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  1. #391

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    INFP 5w4 Male here. I've apparently jumped into a box. Don't box me in man!
    Seriously though, I'm very much emotionally reserved in public and even with friends I tend to discuss their issues and emotions in a very empathetic but clinical manner (I'm understanding but not about to cry with you). Also, I tend to discuss beliefs more than feelings when talking. Not sure if that's the 5 in me or male social training (suck it up buttercup mentality we men impose upon ourselves) or both. I just can't relate to the INFP males are softies thing that society pitches. Am I off in the clouds half the time? Absolutely. Am I commanded by a rigid set of personal values? Definitely. Am I over the top masculine? No. Nor am I a trembling bowl of emotional jello.
    Anyway, that's my first post here and I'd like to say it's nice to know I'm not alone in being a somewhat disorganized, scatterbrained, introverted idealist.
    Likes The Cat, happyburrito, xenaprincess, Qlip liked this post

  2. #392
    Senior Member HisKittyKat's Avatar
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    I think it goes to show how uneducated people are with Fi. To begin with Fi isn't an expression of emotions or feelings, so for those to say Fi especially INFPs are too emotional, you have no Idea what you are talking about. You can ask anyone I know and they would tell you I am NOT an emotional person, actually they would tell you quite the opposite, they wish I was much more emotionally expressive so they could read me better.

    And why is Fi so unemotional, well for me personally its completely Illogical and Irrational to go around day to day expressing my emotions for the sake of it. Why would I want to burden others with what I'm feeling all the time, doing so would be the ultimate selfish act a person can do for another.

    Fi is all about what we value, not what we feel. Feelings and emotions are two completely different kettle of fish. I may express what I feel about a particular value, however this is not an extension of my core emotions. 9/10 people on public MBTI forums such as this haven't a single clue how Fi is processed. People correlate the F with emotions and Independent expressions with selfishness which in and of itself is quite comical. There is nothing selfish about staying true to your authentic self first, it is a sign of self love to care about and make sure we are happy/content within. Whom ever has a problem with me loving myself enough to base my feelings on whatever makes me feel good , C U, I don't give it any consideration.

    It's been said often, and even if I haven't been a member here long, I read it many times over in this forum also. Fi thinks about themselves before other people, hum, so Ignorant. Yes, true Fi doesn't attach our decisions on the object meaning YOU, however Fi is very much about making sure that everyone else is also happy and content in relationships. Fi goes out of its way to make sure the needs of others are taken care of, sometimes to the point of giving others what they need before taking care of ourselves. So you can't have it both ways, sometimes we are stereotyped as selfish, other times as people pleasing, so which one is it ? I'll tell you which one it is, NEITHER. Fi wants to have the ultimate relationship with the self and others equally. However at the end of the day Fi NEEDS to be satisfied with the overall self Internally, so therefore bc we love ourselves first we have to make sure that love is given before we can attempt to love another. Peace ! Carry on and get educated lol

  3. #393
    Kawaii Jazzy Orchid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HisKittyKat View Post
    I think it goes to show how uneducated people are with Fi. To begin with Fi isn't an expression of emotions or feelings, so for those to say Fi especially INFPs are too emotional, you have no Idea what you are talking about. You can ask anyone I know and they would tell you I am NOT an emotional person, actually they would tell you quite the opposite, they wish I was much more emotionally expressive so they could read me better.

    And why is Fi so unemotional, well for me personally its completely Illogical and Irrational to go around day to day expressing my emotions for the sake of it. Why would I want to burden others with what I'm feeling all the time, doing so would be the ultimate selfish act a person can do for another.

    Fi is all about what we value, not what we feel. Feelings and emotions are two completely different kettle of fish. I may express what I feel about a particular value, however this is not an extension of my core emotions. 9/10 people on public MBTI forums such as this haven't a single clue how Fi is processed. People correlate the F with emotions and Independent expressions with selfishness which in and of itself is quite comical. There is nothing selfish about staying true to your authentic self first, it is a sign of self love to care about and make sure we are happy/content within. Whom ever has a problem with me loving myself enough to base my feelings on whatever makes me feel good , C U, I don't give it any consideration.

