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[INFJ] INFJ and Compliments

chippinchunk

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
112
MBTI Type
INFJ
Recently I just discovered that I am a "downer". This was actually said by my friend's mom. And when she explained this to me I was strangely happy. :D

After this she thought I was crazy. Apparently, when someone gives me a compliment my reaction to it is...disturbed, at least that's what it seems like from her point of view. But when someone gives me something like, "Brittaney, my mom says your such a downer." I'm extremely happy about it.

I’ve never really seen myself as a optimistic person, if anything everyone sees me on the pessimistic sides of things. And I'm starting to completely agree.

Anyone else on my boat? How are other INFJ’s with compliments
 

redacted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,223
i LOVE compliments, although i try not to react to them that way. it's uncomfortable, since i always imagine how each potential reaction i could have would look to people.

i also like certain non-compliments, too, if i decide that they're really compliments after all. for example, my boss once said to me "for someone so intelligent, you don't speak eloquently at all." i took that as a compliment because it meant my boss saw past my choice of words to my underlying mental capacity.

in short, i think i just really like attention. (but i pretend like i don't)

i probably wouldn't think of "you're such a downer" as a compliment, though.
 

Nadir

Enigma
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
544
MBTI Type
INxJ
Enneagram
4
I am borderline J/P with a bit more prevalent J tendencies...

I can and most of the time do readily compliment others with sincerity if I do feel them worthy of it or if I feel like being nice to them.
When I'm on the receiving end of compliments it's different. I used to internally shun compliments and feel very uncomfortable when receiving them. I think this was sort of due to my i) personal idiosyncracies ii) low self-esteem, however, I've been changing, improving this stance, especially because I've managed to go through one of those internal questioning processes which mainly start off by asking "So why do I do that?" So nowadays I'm appreciative and grateful of compliments and quick to thank the complimenter and/or respond with a compliment of my own.
 

armstrongvk12

New member
Joined
Dec 26, 2007
Messages
136
MBTI Type
ENxJ
I have a male INFJ friend who doesn't give many compliments and he doesn't really respond to compliments. He sees himself as a "downer," but inside I know that he is really an idealist. I'm not sure why he doesn't respond to compliments because he is the "feeler" and I am the "thinker." Or is it perhaps an I thingy?? I know he must be listening because he sometimes brings up things that I have said much later...so I'm wondering if it is because he if fairly introverted?
 

SolitaryPenguin

Active member
Joined
Dec 20, 2007
Messages
824
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
9w1
I've been trying to be "behind the scenes" sort of analyzing my girlfriend who is an INFJ on this very subject. She seems very content in her quasi-downer mode (something I find intriguing but would never let on to). She really doesn't take compliments too well, but recently, and I don't know if it is just life changes or whatever, she's been giving out some very nice, seemingly heart felt compliments which have both caught me off guard and made me smile. I will have to see how it pans out, but it is definitely something I am curious about.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
Recently I just discovered that I am a "downer". This was actually said by my friend's mom. And when she explained this to me I was strangely happy. :D

After this she thought I was crazy. Apparently, when someone gives me a compliment my reaction to it is...disturbed, at least that's what it seems like from her point of view. But when someone gives me something like, "Brittaney, my mom says your such a downer." I'm extremely happy about it.

Edit: What was I wanting to say yesterday?

Oh I dislike people who gush compliments. I do not trust those at all... it makes me look for hidden intents. I prefer more realistic comments... suppose I'm pessimistic. I do like simply put words of praise though. Mention it and leave it at that.

I rarely give out compliments to people. Even when I do, they're very brief. But if I've said something, I meant every word. :yes:
 
Last edited:

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Recently I just discovered that I am a "downer". This was actually said by my friend's mom. And when she explained this to me I was strangely happy. :D

After this she thought I was crazy. Apparently, when someone gives me a compliment my reaction to it is...disturbed, at least that's what it seems like from her point of view. But when someone gives me something like, "Brittaney, my mom says your such a downer." I'm extremely happy about it.

I’ve never really seen myself as a optimistic person, if anything everyone sees me on the pessimistic sides of things. And I'm starting to completely agree.

Anyone else on my boat? How are other INFJ’s with compliments

I've never really reacted badly to compliments. I usually assume people just say them to be nice, so I don't really think about it. I feel cared about if I think it's sincere.

But I am seen as a pessimist. I always see how things could go wrong and everything, but that doesn't mean I don't still hope for the best. I basically believe in preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.
 

tovlo

New member
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
248
MBTI Type
INFJ
I am borderline J/P with a bit more prevalent J tendencies...

I can and most of the time do readily compliment others with sincerity if I do feel them worthy of it or if I feel like being nice to them.
When I'm on the receiving end of compliments it's different. I used to internally shun compliments and feel very uncomfortable when receiving them. I think this was sort of due to my i) personal idiosyncracies ii) low self-esteem, however, I've been changing, improving this stance, especially because I've managed to go through one of those internal questioning processes which mainly start off by asking "So why do I do that?" So nowadays I'm appreciative and grateful of compliments and quick to thank the complimenter and/or respond with a compliment of my own.

