[Fi] Fi says somethings wrong, but what?

[2XtremeENFP]

I need advice from ENFPs or perhaps, just Fi users.

Something is wrong with me or in my life or in the people around my life, SOMETHING. I can't determine what it is. But this feeling of uneasiness is ruining my happiness, my work life, my home life, my relationship. I feel unhappy and I know that it's something I can't place my finger on. Whatever it is is flowing into other aspects of my life that I've listed above. I need to take care of this...

My question is, what do you do to "figure out" what is bugging you? Usually quiet thinking time or listening to some Fi music helps me, but this time, I have no idea. I'm lost.

 

[stringstheory]

Using Te; i often find writing in journals (or even on here with others to help guide) in a stream of consciousness manner is really helpful to help Fi flow out when it's a little intangible. Sometimes i even make spreadsheets or outlines to help me. wow i'm a loser but it really does help me, maybe give that a try.

 

[Arclight]

I need advice from ENFPs or perhaps, just Fi users.

Something is wrong with me or in my life or in the people around my life, SOMETHING. I can't determine what it is. But this feeling of uneasiness is ruining my happiness, my work life, my home life, my relationship. I feel unhappy and I know that it's something I can't place my finger on. Whatever it is is flowing into other aspects of my life that I've listed above. I need to take care of this...

My question is, what do you do to "figure out" what is bugging you? Usually quiet thinking time or listening to some Fi music helps me, but this time, I have no idea. I'm lost.

Turn that E into an I for a little bit and self reflect.. if you are honest, you will inevitably find out what it is. Trust your instincts before rationalizing thought takes over.

 

[Eckhart]

To be honest I don't remember being in such a situation... usually I seem to know very well what seems wrong with me or my life (you could argue my faults in life are so obvious that everyone would see them, heh). So I cannot really give you more of a hint than to think about things... since we cannot really tell it you. You could maybe, I don't know, write down on a paper or so what are the most important things in your life (don't know, family, love, work / career, friends, all the other stuff which has a meaning to you), and then write under it how happy you are with that aspect in your life or what you lack in it.

 

[Moiety]

Yeah I can't relate much either. I always know what is bugging me.

Ask yourself this question : "if I could be anywhere, with anyone (or alone) doing anything, what would it be?". Think very ideally, as if you could be in the most fantastic situation you could imagine right now.

That will tell you what you are unhappy about at work, home or in your relationships.

 

[sculpting]

Sit down and quiet your mind-perhaps write as you go. Internally let yourself really feel the discomfort. Try and identify exactly what it is...In your mind step away a distance from the emotion and "watch" it.

anxiety? nervousness? sadness? resentment? Once you identify an emotional/isolate a fragment-ponder its source.

Trace it back to its source-to an event if possible. past/present/future event/issue.

Once there ask what is it that YOU can do about this event/issue. Is it really something you can change?

If you can change it-build a plan, a series of steps, a way of implementing change to resolve the issue. Write this plan down.

If you cannot change it-you have to let it go. This may mean self forgiveness. It may mean mentally quenching the discomfort/anxiety. It may mean remaining on "watch" and when the emotion flares up again-reminding yourself that you cannot do anything about the situation-so it is okay not to worry needlessly. Ask if it is Ne-reading into the situation? It is very possible that you are anticipating a problem in the future, or over reacting to a current issue-and thus carrying that emotion as well.

To prevent the Ne-paranoia-assume the best intentions of those around you.

For those emotions that are due to things you cannot do anything about or things you cannot identify a source for-pretend like you are in a bubble. Each of those emotions are strings going through the wall of the bubble into you. Take a pair of scissors and cut each of those strings one at a time and let that emotion dissipate. Once gone, it cannot get back in your bubble unless you let it in.

Look over the first few lessons in the "course in miracles". It has an odd religious bent, but the lessons are very useful for enfps, in allowing us to learn to detach and repercieve...

 

[Spastic_Blondie]

I tend to feel this way a lot. Feeling insecure, worthless, and unfulfilled...and can't figure out why. I know my life is just as good as the norm and that I shouldn't feel so depressed, but for some reason the emotions take over. Maybe you do not have as much connection with people right now as you desire? I've oftentimes found that that is the big problem. If I'm feeling isolated or not involved in enough activities with other people, I tend to sink right into depression mode...and calling myself worthless.

 

[Vamp]

Google "emotional awareness". It may help you figure out what you've been suppressing. Often, when we can't identify some feeling it's because we push it to the back so much that we loose touch and that can cause problems.

 

[2XtremeENFP]

Turn that E into an I for a little bit and self reflect.. if you are honest, you will inevitably find out what it is. Trust your instincts before rationalizing thought takes over.

yeah, this is good advice I think. Lately (and when I say lately, I mean, for the past year or two......) I've been not so much E lately, and I think i dont like myself as an I

Think very ideally, as if you could be in the most fantastic situation you could imagine right now.

That will tell you what you are unhappy about at work, home or in your relationships.

Isnt this the life of an ENFP? I know that I suffer from the Grass is Greener syndrome, so i fear letting myself fantasize too much because then I really will get depressed that my life isnt 'as perfect as i wish it was' Ideally, I definitely would be unhappy with work, home, and my relationships, as an ENFP, I always think things could be better (even if they actually cant be)

I tend to feel this way a lot. Feeling insecure, worthless, and unfulfilled...and can't figure out why. I know my life is just as good as the norm and that I shouldn't feel so depressed, but for some reason the emotions take over. Maybe you do not have as much connection with people right now as you desire? I've oftentimes found that that is the big problem. If I'm feeling isolated or not involved in enough activities with other people, I tend to sink right into depression mode...and calling myself worthless.

