[INFP] Question for INFPs - Ideal Mate?

[Nonsensical]

I pet INFPs like cuddly little kittens. And by comparing you ALL to cuddly kittens, I'm wise enough to know that I have both judged and maybe even insulted all of you guys.

 

[SecondBest]

So basically all you INFPs are the inbred rednecks of MBTI.

Damn straight.

I don't mind being referred to as a kitten.

 

[skylights]

You bring up a really good point. I'd like to think in my case that I could be the one to give her the kick in the ass she might need every once in awhile. I could also be this seeing a problem where both people lose sight of reality and get caught up in a cycle of mutual comforting when something bad happens without really going after what's truly going on in the situation. but maybe this all depends on factors beyond personality? Not sure.

right, exactly. the relationship was bunnies and kittens and removed from reality in regards to anything that was less than ideal, like work or current news. we'd just ignore it, or try to rebel in our own snarky little ways (we worked at the same place, though in different departments.) and i don't know if it was nfp-nfp, or just us, but it couldn't last. i got really tired from always needing to be the "in charge", logical, and organized person too. i suspect this came from him being more F and P than me, but it was an important realization...

i think that in a relationship with anyone who shares any of your letters, it's gonna be essential that there's some divisions of the burden that comes along with lacking a strong other letter. like for two Fs, it can be very helpful if one is Fe and the other is Fi (or very confounding, lol.) or, i should say, it's helpful in interacting with the outer world if your other is Fe, if you are Fi, but it can make dealing with one another more difficult. the downside if you're both Fi is that someone's gotta deal with both social relations (Fe) and using logic (T). i actually see this dilemma most clearly in terms of J-P. a natural P always having to take on a J frame is exhausting. good for development, but eventually very tiresome.

but anyway, not to crash the INFP-INFP thread. i was just enjoying remembering my NFP^2 relationship

 

[runvardh]

I pet INFPs like cuddly little kittens. And by comparing you ALL to cuddly kittens, I'm wise enough to know that I have both judged and maybe even insulted all of you guys.

=^.^=

 

[paradox fox]

Hrmm.

-ESTP
-ESFP
-ENFP
-INFP
-ENFJ

Pretty much in that order. Not that I wouldn't consider other types, it's just that those hold the most appeal to me. Those are my top 5.

 

[Taz423]

SecondBest - I had to look up Pomplamoosemusic on YouTube for myself because I'd never heard of them. Good stuff! Thanks for introducing me to them.

As far as the types I am personally interested in as far as dating goes, at the top of my list would be an ENFJ, if they were a pretty healthy ENFJ.

I have dated an ENTP before, which was interesting to say the least. I also dated a very unhealthy INFJ. In defense of INFJ's, I know two others, one being my mom, and both are extremely awesome.

If I don't end up with an ENFJ, then I would probably be interested in another NF, just to see what the connection would be like. Part of me is curious about ESFJ's and ISFJ's. NT's have been known to intrigue me, too... In theory, I think I'd have the best odds at a great relationship with another NF, especially an ENFJ or ENFP.

 

[SecondBest]

SecondBest - I had to look up Pomplamoosemusic on YouTube for myself because I'd never heard of them. Good stuff! Thanks for introducing me to them.

No problem! Always glad to find another Pomplamoose fan.

 

[OrangeAppled]

My ideal type would be ENFJ

Right now I am dating an ESFP though - not sure how this will pan out....

 

[Kibou-chan]

I'm 100% with cosmik that I would never date an S. The only S I know is my mother (ISFJ), and it's like we're from different planets or something. We can't even have a real conversation about anything important because we have no common intellectual ground to stand on. All we do is talk past one another. I have one friend who tested as an S, but I'm not entirely sure about that diagnosis, and every single other person I know is an N. It's not that I meet S's and then decide not to be associate with them... It's like I never even get as far as talking to them. Anyone else have this problem?