Sounds like me.

I'm quick to compliment if I feel admiration for something in someone. I enjoy very much receiving compliments, but I do think that I can seem somewhat awkward externally in the receiving. I am afraid of taking compliments in too deeply and losing touch with my deficiencies. Somehow it's important to always keep my faults firmly in my mind.:rolleyes:
 

ladypinkington

Rubber Nipple Salesperson
Joined
Jul 19, 2007
Messages
1,126
MBTI Type
INFJ
When people give me a compliment I like to say Oh Start,lol. Because that is what Oh Stop really means, it means What, Me, Oh Keep Going,lol. I love compliments and praise- I live on it. If my husband wants to train me into a good habit he'll praise me everytime I do it and it just feeds me man,lol, and it works- I'll get into that habit no problem if there is lots of praise involved,lol.

Words of Affirmation is my love language, and I really feel loved if I am verbally shown recognition and appreciation and compliments and praise show that to me.

Now if it is a fake compliment and I sense someone is just trying to manipulate me then it will just piss me off royally,lol.

The worst are the back handed compliments that friend-emies and in-laws typically make. I just want to smack people when they do that crap. Maybe now that I'm pregnant I will,lol.
 

Edasich

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2007
Messages
192
Enneagram
4w5
I enjoy giving compliments, especially if it I sense that it will encourage the person to try harder. When someone gives me a sincere compliment, I really like that, (except then my whole face goes red, lol).
 

JustDave

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2008
Messages
992
MBTI Type
xNTP
When receiving a compliment I can't help but feel the one giving me a compliment is doing so for nefarious or superficial reasons. Unless it is someone I know well. In that case I gladly receive the compliment.
 

armstrongvk12

New member
Joined
Dec 26, 2007
Messages
136
MBTI Type
ENxJ
When receiving a compliment I can't help but feel the one giving me a compliment is doing so for nefarious or superficial reasons. Unless it is someone I know well. In that case I gladly receive the compliment.
Why do you think that is?
 

ferrisbueller

New member
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
53
MBTI Type
ENFP
I was actually just talking about this with my INFJ girlfriend last night. She very rarely gives compliments, and tends not to receive them very well either. However, she swears that she likes to be complimented. She seems to be making an extra effort to compliment me since she knows that I sort of feed on positive reinforcement. I think what a lot of you INFJs say about doubting the sincerity of compliments is true for her, and as for giving them, I feel like she doesn't view her emotions as being permanent enough to express them positively. You INFJ's are certainly fascinating people :).
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Actually I like getting compliments!! I wouldn't say I'm averse to them at all - quite the opposite, probably. I find I need, and really respond to, a fair amount of affirmation, positive feedback, and encouragement.

But I've been thinking about this, and...here's what my analysis has come up with;) : If I already view a certain trait or skill or feature of mine in a favorable light, then I will really warm up to people complimenting me about those things. But if they compliment me on something that I'm pretty critical about regarding myself, I may have a harder time believing them. Or I might believe them..I just can't warm up to it immediately. Say I did a painting and I wasn't *personally* pleased with the results, and someone else said, 'That's great!' - I'd probably have a reaction like, 'Really??!!!?? Eh, I dunno...', simply because *I'm* not crazy about it myself. Or if I'm feeling particularly unattractive one day, and someone would say, 'Oh, you look great!' - I'd have more of a shrug-my-shoulders-mopey reaction and give a sheepish 'Thanks', just because I think I look ridiculously bad and so I can't understand how the other person could possibly be telling the truth. :smile: Not that it doesn't make me feel good on some level in the latter scenario, but there's probably a difference in the manner of my reaction.

As for giving compliments...well, when I give them, I genuinely mean them, otherwise I wouldn't say anything if it wasn't genuine. I don't know though if I give more than your average person, or if I'm more minimal with them. Haven't thought about it before.
 

armstrongvk12

New member
Joined
Dec 26, 2007
Messages
136
MBTI Type
ENxJ
Because when I make friends, it's for life. So I approach people very cautiously and never take what they say seriosuly until I am certain they are sincere.
Ah....now I understand. This makes complete sense to me. I have noticed that other NFs seem react similarly. Although I am an NT, I am usually cautious as well. But sometimes...it is hard to judge the other person's sincerity.
 

JustDave

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2008
Messages
992
MBTI Type
xNTP
Absolutely.

Thankfully I have not been betrayed by a trusted friend. I cannot image how paranoid I would become if that were to happen.
 

armstrongvk12

New member
Joined
Dec 26, 2007
Messages
136
MBTI Type
ENxJ
Absolutely.

Thankfully I have not been betrayed by a trusted friend. I cannot image how paranoid I would become if that were to happen.
Yes, I know how that feels and it is hard to trust people again. I've been betrayed a couple of times by men that were trusted friends and it's no fun. Don't want to wish that on anyone.
 
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