[INFJ] INFJ's - Basing Reactions According to Big Picture

[lillyofthevalley]

I hope I can get my thoughts across here. Do you often unconsciously assess the 'bigger picture' automatically before reacting to a situation? For example: At a restaurant with a group of people, the waitress (Hispanic) was taking our order for drinks. One of our group asked for a 'Blue Hawaiian' but the waitress was having trouble understanding what our group member was saying. Another one in the group got real testy with the lady. I shot the group member a dirty look. His final words were that the establishment should not hire people who don't speak perfect English. To me, it was irrelevant. The waitress was here, we were here, why not help the waitress until she got it right?

Here's another scenario: Someone may be telling me about DVD players and without realizing it they may interject the wrong word. For example, they may at some point say TV instead of DVD player. I don't correct them because I know what they mean, what's the point? Yet, I'll be interrupted all the time by my BF which causes the conversation to stop. I've asked him before, "do you know what I'm talking about"? Yes. "Then why is it a big deal to correct me?" I have no problem with someone telling me I said the wrong word after I'm done, I just don't see the necessity to interrupt people for something that simple. Unfortunately, for some people, interjecting the wrong word completely confuses them, I guess. In that case, it's important to stop the conversation to clarify it.

It would be different if I was giving an important demonstration at work or something but otherwise...who cares?

Is this something that other INFJ's experience often?

 

[Aquarelle]

Yes. On both counts.

 

[Quay]

I hope I can get my thoughts across here. Do you often unconsciously assess the 'bigger picture' automatically before reacting to a situation? For example: At a restaurant with a group of people, the waitress (Hispanic) was taking our order for drinks. One of our group asked for a 'Blue Hawaiian' but the waitress was having trouble understanding what our group member was saying. Another one in the group got real testy with the lady. I shot the group member a dirty look. His final words were that the establishment should not hire people who don't speak perfect English. To me, it was irrelevant. The waitress was here, we were here, why not help the waitress until she got it right?

Here's another scenario: Someone may be telling me about DVD players and without realizing it they may interject the wrong word. For example, they may at some point say TV instead of DVD player. I don't correct them because I know what they mean, what's the point? Yet, I'll be interrupted all the time by my BF which causes the conversation to stop. I've asked him before, "do you know what I'm talking about"? Yes. "Then why is it a big deal to correct me?" I have no problem with someone telling me I said the wrong word after I'm done, I just don't see the necessity to interrupt people for something that simple. Unfortunately, for some people, interjecting the wrong word completely confuses them, I guess. In that case, it's important to stop the conversation to clarify it.

It would be different if I was giving an important demonstration at work or something but otherwise...who cares?

Is this something that other INFJ's experience often?

lolyes.

That first situation....I'm like you. I don't see the point. I've been around people who get hostile and upset with store proprietors and other people of service for similar reasons. I've also been in situations where I was outright addressed with hostility by someone who was supposed to be providing me customer service, but I didn't play into it. I don't see the reason, especially if the current mood was not my fault. I usually ask the person how the day is going, and get the weird look like I was supposed to cuss the person out instead. The transaction goes smoothly afterwards. I don't know why it works but it does so I'm keeping it..

The word slippage issue. heh....
I notice it all the time, and disregard it just like yourself since I know what the person is talking about. I get annoyed that I'm not given that same leeway, even though my annoyance is irrational...if I didn't point out the mistake, how were they supposed to know they made it and that I disregarded it?

But this above issue is some of the reason why I have problems in relationships....

 

[Tiltyred]

For the first situation, I just switch to Spanish.

For the second, me, too. If I know what you're talking about, it doesn't matter what you call it.

I think of it as the Cut To The Chase mentality.

 

[Phantonym]

I think of it as the Cut To The Chase mentality.

Yes, that's a good way of putting it.

Is this something that other INFJ's experience often?

I do this too, unless I occasionally, purposefully with some people purely for comical purposes, don't.

 

[Sailboat]

Yes on both. I often brush over stuff like that because I don't care enough to bring it up. I don't see things like that as a big deal usually.

I remember once I went out to eat with my loud, extroverted friend. It was a Friday night and we had to wait over 30 minutes to get in. It was slightly annoying to me, but whatever, I understood that it made sense, because it's Friday night. I had to talk my friend out of complaining (loudly) to the hostess about how long we had to wait when we got called in, as if she had anything to do with the crowd and time. I didn't see the point or how it would help anything, and I was annoyed more with my friend than having to wait. Anyone else feel like this?

 

[eclare]

I was just thinking about this this morning. I was walking to the subway on my way to work, and I got a catcall from a a passing truck. Now, from a fundamental perspective, I find catcalls to be objectifying and offensive, not to mention rude. If I caught someone I know doing it, I would probably tell them off. But, as I kept walking and thinking about how I should feel (because God knows I can't feel an emotion unless I think about it first) I decided that, since I would never see this driver again it was just easier to take the catcall as a compliment and move on rather than sit there and stew on it.

I'm not sure if I would categorize the waitress's misunderstanding issue as a big picture thing, as much as a decent human being thing.

 

[Aquarelle]

Yes on both. I often brush over stuff like that because I don't care enough to bring it up. I don't see things like that as a big deal usually.

I remember once I went out to eat with my loud, extroverted friend. It was a Friday night and we had to wait over 30 minutes to get in. It was slightly annoying to me, but whatever, I understood that it made sense, because it's Friday night. I had to talk my friend out of complaining (loudly) to the hostess about how long we had to wait when we got called in, as if she had anything to do with the crowd and time. I didn't see the point or how it would help anything, and I was annoyed more with my friend than having to wait. Anyone else feel like this?