Wow, I think this may be it. I do know that I am unhappy with work because I can't find a job with my degree that I have had for the past year or so. Im working a crappy part time job and I feel worthless until I find a career. I've had ups and downs in my relationship; I'm low on cash so I still live at home without ever living on my own; and on top of that, all of my close friends arent around any more. Either they work real jobs so I never see them, or we;ve drifted apart. I do think I've become more Introverted becuase I have no one to go out with or connect with on a deeper level. I just know these feelings need to leave because I am no where near where I thought I would be in life, and my dreams are not coming true. And if they never come true, will I ever be happy with life?

Google "emotional awareness". It may help you figure out what you've been suppressing. Often, when we can't identify some feeling it's because we push it to the back so much that we loose touch and that can cause problems.

This sounds great, I'll def check it out

 

[Southern Kross]

I need advice from ENFPs or perhaps, just Fi users.

Something is wrong with me or in my life or in the people around my life, SOMETHING. I can't determine what it is. But this feeling of uneasiness is ruining my happiness, my work life, my home life, my relationship. I feel unhappy and I know that it's something I can't place my finger on. Whatever it is is flowing into other aspects of my life that I've listed above. I need to take care of this...

My question is, what do you do to "figure out" what is bugging you? Usually quiet thinking time or listening to some Fi music helps me, but this time, I have no idea. I'm lost.

I can relate. In fact, I don't remember a time before this empty feeling existed. Its something I've really struggled with. I have tended to blame it on certain parts of my life not being as the should and convince myself things will be right when I can get those things in order. However, whenever that stuff is sorted out, other stuff bothers me instead. Clearly, there is something deeper at play.

I'm really sad that you are going through this - its not fun. I can't say how you get past it other than to take hold of and follow what you are passionate about and what care about and try to wring some joy out of it. We often forget to do this at times of stress and internal conflict. It is the only way I managed to get through rough times.

Wow, I think this may be it. I do know that I am unhappy with work because I can't find a job with my degree that I have had for the past year or so. Im working a crappy part time job and I feel worthless until I find a career. I've had ups and downs in my relationship; I'm low on cash so I still live at home without ever living on my own; and on top of that, all of my close friends arent around any more. Either they work real jobs so I never see them, or we;ve drifted apart. I do think I've become more Introverted becuase I have no one to go out with or connect with on a deeper level. I just know these feelings need to leave because I am no where near where I thought I would be in life, and my dreams are not coming true. And if they never come true, will I ever be happy with life?

I really identify with all this - I've been through almost the exact same circumstances. If you weren't feeling down and empty after all that, I would think there was something wrong with you. Make sure you go easy on yourself - luck has a lot to do with how things happen. And remember that things can suddenly turn in your favour unexpectedly - don't subscribe yourself to failure.

 

[Red Herring]

Hmmm, you received some very good advice here. There is just one thing that worries me.

Being a natural extrovert it makes sense that you miss being around people. This can be remedeed by joining a new group of people with similar interests (I don´t know, a theatre group, a choir, some volunteer work). From how you describe your current situation it is normal to feel a little stressed out. But you got a degree and you do go out and look for options and you do at least have a part time thing going right now, so I don´t see a reason why things shouldn´t advance any further. I don´t know anybody who has achieved absolutely everything they dreamed of. In fact, if you had already achieved everything at such a young age, that would make the rest of you life (the lion´s share of it) pretty boring.

And that is what worries me about this thread. It is one thing to say: I am not happy with the current situation, because I have specific problems (healthy). It is something else to say: I still have a lot of things I would like to do with my life (healthy). It is yet another thing to say: I have a schedule for my life and I am currently behind on that schedule, which means I suck and my life sucks (unhealthy). And it would be a huge mistake to assume that you need to achieve a certain list of things to be happy. Sure you can have that great job, start that wonderful family with the perfect guy, emigrate to the Bahamas, become president or discover a method for cold fusion - but don´t let your happiness depend on it.

I´m not saying you should give up on your dreams, not at all. But you should know that: 1. You can already be happy before you get there and 2. There is not garantee they will make you happy.

It sounds banale, but try to find enjoyment in what you got while calmly and proactively working towards what you want!

“Neither should a ship rely on one small anchor, nor should life rest on a single hope” - Epictetus

 

[Rachelinpa]

i can identify with this too. i usually try a distraction first to see if i can get rid of it, but then if that doesn't work i just have to talk about it. often i never actually figure it out, but i usually ask my NTs cause they are good at helping to at least listen to me whine as i sort out my emotions and unsettled feelings. being listened to really helps in my experience.

 

[Rachelinpa]

oh, and also... sitting in quiet (and journaling) rarely helps me. sometimes i DO try it, but eventually i get bored and frustrated and the emotional turmoil gets unbearable. however, focusing on other people and helping them to be more introspective (instead of concentrating on my own problem) somehow makes me happier.. it's like i'm indirectly solving my own uneasiness.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Writing may help, really vitriolic writing, where you just let your frustration spew on paper, without inhibition. You need to unclamp those emotions so you can be free to think on them, you know what I mean?

Do it every day if you can manage, write until you get the revelation you are seeking. Write until you feel at peace. Write til you get to that aha moment.

In the meantime, tend to the needs of your physical body. Walk, exercise, eat well, have good sleep habits, join a new group (if thats not too distracting). Take care of yourself.

 

[Seymour]

I agree that journal style writing is good. Also, if you are trying to get at the real, underlying issue, you can suggest a possibility to yourself and then wait a bit to see if there's an internal emotional response/reaction. Subjectively, feels a bit like dropping stones down the emotional well and listening for a splash.

It can sometimes take a little mental self-discipline to keep digging, since you are dredging up the emotional unpleasantness you've been avoiding.