[ENFP] ENFP and casual sex

[Chloe]

I guess. I'd love to know exactly what it means to the people to which it means something.

I like idea* of casual sex with "perfect" stranger that you just met but you just clicked and connected a lot, and somehow there is chemistry between you, you are sharing something, some beauty in that moment.. so meaning would be exploring another person in that completely nonverbal way, exploring yourself... you know, hippy sex.

*I didnt experience that because I doubt it would be so good most of the times, but I totally felt like that with someone I just met... that i could have sex with them and it can be deep.

Nothing comparing to "real depth" of intimate relationships, of course... but still.. it can be some kind of exploration of yourself, life, passions... just like love.

Except what i just described could easily turn into something more.... or it could be just one night /few days.. because you know you arent right for each other for some reasons...
kind of like in .... Before Sunrise.... it was casual, they (almost) never saw each other again...but you cant say it wasnt meaningful.

Or like in the movie... Lost in Translation, they didnt have sex.. but their connection was deep, and they know it doesnt have future.. their thing was passing and casual but deep.

 

[Vamp]

I guess. I'd love to know exactly what it means to the people to which it means something.

I don't think any explanation will do. All I can tell you is that people who think meaningful sex can only come from a committed relationship can't see how meaningful sex is all by itself. Which it is, I don't need to be in a committed relationship to reap the same things monogamous people do from sex. It's that simple.

 

[stalemate]

I rarely begin a sexual encounter in anything less than formal attire. A tuxedo works well.

 

[stalemate]

I don't have much of an opinion about casual sex either way. It is fine for those who want to do it, but I never have and probably never will.

I've been with the same person for 13 years now and she's the only person I've ever had sex with.

It is hard for me to really wrap my brain around the idea of casual sex so I don't really know anything about it.

 

[stringstheory]

I guess. I'd love to know exactly what it means to the people to which it means something.

The meaning for me is that i fully intend on seeing them and enjoying their company again, sexual and otherwise...just not as a couple. there are multiple levels of attraction that we can't deny exist despite knowing that a relationship isn't going to work.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

I rarely begin a sexual encounter in anything less than formal attire. A tuxedo works well.

That's one of the funniest retorts I've read on this forum in a long time.

 

[skylights]

...

Apparently virgins aren't allowed to have opinions...

:steam:

well are you gonna listen to a backseat driver who's never driven?

not to say your opinions don't matter or aren't valid, they just lack the whole realm of experience.

 

[Kalach]

You know what it sounds like when you guys say it's meaningful? Meaningful to you, end of story. Filling up that dominant function with sparks and connections, seeing what can be seen, moving on.

All this hyper-sexual crap... it's not sexual. It's just doing someone and seeing what happens. "Sexual" would be doing someone and it's the doing it that's where it's at, the doing it and only the doing it. Not the thinking about it, nor the implications of it, nor the insights that come from it. The fact that you get your ya-yas out at the same time as finding all these insights and even that ya-yas prompt the insights... well sure, it's sexual, but there's something else going on beyond that. Some relational crap.

Or something, I dunno. You're using the same words as ESFPs but you doing something different from them. Inferior Se knows, even if I don't.

 

[skylights]

You know what it sounds like when you guys say it's meaningful? Meaningful to you, end of story. Filling up that dominant function with sparks and connections, seeing what can be seen, moving on.

All this hyper-sexual crap... it's not sexual. It's just doing someone and seeing what happens. "Sexual" would be doing someone and it's the doing it that's where it's at, the doing it and only the doing it. Not the thinking about it, nor the implications of it, nor the insights that come from it. The fact that you get your ya-yas out at the same time as finding all these insights and even that ya-yas prompt the insights... well sure, it's sexual, but there's something else going on beyond that. Some relational crap.

Or something, I dunno. You're using the same words as ESFPs but you doing something different from them. Inferior Se knows, even if I don't.

so are you saying people who talk about it like that are engaging the psychological aspect of sexuality way more than the physical aspect of it? or like... it's meaningful because we put meaning into it. not because it's inherently meaningful?

i think you're totally right on both counts, but it also can't be ignored that something more than just sex happens during sex. it's still a social exchange fraught with implications.

 

[KDude]

I agree. It doesn't sound any different than ESPs. It just sounds like being led in perceptions in another way. Se could probably connect "psychologically" with strangers too.. it's not all motivated by hedonism. I think.

 

[Rebe]

Not having sex for prolonged periods of time is sort of like starving yourself for no reason - it's a physical pleasure and a part of life. My Fi struggles with this still because I like committed relationships and 'ideas' that extend toward the future so I am still tweaking it but it makes logical sense to me most of the time. The fact is 1) I like sex. I find boys real attractive and yummy. And 2) The chance of meeting your soul mate is really slim so I don't feel that it's reasonable for me to wait that long.

 

[You]

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsyG0irK7V8"]Mmm[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Kalach]

so are you saying people who talk about it like that are engaging the psychological aspect of sexuality way more than the physical aspect of it? or like... it's meaningful because we put meaning into it. not because it's inherently meaningful?

i think you're totally right on both counts, but it also can't be ignored that something more than just sex happens during sex. it's still a social exchange fraught with implications.

