[NF] The Differences Between INFP's and INFJ's

[Rebe]

Interesting. I'm a fairly "active" listener when talking to people, but I think it has a different from an FJ doing the same thing. Still, I definitely agree it's a social skill that can be learned.

I also find the advice thing to be interesting... what kind of interpersonal advice do you give? I think that INFPs often avoid direct advice (unless someone is doing something that really goes against their values) and spend more time trying to tease out the decision the other person has really already made (on some level). Often we end up telling people to listen to their feelings and values. I think that's why we are sometimes described as "harmonizing clarifiers" (even though that phrase makes me roll my eyes).

Of course, it's different if giving advice about something technical and something outside the interpersonal/values realm. So what kind of advice do you end up giving?


The sometimes being unaware of your emotional state is also interesting. For me, my emotional state is like a barometer or sensor that I use to orient myself throughout my day. When it changes, I'm usually aware of it and its additional feedback in a situation. Emotions often represent a whole series of subconscious value judgments; while they may not be correct, they usually aren't meaning-free. When I'm ill, I usually find it throws me off track, because I have to keep ascribing the exhausted/depressed to the right source... it's like my internal compass is out of whack.

In what situations do you find yourself unaware of your emotional state? I do find if I'm around others it can be hard to know exactly how much your emotions are being affected by the emotional state of others.


As far as the last item (more flexible internally, less externally)... I think the only way that's true for me is I'll often resist changing my mind in the moment because I want a chance to mull over new data by myself. Still, even though I'm reasonably laid back externally, I'm far more stubborn and judgmental than I come across.



I could totally be off base on some of items, although I tried to draw mostly from what INFPs and INFJs have said about themselves (or one another). If other INFPs find themselves identifying with a lot of the INFJ items, then I need to update accordingly.

Still, any list that includes external behaviors isn't going to work for everyone, since the types are about mental perspectives and preferences.

Yeah some of that INFJ stuff I relate to but I figure its because, like you, I'm a so/sp, which can seem a little like Fe at times. I think the difference is that INFJs genuinely feel a social connection when they are doing the sorts of things you mentioned, where for us (if you are like me) its more... feigned (?), perhaps... as an act of politeness. I totally do it for the sake of the other person because I know I don't react 'as I should' in conversation, which can seem rude.

Plus, I'm very openly opinionated where other INFPs tend to hold back - so there some ways in which I also don't fit the mold.

This may be it as Southern Kross mentioned, the SO difference. Seymour, reading your post, I relate a lot to that. I think when I read 'general traits' about INFPs, I don't relate because it is not specific/detailed enough. And in comparison, it makes us sound less desirable/efficient in the social sense compared to INFJs and it pokes at my SO instinct variant. I have a desire to be motivating, slightly aggressive and good at social interaction.

As an SO, I am a bit of a mother hen. I get to know my group of friends extremely well and I am always looking out for them. I give them a lot of space to experience and learn on their own as that is what I do. I actually hate it when my Fe friends 'command' me to do something as if I don't know better. I am a huge believer in being autonomous and self-responsible and self-knowledgeable. I do see what you are saying now that I am thinking more about this. However, if one of my friends is doing something stupid, I will immediately try to help, even if it's not part of my strong values. Maybe it's just from experience and I foresee that it won't go well and she really does not need this.

When they don't listen, I can get a little nasty, roll my eyes, be snarky about it for a little bit. But compared to my Fe friends, I am more accommodating and sensitive to their emotions unless I have a strong opinion. Then I can be mean/bordering on nasty when I have had enough. Then I get the surprised 'why are you so mean!' Well, I gave you all warnings way before more than once.

So, yes, I agree about this advice giving difference. I just don't like the one-liner descriptions as it is vague and it allowed me too much room to imagine what you meant by it. Hahaha. That's what happened; ignore me. I hate it when INFPs are described as timid, wishy washy, ineffective, vague ...

I think the detachment while interacting with people as the difference between NFP and NFJ is very true. Even when I give off a warm/sweet aura, I am slightly detached. I am sort of observing others as if from the other end of a glass wall, not a thick one but there is this separation. Whatever they say, if it's not interesting for my 'data', I don't bring it to the other side of the glass. It is irrelevant to me, it may be true to them in some way, but it has absolutely nothing to me so I keep it in a different batch than from information and emotions that I 'absorb'. Whereas Fe is totally in the moment with that person, without that glass and not threatened by the closeness of all the information.

