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[ENFP] ENFP and casual sex

stalemate

Post-Humorously
Joined
May 6, 2010
Messages
1,402
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
True but it's not that negative or literal.
If we go back to the original context of how this came up, it only has to be negative enough to cause me not to associate it with an actual relationship which is a positive thing to me in general. Since we are talking about my thought process of why I wouldn't have made the leap, I have the luxury of always being right by definition! woot!
 

stringstheory

THIS bitch
Joined
Jul 12, 2009
Messages
923
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
1
In reality it makes sense to me...i don't see anything inherently wrong with it in the sense that it goes both ways by the nature of language; the easiest example I can think of is the use of "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend". it makes sense that we'd use it, but the implication is still there. I dunno, this made more sense in my head, haha. i guess I just sort of saw the use of the word "ownership" as a hyperbole.
 

Vamp

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2010
Messages
579
MBTI Type
ENFP
In reality it makes sense to me...i don't see anything inherently wrong with it in the sense that it goes both ways by the nature of language; the easiest example I can think of is the use of "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend". it makes sense that we'd use it, but the implication is still there. I dunno, this made more sense in my head, haha. i guess I just sort of saw the use of the word "ownership" as a hyperbole.

Same. The meaning transcended the words to create an attractive offer. :alttongue:
 

stalemate

Post-Humorously
Joined
May 6, 2010
Messages
1,402
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7w6
I am going to sound crazy now, I just know it...

I actually am not a huge fan of "my wife" for the same reason. I had trouble saying it for a long time and even now I prefer to use her fist name when I am talking in person. Online though I can't really go around referring to people by first name since you guys wouldn't know who the heck I am talking about. But on another forum where I have posted for years everyone knows my wife by her first name because I slowly converted to using her real name over time.
 

stringstheory

THIS bitch
Joined
Jul 12, 2009
Messages
923
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
1
I am going to sound crazy now, I just know it...

I actually am not a huge fan of "my wife" for the same reason. I had trouble saying it for a long time and even now I prefer to use her fist name when I am talking in person. Online though I can't really go around referring to people by first name since you guys wouldn't know who the heck I am talking about. But on another forum where I have posted for years everyone knows my wife by her first name because I slowly converted to using her real name over time.

haha no, i don't think you sound crazy at all! Language has implications, whether we like it or not. I use "partner" when i refer to my, er, male partner in part due to implications of language as they relate to gender. not to say that it's right or wrong to change the use of language, but an awareness of it i think is the more important part.

On topic, i should also mention that it's not like there's a code that's like "OK i'm definitely getting the sex!", but rather just the start of a process. Like I said, I'll let someone know that i'm seeing other people or am not interested in something serious, but it's just the first step. If someone is not down, then cool, we establish a friendship or whatever. If they are, then it's onto the next step, which is getting to know the person. I don't engage in casual sex immediately; my goal is a friendship + sex without the complications of commitment, so the friendship logically has to come before the sex.

Honestly, it's not a whole lot different than the dating process. In fact, thinking about it, my views on love lead me to believe that i "stumble" upon it so i guess casual sex in my eyes can be part of the larger dating process. I met my current partner this way; I let him know I was seeing other people, he was fine with it, but the more we hung out, the more I liked him. And compared to the others I was seeing at the time, he stood out (at one point I was texting him during REALLY boring dates). Eventually i came to the realization that i liked him enough to want to take that plunge, so to speak...I guess the order in which i go through this process is a little different in that sex has to come before a relationship if i choose to go that route. If not, i'm cool with just the sex.
 

Vamp

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2010
Messages
579
MBTI Type
ENFP
I am going to sound crazy now, I just know it...

I actually am not a huge fan of "my wife"

Out of context that's a hilarious sequence of words. :laugh:

I'm not a fan of possessive people nouns, either. I would never say "my boyfriend" I would say "that guy I'm with" just to be funny. I created some confusion by never calling my girlfriend my girlfriend so people thought we were just regular friends.

my goal is a friendship + sex without the complications of commitment, so the friendship logically has to come before the sex.

Ideally, this is my goal as well.
 

Theclassof2014

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2011
Messages
1
MBTI Type
ENFP
Closeness?

Aren't one of the "goals" of us ENFP to want to know a person emotions and sex is another way to know them better and be closer with them; therefore, isn't casual sex just another way to feel closer to someone? Also the whole casual sex vs only relationship difference is basically your opinions about the subject and you shouldn't try to impose it on other people. Also, I am not a virgin so this guy has experience and yes I'm 15 lost it at 14, so don't hate. Before I leave, 2 questions. I dated a girl that hated when I said she was mine. She said she wasn't a property even after I explained what I thought about it she still hated it. So, would/does anyone else hate that you can't call your significant other yours? And last question, I always believed that a girlfriend (or significant other) is a best friend that your attracted to. So why do people marry if they're not that? It seems so illogical and just seems wouldn't feel right emotionally either. Lol true ENFP rambling :D
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
Joined
Nov 26, 2008
Messages
9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
casual sex has such a negative connotation attached to it. it's a healthy part of any sexual relationship :yes:
 

chickpea

perfect person
Joined
Sep 12, 2009
Messages
5,729
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
my enfp best friend/roommate tries to have casual sex, but ends up getting attached and clingy and ends up all surprised and disappointed when they don't end up wanting anything more from her.

i really don't think a lot of people (especially girls) are cut out for it, but it's become something people feel like they have to settle for. more power to the girls that can though.
 

Boo

New member
Joined
Apr 8, 2011
Messages
102
MBTI Type
ENFP
I'm virgin.

But, still I think "casual sex" is very trashy and just plain stupid. You shouldn't have sex with someone if you don't have any real feelings for them. Where is that going to get you? It's just going to upset you.

I, too, believe that things like sex should have more meaning than just "Hi, I'm drunk, wanna get in my pants?" There should be real actual feelings of love invovled. I probably sound like a Sunday school teacher, but that's how I view it.
Yeah, I don't just open myself like that to anybody... it's weird for me.
 

Tofu562

New member
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
90
MBTI Type
ENFP
I don't believe the ENFP is predisposed for this sort of thing. We tend to get attached, I think.
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
Joined
Jun 5, 2009
Messages
1,363
MBTI Type
xNFP
Enneagram
3w4
Everyone knows ENFPs are dirty pirate hookers.
 

InvisibleJim

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 19, 2009
Messages
2,387
The ENFP Casual Sex Cycle

1. In relationship, casual sex is bad.
2. Exit relationship, casual sex is bad.
3. Have a casual sex encounter with a stranger(s), casual sex is bad.
4. Have casual sex with a friend, casual sex is okay between consenting adults.
5. Declare casual sex a relationship, casual sex is bad.
6. Goto 1. loop
 
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