[ENFP] Ask an ENFP

[Forever_Jung]

I'm an INTJ*. QED


*

Who doesn't have his head up his ass (required qualifier!)

That's your secret! I think I shall go apply for my INTJ's license. Any tips for the entrance exam?

 

[uumlau]

That's your secret! I think I shall go apply for my INTJ's license. Any tips for the entrance exam?

The entrance exam consists of two tests:
1) You must be an INTJ.
2) Your head must not fit up your ass.

 

[Forever_Jung]

The entrance exam consists of two tests:
1) You must be an INTJ.
2) Your head must not fit up your ass.

Aw shucks. My head to anus size ratio is impeccable, but I'm no INTJ

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

my sister and i were full on serious with our mermaid pretend world in the pool...like for real. i was a mermaid for a whole summer i think.

ENFPS are mermaids. that is my final conclusion.

 

[chubber]

ENFPS are mermaids. that is my final conclusion.

Yup, can totally see it

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

Yup, can totally see it

hahahahahahahaha

 

[chubber]

What are mid 20s ENFPs like?

 

[animenagai]

The entrance exam consists of two tests:
1) You must be an INTJ.
2) Your head must not fit up your ass.

So you just mean 1 test then.

What are mid 20s ENFPs like?

Still the enthusiastic, conceptual, well-rounded type of guy, but with less blind idealism than their younger counterparts and gets things done more. Learns (hopefully) to more maturely juggle their logic alongside their emotions. Less defensive about being wrong, but doesn't just go with whatever someone else says either.

 

[chubber]

Because they are so alert and sensitive, constantly scanning their environments, ENFPs often suffer from muscle tension. They have a strong need to be independent, and resist being controlled or labelled. They need to maintain control over themselves, but they do not believe in controlling others. Their dislike of dependence and suppression extends to others as well as to themselves.

http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html

Is there a situation, where the ENFP wants to be controlled?

 

[Amargith]

Is there a situation, where the ENFP wants to be controlled?

Yes.

It requires the highest level of clearance though. Few ever make it. And those that do are at risk of being demoted at *any* sign of incompetence.

 

[chubber]

Yes.

It requires the highest level of clearance though. Few ever make it. And those that do are at risk of being demoted at *any* sign of incompetence.

Is it related to sexual nature?

 

[Hive]

Is there a situation, where the ENFP wants to be controlled?

Can't imagine one.

 

[uumlau]

Yes.

It requires the highest level of clearance though. Few ever make it. And those that do are at risk of being demoted at *any* sign of incompetence.

ENFPs have an ironic attitude w/r to control. They don't actually want to be in control, yet they don't want to be dependent on others controlling things for them. If this dichotomy isn't resolved, it results in the ENFP having to put in lots of exertion of control at inconvenient times (for everyone), as nothing is actually under control. In other words, they get stuck with the more stressful task of putting out the fires that arise from lack of control, instead of the fairly mild task of just not letting things get out of hand in the first place.

They know this about themselves and very much would like for someone else to keep things under control for them, thus saving them from the stress of putting out fires, ... BUT doing so means letting that someone else have some degree of control, which they implicitly reject. Worse, they have unstated but very critical standards (inferior Si) by which they judge the "incompetence" Amar mentions above.

This can be a source of tension between ENFPs and the J types to which they are attracted. Note that I'm not saying all ENFPs are like this at an extreme level, but they do all have the inner tension of this dichotomy, of wanting to not have to take care of things themselves, but also wanting to avoid depending on others to take care of those things for them.

 

[Zarathustra]

Is it related to sexual nature?

Yes

 

[grey_beard]

ENFPs have an ironic attitude w/r to control. They don't actually want to be in control, yet they don't want to be dependent on others controlling things for them. If this dichotomy isn't resolved, it results in the ENFP having to put in lots of exertion of control at inconvenient times (for everyone), as nothing is actually under control. In other words, they get stuck with the more stressful task of putting out the fires that arise from lack of control, instead of the fairly mild task of just not letting things get out of hand in the first place.