Because of my SO, I come across as very sweet, good and I get called Sweetie/Honey all the freaking time even by those who are under 10 years older. It is 50% sweet and 50% patronizing in my view. I do get snobby too. I smile and laugh a lot a lot.

 

[sulfit]

Wait, what? I feel like I always get burned for giving too much sympathy... people mistake it for pity? The "do unto others" thing is so complicated when you put it through the MBTI lens.

@sulfit - can you direct me to some forums abount INFJs and socializing/connecting that you mentioned?

Here are links to Personality Cafe and INFJ specific forum:
PersonalityCafe
Infjs Forums
I have also lurked a bit on ENTP and INTJ specific forums. If you use key words of arrogant and critical in respect to INFJs you will find a few threads addressing these issues. I was trying to find a thread for you posted by a woman who was trying to salvage a relationship with her friend (another Fe user) where the issue of bossiness was glaring, but I saw it two months ago and could not remember enough key words to locate it. I have read of 3 separate instances of younger INFJs being excluded from social groups for being too "arrogant". Here are a few threads that mention the coldness or bossy attitude:
[INFJ] emotionally cold - PersonalityCafe
[INFJ] are people overly critical of INFJs? - PersonalityCafe
When/Why others hate the INFJ - PersonalityCafe

It is not that INFJ don't feel sympathetic, some just don't vocalize it. They feel it but just don't openly talk about it. Instead they proceed to give instructions to others in a manner ranging from calm and neutral to rather agitated and pushy. Sometimes this leads people to think that they do not care and are not sympathetic.

 

[Anamalech]

INFJ INFP

Ni Fi
Fe Ne
Ti Si
Se Te

Difference? A shitload. They don't share any functions.

 

[angell_m]

I just read up on these Fi/Fe, Ti/Te, Si/Se, Ni/Ne things, and now I feel more INFP than ever >.>
But in the description on this board I'm Fi and Ti together, hardly Fe or Te. When I read it on wikipedia I got a different feel to it; Fi and Te it is.

 

[Seymour]

This may be it as Southern Kross mentioned, the SO difference. Seymour, reading your post, I relate a lot to that. I think when I read 'general traits' about INFPs, I don't relate because it is not specific/detailed enough. And in comparison, it makes us sound less desirable/efficient in the social sense compared to INFJs and it pokes at my SO instinct variant. I have a desire to be motivating, slightly aggressive and good at social interaction.

[...]
So, yes, I agree about this advice giving difference. I just don't like the one-liner descriptions as it is vague and it allowed me too much room to imagine what you meant by it. Hahaha. That's what happened; ignore me. I hate it when INFPs are described as timid, wishy washy, ineffective, vague ...

I think we can sometimes appear as all those things (timid, etc) but that's pretty much never all we are. Can be amused to see the shocked looks when one of us transform into either the immovable object or the passionate crusader suddenly.

Sorry there was so little detail as to be misleading. Thanks a lot for responding and clarifying. I do think that's interesting about the SO instinctual variant likely being a factor. I do sometimes wish I had a little more of the social/group-oriented nature at times.

It is not that INFJ don't feel sympathetic, some just don't vocalize it. They feel it but just don't openly talk about it. Instead they proceed to give instructions to others in a manner ranging from calm and neutral to rather agitated and pushy. Sometimes this leads people to think that they do not care and are not sympathetic.

That's the impression I get, too. (Both them caring and coming across as harsher than they feel.) Maybe we should get them "I relentlessly nudge/critique/advise because I care" t-shirts or something.

I just read up on these Fi/Fe, Ti/Te, Si/Se, Ni/Ne things, and now I feel more INFP than ever >.>

I definitely think the functions are what give the types their flavor (and define them, too, clearly). That's one issue I have with Kiersey—without the functions an INFP is just a disorganized/information-gathering/decision-avoidant INFJ. I think the functions help explain INFP vs INFJ quirks much better and also can help one be more prepared to the areas where there can be misunderstandings.

