[ENFP] Ask an ENFP.. For real!

[Zarathustra]

Check the signature.

 

[Zarathustra]

I think that ESFP, ESTP, ENFP and ENTP e7s are also more likely to be non-conformists...unconventional...rejecting of social institutions like marriage, etc. So it is probably difficult to get an appropriate measure. I do not even remotely identify with this wandering eye thing...and I do see that applied more often to the 7w8 in e7 descriptions...as the 6 wing is supposed to bring a sense of loyalty into the mix...(which I do believe it does). Still...I will say that my gay ENFP 7w6 so/sx...she does seem to have a big appetite for beautiful women and flirting...but it is totally harmless...and her SO is not threatened in the least. She knows who she's coming home to at night.

i don't relate to it either...not in terms of relationships.

i wonder often what it would be like if i lived in another city or had a different job...or how things will be in 5 yrs or 10 etc etc
but what i value most is having a loving committed relationship and super close bonds with my friends and family and nothing in my life would matter in quite the same way without them to share it with
i value becoming more and more intimate with my chosen person
i value growing together and pushing each other and becoming better versions of ourselves
i value letting them all the way in and feeling completely known

i value lots of things that come from long term relationships and pretty much nothing that comes from short lived lustful encounters

Thank you for your points of view, ladies.

They've been added to the matrix.

 

[INTP]

Check the signature.

im flattered that someone thinks me of so highly that he sacrifices his signature just for me

ps. did you get it? that was sarcasm(you know http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9ooWbZcS-I), really im just amused by your immaturity and like to make fun of it. but on the other hand, i feel immature when making fun of someone elses immaturity, so i guess we can be kids together?

 

[Rasofy]

ps. did you get it? that was sarcasm(you know http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9ooWbZcS-I),

This sounded serious enough:

i have seen similar thing happening regularly between my INTJ and INFP friends and it only leads the INFP feeling miserable and the INTJ not understanding the influence he has on the INFP.

 

[skylights]

Well I feel like answering things right now. So I will.

Once I get to know ENFP wimmenz, we usually like each other - a lot! So, here's the question: Can you be happy as my girlfriend even if I don't give you constant, 24/7 attention? It sounds bad, but can't you, like, go away for a couple days or "go do some girl stuff for long periods of time without calling me" and still be happy? I promise if you do this one little thing, then the time we spend together will be absolutely phonomenal! Because I'll be refreshed, clear-minded, and ready to mingle with you (Ne to Ne, no less).

This is a serious (non-critical) question. Is it just too much to ask of an ENFP because they thrive on interaction with their loved ones?

Given, I am an e6 sx-first, but for me the answer is, in a romantic relationship, I really thrive on near-constant interaction. A day apart every week or so is fine but more than two days apart, or frequent partings, feels unnecessary. In general, the more we are together, the easier things flow between us, I feel. The more we see and seek of each other. It also boosts my mood and helps me stabilize. I tend to get dark inside when I'm alone.

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And surprise, surprise, no video was ever made...

Go Team ENFP!!!

:girlpower:

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How long is yer *average* attention span?

*cough*

Well that really depends on the focus. It can be anything from years if I'm captivated completely to mere seconds if I'm not.

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What do you generally think of ESTJs?

Generally very good people, very attractive. Headstrong, reasonable, stable, rational, active, driven, upright. Genuine and easy to trust. Might come off strong to some, but I don't usually have a problem with that. They often seem to be seeking the same things in life I am, which may be some enneagram playing in.

On the downside, I am happiest when tossing theoretics around, and it seems like those sorts of ideas are much less important to SJs in general than to me, so it's hard to sustain conversation about those ideas - which is disappointing to me, since they are my breath of life. That's really only a problem in close, isolated relationships, though.

But seriously, I have ENFP questions, since I've got one in my life. I like him a lot, but he puzzles me sometimes.
Do you have a tendency to want to be everything to everyone?

Yes. It's very fulfilling to be able to add to someone's quality of life, and it's very personally pleasing to be specially meaningful to someone because you were able to do that for them, especially if it's something no one else has been able to do before. It's very much a win-win situation in my mind.

Do you feel emotionally responsible for other people?

