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[INFP] INFP = Hypocritical & Selfish.

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
I have an INFP female friend (told her to take the test and she came out as definite), and I thought they were good listeners...recently when I've been upset or something and I've come on fbook chat to her, she would start talking to me asking what was wrong, I would go into a bit more detail and she would make maybe one comment and then go offline, not texting me or anything. This isn't really like her...we've been there for each other in the past. I was genuinely upset...parent issues...divorced but still living together and they're both being horrible.

Is there something wrong with her that she's not telling me about? I concede that I had a moment with her when I told her I liked her...unreturned...so we spent a few months out of contact then got into contact recently. She sent me a very sweet card on my bday not too long ago and it seems like things are all good. Is there still residual fallout? It seemed like she was being very hypocritical by just not paying any attention to me, as she has mother issues too.

Either she doesn't want to talk about it because she has unresolved issues about the same thing. Kinda like avoiding pain by not listening to anything that reminds her of her own problems. Or, she thinks you use it as a strategy to get romantic with her.
 

craigensa

New member
Joined
Sep 5, 2010
Messages
27
MBTI Type
ISFP
Either she doesn't want to talk about it because she has unresolved issues about the same thing. Kinda like avoiding pain by not listening to anything that reminds her of her own problems. Or, she thinks you use it as a strategy to get romantic with her.

Well I know it's not the latter...I realised we're better off as friends and I've expressed this to her and had a long chat about it so we're all cool. It just didn't seem like a very 'friendy' thing to do.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
It just didn't seem like a very 'friendy' thing to do.

As friendly as we usually are, we are still Fi and that basically means that the world in fact does evolve around us more than anything, so if she is having hard time with her mother issues I wouldn't be surprised that it is the priority for her. I think many INFPs would agree that our motto is "help yourself and then you'll be able to help others".

Edit: This doesn't mean that she is conscious of the fact. I maybe made it sound like she consciously and deliberately chooses to do what she does. I don't think it is so. It is more like she doesn't want to admit her own problem to be on her mind. It is semi-conscious choice. Am I confusing you? I think I am confusing myself... uhh...
 

caboose

New member
Joined
Sep 23, 2010
Messages
6
MBTI Type
INFP
I have an INFP female friend (told her to take the test and she came out as definite), and I thought they were good listeners...recently when I've been upset or something and I've come on fbook chat to her, she would start talking to me asking what was wrong, I would go into a bit more detail and she would make maybe one comment and then go offline, not texting me or anything. This isn't really like her...we've been there for each other in the past. I was genuinely upset...parent issues...divorced but still living together and they're both being horrible.

Is there something wrong with her that she's not telling me about? I concede that I had a moment with her when I told her I liked her...unreturned...so we spent a few months out of contact then got into contact recently. She sent me a very sweet card on my bday not too long ago and it seems like things are all good. Is there still residual fallout? It seemed like she was being very hypocritical by just not paying any attention to me, as she has mother issues too.

Did you ever find out what was going on?
 

Synapse

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
3,359
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4
Nah just confused as much as the human condition allows. In that respect we are hypocritical selfish when we are in our shadow manifestation and like any shadow energy we then align with negative energies. And as such during our storms of impersonality we tend to take charge of our confusion and hold onto a more self absorbed view of the world.

Where as in a healthier state we are perhaps the most good natured beneficiaries of receptive energies towards others there is in that sense selflessness in our undertakings to help others that need it.

of course when we are unable to draw the line and refuse to help when the goodwill has been abused and taken advantage of those people that consider this to be selfish and hypocritical are hardly understanding that they took more than they need and then the energy is a reflection of that shade of gray and tone accordingly.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
If you're implying I'm an ESTJ/ISTJ, I can't be, I've gone over that option and I actually started off mbti thinking I was ISTJ, then INFJ then I looked at functions and found out that I was actually INFP, except my Te is stronger, like an INTPs.... so that's where that 'suck it up' stuff probably comes from, was just wondering if it was an INFP thing also.

If you freqently want to tell people to suck it up, and you're sure you aren't a TJ, you might want to look into ENFP.

Hmmm...maybe I should elaborate. Some ENFPs have high Te, but it's generally fueled by Fi unlike a TJ's Te. I have a lot of empathy for suffering, but a certain kind of whining makes me roll my eyes, and excessively passive men drive me batshit ... in a bad way.