I personally still do identify more with Ti than Te, but that may be a personal quirk/development-issue/blind-spot/whatever. Might be an effect of clashing with so many Te-doms during my childhood or something.

 

[INTPness]

Which type likes INTP's more? JK. Carry on.

 

[INFtha14]

^ Speaking for myself I'd love to meet an INTP seriously. You guys sound like cool peeps.

On the whole INFJ - INFP difference. I unfortunately can't say as I haven't met an INFJ before. Wait I take that back I think my Aunt is an INFJ from talking with her and stuff. I noticed INF (Our pillow talk into the night about all these events in the world etc. Career choices so on and so on. She really understood me in my quest for the "right" career. Sensed some Fe in her in regards to whenever I sought advice.

Cool people .

 

[Southern Kross]

Sorry there was so little detail as to be misleading. Thanks a lot for responding and clarifying. I do think that's interesting about the SO instinctual variant likely being a factor. I do sometimes wish I had a little more of the social/group-oriented nature at times.

Speaking for myself, SO doesn't make me any better at social interaction, it just makes me care more about what people think of me.

 

[musicnerd93]

Which type likes INTP's more? JK. Carry on.

I love INTP's almost to the point of fetishism. Why aren't there more of you guys?!?!

Haha anyway. After reading the differences of INFP's and INFJ's I can see a LOT of differences. Holy crap! It's hard to believe personalities that are dominant in three of the same preferences can be so different from eachother!

Very interesting...

 

[Caerulea]

Oooh... look at all those cute little emoticons over there on the posting screen...

Sorry, this is only my second post ever. I had even forgotten my password.

However, I'm delurking because this thread is really bugging me (even more than many others). You see...

Over and over, it's mentioned how INFJ's give advice to an annoying degree. But I'm an INFJ, and I almost never do.

One example. My daughter had a really difficult college decision to make this spring. She'd researched her two top options, researched the field she wanted to go into, visited both universities more than once, and even discussed the two possibilities with graduate schools to see what the long term holds. I listened to her, discussed all the options and aspects, drove her to the universities so she wouldn't be tired, etc. - just really tried to be there for her. The listening part is the most important one for me - for both of us, really.

However, I didn't give her any advice until it came down to the wire. It's her choice. She knows herself best, knows what she loves, and what she'll react to. She knows all the practical details too. I'm not in her head; how can I give advice? Even the advice I did give was more of an "If... then..." scenario. She could take it or leave it.

She got so much advice from NFPs, though (both E and I) - weekly, even daily from some relatives and people she knows from work - none of whom had listened to even a fraction of what I listened to. Some of them hadn't listened at all. She (an ISFJ) felt like they didn't respect her. :steam:

I did mention to my INFP husband that she was getting really annoyed at all the advice - including his.

When he and I discussed this (we're great at really long discussions), he said that NFPs are so aware of other people's emotions that they have to give advice in order to fix the other people so that the NFP can relax. Which means that, if you're a caring FJ on the receiving end of this, you have to pretend to be "fixed" so that the NFP can relax.

Whereas, I feel like I used my J, not to give her advice, but to make myself give her the space to make her own decision in. Would my spring have been better if I had "cut short" her angst about her decision by giving her lots of advice? It was an angsty spring - for both of us.

If I'd done that, the spring would have been "easier" in some sense, I suppose. As difficult as it was at times, and as much as I would have liked to wave a magic wand and make it easier for her, I wouldn't go back and do anything different. She needed to work through it herself. I learned so much about her from listening to the way she thought through it and her feelings about all sorts of issues involved. I think she felt cared for by the way I listened (at least I hope that came across!).

No, it goes even further than that. I had a difficult time figuring out which would be best because I really understood everything going into her indecision. Those who came up with with easy answers was only looking at a few aspects of the decision - not at the whole of what she cared about and experienced.

I almost never give advice, even when asked, because I feel that life is too complex for me to really be able to understand from my point of view. But INFJ's are supposed to easily (even annoyingly) give advice - so what type does that make me?!

 

[Seymour]

Sorry you and your daughter has such a stressful time around her college decision. Sounds like other people didn't make that any easier (regardless of their intent). I've certainly seen that when someone is deciding on colleges, many adults feel free to dispense lots of (contradictory) advice.