To some extent. If someone is experiencing a negative emotion, I try to help them come back to neutral, for everyone's good. I generally feel like if I can help someone without burdening myself very much, then morally, I should. I also tend to feel very uncomfortable if it seems like I've made someone upset, so I generally will try to ameliorate that. However, I don't usually feel responsible in the sense that it's my fault someone feels _____.

Do you change your mind often? What drives you to change your mind?

Yes, and usually it's a minor top-down paradigm shift. Generally what happens is that I'll change some small aspect of how I perceive a certain issue, and then the effects of that change in perception trickle down to minor life choices, so it makes me seem quite fickle. Though I have learned over time that there is some comforting constancy in the fact that I probably will change my mind again. Got blue, didn't like it the next day; oh well, I'll probably like it again in a week or so.

Do you easily learn from your mistakes?

Haha well. For the most part, I'm a shitty experiential learner. I learn so much better from conceptual big-picture overviews. I mean, I do learn from my mistakes eventually, but I'm more likely to just screw up again in pursuit of some ideal, whereas if I've learned some major concepts of what not to do first, it's much easier for me to avoid mistakes.

How do you take care of yourself, emotionally? (What recharges you?)

Positive, inspirational things, mostly. I love poetry, art, fantasy stories, quotations, humanistic stories, good news, stuff like that. When I'm really tired, I really seek out comfort, like hot bath/shower, swimming, warm sun, fluffy blanket, fluffy bed, fluffy pillow, soft robe, soft clothes, warm bodies, sex, soothing music, comfort food, etc.

Too much? I think that's it for now. Thanks in advance for any insights.

Not too much! It's fun to respond.



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Why does ENFP seem to be the most common type on Typology Central?

Well. We are conceptual, social, lazy, and excitable. We are pretty much made for intellectual forums.

dont inhibit your expressions because some INTJ doesent understand you!!!. its their problem if they dont understand what haha means, not yours, so its not your responsibility to change what you say, but their responsibility to understand. i have seen similar thing happening regularly between my INTJ and INFP friends and it only leads the INFP feeling miserable and the INTJ not understanding the influence he has on the INFP.

Actually, this is what really, really made me uncomfortable about a relationship I had with an ENFJ. I felt like I was giving up myself often to suit the direction that the ENFJ's Ni was taking us, because to maintain the strength of the connection between us, I had to keep bending to the Ni demands - because Ni, as malleable as it may seem from an insider's perspective, is really quite razor-sharp from the outside, and will not hesitate to cut you out if you are no longer fulfilling what it has decided is your part in the vision...

Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty good read...

I'm worried that ENFPs need constant attention 24/7 if you're in a LTR with them.

I can't be a babysitter for my SO; I want quality time, but they need to be able to handle their own.

And I don't want that free time turning into "oh, since you weren't here, I went out and met this guy friend, but don't worry, it's totally not like that!"

The thing for me is, I don't want a babysitter either, but I really like the constant stimulation. It's hard to be an extravert and then to have the person closest to you needing a lot of alone time, because they're the one you primarily seek out for socializing. Though I'm really personally very happy to spend hours with the other person in parallel solitary activity, such as being on our computers in the same room. I imagine that for those ENFPs who LTR with introverts, they will almost have to have a stable social network outside the introvert that can buoy them while they wait.

 

[Lady_X]

Well I feel like answering things right now. So I will.



Given, I am an e6 sx-first, but for me the answer is, in a romantic relationship, I really thrive on near-constant interaction. A day apart every week or so is fine but more than two days apart, or frequent partings, feels unnecessary. In general, the more we are together, the easier things flow between us, I feel. The more we see and seek of each other. It also boosts my mood and helps me stabilize. I tend to get dark inside when I'm alone.

-





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Well that really depends on the focus. It can be anything from years if I'm captivated completely to mere seconds if I'm not.

-



Generally very good people, very attractive. Headstrong, reasonable, stable, rational, active, driven, upright. Genuine and easy to trust. Might come off strong to some, but I don't usually have a problem with that. They often seem to be seeking the same things in life I am, which may be some enneagram playing in.

On the downside, I am happiest when tossing theoretics around, and it seems like those sorts of ideas are much less important to SJs in general than to me, so it's hard to sustain conversation about those ideas - which is disappointing to me, since they are my breath of life. That's really only a problem in close, isolated relationships, though.