Anyway, to the types that I WOULD date. A lot of people have expressed an interest in dating a fellow INFP. I would be up for trying it, but I'm not sure how far it would go. I don't really have any romantic chemistry with any of the INFPs I know, even though many of my best friends are INFPs. We're just too similar to date, and I'm not saying that in a "The-relationship-would-never-work" kind of way, but in a "We-would-never-even-think-of-that" kind of way. Even though I'm a Feeler, I value logic, so I often get frustrated with some of my INFP friends who haven't developed their logical sides yet. For that reason I'm typically interested in Thinkers, as long as they're sufficiently in touch with their Feeling side. My last boyfriend was an INTJ -- THAT was fun. For the first five months. Then we realized how differently we operated and it SUCKED. I absolutely adore INTPs as friends and discussion buddies, but once again I don't know how much romantic chemistry there would be, simply because they tend to be so analytical and removed when it comes to emotions, and I could definitely see them being commitment-phobes. I also adore ENFPs, but I've found that there are two types: the adorable bouncy kind, and the well-meaning but borderline stalker kind that flirt with EVERYONE. Of course I'd go for the first kind. I think an ENFJ would be good for an INFP, and personally I really like ENFJs.

In theory the type I'd be most attracted to would be an ENTJ, which I don't think anyone else has mentioned so far. I say "in theory" because I don't know any actual ENTJs, but from knowing how their functions would operate and from reading books with ENTJ characters, I can definitely see myself going starry-eyed over an omni-competent, confident, logical and witty ENTJ. No word on how that relationship would play out in real life (might be a little too close to the disastrous INTJ/INFP relationship), but I would definitely be into that kind of person.

 

[nolla]

I'm 100% with cosmik that I would never date an S. The only S I know is my mother (ISFJ), and it's like we're from different planets or something.

Isn't it harsh to declare every S non-dateable considering you only know one?

 

[SecondBest]

Isn't it harsh to declare every S non-dateable considering you only know one?

I understand the reaction though. S - N communication can be very difficult in most cases and I can say from experience as almost all the girls I've ever dated were S. Yet I wouldn't say I would reject all Ss blindly,though it's certainly something that weighs heavily in my decision.

This was one of the first threads I posted and it's interesting for me to see how much my attitude has changed in a short period of time. I'd drop MBTI from the pre-dating assessment altogether and argue that it's all about how the relationship flows and whether or not you're on a similar wavelength in terms of mood and chemistry and things of that nature. You know, all the vague and intangible stuff that makes things more confusing...

 

[Kibou-chan]

Isn't it harsh to declare every S non-dateable considering you only know one?

I'm sorry if I came off as if I was generalizing that I don't like any S's. I don't think I explained myself as well as I could have. I do know a few S's (such as my mom, and one or two of my childhood friends, and I think one person in my church band) but the overwhelming majority of the people I know, and certainly the people I am closest to, are Ns. I meant to say that S's and I seem to be in separate spheres of existence for the most part. I don't meet people that are S's and then decide not to be friends with them -- I just don't even get close to them usually because they are so alien to me that we never really gravitate to one another. The chances of me ever getting close enough to an S to date one are so slim that they're pretty much nonexistent, not because I categorically dislike them as people (which is very much untrue), but because we seem to be on opposite ends of the earth, doing our own things.

 

[Udog]

I'm 100% with cosmik that I would never date an S. The only S I know is my mother (ISFJ), and it's like we're from different planets or something. We can't even have a real conversation about anything important because we have no common intellectual ground to stand on. All we do is talk past one another. I have one friend who tested as an S, but I'm not entirely sure about that diagnosis, and every single other person I know is an N. It's not that I meet S's and then decide not to be associate with them... It's like I never even get as far as talking to them. Anyone else have this problem?

Rule of thumb: Be careful about making assumptions based off of family members. It's a completely different dynamic.