Oooh... look at all those cute little emoticons over there on the posting screen...

Sorry, this is only my second post ever. I had even forgotten my password.

However, I'm delurking because this thread is really bugging me (even more than many others). You see...

Over and over, it's mentioned how INFJ's give advice to an annoying degree. But I'm an INFJ, and I almost never do.

First, let me say that ascribing specific behaviors to type is always dicey. We know that there can be many motivations for the same behavior and conversely that similar motivations can also lead to very different behaviors. So, not every generalization is going to be a good fit for all individuals of a given type.

However, it makes sense that the combination of Ni and Fe would be likely to lead to seeing social patterns clearly and letting judgments arising from that clarity be known. Extraverted judging is more externally directed and visible than introverted feeling. All that doesn't mean that if one feels that giving advice isn't appropriate to a situation one can't (or won't) refrain, regardless of type.

One example. My daughter had a really difficult college decision to make this spring. She'd researched her two top options, researched the field she wanted to go into, visited both universities more than once, and even discussed the two possibilities with graduate schools to see what the long term holds. I listened to her, discussed all the options and aspects, drove her to the universities so she wouldn't be tired, etc. - just really tried to be there for her. The listening part is the most important one for me - for both of us, really.

However, I didn't give her any advice until it came down to the wire. It's her choice. She knows herself best, knows what she loves, and what she'll react to. She knows all the practical details too. I'm not in her head; how can I give advice? Even the advice I did give was more of an "If... then..." scenario. She could take it or leave it.

She got so much advice from NFPs, though (both E and I) - weekly, even daily from some relatives and people she knows from work - none of whom had listened to even a fraction of what I listened to. Some of them hadn't listened at all. She (an ISFJ) felt like they didn't respect her. :steam:

I did mention to my INFP husband that she was getting really annoyed at all the advice - including his.

When he and I discussed this (we're great at really long discussions), he said that NFPs are so aware of other people's emotions that they have to give advice in order to fix the other people so that the NFP can relax. Which means that, if you're a caring FJ on the receiving end of this, you have to pretend to be "fixed" so that the NFP can relax.

I think you're right that NFPs have a hard time being around a loved one who is in emotional distress. Usually, though, we're not terribly focused on the practical advice giving, and tend to be more focused on relieving the emotional distress. Still, I think the focus tends to be more on comforting/relieving distress rather than "fixing" the person or pushing them towards a particular answer. It sounds like you daughter was quite distressed in order for so many people to be aware and feel the need to try to "help" pretty much daily.

I do think our trying to escape emotional upset of others can lead to a certain kind of selfishness in which we want to make the other person happy in order to not have to suffer the negative emotion along with them. That's one way in which practical sympathy is superior to entering into the emotional state of the other person (as we perceive it).

Most of us aren't good at receiving advice (we tend to find it insulting, since we've likely already spent a lot of time mulling over our issue) and tend to give advice more on the order of teasing out how the other person feels. Usually I feel like the other person has really already decided on some level, and I'm just helping them clarify their motivation a bit.

Whereas, I feel like I used my J, not to give her advice, but to make myself give her the space to make her own decision in. Would my spring have been better if I had "cut short" her angst about her decision by giving her lots of advice? It was an angsty spring - for both of us.

If I'd done that, the spring would have been "easier" in some sense, I suppose. As difficult as it was at times, and as much as I would have liked to wave a magic wand and make it easier for her, I wouldn't go back and do anything different. She needed to work through it herself. I learned so much about her from listening to the way she thought through it and her feelings about all sorts of issues involved. I think she felt cared for by the way I listened (at least I hope that came across!).

From what you said it sounds like she did appreciate it. And, does sound like you decided that giving advice wasn't helpful or appropriate, so you didn't give advice. You also still sound pretty angry at people who kept on offering advice. (Understandable, since they were causing your daughter distress and doing something you were keeping yourself from.)

No, it goes even further than that. I had a difficult time figuring out which would be best because I really understood everything going into her indecision. Those who came up with with easy answers was only looking at a few aspects of the decision - not at the whole of what she cared about and experienced.

