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[ENFP] ENFP and casual sex

tortoise

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Aug 25, 2010
Messages
161
MBTI Type
ENFP
I've never had a one night stand or a fling, and that's despite having the impulsive flirtyness of the ENFP and the usual desires of a red-blooded male. I want my sexual relationships to be emotionally meaningful, which means that while other people are merrily hooking up when they feel like it, I just couldn't do that.

Anyone else feel the same way?

It's the same with every other aspect of my life -- if it's not emotionally meaningful to me in some way, then I'm not interested.

Maybe that's normal for most people, not just an ENFP thing???
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
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7w8
I'm the same way, tortoise. +1

It really bugs me that over the years people have assumed that I'll sleep with anyone at the drop of a hat. Probably, they reach this erroneous conclusion based on my openness and my ability to interact with all manner of people. And, my willingness to take risks. But what they don't get is that my willingness to take risks is usually limited to intellectual risks. I'll consider almost any idea... but this is far different than acting upon my fanciful thoughts.

I also choose to live a purposeful life. (This is very ENFP of me, btw.) My actions need to having meaning; and I need to see how they fit into my greater plans. This propensity of mine to assign meaning to everything and understand why I'm doing what I'm doing also extends to my sex life. Thus, sex has to have meaning for me. I can't imagine engaging in meaningless flings or one night stands.

I think of lovemaking as a beautiful way to convey how much I love my partner. Now within those confines, I love to be creative and playful... even adventurous. Regardless, I'm still symbolically communicating my amorous feelings to my beloved.
 

angell_m

Permabanned
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
818
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IxFx
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5w4
I'm a guy. I tried. And I failed. Yes, relationship is the key to sex.

But please, don't call it casual sex. It sounds so boring, like missionaries.
 

Nonsensical

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Aug 2, 2008
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I'm a virgin.

Casual Sex is for the weak who can't control their hormones. and those without integrity. or decent morals. and don't try to justify it.
 

musicnerd93

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Apr 19, 2010
Messages
249
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I'm virgin.

But, still I think "casual sex" is very trashy and just plain stupid. You shouldn't have sex with someone if you don't have any real feelings for them. Where is that going to get you? It's just going to upset you.

I, too, believe that things like sex should have more meaning than just "Hi, I'm drunk, wanna get in my pants?" There should be real actual feelings of love invovled. I probably sound like a Sunday school teacher, but that's how I view it.
 

Nonsensical

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I'm virgin.

But, still I think "casual sex" is very trashy and just plain stupid. You shouldn't have sex with someone if you don't have any real feelings for them. Where is that going to get you? It's just going to upset you.

I, too, believe that things like sex should have more meaning than just "Hi, I'm drunk, wanna get in my pants?" There should be real actual feelings of love invovled. I probably sound like a Sunday school teacher, but that's how I view it.

I'm a virgin, too. I get what you're saying...and I AGREE! :thumbup::banana2:
 

You

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I'm a virgin.

Casual Sex is for the weak who can't control their hormones. and those without integrity. or decent morals. and don't try to justify it.

:cry:
 

Vamp

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Jul 2, 2010
Messages
579
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I'm a virgin.

Casual Sex is for the weak who can't control their hormones. and those without integrity. or decent morals. and don't try to justify it.

WOW.

Way to judge something you clearly don't understand.
Asshole puritan :devil: Maybe you shouldn't go around condemning people who don't live as your highness, your pureness sees fit. But knowing people like you personally it isn't likely. People like you make it hard to live. Keep your judgments. You'll stay ignorant and you'll be too ignorant to care.
 

You

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Love. Sex.
They can be exclusive and inclusive of one another.

I like both. Sometimes not at the same time.
 

tortoise

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Aug 25, 2010
Messages
161
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ENFP
By the way, I'm not condemning or judging people who are OK with casual sex. Just for me, there has to be a real emotional connection, or it's not worth it.
 

hilo

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Mar 8, 2010
Messages
186
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9 sx
I'm virgin.