They know this about themselves and very much would like for someone else to keep things under control for them, thus saving them from the stress of putting out fires, ... BUT doing so means letting that someone else have some degree of control, which they implicitly reject. Worse, they have unstated but very critical standards (inferior Si) by which they judge the "incompetence" Amar mentions above.

This can be a source of tension between ENFPs and the J types to which they are attracted. Note that I'm not saying all ENFPs are like this at an extreme level, but they do all have the inner tension of this dichotomy, of wanting to not have to take care of things themselves, but also wanting to avoid depending on others to take care of those things for them.

[MENTION=9310]uumlau[/MENTION]--

I have come to trust your judgement on many things, e'en though I be largely a lurking n00b.

Does this dynamic apply as well to INFPs when interacting with J types?

 

[Amargith]

ENFPs have an ironic attitude w/r to control. They don't actually want to be in control, yet they don't want to be dependent on others controlling things for them. If this dichotomy isn't resolved, it results in the ENFP having to put in lots of exertion of control at inconvenient times (for everyone), as nothing is actually under control. In other words, they get stuck with the more stressful task of putting out the fires that arise from lack of control, instead of the fairly mild task of just not letting things get out of hand in the first place.

They know this about themselves and very much would like for someone else to keep things under control for them, thus saving them from the stress of putting out fires, ... BUT doing so means letting that someone else have some degree of control, which they implicitly reject. Worse, they have unstated but very critical standards (inferior Si) by which they judge the "incompetence" Amar mentions above.

This can be a source of tension between ENFPs and the J types to which they are attracted. Note that I'm not saying all ENFPs are like this at an extreme level, but they do all have the inner tension of this dichotomy, of wanting to not have to take care of things themselves, but also wanting to avoid depending on others to take care of those things for them.

Funny thing is I've realised that all I need to do is go into my 'leadership' style to figure it out - delegate as it were. The one thing I *am* good at is knowing who is good at what and giving them the autonomy and freedom to just do what comes naturally to them. Meanwhile, it allows me to do the same - and maintain my precious freedom while still addressing what needs doing.

[MENTION=20044]calb[/MENTION]: It can be. It depends on the person involved, the area they're trusted with and the degree of vulnerability they get access to. I tend to be *extremely* careful about who gets to touch my body as it is - chances are that that man will get vetted for more. If he expresses a wish for control over me and he has earned my utmost trust (otherwise I wouldn't date him at this point) and I judge his request to be within his realm of competence, he will receive permission to do what he wants. That implies he knows me so well that I don't have to worry about him traumatising me or breaking my trust in some way - or take advantage of me.

Believe me, a man like that will undergo my version of a full psych eval and more. At this point, I tend to *know* who touches me - and what leeway they are capable of handling.

Part of me yearns for someone like that at times - someone who knows me so well, who sees that managing the outside world is such a burden to me and who enjoys doing it himself. Someone who realises what they are capable of and will put my welfare above all else - including his own ego, yet realises that I in the same turn will do the same for him and let him explore the darker sides of his ego by allowing him to do things that society perhaps would damn him for, to me. I'll flex and bend for his pleasure and desires, if he protects and cares for me.

That same person might not get the green light in other areas where I feel he isn't versed enough yet or matured enough yet to handle what is asked of him. Ultimately though, it's my body and therefore my call (and his to decide if he wants to part take or not, of course.) And that is the point.

 

[uumlau]

[MENTION=9310]uumlau[/MENTION]--

I have come to trust your judgement on many things, e'en though I be largely a lurking n00b.

Does this dynamic apply as well to INFPs when interacting with J types?

