[ENFJ] Common ENFJ Issues

[Luke O]

Who else misread the first poll option as "vulva"?

 

[ceecee]

I am unapologetic about my abrasive ENFJ tendencies, my lack of desire to fully extend and deplete myself for others, and my uncanny ability and desire to not just cater to everyone else's delicate sensibilities if it won't do anything but keep them safely ignorant. I'm all for the harmony-hands, but I shudder at the thought of kitten-cuddles just for the sake of it.

I think this is wonderful but I believe you're in the minority.

 

[Unkindloving]

I have heard nothing but bad things about MBTI facebook groups. I wouldn't touch them with a 10ft poll and I don't use groups on facebook for that sort of thing anyway. It's probably best if you find a different location browse.

I'm certainly not the cuddle-bunny stereotype of an ENFJ, and I know several IRL that aren't. It just seems common because the descriptions are often geared that way and it draws those individuals in since it fits well.

The ENFJ one hasn't been all bad, though I've definitely heard a lot of others spiral into a hot mess. The majority of people post in sub-ENFJ groups and explain they were banned for pretty much having an un-cult-like opinion in many cases. I just take breaks from it most times, or find less cult-mentality groups to post in to ease the monotony lol.
I can see the new-to-typology folks really buying into our basic description, but then the more seasoned ENFJs tend to perpetuate it for them. I find i'm one of the few who frequently mentions self preservation while still remaining compassionate.

I think this is wonderful but I believe you're in the minority.

The fun part is that they post so often about "How do I not overextend myself so much" "How do I not be so overrun" "The feeeeeels are killing meeee", but the happy-bunny mentality still reigns supreme even though they havent figured out they need the balance to make it work.

 

[ceecee]

The fun part is that they post so often about "How do I not overextend myself so much" "How do I not be so overrun" "The feeeeeels are killing meeee", but the happy-bunny mentality still reigns supreme even though they havent figured out they need the balance to make it work.

If anyone looks up the meaning of - You're Bringing Most Of This On Yourself - it's going to have a pic of an ENFJ. I love them but they often make me want to bang my head against a wall too.

 

[á´…eparted]

The ENFJ one hasn't been all bad, though I've definitely heard a lot of others spiral into a hot mess. The majority of people post in sub-ENFJ groups and explain they were banned for pretty much having an un-cult-like opinion in many cases. I just take breaks from it most times, or find less cult-mentality groups to post in to ease the monotony lol.

I can see the new-to-typology folks really buying into our basic description, but then the more seasoned ENFJs tend to perpetuate it for them. I find i'm one of the few who frequently mentions self preservation while still remaining compassionate.

That's unsurprising considering you're a 4w5, which is (while not unheard of) uncommon for ENFJ's. Additionally, 2's are argueably the most common type for ENFJ's and much of their descriptions mirror that of 2's. ENFJ's like groups and hive-mind type stuff as a general rule, which in many ways goes against what a 4 is all about.

 

[Unkindloving]

That's unsurprising considering you're a 4w5, which is (while not unheard of) uncommon for ENFJ's. Additionally, 2's are argueably the most common type for ENFJ's and much of their descriptions mirror that of 2's. ENFJ's like groups and hive-mind type stuff as a general rule, which in many ways goes against what a 4 is all about.

You explained that so easy-like
Usually I just flail around in my frustrations and forget that enneagram is relevant to my personality.

 

[RandomINTP]

I think having one of these bad boys for the ENFJs fits quite nicely with the others. So shiny. So... shiny... *eye spirals*

I feel a little unqualified for some stupid reason (I hate reason! Get outta here!) to start this thread because my E/I axis is nearly balanced with one beating out the other at any given time, but big fat whatever!

I learn a lot from the NFJs here.

So learn me. *whips out little slate and chalk and kicks Tom Sawyer*

You hate reason? What the hell?! Why?!?!

 

[Kheledon]

I take it as proof positive of the fact that I am an ENFJ that, having no forewarning whatsoever, I chose the most common ENFJ answer in the poll that originates this thread.

 

[PeaceBaby]

I take it as proof positive of the fact that I am an ENFJ that, having no forewarning whatsoever, I chose the most common ENFJ answer in the poll that originates this thread.

Hello there new ENFJ! That poll is the quickest ENFJ test known to humankind.

 

[Kheledon]

Hello there new ENFJ! That poll is the quickest ENFJ test known to humankind.

Well, hello back! :hi:

Indeed, that poll is amazing (and evidently highly accurate). Thanks for the kind welcome.

 

[IDreamtIWasABee]

How easy is it for you to "ignore" who you really are? And conversely, how difficult is it for you to ignore who everyone else is? I expect the answers to be roughly the inverse of an INFP's, but set me straight if they're not.

Are there certain people (or Types) that you can't "calm" or otherwise influence because you can't stand to sponge up the anxious or negative emotions they waft?

