[MBTI General] "Owning" Your Feelings

[JoSunshine]

Pushy person here *raises hand* OK, I'm not that pushy, but I will certainly ask.

I have all kinds of irrational crap floating through my head all the time. This morning for example. I spent the night with my guy last night we slept on two twin beds pushed together that ended up 4" apart in the middle of the night, preventing snuggling. I woke up grumpy and irritable due to lack of cuddling How dumb is that? Like it was his fault??? I told him why I was cranky and he thought it was the cutest thing in the world even though I felt like an idiot. In the end we both felt better instead of me leaving grumpy and him sitting there scratching his ass trying to figure out what he had done wrong Sometimes people (not all people, but anyone who really wants to know you) will want to know what you are feeling even if it isn't rational.

My INFP (type 4, I think) guy reacts like you guys are describing. From this side of things, it is hard to genuiniely care about someone without judgement and have them turn away from you and shut you out when you want nothing more than to understand and care for them...I'm just saying what it feels like on this side of the fence.

That being said I still struggle with sharing the very deep, darker parts of myself so I still get where you all are coming from.

 

[runvardh]

You clearly have more restraint than I do. I am can get quite impassioned if I am pushed far enough...

Too much practice...

Pushy person here *raises hand* OK, I'm not that pushy, but I will certainly ask.

I have all kinds of irrational crap floating through my head all the time. This morning for example. I spent the night with my guy last night we slept on two twin beds pushed together that ended up 4" apart in the middle of the night, preventing snuggling. I woke up grumpy and irritable due to lack of cuddling How dumb is that? Like it was his fault??? I told him why I was cranky and he thought it was the cutest thing in the world even though I felt like an idiot. In the end we both felt better instead of me leaving grumpy and him sitting there scratching his ass trying to figure out what he had done wrong Sometimes people (not all people, but anyone who really wants to know you) will want to know what you are feeling even if it isn't rational.

My INFP (type 4, I think) guy reacts like you guys are describing. From this side of things, it is hard to genuiniely care about someone without judgement and have them turn away from you and shut you out when you want nothing more than to understand and care for them...I'm just saying what it feels like on this side of the fence.

That being said I still struggle with sharing the very deep, darker parts of myself so I still get where you all are coming from.

I just find that some people are just looking for a fight and I'd rather not give it to them. I also find that many other people ask, but don't give a shit about the answer. It would be nice if I could more easily identify the minority who don't fall into either of those camps - people how actually give a shit and want to help with the solution.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Owning your feelings means you completely accept that your feelings belong to you and no one else. Nothing else but you has caused them to come into being. Just you. No one else and nothing else created them. Just you.

The 'aha' moment comes when you own them, instead of them owning you.

When your emotions own you, you will find yourself reacting instead of responding to emotional stimuli. You will blame other people for your emotional state. You will push away the responsibility of processing them onto other people. When you own your emotions, you take them through a full process of acceptance and rationalization that honors their existence and at the same time enables you to either take action based on them or let them go as appropriate.

 

[Coriolis]

Owning your feelings means you completely accept that your feelings belong to you and no one else. Nothing else but you has caused them to come into being. Just you. No one else and nothing else created them. Just you.

When I was 12 or 13, I had the thought that no one can make me feel in a particular way without my consent. This has the same flavor of your statement above. To me, however, this revelation suggested that, since my feelings are entirely internal, they have no true connection with events in the outside world, and should not be considered when addressing said events. They are my own internal illusions, or smoke screens, and thus are best dispensed with so I can focus on the actual events.

 

[disregard]

Rebe, it simply means that a healthy four (really, a healthy person, as accountability for one's feelings is a part of maturity as a human being, not just as a minority of the population) can look past their own pride and defenses into what they are really feeling: their primary emotions as opposed to secondary. If you are angry because you've been hurt, you need to own your hurt, and so forth.

It's a very freeing level of communication to be reached with the people you must work with in life: friends, co-workers, your lover.