[INFP] Question for INFPs - Ideal Mate?

[sqnh]

I am fond of my INTP. I won't lie, it is probably not the easiest choice in a relationship, but it has been meaningful and resilient. We both see each other as capable of seeing a side of any given problem the other does not see naturally. It is also fairly non-threatening way to be challenged on deeply held beliefs. We are both deeply IN x P, so even though we don't always come to the same conclusion, we kind get each other's mental processes to reach the conclusion and totally understand each other's social awkwardness. In social situations, I'm afraid I will be too honest about what I'm thinking with other parties; so is he. The main difference is I'm psychoanalyzing all of the other person's issues, and he's considering string theory. If either of us were to share our thoughts with the other person, to each of us, the other person would say "man, you overthink things to much". Or they would cry.

INFPs and INTPs have very similar ways of being in the world. We're deeply, deeply thoughtful, deeply reserved, and yet want to be known and loved for our authentic selves.

On a more critical note, I think INTPS and INFPS both have the tendancy to be space cadets - INTPS like Albert Einstein and INFPS like Aldous Huxley. I think we both favor the ethical good, we're both out of the box thinkers, and we both value independence. For the most part, respect of each other's eccentricity and independence makes living together quite comfortable. Where it gets difficult is the INFPS constant quest for romance; INTPs are the kind that will tell you once and that's it - and when they say it they actually mean it. It is a hard adjustment, but the proclamation of love is more authentic and straight-forward than most types. You just have to learn to settle for a bit less than the ideal, which, being an idealist, is like trying to give up heroin.

In this duo INFPs essentially learn to better use their brain while INTPs learn to exercise their heart.

 

[Lily flower]

I have found that it is easier to be married to someone who is similar to you. If you want people to stretch you, you can find that in all kinds of different friends, teachers, mentors, etc.

 

[sqnh]

Yes, perhaps easier; we've been together for 11 years - married for 8.

 

[iris.moon]

There isn't an "ideal mate"... I can tell you what types I feel better with (e.g. ENFP, INFJ, ISFP) but I think everyone is different from other people with the same type. sqnh married an INTP... I don't think I'll do the same, cause I usually like INTPs (they're quite like INFPs) but they bring me down easily, they make me feel... hopeless. Also, it's like they don't want to show me their "dark side". I usually do this with people I don't know well, but not with my friends! This makes me feel like they don't really care.

Also, I don't think I'd marry an INFP. They're nice but... it would be a quite boring and "too static" relationship.

 

[Turtledove]

Hm....I think the guys I'm friends with are ENFPs. One of them tried the "charm" on me, which was flattering but he's too young, which I did point out and he agreed sadly. I don't know: someone ambitious, adventurous, sweet, and sensitive. That's ENFP, I assume.

 

[xenaprincess]

It's hard for me to fling the four-letter typologies around, since I'm not 100% sure what type people are to begin with.
Y'know Oprah Winfrey is an INFJ? She doesn't seem like an introvert. So I'm reluctant to make generalizations based on what types I think my prior SO's are/were.

In general though, I believe I get along best with xNT's, INT's in particular. They whip my ass in gear.

 

[ebrietas]

I am a sucker for just about any ENTP

I have found their type to the best mix of intriguing/balance to my own. I don't have to play at being an extravert, I get to be my emotional self, and I get to enjoy their awesome calm and logic.

I just need to find my missing ENTP soulmate

Oh my, it seems that not only I have a thing for ENTPs. I'm really getting along with them, they're fun.

Also never met any fellow INFP irl, so I can't say if it could be possibly be the best match. I usually like opposites of me.

 

[purple tuesday]

Hmm... I think I would ideally like another INFP. I want someone with a lot in common, someone that gets me. My second choice would be ENFP, then ENFJ. I hesitate to say ENFJ because I like them and we can connect, but sometimes they don't understand, and sometimes they are caught-up with their other friends and forget about you. Just the ones I know, anyway. I would probably be fine with most other types, but i tend to not be attracted to S or T types. I find it hard to communicate with S's, and T's are hard to understand and see me the same.