Yes. It's very fulfilling to be able to add to someone's quality of life, and it's very personally pleasing to be specially meaningful to someone because you were able to do that for them, especially if it's something no one else has been able to do before. It's very much a win-win situation in my mind.



To some extent. If someone is experiencing a negative emotion, I try to help them come back to neutral, for everyone's good. I generally feel like if I can help someone without burdening myself very much, then morally, I should. I also tend to feel very uncomfortable if it seems like I've made someone upset, so I generally will try to ameliorate that. However, I don't usually feel responsible in the sense that it's my fault someone feels _____.



Yes, and usually it's a minor top-down paradigm shift. Generally what happens is that I'll change some small aspect of how I perceive a certain issue, and then the effects of that change in perception trickle down to minor life choices, so it makes me seem quite fickle. Though I have learned over time that there is some comforting constancy in the fact that I probably will change my mind again. Got blue, didn't like it the next day; oh well, I'll probably like it again in a week or so.



Haha well. For the most part, I'm a shitty experiential learner. I learn so much better from conceptual big-picture overviews. I mean, I do learn from my mistakes eventually, but I'm more likely to just screw up again in pursuit of some ideal, whereas if I've learned some major concepts of what not to do first, it's much easier for me to avoid mistakes.



Positive, inspirational things, mostly. I love poetry, art, fantasy stories, quotations, humanistic stories, good news, stuff like that. When I'm really tired, I really seek out comfort, like hot bath/shower, swimming, warm sun, fluffy blanket, fluffy bed, fluffy pillow, soft robe, soft clothes, warm bodies, sex, soothing music, comfort food, etc.



Not too much! It's fun to respond.



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Well. We are conceptual, social, lazy, and excitable. We are pretty much made for intellectual forums.



Actually, this is what really, really made me uncomfortable about a relationship I had with an ENFJ. I felt like I was giving up myself often to suit the direction that the ENFJ's Ni was taking us, because to maintain the strength of the connection between us, I had to keep bending to the Ni demands - because Ni, as malleable as it may seem from an insider's perspective, is really quite razor-sharp from the outside, and will not hesitate to cut you out if you are no longer fulfilling what it has decided is your part in the vision...



The thing for me is, I don't want a babysitter either, but I really like the constant stimulation. It's hard to be an extravert and then to have the person closest to you needing a lot of alone time, because they're the one you primarily seek out for socializing. Though I'm really personally very happy to spend hours with the other person in parallel solitary activity, such as being on our computers in the same room. I imagine that for those ENFPs who LTR with introverts, they will almost have to have a stable social network outside the introvert that can buoy them while they wait.

that's not really true ime

i mean because like you said you can have "alone time" while in the same room. if you're just doing your own thing...reading in the other room or watching a movie upstairs while he's working on some project somewhere...or writing or painting or whatever hobbies you all have

long term living with anyone is that way isn't it?

 

[mmhmm]

Totally agree.

As much as I am an sx dom, each person in a relationship still needs to have their own life.

for me is not so much about having our own lives.
i don't like the idea that i would need a separate
life from my partner. i'm seriously badddddd handling
being turned down, but he's very aware of this, and if
anything i so so appreciate that he shares his life with
me, and always tries to manage my expectations.

so in our relationship, it's very clear when his downtime
is, we call it his 'lonely night'. because i know ahead
of time, there's no pouting or convulsing on the floor
because he's away or our interaction level slows down
quite dramatically. we're also very clear about the
hard landscape of our respective schedules ie upcoming
trips, weekends away, weekends spent at work, that sort
of rot.

i think it's just that we're always communicating with what's
going on. i guess in a away, we're always doing status updates
with each other.

it's very strange, i was talking about this to [MENTION=5639]JocktheMotie[/MENTION]
earlier, about how we both don't like schedules, but this setup
really works out for us, he doesn't need to consistently risk
me having a meltdown when he needs time alone and i
don't have to consistently face being turned down.
it limits all those variables.

 

[skylights]

that's not really true ime

i mean because like you said you can have "alone time" while in the same room. if you're just doing your own thing...reading in the other room or watching a movie upstairs while he's working on some project somewhere...or writing or painting or whatever hobbies you all have

long term living with anyone is that way isn't it?

