[MBTI General] anytips for entp with an infj??

[cless986]

Hiiii everyoneeee!!! Me ENTP and first time I post here lol
Last month I met the most interesting girl of my life... my INFJ gf (I hope she is lol)
that drives me crazy and makes me think about her everyday nonstop, she looks so innocent and caring sometimes but has managed to do the impossible... controlling me, it seems that I behave better when with her because I don't want to disappoint her...I hate myself when she cries because of me... and she genuinely seems to love me.
The first time I ever been in love...

But I don't want to lose her... I try to be myself, and I enjoy making her laugh,
but we have many disagreements, any tips for me? to make our relationship last? maybe to marriage?

 

[InTheFlesh]

Handle that word very carefully. Attachment can be misjudged as love very easy, I've all been guilty of it once or twice.

Back on topic, make it clear to her, through actions as well as words, that you love her. Don't just say it though, the actions will cement it in her mind and it will make a big difference. Also, when you two are arguing, try to calm it down and let her know that you were just trying to state your opinion and you didn't want it to become a battle. If you look at the argument from her side and let her know that you do it will help substantially.

Sorry, my minds a little out of whack so my typing was a little screwed up

 

[Vasilisa]

Hi, cless986! Is there a pattern to the disagreements? Do you feel smothered or constricted by her sometimes? Does her seeing her sad stir a bit of an angry feeling inside of you? Please describe the dynamic and your disagreements.

 

[Sniffles]

Talk to entropie.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

INFJs are sensitive and caring. You don't need any tips; they're great people.

 

[1.000.000]

any tips for me? to make our relationship last? maybe to marriage?

Tips? Sure. Slow down and chill out. You've known her for a month and you're thinking about marriage? That's obsession, not love. There's no way you could possibly know someone well enough for that in such a short period of time (especially an INFJ). Being in relationship is fun and all, but this kind of mindset is going to set you up for a world of hurt down the line.

Anyway, as far as general advice goes, stop building her up to be something magical. She's one out of millions, not one out of a million. It sounds like you're investing way too much emotionally in her right now. Just relax and take it as it comes.

I'll post more INFJ centric advice when I haven't been awake for 24 hours.

 

[SecondBest]

Tips? Sure. Slow down and chill out. You've known her for a month and you're thinking about marriage? That's obsession, not love. There's no way you could possibly know someone well enough for that in such a short period of time (especially an INFJ). Being in relationship is fun and all, but this kind of mindset is going to set you up for a world of hurt down the line.

Anyway, as far as general advice goes, stop building her up to be something magical. She's one out of millions, not one out of a million. It sounds like you're investing way too much emotionally in her right now. Just relax and take it as it comes.

I'll post more INFJ centric advice when I haven't been awake for 24 hours.

Yeah, I completely agree with 1.000.000. You have to take a deep breath and slow down. I mean, the month thing doesn't matter to me as much, (to me time doesn't matter, you know when you know), but the writing in your post sounds wayyy wayyy intense. "drives me crazy" "first time I ever been in love" "I don't want to lose her" I know it's hard if not impossible, my friend, but if you can manage it, try to slow down as best you can.

1.000.000 is also giving you great advice. Remember she's a human being, not an idea.

 

[cless986]

ummm problem in paradise
She suddenly started to talk about my shortcomings and things she doesn't like about me...
for example, my recklessness and my lack of empathy, and in the last date, it seems that I failed some kind of test... and has been distant and angry to me... told me she was disappointed about us and she was about to end our relationship, but I asked another chance... I promised her that I will be the first and only boyfriend she ever had or needed, and I will do the best to improve myself..be someone she can be proud of...

ahh, we had a long and serious talk... and she agreed to give me another chance...

So... has any entp here had this kind of trouble? I sincerely want to be her perfect mate, so any tips will be helpful...

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

A secret test that was employed, eh? Do you think that perhaps she is doing this to justify her trying to leave you, or are these remarks something you see in yourself as well?

 

[cless986]

Hi, cless986! Is there a pattern to the disagreements? Do you feel smothered or constricted by her sometimes? Does her seeing her sad stir a bit of an angry feeling inside of you? Please describe the dynamic and your disagreements.

well... she complains that I always argue, and she hates that I always try to win the argument... but I give space so she can talk her point of view and opinions... I tell her that I understand but I don't always agree, in secret, but she seems to know when I am lying to her... (hehehe, didnt know that infjs have an uncanny ability to do that)

I don't know if she is smothering me or constricted by her, but she has asked the exact question. "Do you feel I am forcing you to change? And I replied: I dont know...., yeah, I use that phrase a lot now, I dont know, I dont know, because, I dont want to say something she may not like, I know that I shouldnt be that clingy, but dont know what to do... I really lover her....

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Don't lie to her. You need to know what happens when you disagree with her. This is the true test, I'd imagine.

 

[cless986]

A secret test that was employed, eh? Do you think that perhaps she is doing this to justify her trying to leave you, or are these remarks something you see in yourself as well?