(...although I do admit that my experiences with my mother would make it really difficult for *me* to have a romantic relationship with an ISFP. )

I've had luck with ESFJs. Not ideal wife luck, but definitely the "spark amidst deep conversation and hair pulling" type of chemistry that can lead to a pretty satisfying relationship.

 

[nolla]

I meant to say that S's and I seem to be in separate spheres of existence for the most part. I don't meet people that are S's and then decide not to be friends with them -- I just don't even get close to them usually because they are so alien to me that we never really gravitate to one another. The chances of me ever getting close enough to an S to date one are so slim that they're pretty much nonexistent, not because I categorically dislike them as people (which is very much untrue), but because we seem to be on opposite ends of the earth, doing our own things.

Ahh... well... in that case I would say there is fifty-fifty chance you will marry an S.
The S and N interests overlap a lot. Probably there are hidden Ss among your Ns as well. Watch out!

Btw, Udog makes a good point about parents...

 

[Kibou-chan]

Rule of thumb: Be careful about making assumptions based off of family members. It's a completely different dynamic.

(...although I do admit that my experiences with my mother would make it really difficult for *me* to have a romantic relationship with an ISFP. )

Ahh... well... in that case I would say there is fifty-fifty chance you will marry an S.
The S and N interests overlap a lot. Probably there are hidden Ss among your Ns as well. Watch out!

Btw, Udog makes a good point about parents...

I can definitely see what you're both saying about the dynamics being different between parents and children than they are between peers, even if the individuals in questions are the same type. One friend that I've just met (I've just started college, so I've met a lot of new people recently) I originally thought was an ENFJ, but as I've spent more time with her, it has become increasingly clear that she's probably an ISFJ, the same type as my mother. Not having spent 18 years under one roof together, we certainly don't have the same dynamic as my mother and I. That being said, that doesn't mean I'm particularly interested in her personality as dating material, even though she's a good friend.

Going along the same lines, I've also been wondering recently about what you said, nolla, about there being "hidden Ss." I think I'm just too darn quick to assume that people are Ns. Of course, with some people it's obvious one way or another, and with the people that are closest to me I've given it a lot of thought, but for most people, if they show any penchant whatsoever towards metaphor or abstractions, my default assumption is N. Not really sure why that is... :/ You also mentioned that S and N interests overlap, which is not something that I would have thought of. Do you mean they tend to coincide somewhat in a generic sense, or does it depend on the specific functions of the individuals in question?

 

[nolla]

You also mentioned that S and N interests overlap, which is not something that I would have thought of. Do you mean they tend to coincide somewhat in a generic sense, or does it depend on the specific functions of the individuals in question?

I went to a school that teaches graphic design and filming and such. There was certainly a feeling that I am among "my people". At the time I didn't know about typology, but now looking back there were a lot of Ss but also Ns. They were interested in the same stuff but for different reasons. I myself am very visual, even though I can see major differences in what motivates me to paint and draw when compared to SPs who are "supposed" to be the artists. I can't motivate myself to really focus if I don't have something I want to say. They seem to enjoy the process more. And my grandfather has been doing that for a living something like half of his life, I don't know if he is SJ or SP. There is very different quality in his works. He can keep to his style better than me. His stuff looks like his stuff year after year. Even the early drawings I saw had something same already there, but it got better all the time until he had his style "defined". He is very productive, by the way, something I don't think I'll ever be.

In my case my interest in SP-stuff was mainly because my visual talent has been important for me, but in a different way. The overlapping comes from talents and their meaning for the person. Painting is my outlet for Fi. It could be music or writing, but I don't know how to play any instrument and I haven't really written much, so it is the easiest way for me.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I went to a school that teaches graphic design and filming and such. There was certainly a feeling that I am among "my people". At the time I didn't know about typology, but now looking back there were a lot of Ss but also Ns. They were interested in the same stuff but for different reasons. I myself am very visual, even though I can see major differences in what motivates me to paint and draw when compared to SPs who are "supposed" to be the artists. I can't motivate myself to really focus if I don't have something I want to say. They seem to enjoy the process more. And my grandfather has been doing that for a living something like half of his life, I don't know if he is SJ or SP. There is very different quality in his works. He can keep to his style better than me. His stuff looks like his stuff year after year. Even the early drawings I saw had something same already there, but it got better all the time until he had his style "defined". He is very productive, by the way, something I don't think I'll ever be.

