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[ENFP] Do ENFPs ever "settle" and can they be content once they do?

swordpath

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It's a common descriptor of ENFPs that they're always exploring the possibilities, questioning the what-ifs in life, and are prone to becoming bored and flighty. It's said that a lot of times this mindset carries over into their relationships, to include those of a romantic nature.

So my question is: How easy is it for ENFPs to settle contentedly into a relationship and give up their "wonderlust"? Is it possible that this type just isn't meant for being confined to an exclusive relationship?
 

angell_m

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I suppose it would be common for those of us who spend an excessive
amount of time dreaming. I know I was prone to become "bored," or
better explained as "wanting to look for something else" when I was
younger. But today, no.

It does not mean that my love for that person would fade, and it does
not mean that I would actually go out and "look for someone else,"
but it does mean that the thought of "wanting to be free" or "seek
opportunities"
was there. It was just there, in the back of the mind.

So, if this NFP has had some time to reflect on the past, then no,
I do not believe that they would leave a relationship just to pursue a
"what if".
 

You

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I wish I could [blank] every girl in the world.
 

sculpting

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there are two steps I have to consciously overcome.

The first is Ne endlessly scanning the horizen and looking for something more. Fi helps argue this by saying it isnt okay to hurt people.

For me the result was choosing not to date at all. If I cant find the "right" person, I choose to be alone.

The second hurdle in older enfps will be Te. If we have been forced to be independent, we will feel very "controlled" or even trapped being in a relationship. I would rather be alone, than be forced to change.

Now funny thing happens when you find the right person...they become the horizen, thus you seek to Ne explore them...peeling an onion so to speak.

Also, since you are emotionally invested in them, you will do things which appear to be giving up control or giving into their wishes-in order to make them happy. Their happiness becomes your reward. Since Fi is my core, since they become part of my Fi, I am not really changing myself...simply adapting around it to make it more comfy....
 

targobelle

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so I have been with my hubby(entp) for 17 1/2 yrs married for almost 12 of those 17 1/2

we have had our struggles, our difference, my frustration, ......

and while it's no secret on this forum of some of my stupidity, I am in love with him, always have been and always will be

I think then that its' very possible to be happily connected, in love and with someone for the long haul.

FYI it wasn't a physical thing I was searching for, it was an emotional thing. And that was all my stupidity was, and emotional involvement with another. If you can keep your emotional connection alive and well with the one you have chosen then you will have many years of Bliss :heart:
 

You

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Isn't that just a guy thing?

Lesbians too.

Seriously though, I would settle if I was having so much fun with a girl. Hasn't happened yet though. Either they get impatient with me, or I get bored.
 

swordpath

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Lesbians too.

Seriously though, I would settle if I was having so much fun with a girl. Hasn't happened yet though. Either they get impatient with me, or I get bored.
So as long as your being stimulated, basically?
 

Nonsensical

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I haven't been in too many actual relationships but I prefer it that way.

Getting married is going to be one of the biggest sacrifices I'll ever make. Surprisingly, despite my naturally romantic nature, I do not look forward to it.

I'm willing to adapt for someone I truly love.

I don't want to have kids until I'm like 70.
 

Lady_X

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i can totally focus on just one person...no issue at all with that and if/when i get bored i just like to think of new stuff for us to do i don't think i want a new person out of boredom.
 

Ratsimoan

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I like to think I can settle. But I believe when I find the "one", I can and will settle. Also when I'm comfortable with compromising in a relationship without losing myself or feeling controlled.
 

stringstheory

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as an NFP i think settling is necessary. coming to terms with the fact that we will never have our ideal outside of ourselves (any any sense of the word) is essential and, i think, is required to be happy. i think striving to find what we can consider our most "ideal" is still important, but if we're constantly looking for the thing that 100% fits our values, well.....i think we'd all find ourselves very disappointed.
 

You

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"She's better than the girl of my dreams. She's real."
 

Betty Blue

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I think it is very incredibly easy for us enfp's to settle. We need someone to temper us, a stabiliser if you like. However for relationships to be successful we need freedom in other areas work/friends/travel/social life/children. Theres no point trying to cage an enfp....we will fly fly fly.
My so is pretty much the antithesis of me in many ways but i lead my own life, i am dedicated to my family but it is vital that i keep some of me for me....if that makes sense.
 

Lady_X

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very good point...very...yes...i have to have freedom for sure...in my relationship to be me and make my own choices and career wise i need something very flowy and flexible.
 

skylights

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hm...

i do want some stability, but to be honest, i don't think it's in my nature to ever truly settle. i am always going to want to hop that weekend flight to bali, or stay out surfing during the pouring rain, or try the funky new restaurant.

but i do really like longterm relationships. it's hard for me to find people themselves boring - only the things that they do or do not choose to do. individual people are almost infinitely interesting to me, and i fall hard. i really love the intense deep bond over shared experience and mutual affection between two people - both cognitive and emotional.

Lady X said:
i can totally focus on just one person...no issue at all with that and if/when i get bored i just like to think of new stuff for us to do i don't think i want a new person out of boredom.

:yes:

the key for me would seem to be finding someone that keeps me grounded but who has a good appetite for adventure, too. :)
 

sulfit

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I know two happily married ENFPs.

One is a woman in her 50s. She was married once before and divorced her husband because she said they used to argue a lot and he made her cry (as he admitted sometimes on purpose). A decade after divorce she met an INTJ man and they have been together happily ever after (around 8 years now). She gets plenty of stimulation from other people at her work (she is a nurse) and plenty of volunteering activities (she participates in all kinds of sports and mentors 5 kids from a low income family).

Second ENFP is a man, 45 y.o., who has married ISTJ woman whom he met when we was in the army. He runs a very large farm and participates in a lot of the local community events. His wife is absent quite a bit due to her work (she is still with the military) but whenever she comes back he completely disappears and I think they have a few weeks of pretty heated exchange going on there, then she goes back to her duties.

So I think the key for ENFP settling down is to stop seeking a lot of stimulation from the partner but rather seek it in activities outside of relationship - work, own business, volunteering, getting involved in community activities and the like.
 

You

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That's sound advice.
 

MafiaAngel180

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In my younger years (I'm almost 32 now), I was quite the idealist. I believed in soulmates and all sorts of pretty bullcrap about relationships. Off the top of my head, there is only one thing that I still believe, and that is that it totally unsettles me that I have to get over someone I love and am committed to and wish to spend the rest of my life with. I only want one man. I don't want to have to say "I love you" to more than one. I think it's painful to have to keep picking up the pieces. I've been dating for 16 years. And the only time I've gotten bored with someone was when I was with an older man who had done me wrong. When he hurt me so bad, I knew that he wasn't the one. That is the only time I got the wandering eye. And many didn't blame me in my situation. Anyway, a few months ago I got out of a relationship with someone I wanted to spend my life with. I never contemplated leaving him for someone. I wasn't bored with him. Plus also, I think I learned a while ago that relationships and marriage aren't always going to be fun. They will flat out suck at times. You have to work at making them fun and romantic and whatnot. My problem is finding someone as committed as I am -- someone who understands what it takes to make a relationship work. This seems to be a challenge in today's throw away society.

Also...like the song states: If you're bored then you're boring. :p
 
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