I dont think so... she was with her big sister, first time I met her, we went to the mall to hang out, I was courteous, and behaved like a gentleman: paying the biil, opening doors, etc
But I didnt get along with her sister, she was obviously an ESFP :steam: kind of hated her, my GF may have sensed my discomfort around her, and it seems that gaining her sister approval and trust was her test... and I failed. she loves her family very much and didn't want an boyfriend that cant get along with them... she is right, if I want her, I need to gain her family trust and approval first.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

That does help.

 

[cless986]

Don't lie to her. You need to know what happens when you disagree with her. This is the true test, I'd imagine.

I don't, really. She is soo innocent and lying to her is not fair.
and a wasted of time, I imagine... she being an INFJ, she is one of the
few people that can see trough my facade and see who I really am. :redface:
Can you tell me more about that test?

 

[whatusername]

I don't, really. She is soo innocent and lying to her is not fair.
and a wasted of time, I imagine... she being an INFJ, she is one of the
few people that can see trough my facade and see who I really am. :redface:
Can you tell me more about that test?

I suppose an INFJ would be the least qualified to elaborate on that test, but I shall try.

There seems to be some inner mechanism inside an INFJ that zeroes in on someone else's actions (not words or sentences, but the way sentences are phrased could also be observed), and tries to formulate a conclusion as to whether that person is being "sincere." Which is why sometimes, INFJs don't really look into your eyes when speaking with you, or their eyes dart around you and your body (hands, face, etc).

So what is the INFJ looking for when observing another person? That's the thing, even the INFJ can't explain it. If they tried, they'd end up getting frustrated at themselves. It could be the way hands move, or the how the torso leans, etc etc. Bottomline is, INFJ's could be conducting the test and not even know it. It's that...buried in their subconscious.

I think the only way to "pass" this test is to be yourself (yet another vague advice.) Whoever you are, as long as your being upfront, I think the INFJ will find you A-OK. :hi:

(I hope this does not qualify as "rambling.")

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I don't, really. She is soo innocent and lying to her is not fair.
and a wasted of time, I imagine... she being an INFJ, she is one of the
few people that can see trough my facade and see who I really am. :redface:
Can you tell me more about that test?

It's mainly about surviving the struggle of a large argument. Yes your relationship is fine, when everything is going 'well', but true personalities come out when under stress and this is what arguments do, they bring out true feelings. The true test is to figure out her true feelings, no holds bar.

 

[cless986]

It's mainly about surviving the struggle of a large argument. Yes your relationship is fine, when everything is going 'well', but true personalities come out when under stress and this is what arguments do, they bring out true feelings. The true test is to figure out her true feelings, no holds bar.

Well... Her favorite phrase is "you dont understand what I am saying to you" i dont understand what she is means with that :S. I mean, she says that phrase when I try to explain to her the way she thinks or the reasons of why she does something... I know is wrong to overanalize her... But I thought she will like someone who understands her... I dont know what to do... I am doing well behaving like her psychologist? Or what do you recommend me to do?? If i figure her true feelings... What I do then?

 

[Rachel]

Well... Her favorite phrase is "you dont understand what I am saying to you" i dont understand what she is means with that :S. I mean, she says that phrase when I try to explain to her the way she thinks or the reasons of why she does something... I know is wrong to overanalize her... But I thought she will like someone who understands her... I dont know what to do... I am doing well behaving like her psychologist? Or what do you recommend me to do?? If i figure her true feelings... What I do then?

I think the issue is that you're making assumptions about what she feels or thinks, expecting her to accept them. Instead, let her tell you what she feels or thinks. Don't assume you know or understand her view. It's not about Ti, it's about you appreciating her Fi, and developing your Fe.

 

[ItsAGuy]

Hiiii everyoneeee!!! Me ENTP and first time I post here lol
Last month I met the most interesting girl of my life... my INFJ gf (I hope she is lol)
that drives me crazy and makes me think about her everyday nonstop, she looks so innocent and caring sometimes but has managed to do the impossible... controlling me, it seems that I behave better when with her because I don't want to disappoint her...I hate myself when she cries because of me... and she genuinely seems to love me.
The first time I ever been in love...

But I don't want to lose her... I try to be myself, and I enjoy making her laugh,
but we have many disagreements, any tips for me? to make our relationship last? maybe to marriage?

Though I may be a guy, this particular INFJ does need the occasional unrequested reminder of affection from a partner... it can be the tiniest thing (from a surprise long hug on up) so long as it comes out of the blue without having been sought after. INFJs are inextricably tied to authenticity, and whenever we have to SEEK OUT attention, we come away afraid that we would not have gotten any otherwise, and that the attention we got was simply toleration wearing a smile.

 

[Tiltyred]

Be careful with the arguing -- don't get wrapped up in an argument that you start getting aggressive about just because your adrenaline is up. Also be careful with the criticizing. Don't nitpick. INFJ really does not like to argue and takes it more seriously than entp does.