I almost never give advice, even when asked, because I feel that life is too complex for me to really be able to understand from my point of view. But INFJ's are supposed to easily (even annoyingly) give advice - so what type does that make me?!

That attitude sounds similar to a common INFP attitude... that each person has their own values and perspective, and that each person's autonomy should be respected. However, holding that value doesn't make one a particular type. Nor does it mean that every INFP holds that value in every situation.

I can see how if one saw advice as bad, having advice associated with one's type would be irritating. Sorry for hitting a nerve!


Edit: The last time I talked to my INFJ best friend from college, he apologized for having been so cavalier with advice when he was younger (we're both early 40s). Maybe it's a characteristic that gets tempered with age and experience, too.

 

[Caerulea]

It sounds like you daughter was quite distressed in order for so many people to be aware and feel the need to try to "help" pretty much daily.

Actually, her older brother got just as much advice from the same people. He took a few years to work and save money before going to college, and lots of people didn't like that (strange as that may seem). He's an INTP though, so he was mildly irritated and mildly amused.

By the way, she's not the sort to show any distress to most people - just close family and close friends. To everyone else, she's friendly and polite - even if they're irritating her.

Most of us aren't good at receiving advice (we tend to find it insulting, since we've likely already spent a lot of time mulling over our issue) and tend to give advice more on the order of teasing out how the other person feels. Usually I feel like the other person has really already decided on some level, and I'm just helping them clarify their motivation a bit.

That's why the advice irritated her so much (and me too) - it seemed insulting and disrespectful, especially given all the time she'd spent on the decision.

From what you said it sounds like she did appreciate it. And, does sound like you decided that giving advice wasn't helpful or appropriate, so you didn't give advice. You also still sound pretty angry at people who kept on offering advice. (Understandable, since they were causing your daughter distress and doing something you were keeping yourself from.)

You're right, I'm still pretty angry. It will probably take some distance and time for me to calm down.

That attitude sounds similar to a common INFP attitude... that each person has their own values and perspective, and that each person's autonomy should be respected. However, holding that value doesn't make one a particular type. Nor does it mean that every INFP holds that value in every situation.

I'm just amazed at how often I see the opposite from NFPs since that attitude seems like it should go along with that type. I know a lot more NFPs (I and E) than I know NFJs. The only other INFJ I've known was my father, and he gave less advice than I do.

I can see how if one saw advice as bad, having advice associated with one's type would be irritating. Sorry for hitting a nerve!

The pushier the advice, the more it bothers me. Mild advice, tossed out with a "try this if you want" attitude, doesn't bother me. I probably go to an extreme by very rarely giving any.

Thank you!

 

[Lotr246]

One of the best descriptions of INFJs I've read. Everything was spot-on for me. There's even a small section on differences between the two types. :
INFJ
INFP

 

[cascadeco]

I almost never give advice, even when asked, because I feel that life is too complex for me to really be able to understand from my point of view. But INFJ's are supposed to easily (even annoyingly) give advice - so what type does that make me?!

For what it's worth, Caerulea, I think I am the same way. I have always been one who does not like giving advice, simply because, like you, how can I possibly know enough of the situation? I'm not that person; plus, the choice *I* might make in the given situation has everything to do with how *I* operate, which might run totally counter to the other persons' values/priorities. So I tend to be one who listens and can be uncomfortable when placed in the role of being asked for advice. Whenever someone wants my input, I try to be careful to caveat all of it by saying the above... that I'm not them, etc etc, that it's ultimately their choice. I don't want to be placed in the situation where they would actually take my advice and down the road resent me for it because of repercussions to said choice, or whatever. It needs to be in their hands, of their free will. My 'advice' even in the case of giving advice tends to be so utterly vague that it's sort of useless. Or, maybe not. Maybe they gain something. Actually this just happened yesterday with a friend - they asked my thought on something, and I showed them a different perspective, but said in the end whichever choice they made, it's up to them, I can't know what they truly want deep within. They came back and thanked me, saying they'd never looked at it that way before.

It may be, however, that when I sometimes try to show someone another perspective, or another way of looking at a situation, that it comes across as advice or judgement to some people. That very well may be the case.

I have two INFJ friends who are similar to myself, and how you describe yourself - not ones to give unsolicited feedback/advice, at all.