    It's been said often, and even if I haven't been a member here long, I read it many times over in this forum also. Fi thinks about themselves before other people, hum, so Ignorant. Yes, true Fi doesn't attach our decisions on the object meaning YOU, however Fi is very much about making sure that everyone else is also happy and content in relationships. Fi goes out of its way to make sure the needs of others are taken care of, sometimes to the point of giving others what they need before taking care of ourselves. So you can't have it both ways, sometimes we are stereotyped as selfish, other times as people pleasing, so which one is it ? I'll tell you which one it is, NEITHER. Fi wants to have the ultimate relationship with the self and others equally. However at the end of the day Fi NEEDS to be satisfied with the overall self Internally, so therefore bc we love ourselves first we have to make sure that love is given before we can attempt to love another. Peace ! Carry on and get educated lol
    as an Fi I approve this message.

  4. #394
    Member Krys's Avatar
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    Sometimes I find the outwardly indifferent quality of Fi to be a double-edged sword in my life. On one hand, I appreciate the privacy it gives me --my feelings aren't on public display and I like it that way. On the other hand, my best friend (for sure an extrovert and a feeler although i'm uncertain which) sometimes asks me things like "On a scale of one to ten how much do you love me?" as a joke mostly but it's one of those half-serious ones. I'm usually okay with this, but when she wants more overt displays of verbal affection. Well...I've always been terribly hesitant to voice that kind of stuff. It makes me wildly uncomfortable because my emotions are so intense, and when i do it, I have to purposefully change my tone of voice because my normal one lacks inflection --so i always sound disingenuous, which is far from the truth! I feel really bad about it and I've told her that I'm not naturally good at it, but I think she's translated that into me being kind of callous?

    An example: She likes reading astrology signs and jokes that mine (Cancer) sounds nothing like me. "You're not motherly at all," she said.

    I mean it's mostly true: I'm not. But does she not think I'll be there for her? I'm probably reading too much into this but combined with other things, mostly tonal shifts, slips of the tongue, and other such clues, i've intuited that she doesn't think I'll do things for her when she needs me to. Probably also my own fault: Fi means that if I don't feel like going out I'm going to say no, or if I dont want to watch a certain tv show because it doesnt interest me, I wont. which i think she sees as rejection.

    Another time we were talking about star wars, and she said that i was nothing like Luke because I would never drop everything to go help her, and would instead complete my training because it was what needed to be done. (Y'know that scene when Luke stops his training with Yoda to go help his friends). I think she meant it as a compliment in a weird way, that I'm oh so logical or something, but that kinda hurt. I didn't say anything back because I guess I feel like i kinda dug my own hole? although the fact that luke is also a Fi user was just soooo ironic on so many levels.

    I guess i'm unloading here a bit but if this isn't an INFP problem, then woooopsy doodle. Anyway if anyone has advice, I am all ears.

  5. #395
    courage, dear heart ♥ DulcetRefrain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Can you comment on the tendancy to cocoon when you guys need to sort something out of think it over? What are you doing during that process (when to the outside it may look like reading, playing video games, smoking etc)? How do you go about solving the problem at hand? (I've heard some INFPs say that they have to complete tear down the existing stuff and start from scratch) Do you want people to leave you alone, or respectfully check in on you now and again?
    ^That is definitely my coping mechanism, if I'm upset I have a tendency to immerse myself in everything that matters to me. Usually it's my favorite music, movies, and youtube. The latter might sound strange, but I like to look at creative & emotional animated short films and a few creative youtubers I follow. All of this helps me think things through, reminds me of who I am, what matters to me, stuff like that. I guess being around everything I like helps me feel more like "me" and I get a clearer perspective. I also write, I don't usually know where to start but then I end up hoping I don't use up too many pages in my journal haha. I think my process is very intricate, so it's hard to explain. But essentially I try to just embrace what I feel and why first. Then I move on to what the other person may have felt. Then after that I decide if I should feel better or worse. It takes really long to go through all this but it does help me in the end. Typically I like to be left alone, but depending on the problem or the person I wouldn't mind them comforting me.

