[MBTI General] can't seem to get enough of whatever it is i can't get enough of

[Rachelinpa]

the title pretty much says it. i want SOMETHING, but i can't figure out what it is. my little concrete istp boyfriend is always asking me WHAT it is i want, and i can't tell him. i think on a basic level it's a desire for connection, naturally (enfp!!), but i have what i think is an objective sufficient amount of those... but it's never enough for some reason! i'm just so restless and frantic and not at all peaceful.

i'm happier around people, it makes me feel like i have meaning, and it's fun (usually), but when i'm alone... i start thinking... and then longing... but i couldn't even tell you what it is i want! i know being around people would fix the issue, but i don't think it IS what i need... or what would really settle me.

does anyone know what i mean? i've really been working on spending time alone and trying to develop Fi, but not only is it "boring," it's lonely and depressing... especially because there never seems to be any resolution.

how can i like to be alone? how can i be more restful? i really do want to get there.

 

[nolla]

Start a commune. People are not meant to be alone as much as they are in this kind of society.

 

[tortoise]

the title pretty much says it. i want SOMETHING, but i can't figure out what it is. my little concrete istp boyfriend is always asking me WHAT it is i want, and i can't tell him. i think on a basic level it's a desire for connection, naturally (enfp!!), but i have what i think is an objective sufficient amount of those... but it's never enough for some reason! i'm just so restless and frantic and not at all peaceful.

i'm happier around people, it makes me feel like i have meaning, and it's fun (usually), but when i'm alone... i start thinking... and then longing... but i couldn't even tell you what it is i want! i know being around people would fix the issue, but i don't think it IS what i need... or what would really settle me.

does anyone know what i mean? i've really been working on spending time alone and trying to develop Fi, but not only is it "boring," it's lonely and depressing... especially because there never seems to be any resolution.

how can i like to be alone? how can i be more restful? i really do want to get there.

I know this feeling. Christians talk about a God-shaped-hole, but after years as a Christian, the hole didn't fill up! I need connection all the time. It's very hard for me to be on my own. If I am, I'm texting, IM-ing, FB-ing or looking in here. If I'm not interacting with other people, I just don't feel right in myself.

That's just the way it is. Some people are driven to succeed, we are driven to interact.

 

[nolla]

I wonder what the hell am I driven to...

 

[tortoise]

Maybe we have imaginations that reality can never compete with.

 

[Laurie]

You could start by stopping trying to be what someone else thinks you should live up to since you never will live up to it. You find someone who is "fine all by themselves" and they will have other issues.

You probably just need to relax about who you are, everyone has issues in all different ways. Just because someone doesn't have the same ones as you doesn't mean if you change to be more like them you won't have issues.

 

[nolla]

Maybe we have imaginations that reality can never compete with.

Reality is awesome, it really is. Looking back I see my life a lot like an adventure, many things that I would have never dreamed of. It's just that looking forward I have no direction. Maybe that's what makes it possible to have adventures. I don't have a plan so I am never too occupied to have a sidetrack.

 

[tortoise]

Reality is awesome but it could be even better if it matched my imagination of how things could be!

 

[tortoise]

My life is a long sequence of side-tracks.

 

[nolla]

Well tell me what is that great thing in your imagination? I'm expecting a LOT since my imagination is nothing compared to reality.

 

[Emectar]

I absolutely know the feeling you're talking about. I wonder if its an ENFP only feeling?

Anyways, i have a few ideas. The first thing i think is to make sure your interactions with people are deep whenever possible. Small-talk feels good at the time but later it makes the lonliness worse.

The second thing is that ive started meditating and it really helps ground me and remind me that my life is not horrible, ive just been alone for 15 minutes.

Anyways, i really hope you can get some relief from that feeling because i know how cutting it is.

 

[tortoise]

Well tell me what is that great thing in your imagination? I'm expecting a LOT since my imagination is nothing compared to reality.

I'm sitting in a cafe looking at the people:

That girl in the corner may look like an ordinary student but she's really in charge of an international ring of contract killers.

The man with the briefcase is a PI looking for clients' partners having illicit coffee dates.

I'm constantly thinking about things in terms of how they could be characters in dramatic movies.

I'm constantly thinking about utopian worlds where people are both FREE and EQUAL -- I know that's contradictory.

Carbon being sucked out of the air by huge algae farms. The algae can then be used to enrich tired soil.

Tiny, safe nuclear fusion power plants that power everything from cell phones to cars to cities.

I could go on ...

 

[tortoise]

I absolutely know the feeling you're talking about. I wonder if its an ENFP only feeling?

Anyways, i have a few ideas. The first thing i think is to make sure your interactions with people are deep whenever possible. Small-talk feels good at the time but later it makes the lonliness worse.

The second thing is that ive started meditating and it really helps ground me and remind me that my life is not horrible, ive just been alone for 15 minutes.

Anyways, i really hope you can get some relief from that feeling because i know how cutting it is.

Cutting is the word.

 

[Rachelinpa]

I absolutely know the feeling you're talking about. I wonder if its an ENFP only feeling?

Anyways, i have a few ideas. The first thing i think is to make sure your interactions with people are deep whenever possible. Small-talk feels good at the time but later it makes the lonliness worse.

The second thing is that ive started meditating and it really helps ground me and remind me that my life is not horrible, ive just been alone for 15 minutes.

Anyways, i really hope you can get some relief from that feeling because i know how cutting it is.

too true! thanks for your words. yeah, so weird how 15 minutes can make one so panicky at times... usually i find if i wait it out long enough it goes from panic... to sad... to just bored. which i'm not sure is much better. haha.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

buddhists talk about this and call it a general sense of dis- ease. instead of trying to solve it with something, you can try feeling the physical discomfort in your body. it'll soften over time and your mind will be still. forget about mbti and just be patient and open.

 

[skylights]

how interesting, that other ENFPs feel this intensely. i get this feeling often too. i'm not christian (anymore) either but i like the notion of a "god-filled hole". like there is something inside us that will never be quite whole. i always thought that it is part of what makes us human, you know...?

i've been on something i jokingly refer to as the "eternal quest" for about as long as i can remember. when i was little, it was the quest for the perfect stuffed animal. now that i've gotten older it's been the quest for the perfect jewelry, etc. it manifests itself materially but i think it is quite spiritual in nature... sometimes i sort of forget about it for a while, but when i don't have a lot of other things i am working on, it comes back... now i treat it like more of an amusement but when i was a kid it was Serious Business. it still is, kind of. but i try not to let it bug me so much.

incidentally...

I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like a fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame, oh my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

 

[Moiety]

Maybe being kind of a loner for years and having a really strong use of Fi helps me with this but I can't say I relate.

I mean, I do start to feel worse without interaction with other people. But I don't need it constantly. I feel fine by myself. I have my own thoughts and ideas. I don't feel lonely because "in 3 days it will be Saturday and I'll get to talk with some of my friends" or something like that.


Emectar said something really important imo. Make sure you are having meaningful interactions with people. I only get together with very small groups of friends but we talk about all kinds of shit. Philosophy n shit.

It keeps my brain active all week while I'm at home with nothing to do. And that way I don't feel empty or sad.




Epicurus said it best. The key to happy life is keeping it simple, being surrounded by friends and analyze one's life. Keep that brain working. Ask tough questions about life and try to answer them no matter how hard. Try to have a mental picture of everything.


And travel, and see other things so that your brain as new info with which to formulate new thoughts.