[MBTI General] A frightening epiphany....

[Lateralus]

The ideal type for an ENFP in a romantic relationship is apparently the INTJ, so the NT must be good for us.

And it totally sucks! There are how many male ENFPs and how many female INTJs? Something doesn't add up. :steam:

 

[SillySapienne]

I have no real experience but I would say that with 2 similar personalities it would be that you have double strengths and double weaknesses. So you would understand each other easily but not that much growing up in sense of learning from different person. Lots of comfortable feeling in this relationship I might say.

When in relationship with your opposite you would have equal strengths and weaknesses but a lot of need for understanding a different person + lots of things to learn. So lots of growing + understanding needed.

Did this make any sense?

Yeah, there's a lot to be learned when you try to bridge the gap between two people of differing personality types. And yes, you do grow, (or disintegrate), from the herculean attempts to try to truly communicate with, and understand each other. *Arguments with my ex were incredibly taxing, and ultimately distancing and therefore catastrophic.

I don't know if it is of any help...
I know quite a few couples where both partners have very similar types, and many are succesful. Strangely enough, the best couples I think of now all have the same type apart from E/I, so INFP and ENFP, ENTP and INTP, ESFP and ISFP, and now that I list them, they are all P's.
Hm, strange coincidences, probably of no value at all

Yeah, I've never, ever found myself even remotely attracted to extroverted men. No thanks.

 

[Lateralus]

Yeah, I've never, ever found myself even remotely attracted to extroverted men. No thanks.

I have similar feelings about extroverted women...well, at least beyond the physical.

 

[SillySapienne]

Hm, from reading your response in the 'lapdance' thread and knowing you referred to yourself as a 'misanthrope', maybe you

1) Don't have high expectations and make them come true? On some level you dont' expect a man to be deep and so you don't seek out someone who will match you in this way.

I expect male writers to be deep, but alas, I do not know any in real life. But generally speaking, I am guilty of what you're suggesting.

2) You don't actually want a 'deep' man. Perhaps you fear the intimacy on some level or don't want to be challenged or ???

No, I desperately want a deep man, and fantasize about, and derive deep pleasure in being challenged by the opposite sex. Intimacy, yes, I think I both crave it, as well as fear it to death.

3) After having one such relationship, you just fell into a pattern by repeating and emulating the behaviors that netted you the first guy?

Perhaps, sadly, perhaps.

Also, practically speaking it could also be affected by your age and where you usually meet guys. I know it's been said elsewhere on another thread, but women mature much faster than men on the emotional/self-reflective tip. And even when the guy is mature in this way, I think men really do deal with emotions differently. It takes certain kinds of men who are already deep-thinkers or sensitive or thoughtful, like artists, activists, social workers, you know the type (or maybe not from your dating history).

Yeah, even at uni they're scarce. I think all the good ones are busy being intellectually introverted, and thus, alone. Come out, come out wherever you are!!!

Also, even though you said you were a misanthrope and deep, you are still an ENFP, and ENFPs generally have at the very least, a silly or even crazy or wild side. You mentioned you got on the dais and stripped for kicks on vacation once, that kinda says to me you are adventurous, spontaneous, and like to have fun. So it makes sense that you attract guys who like these qualities in you, but don't see your other 'deep' side to you or themselves shy away from what you consider depth and just like to have fun. Perhaps you assume they won't enjoy or be able to go to the level or kinds of conversation that you want to have and so you moderate this side of you around them. Perhaps you unknowingly seek introverts and listeners to complement your extroversion and talking inclination and your previous bf's were more than happy to do just that. It's not a bad arrangement at all, but if you want something else, I guess some kind of shake up is in order.

Just some rambling suggestions.

You know me too well.

If you are single and dating now, how are you now going about getting the kind of guy you want?

Peh, I'm not.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Peh, I'm not.

I just read this whole thread, and this very last line is sadly the one that applies to me most.

 

[arcticangel02]

Well hold on, do YOU find the INTJ type attractive? It seems kind of silly to assume it must be a good fit because some websites say so, don't you think? Although, INTJ to some degree does resemble her ideal, but not totally. You can't really break down something like who you'd fall in love with into type, theres more to it than that, I think.

I don't know if I do! I don't know any INTJs (or anyone that I've typed as INTJ, anyway) in real life, so I have no idea whether that would suit me or not. Anyway, I totally agree with you about the type not dictating whether you're interested in someone or not, but I just thought it would be interesting to throw out there.

And it totally sucks! There are how many male ENFPs and how many female INTJs? Something doesn't add up. :steam:

It's sad! Us female ENFPs have it a little better, but they're still so damn rare! I can't even try out that theory!!

Yeah, I've never, ever found myself even remotely attracted to extroverted men. No thanks.

I think it really depends on how strong your preferences are in each of the four 'letters'. For example, I'm quite a low E, so I could probably cope fine with an extraverted partner, wheras someone else (like you, I take it?) is a much stronger E, so having someone as extraverted as you are would just not work.

Like armstrong mentioned - some of his friends are too 'J' to ever date a 'P', wheras for other people the opposite letter would be ideal.

 

[Ender]

I was with an INTJ for about 3yrs, there was a lot of trying times in that relationship as well as a lot of good times.

In the end tho we decided it just wasn't gonna work. We just didn't mesh well enough. There's certain ways in which I give and prefer to receive forms of affection. We were on completely opposite ends most of the time.

We finally split about 6 months ago, We're still good friends though and still talk.

 

[armstrongvk12]

I just read this whole thread, and this very last line is sadly the one that applies to me most.

It is sad, isn't it?? It applies to me the most as well.

