[INFP] Changing for the Worse

[Thessaly]

At the beginning of the year I noticed a change in my personality.

I'm basically meaner than I use to be. I have a deficit of empathy for those around me and am a lot more interested in manipulating people than I used to be.

I think it was a series of heart break that hardened me. I'm not sure.

I want to be the unguarded, soft, naive INFP I used to be. I don't think that's possible though. Or is it?

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Amnesia is the only way to start over on your personality, which brings up the question whether amnesia destroys only your memories, or the way you think as well.

 

[gromit]

I want to be the unguarded, soft, naive INFP I used to be.

Why?

Another question to ask yourself: is there anything POSITIVE you have observed from the recent changes?

 

[INTP]

Amnesia is the only way to start over on your personality, which brings up the question whether amnesia destroys only your memories, or the way you think as well.

i dont think amnesia alone would be enough to do that(unless there would be some major head injury involved also), i bet you need to lose your mind totally like severe schizophrenia or something like that.

there can be some changes in personality without totally changing personality tho.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

So... the amnesia would destroy the memories, and the head injury would destroy the thinking process. Yeah, makes sense. Would the schizophrenia change the thinking process, or just divide it into parts? I don't think I'm thinking correctly.

 

[INTP]

So... the amnesia would destroy the memories, and the head injury would destroy the thinking process. Yeah, makes sense. Would the schizophrenia change the thinking process, or just divide it into parts? I don't think I'm thinking correctly.

schizophrenia doesent divide thinking process, it melts different functions work together in really unhealthy ways. for example my friend has schizophrenic obsessive compulsive disorder(not near a typical schizophrenic, but these obsessive compulsive thoughts are formed in schizophrenic way), he is an infp so normally he would use Ne to gather information from outside and judge if its right inside, but when these schizophrenic thoughts occur he gathers information using Ne(using alot of "what if's"), but instead of using Fi to judge them(he can use Fi normally when the thoughts arent ill) he uses Ni to collect these possible trues from inside of his head also and they seem real to him and he trusts them just like an infj or intj would trust his Ni to be true. luckily his medications keep him from acting based on these thoughts too much(nowadays almost fully, but he still gets these thoughts), he feels they are 100% real, even tho he understands that they are just thoughts caused by his illness, but they seem so real to him.

This illness havent changed his personality tho because it didnt make him lose his mind like a true schizophrenic would

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Alright. I understand that. That actually answers a lot of questions I've had on mental illness and thinking processes.

Thessaly, you can't go back to who you were, but that doesn't mean you can't affect who are you going to be. My F moment of the day .

 

[Tallulah]

You can't un-know stuff, meaning you can't really go back to a point of naivete and innocence. But you can choose how you react to things. If you want to, you can choose not to be cynical or bitter. You can choose to continue to see the good in people.

INFPs do seem to have a tendency to get bitter when their ideals are shattered or their faith in humanity is breached. Try to resist the urge to see a few bad experiences as indicative of all of the world. Understand there will be some bad, rude or manipulative people out there, but there will also be kind, loving and honest people, too. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The more bitter you become, the more you view the world through that lens, and then you can't see the good anymore.

 

[Rebe]

Thessaly, I am meaner/colder/more manipulative and selfish than I used to be too. The only bad thing is I can't connect with people the way I used to. I don't express myself as openly and warmly as I did. I have become more reserved but at the same time, I have become more confident in myself.

The sad truth is it's not a good thing to be soft and naive in this reality. It's much better than you have grown and learned. You can, however, choose to be less manipulative and kinder without forgoing your own boundaries and limits. That's possible. You are aware of what you don't like about yourself, change it. Make little adjustments as you go about your day and as you deal with your relations. I am constantly making adjustments when I can and always wondering what I am missing, which then I ask my friends about.

We are human so we are complex and just as we are good and kind, we can also be dark and mean. We just need to find a balance, too much of either isn't to your advantage. INFPs tend to become extreme in either direction - so it's very important to, like Tallulah said, keep things in perspective, keep self balanced.

 

[Nrrrd GrrrL aMe]

You can't un-know stuff, meaning you can't really go back to a point of naivete and innocence. But you can choose how you react to things. If you want to, you can choose not to be cynical or bitter. You can choose to continue to see the good in people.