But, still I think "casual sex" is very trashy and just plain stupid. You shouldn't have sex with someone if you don't have any real feelings for them. Where is that going to get you? It's just going to upset you.

I, too, believe that things like sex should have more meaning than just "Hi, I'm drunk, wanna get in my pants?" There should be real actual feelings of love invovled. I probably sound like a Sunday school teacher, but that's how I view it.

I love the virgins dishing out opinions on casual sex and consequences. LOL.

It really really depends on your values, which in large part derives from your culture/upbringing, especially early in life. In my value system, there does not HAVE to be a meaningful context for gratifying sex to occur, but it is preferable. Do you also feel guilty about masturbation? Or just when someone else does it for you?
 

Vamp

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Jul 2, 2010
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579
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I love the virgins dishing out opinions on casual sex and consequences. LOL.

That is pretty funny. Those are always the ones telling you how it should be. Those who've never done it. Or haven't lived enough to get to the point where you find out life isn't black and white.
 

tortoise

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Aug 25, 2010
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I love the virgins dishing out opinions on casual sex and consequences. LOL.

It really really depends on your values, which in large part derives from your culture/upbringing, especially early in life. In my value system, there does not HAVE to be a meaningful context for gratifying sex to occur, but it is preferable. Do you also feel guilty about masturbation? Or just when someone else does it for you?

Me, I wouldn't even call it a value system, just a preference. In my value system, I am OK with it, it's not a guilt thing. It just seems such an intimate thing to do without a real emotional bond.
 

stringstheory

THIS bitch
Joined
Jul 12, 2009
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1
one thing that makes me pause concerning this issue is that there's no middle ground being covered between random hookups/one-night stands and relationship sex, at least if we are to assume that casual sex = sex outside of a relationship.

like the OP i certainly prefer sexy time to be with someone i love, but i tried other ways to come to this knowledge. I have to have feelings of some sort sure, but love is simply my favourite option, not the only one.

provided that boundaries are drawn, the parties involved are responsible and honest (with themselves and with others) legitimate no-strings-attached sexual friendships or casual dates can be had without anyone getting upset. it's little more than a sexual attraction between people who otherwise wanted to be friends; fuck buddies if you will, i guess. but rather than a relationship based solely on sex, as casual sex is being framed here they were friendships where sex is is part of the friendship. Admittedly it's not for everyone...what is? but suffice to say it can and does happen.
 

tortoise

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Aug 25, 2010
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I've had friends-with-benefits situations where there is a real friendship but we were both single and not compatible relationship-wise. I very much enjoy making love to a friend who I care about knowing that we both understand where we stand.
 

tortoise

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Messages
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One of the many things that puts me off one night stands is that I would imagine that the person coming on to me habitually has random sex partners. If over breakfast I found I liked this girl who woke up in my bed and want to see her again, there will always be at the back of my mind a lack of trust because she was so willing to go to bed with me straight away. And I would feel like a player too and not trustworthy. If over breakfast I find I don't like her that much, how horrible after a night of intimacy!
 

Rebe

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Nov 15, 2009
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I've had friends-with-benefits situations where there is a real friendship but we were both single and not compatible relationship-wise. I very much enjoy making love to a friend who I care about knowing that we both understand where we stand.

I find mental/emotional connections to be pure and sacred, but sex doesn't have to be. Personally, it's good for me to accept that not everyone is meant to be the love of my life and just because they aren't doesn't mean we can't enjoy each other's company ... sexually. It has taken me some time to soothe my Fi though.
 

HotpinkHeatwave

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Nov 30, 2009
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I have to atleast KNOW the person (have had talked to them for atleast a few weeks). It upsets me a little when I know there is not emotional connection between us, but I get over it quickly. I realize it's casual sex. It's not worth any fretting. I just move on.
 

HotpinkHeatwave

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Nov 30, 2009
Messages
379
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I've had friends-with-benefits situations where there is a real friendship but we were both single and not compatible relationship-wise. I very much enjoy making love to a friend who I care about knowing that we both understand where we stand.

Wow. This is pretty much what I was trying to say in my first post.
 
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