In my case my interest in SP-stuff was mainly because my visual talent has been important for me, but in a different way. The overlapping comes from talents and their meaning for the person. Painting is my outlet for Fi. It could be music or writing, but I don't know how to play any instrument and I haven't really written much, so it is the easiest way for me.

Man, I could have written this! I went to school for design also and felt at home, yet also noticed the differences in people's approaches to art - in retrospect, easy to see the N/S difference, especially SP & NP. My ISFP step-dad is an illustrator & also has a clear "style" and is more productive than I am when it comes to creating visual art - he needs less to inspire him, although he is quite mood-oriented also.

 

[Kibou-chan]

I went to a school that teaches graphic design and filming and such. There was certainly a feeling that I am among "my people". At the time I didn't know about typology, but now looking back there were a lot of Ss but also Ns. They were interested in the same stuff but for different reasons. I myself am very visual, even though I can see major differences in what motivates me to paint and draw when compared to SPs who are "supposed" to be the artists. I can't motivate myself to really focus if I don't have something I want to say. They seem to enjoy the process more. And my grandfather has been doing that for a living something like half of his life, I don't know if he is SJ or SP. There is very different quality in his works. He can keep to his style better than me. His stuff looks like his stuff year after year. Even the early drawings I saw had something same already there, but it got better all the time until he had his style "defined". He is very productive, by the way, something I don't think I'll ever be.

In my case my interest in SP-stuff was mainly because my visual talent has been important for me, but in a different way. The overlapping comes from talents and their meaning for the person. Painting is my outlet for Fi. It could be music or writing, but I don't know how to play any instrument and I haven't really written much, so it is the easiest way for me.

I can definitely see what you mean! Thanks for giving that example. Unfortunately, none of that stuff applies to me personally... I'm not visual in the slightest, and express myself through writing and music, the two very, *ahem*, apt examples you gave. I'm a literary studies major, a field which I don't think sees much of the Sensors. I also go to a liberal arts school, which is pretty much an NF magnet. There are some NTs sprinkled in, but there are practically no Sensors here, at least compared to "real-life" ratios.

But aaaaanyway, now it makes a lot more SENSE (nyagh nyagh nyagh) to me how Ns and Ss could have similar interests, even if it's not always the case on an individual level.

Just out of curiosity, what percentage do you tend to score on N vs. S? I'm highly N (my only letter that I have a high preference for; the others I prefer only slightly or moderately), so that may account for some of our differences. Perhaps if you are not far way from the S side of the spectrum, it might account for your S-like manner of expression. Or, my theory is just wild speculation, which could also very much be true. >_<

This thread has gotten waaaaaay off topic. Welcome to Perceiverland.

 

[TheStarchDefenders]

I would say INTJ ESTP ESTJ ENTJ
ESTP probably being the #1

 

[nolla]

I'm not visual in the slightest, and express myself through writing and music, the two very, *ahem*, apt examples you gave. I'm a literary studies major, a field which I don't think sees much of the Sensors. I also go to a liberal arts school, which is pretty much an NF magnet. There are some NTs sprinkled in, but there are practically no Sensors here, at least compared to "real-life" ratios.

Yeah, sounds like N-land. It must be weird...

Just out of curiosity, what percentage do you tend to score on N vs. S? I'm highly N (my only letter that I have a high preference for; the others I prefer only slightly or moderately), so that may account for some of our differences.

If I remember right, I'm quite clearly N. I think that the one that got close to fifty-fifty on some tests was I-E and I am sure I have never scored S on any test...