INFPs do seem to have a tendency to get bitter when their ideals are shattered or their faith in humanity is breached. Try to resist the urge to see a few bad experiences as indicative of all of the world. Understand there will be some bad, rude or manipulative people out there, but there will also be kind, loving and honest people, too. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The more bitter you become, the more you view the world through that lens, and then you can't see the good anymore.

 

[Loliz]

Hey. I'm an infp too and I have gone through this before. It has been tied to carrying anger, so that when the anger died down, the defensiveness and meanness did too. So it might not be a permanant thing. I get that way when I have been slammed and I need room to stand up and move. I usually get back around to being as sweet and naive as ever!

 

[sculpting]

perhaps you should very consciously allow yourself to feel? Open yourself to emotion? I dunno...I am not an INFP so just guessing.

 

[angell_m]

At the beginning of the year I noticed a change in my personality.

I'm basically meaner than I use to be. I have a deficit of empathy for those around me and am a lot more interested in manipulating people than I used to be.

I think it was a series of heart break that hardened me. I'm not sure.

I want to be the unguarded, soft, naive INFP I used to be. I don't think that's possible though. Or is it?

Been there, done that. Except for the manipulation part. I believe it is a form of depression.

It took me two years to get in and out of that phase.

What is now left of that phase is total lack of empathy towards everything and everyone, and a shot long-term and short-term memory.

 

[angell_m]

Amnesia is the only way to start over on your personality.

Agreed.

 

[angell_m]

perhaps you should very consciously allow yourself to feel? Open yourself to emotion? I dunno...I am not an INFP so just guessing.

The problem is, empathy is still there, and it is very active in the back of the mind. Constantly setting oneselves in other's perspective, but in that phase don't feel the need to reassure the ones you feel empathy for. Don't feel like comforting, helping, or be nice to them. Don't feel like hurting them either. Just, total lack of empathy for everything. "Oh look, I pee'd on the floor. Oh well, who cares. Life has no purpose anyway."

It's like being on valium, but not getting enough valium.

 

[EnflamedHeartofSand]

I think we sometimes like to latch on to anger and hatred because it gives us some immediate sense of purpose and strength. There is energy I can derive from feeling like I hate certain aspects of my environment, or certain people. I feel like there is a purpose to move forward in a clear direction. Deep down though, we know that it's a lost cause because we will eventually have tougher choices to make when we get to a crucial point that the anger will necessarily perpetuate. We will have to act out that anger or hatred in a way, we are either afraid to, or it is socially unacceptable to, or may not want to because we have the fear of God working in us. Whatever the reasons, deep down we know that the energy and purpose we get from our negative disposition is a road we don't want to go down...but it feels so good in the present moment to have that power, that control...that we like to indulge it and use it to feel confident and certain.

This won't last and we know it.......so I'd say it is just a phase, and it is important to remember the big picture in times like these so that you don't have to drive yourself too far in a direction your heart knows it doesn't want to go...even though it feels really good sometimes.

 

[Moiety]

You can't un-know stuff, meaning you can't really go back to a point of naivete and innocence. But you can choose how you react to things. If you want to, you can choose not to be cynical or bitter. You can choose to continue to see the good in people.

INFPs do seem to have a tendency to get bitter when their ideals are shattered or their faith in humanity is breached. Try to resist the urge to see a few bad experiences as indicative of all of the world. Understand there will be some bad, rude or manipulative people out there, but there will also be kind, loving and honest people, too. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The more bitter you become, the more you view the world through that lens, and then you can't see the good anymore.

That's easy to logically see but very difficult to process, specially if one's identity ARE one's values.

 

[William K]

Think of it like a pendulum. Before you were on one end of the extreme and now you have swung to the cynical end of it. And chances are your thoughts will continue to oscillate that way the rest of your life. But as has been said, your thoughts are only part of the equation. It is how you act/react in a given situation that is perhaps more important. I'm cynical about a lot of stuff, but I'm also optimistic about a lot of stuff too. Balance is the key.

 

[William K]

Oh, one more thing to add. It might also be you discovering/refining your boundaries. When you say you are being meaner, do you mean without any provocation or is it when pushing back at someone?

 

[runvardh]

I've managed to get over the manipulative part after realizing I didn't need it when I wasn't dealing with my mother. Cold and mean, on the other hand, I suppose I've kept those as barriers where the neutral person sees the mask of no body, on approach they see the mask of the bear. After getting past the barrier they typically get a slightly warmer me, but are also made sure to remember if they cause trouble the bear is still there.