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[NF] NFs - When are you unapologetic?

Quay

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Sometimes I feel like an ass whenever I disagree with someone, and try to overexplain my reasoning (feelings).

However, there are very few times when I don't care and I'm not going to apologize and explain myself.

Does anyone do this, and why do you decide to agree to disagree (or however civil one can make it)?
 
G

garbage

Guest
Almost never, to a fault :doh:

Although, I usually find that I can explain my position in such a way that I don't need to be unapologetic. Often, it's just a matter of clarifying misunderstandings by analyzing things from the other person's perspective, 'meeting' them where they are, and guiding them to an understanding of my stance (or what I actually meant by something I said) from there.

Usually, if a person really knows what I mean, the issue gets resolved. If I forget to call you but I do care about you, I'll ensure that you don't take my forgetfulness as a sign that I don't care.

Sometimes, well.. screw it. If someone's being an arrogant, insulting jerkface and pushing their stance way too much or 'reading' me in a totally incorrect way and insisting that they know me, I'll sometimes apologize just to end a confrontation, then pretty much have nothing to do with them again. I'm not really responsible for changes that other people 'should' make in their overreaching life perspectives--I can't change them, and there's no point in butting heads with someone who wouldn't compromise a damn thing, if the stakes are pretty low.

Ironically, apologizing or agreeing in such a manner is a way of being unapologetic.


When I notice that I start to bend too much, that's when I become truly unapologetic. I'm not going to compromise on very fundamental core values--religious stances and so on.

Compromising on little B.S. daily details? Yeah, I don't care enough about those to make a fuss about them. Anything less is just pedantry.
 

Arclight

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I am always sorry for something.:rolleyes:

I will gladly back down on my stand if someone can present a new perspective that makes sense.

Being sorry doesn't mean I am going to change my mind. It just means that I am aware that no matter what I do or say.. someone, somewhere is not going to like it.
I am concerned and sympathetic, but it's ultimately their problem not mine.

I have to take care of myself, because no one else will. I shouldn't have to be apologetic for that.
 

SilkRoad

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I don't think I'm ever unapologetic, which actually kind of sucks. On the very few occasions when I've been hard on someone (only with good reason, I think) and then they are sad and apologetic, I almost end up apologising for being hard on them, even if they totally deserved it and I had an apology coming...

I'm both Canadian and INFJ. What can I say, I apologise constantly ;)
 

Arclight

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:rofl1: @ Canadians.. It's funny because it's true, eh?
 

SilkRoad

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:rofl1: @ Canadians.. It's funny because it's true, eh?

It's so true! In terms of being over-apologetic, I'm pretty much doomed. I mean, even non-INFJ Canadians apologise when SOMEONE ELSE steps on their foot. :D
 

Lady_X

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I'm unapologetic anytime someone expects something they have no right to expect.
 

musicnerd93

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I might apologize for offending someone, but I never, ever apologize for expressing an opinion, even if it is offensive to someone. To me, that's just like apologizing for being yourself and calling it like you see it. And we all see "it" differently, whatever "it" may be.


Also, if I've already apologized to someone but they don't want to accept it and stay mad at me, expecting me to get down on my knees and beg forgiveness, I refuse to re-apologize, because I've already done my job. If they want to dwell on it, that's for them to deal with.

And then, yes, I also have those times when I just explain myself so I don't come off quite as heartless as I may have sounded. :D
 

skylights

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ditto on pretty much everything bologna said.

i get much more upset about the way people treat me / one another than their actual arguments. if someone thoughtfully and respectfully tells me i am wrong as fuck, that's cool. but if they tell me i'm an idiot and don't know anything, that's when i launch into Te.
 

Emectar

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when people misread me or my intentions, or when for any reason i feel strongly self-righteous in my anger

these are rare occasions
 

You

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The older I get, the less I feel apologetic about anything.
 

Nonsensical

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I get heated up when people don't understand perspective. I don't ever apologize when I have a certain opinion that clashes with another person's opinions or values. Why should I apologize? I wouldn't expect anyone else to, either.

edit: Also...I just thought about this.

A lot of it has to be about respect. I expect others to respect my opinions. I force myself to respect other's opinions as well even if they are completely asinine.
 

Rebe

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When I believe that I am 100% right and you are just being ridiculous, I am UNapologetic. The more personally offended I am/angrier I am, the less I care about you and your feelings.
 

SecondBest

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I get unapologetic and downright cold when someone tries to fuck with my decisions or in anyway does not respect my decision. It's a conflict I would run into a lot with extroverts generally speaking, especially ESFJs.
 

kyuuei

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I'm not apologetic when I haven't done anything to fault the other person.

Miscommunications, to me, are things to apologize for. Not that I am the only one at fault (it takes two to communicate) but that I acknowledge that I have a part in transferring the data to the other person in a way where it was analyzed in a way that differs from my intentions. I frequently say things where it makes sense in my head, but out loud it sounds like something a dying monkey was trying to say in giraffe while being choked and eaten alive by wolves. My intention was to say, "I am sorry, father, that we haven't been supportive." and yet, my actual words were taken as, "YOU are not being supportive to US." HOW this happens, I dunno.. :doh: but I know I can always improve my communication skills.

I'm not very apologetic when it comes to debates in the first place though. If I found a reason to debate, it's important enough to me to not acknowledge it, ignore it and move on. Usually, I have my ducks in a fairly well line to debate with, and something has to be resolved. I'm apologetic with the little things (being late to something, having to cancel something, miscommunicating, etc.) but not so readily for bigger fish that need frying.

Summary examples:
Apologetic situation - I thought my friend was ignoring me. It turns out she lost her phone. We talk it over and I apologize for thinking that nasty thought, and forgive her for not contacting me sooner. ;)

Unapologetic situation - I thought my friend was ignoring me, and it turns out that although she said several excuses, I've already learned those excuses to be lies. Whatever the reason, she was ignoring me and knew I was trying to contact her and did not contact me. I don't apologize for calling her out on that, or for being a bit brunt and honest about how I knew her excuses were lies. Whatever happens from there is on her.
 

angell_m

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In online conversations, I will try to stear away from annoyance, but some
people aggravate the shit out of me, they annoy me, bore me, and all I want
to do then is piss them off and make a big f-in joke out of them.

In real life, however, I will always try to find common ground with people in
conversations, or just let them have it because I don't have the patience to
confer with judgemental provocateurs. I don't think I've ever had a long
argument with anyone in real life my entire life, and I probably never will.

I'm really good at hitting people's nerves in real life, making them explode, and
leave. And I'm left wondering "What the fuck just happened?"
 

Mondo

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As an NT, I always feel the need to explain myself.
I wouldn't want any disagreements to come about from misunderstandings.
I think I'm strong enough that I can explain myself, admit weakness without actually being weak.
There are a lot of fools in the world and I keep hoping I'm not one of them, ;)
 

DJAchtundvierzig

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When I'm furious and I need to calm down. When I do, I usually always apologize.
If I'm not angry, and I don't apologize, then I either forget, or think that it will just make the situation worse by bringing the situation up again.
 

scortia

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I'm unapologetic with people who are exceptionally selfish user types trying to claim that somehow they are a victim. No, it doesn't work that way.

I apologize to a fault typically though. I have had so many fights with my parents where I apologize because I worry that I've caused them too much stress in the argument. It's pretty ridiculous, because my parents typically are totally in the wrong, because I never get to the point of arguing until it gets pretty bad. They, never have this desire. I can count on my fingers the number of times either parent has ever apologized to me in my life.
 
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