What's with the ENFJ stare? This one falls under "ask an ENFJ," but as long as I'm here....

And of course I read it as vulva.

 

[Unkindloving]

How easy is it for you to "ignore" who you really are? And conversely, how difficult is it for you to ignore who everyone else is? I expect the answers to be roughly the inverse of an INFP's, but set me straight if they're not.

Are there certain people (or Types) that you can't "calm" or otherwise influence because you can't stand to sponge up the anxious or negative emotions they waft?

What's with the ENFJ stare? This one falls under "ask an ENFJ," but as long as I'm here....

And of course I read it as vulva.

Personally, I've taken a lot of time to introspect and I'm generally straightforward about myself. I can't speak for other ENFJs in this regard. I think it can be easier to hide from one's self in the focus of someone else's self. However, that can be exactly where our own special brand of enfj will show itself whether we acknowledge it or not.
I can't ignore others really if I gt an aura of facade or exaggeration. It pollutes the air around me, and radiates throughout a place. Others can be oblivious to it, and think me overreacting, but it's just not being seen or felt the same way.

I tend to stay away from many Estjs because they are frustrating to me, Esfjs because they can be excessively charming yet oblivious and stubborn depending, and Istjs because I just can't find a common ground.
I actually like INFPs at times because anything anxious/negative I might get from them I can advise, and not be put off by.
I don't try to calm INTJs because there's no point lol. Usually I find they are solid and there's no need, so I prefer to associate with them.

 

[Adfectus]

Personally, I've taken a lot of time to introspect and I'm generally straightforward about myself. I can't speak for other ENFJs in this regard.

I"m the exact same way. I always try to be as authentic and "me" as possible.

I can't ignore others really if I get an aura of facade or exaggeration. It pollutes the air around me, and radiates throughout a place. Others can be oblivious to it, and think me overreacting, but it's just not being seen or felt the same way.

SO MUCH YES.

I don't know how I know, but I just know when someone is putting on a facade and this huge amount of dislike and animosity just builds inside me. It's not that i dislike the person, it's that I dislike their fakeness. If it weren't for my dislike of conflict I'd be calling people out left and right.

It ruins my concentration if I'm around someone like that because I just get these awful feelings and thoughts of "oh my god stop, you're not that great" or "omg get over yourself" "ok we all know that's an exaggeration, stop lying" but really I'm the only one who seems to know it's an exaggeration.

I remember a specific example of this was freshmen year during my Nursing orientation. There was one girl there who had come from another more prestigious school and had built herself up as this amazing special snowflake. She had a possy of girls following her around praising her every word and I was just thinking "oh my god, if you were that great you'd still be over at that school. Why are you really here?" It just irritated me SO MUCH.

I have had her in many of my classes since and she's still continued to be so fake. She puts on an air of extreme niceness, but it's only to her benefit so that she can get things out of people. She acts really shy, sweet, and reserved where people are like "omg you're so cute, of course I'll help you". No. She's not cute, she's using you to her advantage. Even I have fallen prey to her tactics, only to be dissed and disregarded with no credit given towards the final product.

It irritates me so much that everyone thinks "she's soooooo nice" and are blind to everything she's doing. I believe she's highly insecure and puts on this persona as a false confidence. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she was an ENFJ herself using manipulation tactics and portraying the persona of an ISFJ to get what she wants.


On another note, am I the only one who has a bunch of ISTPs always trying to date me? Like no, it's really not gonna work.

 

[á´…eparted]

I"m the exact same way. I always try to be as authentic and "me" as possible.



SO MUCH YES.

I don't know how I know, but I just know when someone is putting on a facade and this huge amount of dislike and animosity just builds inside me. It's not that i dislike the person, it's that I dislike their fakeness. If it weren't for my dislike of conflict I'd be calling people out left and right.

It ruins my concentration if I'm around someone like that because I just get these awful feelings and thoughts of "oh my god stop, you're not that great" or "omg get over yourself" "ok we all know that's an exaggeration, stop lying" but really I'm the only one who seems to know it's an exaggeration.

I remember a specific example of this was freshmen year during my Nursing orientation. There was one girl there who had come from another more prestigious school and had built herself up as this amazing special snowflake. She had a possy of girls following her around praising her every word and I was just thinking "oh my god, if you were that great you'd still be over at that school. Why are you really here?" It just irritated me SO MUCH.

I have had her in many of my classes since and she's still continued to be so fake. She puts on an air of extreme niceness, but it's only to her benefit so that she can get things out of people. She acts really shy, sweet, and reserved where people are like "omg you're so cute, of course I'll help you". No. She's not cute, she's using you to her advantage. Even I have fallen prey to her tactics, only to be dissed and disregarded with no credit given towards the final product.