I don't see the dynamic with INFPs, interestingly enough. I suspect the difference is the tertiary. ENFP tert is Te, so the stress mode is like an immature ESTJ, wanting to remain rigidly in control. INFP's tert is Si, so their stress mode is more about being nitpicky in a rigid ISTJ way. From what I've seen, for INFPs in a stressed mode, they don't try to put out the fires caused by not maintaining control, but rather do their best to avoid the consequences of those fires, and have a tough time realizing that their choices (or more likely, the lack thereof) caused the fires.

Please note I'm only talking about NFPs that haven't figured out how to handle these things, not NFPs in general. This is just how the mishandling happens to manifest for each type.

 

[grey_beard]

I don't see the dynamic with INFPs, interestingly enough. I suspect the difference is the tertiary. ENFP tert is Te, so the stress mode is like an immature ESTJ, wanting to remain rigidly in control. INFP's tert is Si, so their stress mode is more about being nitpicky in a rigid ISTJ way. From what I've seen, for INFPs in a stressed mode, they don't try to put out the fires caused by not maintaining control, but rather do their best to avoid the consequences of those fires, and have a tough time realizing that their choices (or more likely, the lack thereof) caused the fires.

Please note I'm only talking about NFPs that haven't figured out how to handle these things, not NFPs in general. This is just how the mishandling happens to manifest for each type.

[MENTION=9310]uumlau[/MENTION] --
Duly acknowledged, thanks.

 

[chubber]

[MENTION=20044]calb[/MENTION]: It can be. It depends on the person involved, the area they're trusted with and the degree of vulnerability they get access to. I tend to be *extremely* careful about who gets to touch my body as it is - chances are that that man will get vetted for more. If he expresses a wish for control over me and he has earned my utmost trust (otherwise I wouldn't date him at this point) and I judge his request to be within his realm of competence, he will receive permission to do what he wants. That implies he knows me so well that I don't have to worry about him traumatising me or breaking my trust in some way - or take advantage of me.

Believe me, a man like that will undergo my version of a full psych eval and more. At this point, I tend to *know* who touches me - and what leeway they are capable of handling.

Part of me yearns for someone like that at times - someone who knows me so well, who sees that managing the outside world is such a burden to me and who enjoys doing it himself. Someone who realises what they are capable of and will put my welfare above all else - including his own ego, yet realises that I in the same turn will do the same for him and let him explore the darker sides of his ego by allowing him to do things that society perhaps would damn him for, to me. I'll flex and bend for his pleasure and desires, if he protects and cares for me.

That same person might not get the green light in other areas where I feel he isn't versed enough yet or matured enough yet to handle what is asked of him. Ultimately though, it's my body and therefore my call (and his to decide if he wants to part take or not, of course.) And that is the point.

That is a lot to take in and I don't think I really understand what you are saying because it is like you are pointing in the air about things that you know and I have no clue as to what you really are pointing at.

Do ENFPs, have a problem prioritising a person in their life? If that person is so important to them and they prioritise that person to the point that it feels like it anchors them. Is that a form of control over them that they place themselves? Or is that a stage of their life as part of growing up and finding their own way?

 

[Amargith]

That is a lot to take in and I don't think I really understand what you are saying because it is like you are pointing in the air about things that you know and I have no clue as to what you really are pointing at.

Do ENFPs, have a problem prioritising a person in their life? If that person is so important to them and they prioritise that person to the point that it feels like it anchors them. Is that a form of control over them that they place themselves? Or is that a stage of their life as part of growing up and finding their own way?

The bolded is key. In any situation, an ENFP who feels they *should* do something because it is expected of them or because it will impact them negatively if they don't due to external measures while feeling strongly they don't *want* to do that (usually this is - without them realising it - due to Fi signalling that this really is the wrong way to go about things for them, or due to Fi not having been consulted and skipped over completely or worse, suppressed), is going to be a hot, rebellious mess.

An ENFP who is in line with what her Fi dictates can bend and flex to a point where other people wonder how they could ever manage to put themselves in such a bind and not feel that strain in the least.


You want the latter. If you re responsible for the first situation, you're in for an emotional roller coaster and drama fest that you do *not* wanna go near.