I have a third INFJ friend, though, who I think falls into the infj advice-giving/opinionated pattern being described in earlier posts as contrasted to infp's.... and she comes across very, very J. However, it's interesting with her, and she's run into this issue in numerous relationships (I haven't: so I must be doing something differently, either body-language wise or something else): She I think recognizes it's not her place, much of the time, to state her opinions or to tell her friends she doesn't exactly approve of what they're doing, so she keeps quiet and listens. However, her body language/lack of response, in turn, really comes across as *silent judgment* (Disapproval) -- which she's been accused of by more than one person. So people end up constantly thinking they're being judged by her. Which, in some cases, is true. I dunno. I quite possibly might give a similar impression in comparison to NFP's (I mean, I don't know), but if so, it's much milder as I've never been called out on it like my friend has, and it's never caused a snag in my relationships.

Re. NFP's and 'advice' giving... I think with nfp's what I've run across is a different sort of Pressure - them pushing me into being more spontaneous, saying I 'should' do such and such, in a light-hearted way, so I definitely at times feel more pressured by nfp's than my nfj friends who give me the time and space to come to my own conclusion and idea about something. I sometimes think the NFP's don't want to accept my more serious, deliberating nature, and are trying to change that. I wrote about this a while back, and I'm not coming up with a good example of it, at all. But, needless to say, I think the NFP mode/method of nudging is quite different from that of the NFJ. Both do it, just in different ways. And I think we as human beings tend to be more distrustful of the method that is different from ours.

 

[Rebe]

Re. NFP's and 'advice' giving... I think with nfp's what I've run across is a different sort of Pressure - them pushing me into being more spontaneous, saying I 'should' do such and such, in a light-hearted way, so I definitely at times feel more pressured by nfp's than my nfj friends who give me the time and space to come to my own conclusion and idea about something. I sometimes think the NFP's don't want to accept my more serious, deliberating nature, and are trying to change that. I wrote about this a while back, and I'm not coming up with a good example of it, at all. But, needless to say, I think the NFP mode/method of nudging is quite different from that of the NFJ. Both do it, just in different ways. And I think we as human beings tend to be more distrustful of the method that is different from ours.

I am more inclined to give advice along the lines of ... You need to experience life! Feel free to experience life! Don't always take the safe route, you need to pursue your passion! Don't be afraid. If you get hurt, you will pick yourself up again! Experience! Taste! Have fun! Get your elbows dirty!

Even if I foresee them making a bad decision and hurting themselves emotionally in relationship-based issues, if they won't accept that they are going to hurt themselves in the predictable outcome, if I have sufficiently warned them and they still won't listen... I will back off and assure me and her that it's okay to experience and have fun.

And my FJ friends are more like ... health insurance, car insurance, back up back up, what to do in ten years, rent, back up back up, salary...

 

[cascadeco]

I am more inclined to give advice along the lines of ... You need to experience life! Feel free to experience life! Don't always take the safe route, you need to pursue your passion! Don't be afraid. If you get hurt, you will pick yourself up again! Experience! Taste! Have fun! Get your elbows dirty!

Yeah.. that's kind of what I was referring to! tbh I can have an adverse reaction to that, and it can come across as pushy or as disrespectful of some of my larger concerns (or if not that, more that I feel you are glossing over my actual concerns without understanding them), as I am one who ponders all of the other ramifications of any decision I make. For me, passion isn't everything.

(although I agreee with the 'experience life' thing too. I just need a lot more than that to also fall into place. Things need to make sense to me too. )

 

[Caerulea]

For what it's worth, Caerulea, I think I am the same way. I have always been one who does not like giving advice, simply because, like you, how can I possibly know enough of the situation? I'm not that person; plus, the choice *I* might make in the given situation has everything to do with how *I* operate, which might run totally counter to the other persons' values/priorities. So I tend to be one who listens and can be uncomfortable when placed in the role of being asked for advice. Whenever someone wants my input, I try to be careful to caveat all of it by saying the above... that I'm not them, etc etc, that it's ultimately their choice.

Exactly! Given all that, I can't even picture giving advice most of the time.