I have no idea, actually, my serious relationships have all been with extraverts.

The introverts I know best are my INTP dad and my teenage brother, who I used to think was INTP but I recently realized is probably actually ISTP... my mom is an ESFJ, and I definitely see a big difference between her and dad in terms of alone time. He is always running off to practice music alone, and I think it wears on her to a certain extent, because she clearly blooms when others are around. Fortunately, her day job is very filled with people, and her kids are often around, so I think that helps, but I still do see a pretty significant amount of times where she would like him to take time to actively engage and plan with her, and he's not really into it (which may also result from him being the biggest NP EVER). My brother is pretty social, but he really spends a lot of time alone listening to or practicing music, too. He doesn't have a serious relationship in his life yet, though. He hung out for a while with a chick who seemed ESFP to me.


The thing that's funny to me is how similar my life patterns seem when I'm in a relationship and when I'm not. I just tend to "mesh" my life with the other person. It doesn't really change it so much, it doesn't seem.

for me is not so much about having our own lives.
i don't like the idea that i would need a separate
life from my partner. i'm seriously badddddd handling
being turned down, but he's very aware of this, and if
anything i so so appreciate that he shares his life with
me, and always tries to manage my expectations.

so in our relationship, it's very clear when his downtime
is, we call it his 'lonely night'. because i know ahead
of time, there's no pouting or convulsing on the floor
because he's away or our interaction level slows down
quite dramatically. we're also very clear about the
hard landscape of our respective schedules ie upcoming
trips, weekends away, weekends spent at work, that sort
of rot.

i think it's just that we're always communicating with what's
going on. i guess in a away, we're always doing status updates
with each other.

it's very strange, i was talking about this to [MENTION=5639]JocktheMotie[/MENTION]
earlier, about how we both don't like schedules, but this setup
really works out for us, he doesn't need to consistently risk
me having a meltdown when he needs time alone and i
don't have to consistently face being turned down.
it limits all those variables.

I totally resonate with this and agree about planned downtime, which is SO MUCH EASIER than when I think we are going to have a day or night together and all of a sudden I discover that I am going to be alone. When I know we're going to be apart then I can make plans to go get a massage and go get my nails or hair or etc. done, or I can plan to have a painting day, or an early morning on the forum (like this morning), or to go out with my family or girl friends, or go to a movie and eat loads of candy, or whatever. But when I don't know it's coming, that's frustrating because I always prioritize him and work my schedule around him (which is completely voluntary and makes me happy).

"Lonely night" is cute!

 

[Zarathustra]

for me is not so much about having our own lives.
i don't like the idea that i would need a separate
life from my partner. i'm seriously badddddd handling
being turned down, but he's very aware of this, and if
anything i so so appreciate that he shares his life with
me, and always tries to manage my expectations.

so in our relationship, it's very clear when his downtime
is, we call it his 'lonely night'. because i know ahead
of time, there's no pouting or convulsing on the floor
because he's away or our interaction level slows down
quite dramatically. we're also very clear about the
hard landscape of our respective schedules ie upcoming
trips, weekends away, weekends spent at work, that sort
of rot.

i think it's just that we're always communicating with what's
going on. i guess in a away, we're always doing status updates
with each other.

it's very strange, i was talking about this to [MENTION=5639]JocktheMotie[/MENTION]
earlier, about how we both don't like schedules, but this setup
really works out for us, he doesn't need to consistently risk
me having a meltdown when he needs time alone and i
don't have to consistently face being turned down.
it limits all those variables.

I totally resonate with this and agree about planned downtime, which is SO MUCH EASIER than when I think we are going to have a day or night together and all of a sudden I discover that I am going to be alone. When I know we're going to be apart then I can make plans to go get a massage and go get my nails or hair or etc. done, or I can plan to have a painting day, or an early morning on the forum (like this morning), or to go out with my family or girl friends, or go to a movie and eat loads of candy, or whatever. But when I don't know it's coming, that's frustrating because I always prioritize him and work my schedule around him (which is completely voluntary and makes me happy).

"Lonely night" is cute!

*takes notes*

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

You know. I think I did make a video? Just didn't post it?