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  1. #31
    Member Fenekk's Avatar
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    Aug 2010


    Quote Originally Posted by cless986 View Post
    Well, actually is 2 months now , I try not to be clingy, for example, not always answering her or make fun of her, etc, I know that you need to be the "man" and be the dominant one, to make her attracted to me... I know that... But everyday is harder to control myself, thinking and obssesing too much about her... This is the thing that ruins the relationship? Right?
    ... Uhm, what? What does that have to do with being "clingy"?

    You should not ignore her when she asks you questions and you shouldn't EVER make fun of her. INFJs can take that very personally.

    Quote Originally Posted by sulfit View Post
    how old are you and how old is she if not a secret?
    I'm with Sulfit; I want to know how old the two of you are.
    NaNoWriMo 2010 [[Nahe: Iveor]]

  2. #32
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Aug 2010


    Quote Originally Posted by ItsAGuy View Post
    Though I may be a guy, this particular INFJ does need the occasional unrequested reminder of affection from a partner... it can be the tiniest thing (from a surprise long hug on up) so long as it comes out of the blue without having been sought after. INFJs are inextricably tied to authenticity, and whenever we have to SEEK OUT attention, we come away afraid that we would not have gotten any otherwise, and that the attention we got was simply toleration wearing a smile.
    I'm really new to the whole typology thing, but I have to say this is true of ENFJ's too. I can't speak for other xNFJs, but I've come to discover I really like a lot of affection, way more than the "norm", and sometimes I feel insecure when I'm always seeking out attention. The littlest things will keep the "green light" on.

    I'm currently in a relationship that is also about 2 months old, and this fellow (INTP) isn't nearly as in touch with his emotional side as I am (obviously). But he'll do little affectionate things like kiss me on the neck when I'm not looking that lets me know I'm not overloading him. I think it also helps that I ask him about it from time to time. "Is everything OK between us? If you feel uncomfortable around me please let me know what I can do to make things better." (Not that I wouldn't pick up his discomfort, but knowing he's uncomfortable and not knowing what I can do to make things better makes me uncomfortable)

    Quote Originally Posted by cless986 View Post
    But she DO really want me to change, She says if I feel that she is forcing me, we should end our relationship... Mostly the things she complain about are my recklessness, lack of empathy, etc (common entp issues) so I dont think she wants to change my core personality, just want me to improve and get rid of bad habits... An another question too; do infj likes clingy people? Should I need to stay as the "dominant" partner? So can the relationship works?
    I think you're trying way too hard and making things really difficult. People are not going to change unless the motivation comes from within. Sure, a smoker can say he was inspired to quit smoking because his girlfriend wanted him to, but if/when the relationship dissolves, he'll probably resent that she controlled him to do that. If that makes sense.

    I think the real question is, what do you want? Are you happy with you the way you are? Or do you feel she has a point?

    The whole dominant/submissive thing is another one of those things that is fairly innate. I don't think it's something you can change. If you're dominant because you feel that's what is expected of you, and you're really submissive, I don't think being dominant is going to be something you can keep up with for very long.

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