Anyway, ENFPs are notorious for being 'the champion' because we aren't afraid to speak up for what we think is right. We're much, much, much more likely to confront someone who we dislike or think is an asshole than an INFP is. I also thought I was an introvert at first, and apparently this is common with ENFP because of Ne dominance and what is known as "introverted extroversion" in ENxPs.
 

flameskull95

New member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
314
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
If you freqently want to tell people to suck it up, and you're sure you aren't a TJ, you might want to look into ENFP.

Hmmm...maybe I should elaborate. Some ENFPs have high Te, but it's generally fueled by Fi unlike a TJ's Te. I have a lot of empathy for suffering, but a certain kind of whining makes me roll my eyes, and excessively passive men drive me batshit ... in a bad way.

Anyway, ENFPs are notorious for being 'the champion' because we aren't afraid to speak up for what we think is right. We're much, much, much more likely to confront someone who we dislike or think is an asshole than an INFP is. I also thought I was an introvert at first, and apparently this is common with ENFP because of Ne dominance and what is known as "introverted extroversion" in ENxPs.



lol. I think you solved my sister's problem on her ENFPness. haha :D.

I understand what you're talking about, but I don't mean it in that way.
The example was "telling people to suck it up but not telling them to, as they would be hypocritical in that sense", not that I always feel the urge to tell people to "suck it up",etc.

but, unusually, I have considered being an INTJ, because of INTJ behavior and profile. But I think that's just because of the INxP(weak f) thing I have going on, because INFP males tend to have variable Te.

This is a bit long and complicated. I first started mbti based the usual experience-biased test which said I was an ISTJ, I agreed with it because it was so uniform and solid than I got INFJ the third time on that test and thought it the INFJ profile was much more accurate. Untill the point where I couldn't really relate to the behavior of an INFJ, even though I could relate to the profile. THEN, I saw the INFP functions which I thought I could apply to more than the INFJ functions, (the 2 types have practically completely opposite functions, so I had to choose one).

After that, I considered myself to be an INFP. THEN, I found out about how INFPs can be very clumsy and disorganized, stereotypically emotional/wimpy, and inconclusive, which I didn't totally apply to, - since I have the urge to be conclusive with my type. SO, I started to consider INFJ again, because I thought I actually do respect organization like an INFJ does. And then I found out that strong Te could be mistaken for a J, and then I found out that INTPs have the same functions but a stronger Te compared to an INFP, so now I consider myself an INXP(weak f).

- After all this, me questioning my type(like I usually do) with reason, makes me reassured about my type being (INFP+INTP), there are a lot of people that have this problem, that 'don't bother' and classify themselves as 'INFXs'(Which I actually did once), - who are like me and are actually INXPs.

sorry for the late reply...
 

Elfa

Señora Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2011
Messages
267
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
As for selfish, I prefer "self-absorbed" which is less about ignoring the needs of other people than being oblivious because I'm lost in my own head. When I am aware, then I am usually not selfish.

I agree with this. I would say I'm more oblivious and self-absorbed than selfish. Sometimes very oblivious. xD But I try not to be.

I normally don't have the feel like telling some people to 'suck it up' or 'put your act together', I actually feel like comforting them (even though sometimes I don't know how to). I tell them it's ok to cry, it's ok to feel however they are feeling... But when I'm feeling down, I tell myself to suck it up and put myself together, asking myself what the hell is wrong with me. Lately I've been trying to be nicer to myself...
 

Sizzling Berry

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2009
Messages
185
MBTI Type
INFP
I'm not. I rarely experience the urge to mend somebody.

But if somebody is doing something hurtful or extremely unwise and they look for my validation or support I wouldn't give it to them. And I wouldn't feel selfish about that.
 

Elfa

Señora Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2011
Messages
267
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
After that, I considered myself to be an INFP. THEN, I found out about how INFPs can be very clumsy and disorganized, stereotypically emotional/wimpy, and inconclusive, which I didn't totally apply to, - since I have the urge to be conclusive with my type. SO, I started to consider INFJ again, because I thought I actually do respect organization like an INFJ does. And then I found out that strong Te could be mistaken for a J, and then I found out that INTPs have the same functions but a stronger Te compared to an INFP, so now I consider myself an INXP(weak f).