 

[spiritualtramp1948]

According to my experiences with particular MBTI types, I think I'd ideally enjoy being with an ENTJ, INTJ, or ESTP. Yes, you read that correctly. The NTJs are my preferred ideal partner as I think Te dominance or strong Te influence is something that I definitely need in my life to keep me from flying too close to the sun. I can, at times, feel myself bathing in white-hot solar flares, burning myself alive and not really thinking there's anything wrong with it or anything I can do about it. I feel like it is my lack of Te which contributes to my tendency toward self-sabotage and withdrawal from the practical world at all the wrong times; you know, because it just does not feel like the right time for action or emotional repression or thinking about logical, usable solutions to my problems. And I say, ENTJ and INTJ, while not including ESTJ and ISTJ, because I find Ni just absolutely fascinating while the Si perspective of SJs leaves me feeling extremely misunderstood. Although, I'll admit the Ni perspective can feel a bit cold from an NFP perspective due to Ne+Fi viewing others' circumstances and coloring it with their own perspective and the feelings that arise from that, while Ni+Je is more about changing their own internal perspective to resolve issues which makes them, in my eyes as an INFP, seem less sympathetic to people's circumstances because it seems they believe it is the person's unwillingness to shift their perspective that is holding them back from resolution (when that may only be part of it). It does make for some interesting debates and conversations in general though. I like it, a lot. With ESTPs (at least the one I'm closest to), there seems to be something so natural, so raw in our communication that makes them feel quite ideal. It's a combination of their tertiary Fe which is used in abundance but in a less pedantic FJ way and their Se that almost sweeps your feet off the ground and transforms life into this amazing world of sensual pleasures that is really quite foreign to me as an INFP. Not to mention that because of their Se dominance, they are heavily rooted toward an action-oriented lifestyle in which they seek to engage and change their environments which is something I admire and aspire to.

 

[Standuble]

I have difficulty determining my preferred type. I have very high standards in a mate (basically the weight of the social contract inhibits the freedom and time allowed for exploration of my inner world and thoughts compared to being a bachelor, I would need it to be a relationship where this effect is minimal to be happy) and plus I am very difficult to actually please beyond base appeasement. Women have a challenge in me as I am now (mid 20s) even though it is hidden behind a laid back exterior. This is accompanied by lower sexual stimulation to real world phenomena (I'm usually only aroused by pure fantasy and not a real world relative) and a lower than average testosterone level. My conclusion: I need a wonder woman or a saint!

I fantasize about intimacy/love etc. but I do not think I actually need it in actuality. I would probably be ok with an NTJ partner as interesting, cold robot would be a preference to dull teddybear.

 

[liana]

I'm not sure how to type my "ideal mate", although I have an idea of what he would be like - someone stable, calm, that provides a sense of security. Mature, sensitive, thoughtful. Intelligent. I'm very attracted to protector types, although reciprocation is another thing entirely - I'm sure they think me wishy washy to the extreme and hard to understand. SJ/NJ?

 

[zelo1954]

Trouble with the question is that not all INFPs are born equal. You really need to look at your cognitive function scores to get a better idea. Also in my case I'm so profoundly 'I' over 'E' that anyone who was strongly 'E' would very quickly drive me insane (and I, her, no doubt). As an fp rather than FP I'm sufficiently 'T' and 'J' that I'm flexible there. For preference I like someone who is an 'I' but somewhere near the cusp; someone with strong Fe to match my strong Ti and Fi (look at my scores); someone with a good brain but not necessarily an 'N'. The person could be either practical (Si dominant) or cerebral (Ni dominant) but I would try to avoid both extreme 'J' and extreme 'P'. With my last ISFP partner I ended up providing all (and I mean ALL) the 'J' in the household. That J/P preference is the most crucial one of all the dimensions. I always get on very well with intelligent ISFJs or ISFPs and they are my women of choice. A gentle and not too extroverted ENFP would also be fine as of course would INFx.