I only saying there's a focus I (think I) can spot in NFPs. One can sort of see the attention given to something other than the physical. Or more exactly, the attention directed away from the physical. There is some attention, but the area of interest is, for the most part, something else. And it's probably not an issue for lots of people, but I'm aware of it as a cautionary sign. Because Lord knows what actually happens when the drawers hit the floors, but as a fellow who for the most part eschews the physical realm for other areas of interest, I'm fairly strongly aware of when other people or situations aren't going to be support my tentative explorations. Over-aware, probably. And you know the remarkable thing? It really makes no helpful difference whatsoever how cute this trepidation may seem. That is rather more of a fall back position: oh, the physical stuff is so comical, but we still have some bond of how humorous the physical world is. Bleh.

Or to put it another way, it's fraught with implications most especially if you're built to be aware of implications. if you find your implications in some other aspect of the world, then it's fraught without implication.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Or to put it another way, it's fraught with implications most especially if you're built to be aware of implications. if you find your implications in some other aspect of the world, then it's fraught without implication.

Kalach, very well said. And, I agree with you completely.

 

[Vamp]

Not having sex for prolonged periods of time is sort of like starving yourself for no reason - it's a physical pleasure and a part of life. My Fi struggles with this still because I like committed relationships and 'ideas' that extend toward the future so I am still tweaking it but it makes logical sense to me most of the time. The fact is 1) I like sex. I find boys real attractive and yummy. And 2) The chance of meeting your soul mate is really slim so I don't feel that it's reasonable for me to wait that long.

That's pretty much how I feel. I felt like I was going to be a virgin until I was 46 doing things the "proper" way. And I believe most people who are fucking their "soulmates" in a committed/by the book/straight laced relationship are just saying that so it becomes okay to fuck.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

That's pretty much how I feel. I felt like I was going to be a virgin until I was 46 doing things the "proper" way. And I believe most people who are fucking their "soulmates" in a committed/by the book/straight laced relationship are just saying that so it becomes okay to fuck.

Awww.... Don't be so cynical. I think meaning is something you give, not receive. You can choose to find soul mates... especially if you let go of ridiculously naive ideas that any one person can complete you.

I like to think of my idea of soul mate is a little more flexible than how a 16-year-old who has yet to be kissed might define it. No one person can fulfill all my empty parts. But I can choose to find someone who fills many of them... and then seek to fill the rest of them with my friends and family. If you take this approach to soulmateness, then it's no longer an unattainable ideal.

 

[Vamp]

Awww.... Don't be so cynical. I think meaning is something you give, not receive. You can choose to find soul mates... especially if you let go of ridiculously naive ideas that any one person can complete you.

I like to think of my idea of soul mate is a little more flexible than how a 16-year-old who has yet to be kissed might define it. No one person can fulfill all my empty parts. But I can choose to find someone who fills many of them... and then seek to fill the rest of them with my friends and family. If you take this approach to soulmateness, then it's no longer an unattainable ideal.

I guess I took that first step a long time ago. The whole "someone to complete me" thing never made sense to me. I need multiple people.

 

[stringstheory]

I only saying there's a focus I (think I) can spot in NFPs. One can sort of see the attention given to something other than the physical. Or more exactly, the attention directed away from the physical. There is some attention, but the area of interest is, for the most part, something else.

i totally agree with this. For me, i think, that "something else" is pretty evenly split between learning about myself (sexually, emotionally, etc.) and, to put it simply, making intimate connections with others. Is that the kind of something you had in mind?

 

[Kalach]

i totally agree with this. For me, i think, that "something else" is pretty evenly split between learning about myself (sexually, emotionally, etc.) and, to put it simply, making intimate connections with others. Is that the kind of something you had in mind?

The only thing I had in mind (approximately every seven seconds of each day) is that an NFP reaction to physical exploration is, first, to be curious about the implication. They'll be watching me doing my explorations. Which is fine (no, it's not), but exploration as performance is less wonderful than physical exploration to physically explore (together).

As for what really happens, I don't know. Having an audience means being more competent than I am aware of being.

You all know, right, about how an extroverted perceiving function is in the moment? Surely you should, as it's your dom. So you know all about the lack of planning, the in-the-moment choices, the reward for going with the flow, the disappointment when the flow is lost and your chance went wrong.... Magnify that to inferior proportions.



Dr Kalach, at your service. Making love to implications since 1917.


And I notice no ENFPs talking about the need for ritual and how the physical space needs to be right for it to be right. Hmmmm, how implicative!

 

[angell_m]

Awww.... Don't be so cynical. I think meaning is something you give, not receive. You can choose to find soul mates... especially if you let go of ridiculously naive ideas that any one person can complete you.

I guess I took that first step a long time ago. The whole "someone to complete me" thing never made sense to me. I need multiple people.

You make it sound like relationships are arbitrary; frail and inevitably limited
by default. Sounds like deep down you wish for relationships to be absolute,
and wish to enclose your uncertainty, but dare not say it because past
experiences has told you that such is unlikely. It's not being idealistic, it's
being realistic, and pessimistic. What's up, NF's? At least I believe that any
one person can fill up that empty chair.

As for typology, I believe that this is more about instinctual variants than
anything else (not that we have settled anything).