Are you sure of that? Because INTPs have Ti, not Te... (or I didn't get what you said?)
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
There is a tendency for people to be most irritated by negative qualities they personally posses, but can't admit to themselves. I think it is important to step back and ask the hard question about oneself whenever we find a quality especially irritating in someone else.

Judging other people is far more often inaccurate than people tend to believe, I think. It feels better to assume we can make quick judgments and be correct - it makes the world feel safer and more under our control, but the truth is that it may not be possible to comprehend anyone else's life. Any judgment we make is done without all the information because we haven't lived that person's life. Because there are so many holes in the information, the only thing we can do is fill those in with our own information. This is why judgments on others say something about our own self - and sometime the judgment says everything about us and nothing about the other person. Judgement is a close brother to hypocrisy. They co-exist.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
INFPs are not hypocritical and selfish by nature, at least no more so than anyone else. You only think so because you're conditioned to beat up on yourself first.
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
INFPs are not hypocritical and selfish by nature, at least no more so than anyone else. You only think so because you're conditioned to beat up on yourself first.

:solidarity:
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
HALLA IS HERE! THE CHAMPION LIVES!!!

YOU are the CHAMPION, my BROTHER!!! :hifive:

HALLA is one with his PEEPS. :solidarity:

Nice to see you again, brother.

Nice to see you around again too, Bro.
Big fat PM coming your way in a bit.
Gotta' scare up some examples of work from prior projects to apply for a hot new job.
Wish me luck! :newwink:
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
"Do as I say, not as I do."

Basically this, only with almost (almost) everyone I've ever met. People really can't take what they dish out. Especially a lot of the more sensitive types. They can get insanely critical of people, but the moment someone even thinks to do something like that to them they get really hurt and think that they're a terrible person.

I think a lot of people of a lot of types can be hypocritical, but it seems to be more obvious with the Fi types rather than the Ti types (by this I mean FP/TJ and TP/FJ); since it's based on personal, subjective feelings. And I guess we can demonize INFP because that Fi is first but then a lot of that stuff is mental and trapped in their heads with Ne and Si to back it up.

I guess to put my personal opinion out there, a lot of NFs that I've met have been pretty hypocritical, or at least it seems really obvious with them to me. Such a hugely internal focus, with N (internal) and F (internal), the thought process can get a bit weird and seemingly dangerous at least to me. I think that INFPs seem really hypocritical in this way to me just because I am also an Fi dom and I see the inconsistencies in the things that they do, but I'm probably no better. With their Si as their stressor it gets weird. First it's "omg these ideas and this mental pathway!" and then when shit hits the fan all of that gets dropped for Si. It's like some things in their lives are governed by Si and only Si; and some more personal things are governed by their Ne. It's extremely confusing to me to see someone so intuitive basically get so close minded at the worst times, or if they are hugely unhealthy/stressed be one of those FiSi people who are also very close minded but think that their "ideas" and their own ways of doing things are superior to others. Who are subjective but think that because of Si it's objective. FiSi in general when used together creates a nightmare of a person to deal with in general IME.

I'm not trying to be a dick or confirm any stereotypes, I'm just simply saying some observations that I have of REAL INFPs that I've met, including those who have typed themselves and such. These people were also heart types in the enneagram, either 4 or (the very elusive/hard to pin down/rare) 3. I have a hard time seeing an INFP 5 or 9 doing these things to such an extreme for the record.

EDIT: Also these people that I've noticed this with in particular have been women. INFP guys I actually don't see doing much of this for some reason, but maybe it's less obvious because a lot of INFP guys are just less outwardly emotional in general due to society's pressures.

But I try to balance all things in my life and be able to take what I dish out; and not be as hypocritical. I'm not afraid to admit that some things in how I think are highly subjective, lol.
 

CelticWindMelody

New member
Joined
Feb 9, 2012
Messages
2
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
2w1
INFP here. I have strong moral values yet aim to be as gentle as possible with others while staying firm in my personal code of ethics. It is a fine line to walk.
 

1AuroraAngel1

New member
Joined
May 22, 2014
Messages
63
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I'm usually hypocritical of myself, but not of other people.
 
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