It irritates me so much that everyone thinks "she's soooooo nice" and are blind to everything she's doing. I believe she's highly insecure and puts on this persona as a false confidence. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she was an ENFJ herself using manipulation tactics and portraying the persona of an ISFJ to get what she wants.


On another note, am I the only one who has a bunch of ISTPs always trying to date me? Like no, it's really not gonna work.

I boil it down to "is this person shitty and doesn't belong here?" if the answer is yes I try to rid them somehow assuming it's a feasible and fair option. It's a mark of Fe really- who is in a group matters a lot and a single bad apple can spoil the barrel.

 

[Adfectus]

How do you generally "rid" people in a group? For me I tend to go to my friends individually and get an opinion from each one. I'll ask questions like "what did you think when they did X? I felt like they meant Y" and see what the response is. Usually it allows them to see how the person really is and one of my more blunt friends (ESFP) will usually handle it by calling them out on every dumb thing they do. We love her, haha.

 

[PeaceBaby]

I"m the exact same way. I always try to be as authentic and "me" as possible.

It's not that i dislike the person, it's that I dislike their fakeness. If it weren't for my dislike of conflict I'd be calling people out left and right.

Consider these two sentiments. What I am wondering is how authentic you are being since you don't "call out" people left and right. Could they not also call you out for your inauthenticity? Could the judgement of "fakeness" also be leveled against you?

 

[Adfectus]

I don't like calling out people because I'm generally the only one bothered by it, and I don't wanna cause unnecessary drama. I usually just stop talking to them and they tend to get the message that I'm either not buying it or they think I just don't like them. (I don't really care either way)

Personally I've never been accused of being inauthentic or anything so I can't really say, and idk if people might think that about me without saying it either. I don't think they do, though. I'd probably pick it up really easily If someone seemed to have something against me.

What I do mean by being authentic and "me" is that I'm generally straightforward with who I am and I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not. I also don't pretend to agree with other people's points of view if I feel it doesn't fit in with my principles. This causes some dislike amongst some people but it's either you like me or you don't. If you don't like me, I'll leave. I am definitely always open to discussion, but being open is a two way street. People can't expect me to be open to their ideas if they are not willing to be open to my point of view as well.

 

[ceecee]

How do you generally "rid" people in a group? For me I tend to go to my friends individually and get an opinion from each one. I'll ask questions like "what did you think when they did X? I felt like they meant Y" and see what the response is. Usually it allows them to see how the person really is and one of my more blunt friends (ESFP) will usually handle it by calling them out on every dumb thing they do. We love her, haha.

You love her because she has the backbone you lack. You are neither straightforward or authentic. You don't speak your mind, you use the group (or one individual in the group) to do your bidding.

 

[Adfectus]

You love her because she has the backbone you lack. You are neither straightforward or authentic. You don't speak your mind, you use the group (or one individual in the group) to do your bidding.

Define authentic. I don't feel that I'm being inauthentic for not calling people out on things I don't feel necessary, or have evidence to back up my claims. I'm usually good at telling when someone is exaggerating, but I never really have evidence as to how which is why I don't say things. Now if someone is being rude, disrespectful or mean I will definitely say something. My ESFP friend is just really good at remembering subtle things people say and will do things like "I thought you said X the other day?" Or "weren't you over at Y's house when that happened?" Which I had usually forgotten or dismissed.

It's not that I use her to do my bidding, I never ask or make her feel like she has to treat someone a certain way. She does everything on her own and has kind of taken on that role herself. Stuff like that rarely happens anyway.

 

[á´…eparted]

How do you generally "rid" people in a group? For me I tend to go to my friends individually and get an opinion from each one. I'll ask questions like "what did you think when they did X? I felt like they meant Y" and see what the response is. Usually it allows them to see how the person really is and one of my more blunt friends (ESFP) will usually handle it by calling them out on every dumb thing they do. We love her, haha.

There is a series of events I have to go through in order to get to that point. One of the biggest is to find out if the majority of people in the group dislike them for the reasons I do. The vast majority of those times those reasons are objective, and them being personal is coincidental. I'll simply point out my dislike of the person to an individual I am close with or gave off signs of feeling the same way. At that point, I effectively get everyone talking about their opinions on the person, clarify things and point out the reasons why I feel the way I do, and it goes from there. The vast majority of the time the person won't be removed, but they'll be blocked from ascending to a higher social position.

I don't really do much overtly, I simply make people aware of what they're already thinking since most aren't willing to speak their mind. If I discover the majority of the people like the person, I usually eat my words and deal with them. Most of the time, I'll come around to at minimum civility.

I don't like calling out people because I'm generally the only one bothered by it, and I don't wanna cause unnecessary drama. I usually just stop talking to them and they tend to get the message that I'm either not buying it or they think I just don't like them. (I don't really care either way).

Oh see I have no problem with calling people out. I do it readily .