am my most receptive of others peoples needs. My pride is not an issue so i put all of my attention into reading what people feel and want and giving it to them.

 

[Kibou-chan]

Im still not at all sold on the ENFP thing. Going on the model of myself and the two other male ENFPs i know.

He also sounds very similar to a male ENFJ i know. Male and female ENFJS are strikingly different it often seems.

I can buy that, considering the ENFJ I know, for which I'm basing my "he's not an ENFJ" theory, is a girl. Still, though, his Fe seems quite undeveloped to me, and he has that childlike demeanor associated with Ne/Fi that you have to drag out of xNFJs. I'll observe him in the future and see what I can figure out.

EDIT: In what ways, specifically, are male and female ENFJs different?

 

[Vamp]

But I don't think either one of them share the insecurity you're talking about, especially the one that I'm closer to that I saw today (the non-stalkish one). Most of his emotional battles seem to be of a specifically Fi nature, where the doubts are coming from within the self, and while they may be set off initially by external stimuli such as people, they originate and fester within. I don't think it would be a huge deal for him if someone didn't like him, at least not in an Fe "I must be unlikeable because this person doesn't like me!" way, but in an Fi "What have I done wrong? I thought I was being nice!" way. He might be upset, but it wouldn't get at him for too, too long. Anyway, I don't think he's very insecure; at least, he comes off as confident and self-assured. He doesn't seem like the type who might be derailed by unkind words (like INFP me, though I've gotten better about it ), but someone who could brush it off and keep on going with a smile. But just like any other type, ENFPs are a varied group, and there are many different ways to express ENFP-ness, so I don't doubt the validity of anybody's type simply for that reason.

EDIT: For clarification, in the above paragraph I am referring to a good friend of mine who is an ENFP, not the person who is the subject of this thread who raped my bubble.

That's exactly the kind of "insecurity" I was talking about. It just came out more mauldin than I intended. I really don't care if people don't like me I'm just quick to assume they don't or wouldn't if I see and interpret (wrongly) any little "sign".

ENFPs are confident and not terribly deterred but we are sensitive because we're a bit too receptive, it's just shaken off (at least on the outside).

Like Emectar when I'm over confident I'm even more aware of every little thing .

 

[Kibou-chan]

Oh, okay. We're on the same page, then. For some reason whenever anyone says "insecure" I automatically think of the Fe type of insecurity, maybe because I was more like that when I was younger and going through my awful middle school years (blech), and I only became Fi out of reaction.

Thanks very much for the insight into the ENFP mind. It's all so mysterious @_@

 

[Vamp]

Oh, okay. We're on the same page, then. For some reason whenever anyone says "insecure" I automatically think of the Fe type of insecurity, maybe because I was more like that when I was younger and going through my awful middle school years (blech), and I only became Fi out of reaction.

Thanks very much for the insight into the ENFP mind. It's all so mysterious @_@

lol. It's not so much mysterious as it is like a giant, ongoing episode of Excel Saga that deteriorates over time. Or at least, my mind is like that.

 

[alcea rosea]

I have serious doubts that he's an ENFP.

Or at least, that this behavior is in no way particularly representative of ENFPs.

I think we typically moderate our extraversion to some extent, out of consideration for others.

I think we're generally VERY sensitive to people's boundaries, and VERY perceptive of their feelings--and therefore, very UNLIKELY to be so aggressive.

Maybe I'm just speaking for myself.


I'm looking forward to seeing what other ENFPs think about this.

I agree 100% procent to wonkavision here.

 

[ilovelurking]

Seems ESFP-ish to me...

I have many ENFP friends IRL and even in a relationship with one. The ENFPs I know are careful with invading personal space, especially when it comes to me as I'm highly introverted.

 

[You]

Yea.

I don't like the thread title. Just for the record.

 

[copperfish17]

Are all ENFPs complete dunces when it comes to respecting the introvert's "bubble," or are the ones I know particularly dense?

First of all, try to avoid using these kind of words if you're serious about a topic at hand:

All
Everything
Everyone
Always
Never
etc.

These words generally aren't conducive to logically sound arguments/claims/questions.

What, just because I'm female and he's male, the only interaction we can have with one another is romantically based? Platonic relationships are banned?

I'm sure that wasn't where Metaphor was coming from. Metaphor is just indirectly telling you that you should've been more proactive in communicating your discomfort to the said ENFP dude. I personally have to agree with his/her implicit advice.