 

[Ender]

After reading Whatever & Sandy's comments on the threads they create in the What do you hate thread. It reminded me of another issue I had when dating my ex.

We couldn't communicate on the same levels all the time. We both had different thought processes, and mine was just too wild and confusing for her. We could be doing one thing and my mind would wander way off course.

It's like we'd be sitting down at dinner, and I'd ask her something along the lines of "So if the the surface area of the earth was actually growing... what do you think might happen if the Earths crust gets too thin?".. This of course was the cue for the painful look on her face, and the words "it hurts" following that. Especially if she asked what brought that up, since it was about 6 steps removed from the original though and the whole processed only took a couple minutes.

It was a relationship where I kinda felt alone half the time, even tho I wasn't. I'm still looking for someone who can keep up with me mentally, physically, and be able to satisfy my needs romantically. :/

 

[ferrisbueller]

And it totally sucks! There are how many male ENFPs and how many female INTJs? Something doesn't add up. :steam:

Male ENFP right here.
Also, I'm a big believer in the NF-NF pairing, though obviously it isn't for everybody. I'm not really attracted to INTJ's, they're just so damn frustrating sometimes, but I count enough of them among my friends to accept that for some ENFP's I could see the pairing working. I've been with an INFJ for a few months now and it's going really well. Maybe it's because I'm a very strong NF, but I really crave an emotional connection and find that I don't relate to T's quite well enough to envision a romantic pairing working. They say that NF's want soulmates and it bothers me a little when it's clear that my partner doesn't have the same goal. NF-NF partnerships are obviously emotionally intense, probably to the point of being overwhelming sometimes, but I think they're absolutely the way to go for some NF's.

 

[redacted]

Except for my last relationship, I have had somewhat of a trend dating guys who were, more, or less, entirely lacking in depth.

I have always been, what one would call, a "deep" person. I think deeply, and I feel deeply, and that's just the way I operate. Sensitive, and thorough, yes, I am both these things...

Back to the topic at hand, the sad revelation I've had, which is... For some strange reason I have comfortably found myself in romantic relationships with men who were neither emotionally, nor mentally as deep as I. Our relationship would consist of eating, sleeping, and sexually pleasing each other. A coexistence sans any mental stimulation.

wow. reminds me of my ENFP best friend. i think she really likes just being able to get her ideas out without being interrupted. because when we hang out, it's constant debate

but yeah, she's questing for a "deep" man. i guess they're hard to find...

although i consider myself one... where are all these girls that are looking for guys like me??

 

[Ender]

I think my best relationship was with another NF. Tho this was back before I even knew what all this MBTI stuff was. Lately from what I've been experiencing, I would have to say she was an ENFP.

In a lot of ways she was like the female version of me, tho the reason I think she was an E instead of an I was that she liked to go out with friends a lot more, and she was a singer in a band.

Unfortunately the dregs of society got a hold of her, and I was too immature at the time to handle the aftermath.

As I dated a INTJ for 3yrs, and from the experiences I've had being around a long time friend who's ISFP. I would love to find another NF.

 

[SillySapienne]

wow. reminds me of my ENFP best friend. i think she really likes just being able to get her ideas out without being interrupted. because when we hang out, it's constant debate

but yeah, she's questing for a "deep" man. i guess they're hard to find...

although i consider myself one... where are all these girls that are looking for guys like me??

I love myself a challenging debate and a good verbal sparring, after all, it helps keep the mind sharp!!!

Deep men, or deep people for that matter, are definitely hard to find (in my experience at least).

Ho-hum, I guess this forum will have to do, for right now.

 

[Metamorphosis]

I love myself a challenging debate and a good verbal sparring, after all, it helps keep the mind sharp!!!

Deep men, or deep people for that matter, are definitely hard to find (in my experience at least).

Ho-hum, I guess this forum will have to do, for right now.

The thing is...no one just walks up to a stranger and begins holding a deep conversation with them. It's too bad, really.

 

[SillySapienne]

The thing is...no one just walks up to a stranger and begins holding a deep conversation with them. It's too bad, really.

I have been known to do just that, during certain circumstances.

After all, there truly exist few things as delightful as an impromptu deep conversation amongst two unsuspecting strangers.

 

[redacted]

I have been known to do just that, during certain circumstances.

After all, there truly exist few things as delightful as an impromptu deep conversation amongst two unsuspecting strangers.

more people need to do that to me.

i'm too self conscious

 

[Metamorphosis]

I have been known to do just that, during certain circumstances.

After all, there truly exist few things as delightful as an impromptu deep conversation amongst two unsuspecting strangers.

I guess you should keep doing it, because we don't do that (at least I don't know any who do).

 

[Priam]

I guess you should keep doing it, because we don't do that (at least I don't know any who do).

I mostly do. I've tried small talking but it never works, so I find leaping in the deep end is far better than dragging things out and realizing you're stuck in the kiddie pool too late. Plus: the times when it works, the shift from to is worth the risk!

 

[vince]

After all, there truly exist few things as delightful as an impromptu deep conversation amongst two unsuspecting strangers.

Agreed.
In my experience this only occurs between 2 NFs though.

I've had a short relationship with another NF once and that was extremely intense. Too intense for our own good. It was like a manic depression.

I suspect my current girlfriend is an ST and she kind of keeps my head on planet earth.

 

[LucrativeSid]

CaptainChick, could you give me some examples of how you'd like your guy to be? Feel free to be as idealistic as you want to. What are you really looking for? What kinds of thoughts and actions make a guy deep, both intellectually and emotionally?

And what happens when you're with someone who's not deep? Do you hide your own depth, or do you share it, only to be disappointed by the lack of reciprocation and excitement?