    My other infp problems:
    -I'm definitely very idealistic, sometimes I wish what I felt matched up better with reality but I'm also very aware of its harshness, I'm starting to get better at keeping my expectations realistic though. I also tend to idealise people, believing that if I just treat them well and make them feel loved, that I'll get the same in return. But it's always easier for people to be loved than to love.
    -I am very guarded. I want people to get to know me yet I'm very reserved. I guess I want to see genuine consistent interest in me so I feel ready to open up. Good listening and trusting them is key too, if they talk more than listen or have bad attention spans I wont confide. If they gossip or have some other trait I dislike, then I also wont open up. If they don't try to understand then I also don't share.
    -I'm awful at verbal communication. With writing its so much easier for me to express my thoughts and real feelings. I never say enough when I speak, or it doesn't come across the way I want it to. And i end up frustrated with myself because it just makes people confused or they come to a conclusion that isnt true. It's especially awful when I cant make my point because all my thoughts get jumbled and I'm feeling really emotional.
    -I'm very sensitive, I have gotten better at laughing things off and putting up with a lot. But then I get upset when people take advantage of that. I partially blame myself for letting it happen, but I also don't wanna be a crybaby haha..
    -I don't voice my needs enough, I expect people to realize them and treat me with the same love I give them. When people don't treat me the way I want them to I become distant from them.
    -I let people underestimate my abilities a lot, even though I know what I'm capable of.
    -I doubt myself a lot too, which holds me back.
    -I can be passive, sometimes too much. But lately I feel like that's been getting way better.
    -I can procrastinate really bad sometimes, probably to make up for being clean and organized most of the time (blame it on ISxJ parents lol)

    there's probably more but I can't really think of it right now lol
    I am no bird, and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will.

    I was quiet, but I was not blind.
    I would always rather be happy than dignified.

  6. #396
    Kawaii Jazzy Orchid's Avatar
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    idealism makes it hard to tolerate reality sometimes.

  7. #397
    Bismuths Darling Prince Amethyst Archon's Avatar
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    He he he he the biggest common INFP problem is being INFP he he he he he he. If you look over there you shall see a ENTP smirking . Opps hes not there now he he h ehe.
    Pisces Sun-Libra Moon-Libra Rising


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  8. #398
    Kawaii Jazzy Orchid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat Brainz View Post
    He he he he the biggest common INFP problem is being INFP he he he he he he. If you look over there you shall see a ENTP smirking . Opps hes not there now he he h ehe.
    get out of our pretty thread you evil cat :p

  9. #399
    Terpsichore Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Population: 1 View Post
    INFP 5w4 Male here. I've apparently jumped into a box. Don't box me in man! Seriously though, I'm very much emotionally reserved in public and even with friends I tend to discuss their issues and emotions in a very empathetic but clinical manner (I'm understanding but not about to cry with you). Also, I tend to discuss beliefs more than feelings when talking. Not sure if that's the 5 in me or male social training (suck it up buttercup mentality we men impose upon ourselves) or both. I just can't relate to the INFP males are softies thing that society pitches. Am I off in the clouds half the time? Absolutely. Am I commanded by a rigid set of personal values? Definitely. Am I over the top masculine? No. Nor am I a trembling bowl of emotional jello. Anyway, that's my first post here and I'd like to say it's nice to know I'm not alone in being a somewhat disorganized, scatterbrained, introverted idealist.
    Likes Population: 1 liked this post

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