Yes! I can't stand seeing people told off for things they have no control over. That's probably an empathy thing more than a big picture thing, but the two are related in this instance. Big picture says, yeah, waiting is annoying, but in the grand scheme of things, it totally doesn't matter. Empathy says, don't tell that poor girl off, it's not her fault it's busy!

 

[Virulence]

Waiting doesn't bother me at all. I like managing my time well, so waiting the extra 5-30 minutes to buy a cup of coffee or to get a seat at a restaurant doesn't bother me at all. On the other hand, if I have, say... A doctor's appointment at a specific time and they leave me waiting in the lobby for more than 15 minutes after that time, when I've shown up early and signed in? I get irritated and feel obligated to complain and make the point of, "I had an appointment at this time. You didn't keep your side of this arrangement, I am not happy, and if it isn't resolved in the next ten minutes I'm leaving."

 

[garbage]

Pedantry is about the worst thing in the world, yeah

If you understand me, then let's push forward past these minor quibbles. Getting ideas across is the entire point of having a conversation in the first place.

I've asked him before, "do you know what I'm talking about"? Yes. "Then why is it a big deal to correct me?"

I would love to hear if he actually had an answer for this

 

[Billy]

I hope I can get my thoughts across here. Do you often unconsciously assess the 'bigger picture' automatically before reacting to a situation? For example: At a restaurant with a group of people, the waitress (Hispanic) was taking our order for drinks. One of our group asked for a 'Blue Hawaiian' but the waitress was having trouble understanding what our group member was saying. Another one in the group got real testy with the lady. I shot the group member a dirty look. His final words were that the establishment should not hire people who don't speak perfect English. To me, it was irrelevant. The waitress was here, we were here, why not help the waitress until she got it right?

Here's another scenario: Someone may be telling me about DVD players and without realizing it they may interject the wrong word. For example, they may at some point say TV instead of DVD player. I don't correct them because I know what they mean, what's the point? Yet, I'll be interrupted all the time by my BF which causes the conversation to stop. I've asked him before, "do you know what I'm talking about"? Yes. "Then why is it a big deal to correct me?" I have no problem with someone telling me I said the wrong word after I'm done, I just don't see the necessity to interrupt people for something that simple. Unfortunately, for some people, interjecting the wrong word completely confuses them, I guess. In that case, it's important to stop the conversation to clarify it.

It would be different if I was giving an important demonstration at work or something but otherwise...who cares?

Is this something that other INFJ's experience often?

Yes that accurately describes how I let a lot of stuff slide in life. In the scope of things something so petty isnt worth getting upset over. Its easier to just correct the situation so that it works properly. And everyone comes out on top.

 

[Affably Evil]

Yes that accurately describes how I let a lot of stuff slide in life. In the scope of things something so petty isnt worth getting upset over. Its easier to just correct the situation so that it works properly. And everyone comes out on top.

Exactly this. I'd rather have a smooth situation than to punish someone for making it temporarily unsmooth. It bothers me when people cause more friction than there was originally unnecessarily, especially when I don't see it leading to any kind of solution.

 

[lillyofthevalley]

I would love to hear if he actually had an answer for this

I've called him on it a few times, he doesn't have much to say...but by this time the conversation has gone off on a tangent.

Another scenario: Worker #1 needs someone to cover a shift so he asks worker #2 if she will cover for him. Worker #2 respectfully apologizes and says that she can't but gives no reason. When worker # 1 mentions it to another coworker, he is asked what the explanation was from worker #2 as to why she couldn't cover. Worker #1 says "I don't know, she didn't say." Now coworker says "Well, why didn't you ask, I would have", as if worker #1 has a screw loose. The fact is, it may not be important to worker #1, if he gets turned down by one person, the only important thing is to move on to try getting coverage from another...end of story.

A scenario of what my ex-husband was like: I open a cupboard, out falls a vase and breaks in a million bits. When the hubby comes home I tell him that the vase broke. He asks how it happened...I tell him. Now all the questions start....Why was it in that cupboard anyway? Why wasn't it placed further back on the shelf? I finally get pissed off and yell, "It's broken, an accident, it's over and done with, let's just move on!" The deed is done and the fact remains...sheesh!

 

[Tiltyred]

Stop telling on yourself! And when you get the 3rd degree, answer something vague and stupid. Eventually, they will know better than to ask you. I would have been wide-eyed and "I don't know!" to all those questions.

 

[garbage]

Another scenario: Worker #1 needs someone to cover a shift so he asks worker #2 if she will cover for him. Worker #2 respectfully apologizes and says that she can't but gives no reason. When worker # 1 mentions it to another coworker, he is asked what the explanation was from worker #2 as to why she couldn't cover. Worker #1 says "I don't know, she didn't say." Now coworker says "Well, why didn't you ask, I would have", as if worker #1 has a screw loose. The fact is, it may not be important to worker #1, if he gets turned down by one person, the only important thing is to move on to try getting coverage from another...end of story.

A scenario of what my ex-husband was like: I open a cupboard, out falls a vase and breaks in a million bits. When the hubby comes home I tell him that the vase broke. He asks how it happened...I tell him. Now all the questions start....Why was it in that cupboard anyway? Why wasn't it placed further back on the shelf? I finally get pissed off and yell, "It's broken, an accident, it's over and done with, let's just move on!" The deed is done and the fact remains...sheesh!

God, you continue describe the worst things in the world. Let's all incessantly drill people and hope that that helps anything at all

People like your ex sometimes shut up when they finally get to a "why" that's their fault. Other times, they try to turn it back on others. In any case, they tend to believe that anyone who does anything different from what they'd do is apparently just a huge incapable retard

derp