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[ENFJ] My crazy ENFJ friend

swordpath

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As a judgmental ISTJ, what is the best way to deal with this incredibly fickle/crazy (and no shortage of sharing all her fleeting thoughts) friend-that's-a-girl of mine? We talk often on the phone and so often do I find myself criticizing and tearing her down. She's a real sweet girl but holy shit, completely goes against my grain personality wise. Maybe some fellow ENFJs can shed light.
 

alcea rosea

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I'm not ENFJ but I would suggest that you let her be what she is. So no judging! :1377: :)
 

CzeCze

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I'm not ENFJ but I would suggest that you let her be what she is. So no judging! :1377: :)

Kekeke.

I have a good friend who is ISTJ and I know I drive her crazy. She tells me frequently. My life decisions frustrate her and she has told me make no sense to her.

But ah, such is the beauty of friendship.
 

runvardh

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My ISTJ friend has given up on criticizing me mostly because I have created a history of understanding a situation better than him. I turned him into someone who requests my advice on situations, especially when it concerns the girls he likes.
 

Domino

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I know, from personal experience, that there's sometimes a "hiccup" in translation between ISTJs and ENFJs. I have no idea what this is or why/how it happens, but I've seen it happen many times. I don't usually have problems with ISTJs, but I know that they find my levels of impracticality to be frequently flabbergasting. My ENFP sister seems to speak their crazy ISTJ moon language by instinct, whereas I find myself hoping I don't make them insane with my near-complete disconnect with Terra Firma. I really like ISTJs and got along great with the ones who are circulating around my sister (I used to hope I'd get an ISTJ BIL because I liked them so much! :D), and I try to be more like Jaye so I don't maybe make their eyes cross with my floopiness. *laughs*

Is there something in particular that she's doing to make you crazy, Beatastic? Like she's telling you a bunch of stuff and asking advice but not taking it? That kind of thing?
 

swordpath

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I know, from personal experience, that there's sometimes a "hiccup" in translation between ISTJs and ENFJs. I have no idea what this is or why/how it happens, but I've seen it happen many times. I don't usually have problems with ISTJs, but I know that they find my levels of impracticality to be frequently flabbergasting. My ENFP sister seems to speak their crazy ISTJ moon language by instinct, whereas I find myself hoping I don't make them insane with my near-complete disconnect with Terra Firma. I really like ISTJs and got along great with the ones who are circulating around my sister (I used to hope I'd get an ISTJ BIL because I liked them so much! :D), and I try to be more like Jaye so I don't maybe make their eyes cross with my floopiness. *laughs*

Is there something in particular that she's doing to make you crazy, Beatastic? Like she's telling you a bunch of stuff and asking advice but not taking it? That kind of thing?
haha. I must know what "floopiness" is...

Yes, there are things in particular that she does that makes my head spin. She definitely asks for advice a lot and even agrees that it's good/right but doesn't follow through with it (often the case). She's very clingy (as in she ALWAYS wants to talk). She juggles between "needing" several boys that she has in rotation. She'll get real down about something not working out with one guy and then 5 minutes later she doesn't care anymore but she "needs" her ex bf, or something like that.

A few months back she was in a relationship with her boyfriend at the time, they were physical but didn't ever do the deed. Both of them wanted to wait until marriage. Present day: she is having a sexual relationship with a guy she works with but is not "together" with. They are just friends and they only do physical stuff when they're both drunk. Recently she claimed she needed to not hang out with him outside of work because she didn't feel like it was beneficial for her well being. She threw that notion out the window, I believe the next day, and last night... they did their thing again. It's just frustrating. Especially cause she always wants to include me in all her life's details and most of them irritate me.

It sounds like I'm bashing my friend but I'm not trying to. She is funny, smart , sweet and fun but...... :doh:
 

Domino

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haha. I must know what "floopiness" is...

Yes, there are things in particular that she does that makes my head spin. She definitely asks for advice a lot and even agrees that it's good/right but doesn't follow through with it (often the case). She's very clingy (as in she ALWAYS wants to talk). She juggles between "needing" several boys that she has in rotation. She'll get real down about something not working out with one guy and then 5 minutes later she doesn't care anymore but she "needs" her ex bf, or something like that.

A few months back she was in a relationship with her boyfriend at the time, they were physical but didn't ever do the deed. Both of them wanted to wait until marriage. Present day: she is having a sexual relationship with a guy she works with but is not "together" with. They are just friends and they only do physical stuff when they're both drunk. Recently she claimed she needed to not hang out with him outside of work because she didn't feel like it was beneficial for her well being. She threw that notion out the window, I believe the next day, and last night... they did their thing again. It's just frustrating. Especially cause she always wants to include me in all her life's details and most of them irritate me.

It sounds like I'm bashing my friend but I'm not trying to. She is funny, smart , sweet and fun but...... :doh:


Dude. Are you kidding? She'd drive ME crazy.
 

swordpath

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Not kidding. That's just a fraction of stuff.

I guess I just live with the fact that I have a crazy friend.
 

The Third Rider

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Dude......run way, seriously............ I am not sure that she knows what she wants in life and she is only making you miserable in the process. I know that my moods can change faster than the New England weather(why can't it be stable damn it?!?:cry: ) but at least try to keep them to myself and not make others miserable . I have a friend who offers me advice only once and if I come back and ask him for advice on the same topic he might give another advice or he will get mad and tell me that he already answered that question for me and if I don't take his advise to please leave him alone and goes back to his routines. In a way that makes me take his advice more seriously because he is clear with what he tells me and he will not repeat himself twice because is a waste of time for him. In reality I don't really think that she wants your advice, I think that what she needs/wants is for someone to listen to her problems (A.K.A hear her bitching about life). Sometimes you need to be tough with the ones you love brother........



PS, don't fall for her victimization (is that even a word?) techniques.
 

proteanmix

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This is the correct answer I think. My best friend is a female ENFJ (my own assessment, not tested) and in my experience when they are talking things over with someone they are doing it more because they are working things out in their head for themselves. When I give her advice it's like it takes a while for the advice to be integrated into her world view. She really hates to be pushed in any direction she isn't ready to go so I find it best to take an informing style of communication and point out things which back up my advice to try and lead her in the direction she needs to go like following a trail of breadcrumbs.

This is the probably what your ENFJ wants. For myself, I'm trying to make it clear to those I voice my disgruntlement to when I just want them to listen and when I want solutions. More often than not, I just want the listening part because I've already decided on a course of action but I still feel like I haven't vented what was frustrating me fully. When your ENFJ is in just listen mode, allow her to voice her incomplete thoughts without calling them illogical or trying to apply logic to them at that moment. When she moves into solution mode then you can start helping her mature her thoughts.

As for this ENFJ's flakiness, I don't know what to say about that. Is this her typical pattern of behavior or did something happen? To echo The Third Rider, I try not to splash all over people so you could be in a position of her trusting you enough to see behind the curtains or she's legitimately mentally unhealthy. If she's mentally unhealthy then you need to decide if you want to stick with her during this state.
 

Lookin4theBestNU

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Thanks for not making her or your problem w/her sound like the spawn of evil ENFJness...much appreciated:hug:. I was a bit worried by the title ;). My relationships with ISTJs have always had the same tone...one of mutual bewilderment and often (unintentional) amusement. I don't think I'm missing anything here but should probably check. Is she somehow hurting you emotionally, physically, or otherwise? If she isn't then your criticisms (logical, grounded advice hopefully) is probably exactly what she not only wants but needs in the midst of chaos. She may not take action but I can bet she is listening and thinking about it. I imagine you to be a very good friend :)!
 
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