As to the "I did nothing to stop him" accusation, I must admit that you are on the right track. I didn't verbally ask him to stop, which is my fault, though he did mention that I didn't seem to like the hugs, and I told him that I didn't know him well enough to hug him. He ignored that and continued doing it. I also made it pretty clear through body language that I was not enjoying it. I stiffened, aimed my upper body away, slid away from him when possible, and tried in every way possible not to touch him. What part of that constitutes interest?

No, he didn't ignore your (non)verbal messages - he simply didn't "get" them the way they were intended. Make the distinction.

You may think that you "made it pretty clear" to him, but obviously you didn't because he still isn't getting it after plenty of vain attempts on your part. Time to change how you communicate with that ENFP dude, or he'll never get what you're trying to tell him.

How can I get the ENFP in question to back off and respect my "introvert space" without hurting him, preferably, because I'd like to be friends if possible?

Try something along the lines of: "I would appreciate it if you would ask me if I am okay with touching before you do so - it makes me feel uncomfortable when people touch me out of the blue."

IMO, if that ENFP's decent friend material, he'll try to be understanding.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Dude, no ENFP I've ever known does that. Flirt thier asses off maybe, but be intrusive, never.
You don't have to be rude but just politely inform him that you aren't comfortable with the touchy feely. If he continues, then you have a right to be firmer.
Being a little older I have learnt that most people aren't so up with the body language thang and they can't read minds, so you HAVE to say it. Silence is often interrupted as acceptance. People can't read your thoughts. (although ENFP are usually pretty good.)
This isn't really about him being an ENFP, it's about you establishing your boundries of what's acceptable. You can't sit there passively, and bitch it about later. The time to act was then.
Also what ethinicity are you, and what ethinicity was person in question? This may or may not have a large bearing on things, but if you are from a less touchy feely culture, and they are from more touchy feeley ethinicity then you are going to have to take that into account too.
Personally, I don't think this has anything to do with personality typing at all.

 

[skylights]

I don't like the thread title. Just for the record.

lol yeah. i try to ignore it but it kind of gets on my nerves whenever i look at the NF forum haha

i generally shy away from contesting a typing simply based on one behavior/circumstance but it's true that it really doesn't sound archetypical ENFP. we can be dumb about a lot of things but picking up on emotional undercurrents generally isn't one.

Also what ethinicity are you, and what ethinicity was person in question? This may or may not have a large bearing on things, but if you are from a less touchy feely culture, and they are from more touchy feeley ethinicity then you are going to have to take that into account too.

this is a good point. even families, some people have very touchy-feely families (mine) and others have families that hardly ever touch or hug or lie all over one another.

 

[Devil Flamingo]

lol, disturbing.

I'm ENFP and I'm used to being touched because it's common in my culture, but when given an option, I prefer not to be touched, tbh. Needless to say, I don't touch others unless I'm comfortable enough with them to know that doing so would be okay, and even then, I don't do it often, let alone excessively. I don't touch more than necessary, and I'm well-aware of personal bubbles.

Is he Hispanic or from an Asian culture? Not all Asians are into touching (Japanese culture certainly ain't) but I think Filipinos and nearby cultures are, and Latin Americans are too for sure, so are Italians. All these cultures are affective. Ofc, it could just be the case that he simply likes touching people; American culture is both affective and neutral.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

In case they don't:

per·son·al space [pur-suh-nl speys]
–noun
1. The region surrounding a person which they regard as psychologically theirs. Invasion of personal space often leads to discomfort, anger, or anxiety on the part of the victim. The notion of personal space comes from Edward T. Hall, whose ideas were influenced by Heini Hediger's studies of behavior of zoo animals.

 

[Lady_X]

enfps may be less shy about showing interest or more agressive when it comes to making moves and it's possible he just thought you were shy instead of uninterested...but..honestly i do think enfps are really good at picking that sort of thing up and i'm not at all touchy with people that i'm friends with..i don't like my space invaded and i wouldn't ever wanna do that to someone else.

so...clueless enfp...or somethin else maybe.

 

[Vamp]

Is it wrong to say some men are less astute when it comes to noticing body language in the first place? I used to have a hard time giving persistent guys the brush off until I learned to not rely on body language to get the point across. You have to take the initiative.