Re. NFP's and 'advice' giving... I think with nfp's what I've run across is a different sort of Pressure - them pushing me into being more spontaneous, saying I 'should' do such and such, in a light-hearted way, so I definitely at times feel more pressured by nfp's than my nfj friends who give me the time and space to come to my own conclusion and idea about something. I sometimes think the NFP's don't want to accept my more serious, deliberating nature, and are trying to change that. I wrote about this a while back, and I'm not coming up with a good example of it, at all. But, needless to say, I think the NFP mode/method of nudging is quite different from that of the NFJ. Both do it, just in different ways. And I think we as human beings tend to be more distrustful of the method that is different from ours.

Sigh. I wish the NFPs I know were more like that. It seems to me that they've forgotten what it's like to have just finished high school with the whole world opening up before you. In my daughter's situation, the NFPs were pushing for the most prestigious school, over any other consideration at all. If there was anything I was concerned about as a result of her choice, it was to make sure that, while majoring in Biology (which she enjoys), she would still have opportunities to do the dance and theater that give her so much energy.

I do find that NFPs want much faster decisions than I'm comfortable making. OTOH, it makes me feel like I'm more open to uncertainty, which is also opposite to the way the types are supposed to be.

Of course, being an INFJ and wanting to cover all my bases, I have to add the caveat here that I know that all NFPs aren't like this.

 

[Caerulea]

I am more inclined to give advice along the lines of ... You need to experience life! Feel free to experience life! Don't always take the safe route, you need to pursue your passion! Don't be afraid. If you get hurt, you will pick yourself up again! Experience! Taste! Have fun! Get your elbows dirty!

Even though I'm not always not light hearted enough to give this advice, I love hearing it! Actually, even when I feel like giving it, I get back to not wanting to be pushy. I guess if someone wants to be safe and it makes them happy...

I still prefer the passionate advice, though!

And my FJ friends are more like ... health insurance, car insurance, back up back up, what to do in ten years, rent, back up back up, salary...

I get that stuff done, but I hate having to focus on it. I'm really not good at the "what to do in ten years" part. I'm in my mid-40's, and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Just in the last five years, I've gotten into theater dance, musical theater, and photography - all things that, ten years ago, I would have thought to be totally outside my abilities.

 

[Rebe]

Yeah.. that's kind of what I was referring to! tbh I can have an adverse reaction to that, and it can come across as pushy or as disrespectful of some of my larger concerns (or if not that, more that I feel you are glossing over my actual concerns without understanding them), as I am one who ponders all of the other ramifications of any decision I make. For me, passion isn't everything.

(although I agreee with the 'experience life' thing too. I just need a lot more than that to also fall into place. Things need to make sense to me too. )

I am not always throwing it out just because the option exists. I focus in on what I think the individual who I am giving advice to really wants but don't because they have certain fears/they are more uptight. I don't want them to miss out and I point this out to them; you don't want to be regretting this in thirty years. I know passion isn't everything; I gave up being a full-time writer. But when I see that it is important to the person, and when I see that it is possible for them to pursue without them ending up in a box outside, I point it out very strongly. Yes, sometimes, I may not think so far because my mind does not automatically work in the is this financially secure/realistic based on economy/statistics way but when I see passion and will, I see a possibility for them to make it happen. I have always believed that if you are persistent enough and if you are passionate enough, you can make things happen and even if it doesn't happen, you know fully that you did try, that you did your part. That part of me is still hopeful.

 

[cascadeco]

I am not always throwing it out just because the option exists. I focus in on what I think the individual who I am giving advice to really wants but don't because they have certain fears/they are more uptight. I don't want them to miss out and I point this out to them; you don't want to be regretting this in thirty years. I know passion isn't everything; I gave up being a full-time writer. But when I see that it is important to the person, and when I see that it is possible for them to pursue without them ending up in a box outside, I point it out very strongly. Yes, sometimes, I may not think so far because my mind does not automatically work in the is this financially secure/realistic based on economy/statistics way but when I see passion and will, I see a possibility for them to make it happen. I have always believed that if you are persistent enough and if you are passionate enough, you can make things happen and even if it doesn't happen, you know fully that you did try, that you did your part. That part of me is still hopeful.

Oh, I like that, and think that is very positive/beneficial. Thanks for expanding a bit!!