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[ENFP] ENFP (females esp), please share your insights!

guesswho

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my best friend is ISTJ. It's practically a lifetime friendship, since we were little.
We always argue and stuff we talk about everything, it's like he sees half of the picture, and I see the other half.

We analize everything.

I think ENFP/ISTJ is a great match.
 

Moiety

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Aug 3, 2008
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ISFJ
my best friend is ISTJ. It's practically a lifetime friendship, since we were little.
We always argue and stuff we talk about everything, it's like he sees half of the picture, and I see the other half.

We analize everything.

I think ENFP/ISTJ is a great match.

You're out of your mind.

I have good friends that are ISTJ. My dad, who is a great dad, is an ISTJ.
But no ISTJ understands me at a deeper level like an N(F) can. Plus they are boring.
 

Chloe

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May 1, 2009
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You're out of your mind.

I have good friends that are ISTJ. My dad, who is a great dad, is an ISTJ.
But no ISTJ understands me at a deeper level like an N(F) can. Plus they are boring.

i actually agree with this.

My mom is ISTJ and my sister is ISTJ, so I live with 2 ISTJs. It's a nightmare and they dont understand me AT ALL. My mom always thought I am defected because I am not like her. She will never understand that THIS could be also normal. We never had conversation about our feelings even when my dad died she almost didnt have any reaction (stable ISTJs heh)...
I also have ISTJ friend who doesnt really understand me at all but she appreciated me because I was fun to her. But she doesnt understand my need for deeper friendship, for ex.

And all that doesnt mean it cant work, it depends on person's individual needs. Not ALL ENFPs have needs for very N-stimulating enviorment and partner etc., but more often it wouldnt work

though following MBTI to literally when picking partner is really bad thing - i recently had nightmarish thing with INTJ, and according to all we should be good match. Now I'm picking by heart. I think ENFP,ESFP or ENFJ would be the best match to me, and I had best chemistry and expirience with those.

i am really ucrious whats inside of this Opposites : when ENFP & ISTJ ... - Google Knjige
 

Moiety

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And all that doesnt mean it cant work, it depends on person's individual needs. Not ALL ENFPs have needs for very N-stimulating enviorment and partner etc.

Yet communication will always be the most important thing as time goes by.
 

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
2,280
i don't like conforming or accept compromises, but
i have willingly accepted constraints. it's how we
grow and learn and challenge ourselves to be at
our best.

i was with an intj for 7 years, istj for 5 years.
i think the coolest thing i probably learned
from them was there are other forms of
communication than verbally yapping away.

vivacity, passion, are great attributes. but there's
just soooooo many other ways to exert them also.
i have come to appreciate comfortable silences.
immensely. therein lies some wonderful sense
of security. peace. a mental xanax if you will.

i dig it.

is not so much about the other person accepting
who you are, but if -you- have have already accepted
yourself.
 

Moiety

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^

I can tell you something...

In some instances I wish I'd talk less. But I know why I do it. I either have my natural "don't give a shit what other people think" tint...or when I do care what one particular person or group thinks....instead of adapting my communication style or changing my ways....I'll act the way I normally do, but, I will start explaining why I do the thing as I do.

This is something I hate about myself, but the pain of being misunderstood by the rare people whose opinion I do care about is too great. I think I end up alienating them a bit because I suck at communication. I tend use exaggeration to get my points across and it always ends up in a big mess...

It's one of the few problems I'm very aware of in myself, and I still haven't found the solution for it.
 

guesswho

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You're out of your mind.

I have good friends that are ISTJ. My dad, who is a great dad, is an ISTJ.
But no ISTJ understands me at a deeper level like an N(F) can. Plus they are boring.

As I said. We analize everything I will never get bored of analizing stuff. I don't expect him to understand me. He is still a good friend even if he doesn't understand me and I will always appreciate him. He was there when I needed him, he helped me, he listened me when I was depressed...he did his best to be a great friend. The so called 'model citizens'.
 

Moiety

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As I said. We analize everything I will never get bored of analizing stuff. I don't expect him to understand me. He is still a good friend even if he doesn't understand me and I will always appreciate him. He was there when I needed him, he helped me, he listened me when I was depressed...he did his best to be a great friend. The so called 'model citizens'.

Sure, I just think romantically ENFP/ISTJ are far from being a great match.
 

guesswho

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Oh ..didn't read.. I was talking about a friend : )))))))

I wouldn't like my girlfriend to be like that lol.
 

Thalassa

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Is there anyone out there who can handle an ENFP's constant barge of communication??

Other F types.

Besides, I can't imagine that ENFPs communicate more than ESFPs or even ESFJs. I don't. Then again, I'm a more introverted ENFP, but still. We aren't supposed to even be extreme extroverts in any case.
 

Thalassa

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Oh, also, I saw that you mentioned you are in your late 20's, therefore you might be able to get along with an ISTJ just fine if you've developed your Te and Si. ENFP and ISTJ have all the same functions, and tend to look more extremely different in youth, but can have more and more common ground as they mature.

In any case, it really depends on the individuals. There's no magic formula for relationships and MBTI type.
 

JoyOfTraveling

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Jul 13, 2010
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Other F types.

Besides, I can't imagine that ENFPs communicate more than ESFPs or even ESFJs. I don't. Then again, I'm a more introverted ENFP, but still. We aren't supposed to even be extreme extroverts in any case.

I am definitely an extreme extrovert- I am mostly N but very E too. I like my own space but I am happiest around people.

Oh, also, I saw that you mentioned you are in your late 20's, therefore you might be able to get along with an ISTJ just fine if you've developed your Te and Si. ENFP and ISTJ have all the same functions, and tend to look more extremely different in youth, but can have more and more common ground as they mature.

In any case, it really depends on the individuals. There's no magic formula for relationships and MBTI type.

I can only hope- there is talk of us meeting this week (ISTJ suggested it) so I do hope we can figure out our next steps!

@ All:

Thank you all for your points of view- I am really enjoying this discussion!
 

Rachelinpa

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funny that you are writing this. i love it because this is what i feel like i'm always asking this board: how can i NOT bombard my introverts but still be myself? heh.

Is there anyone out there who can handle an ENFP's constant barge of communication??

my istp does. even in the beginning when i was trying to restrain myself. he always responded to my text messages and even followed up with some of his own. he appreciates the banter and I LOVE it.

so yeah, i agree with just going ahead and bombarding. i mean, you can limit yourself as much as possible initially, but i think i prefer to let loose the wildfire. my istp learned to step up to the plate even though it was not completely natural for him. as long as you aren't clingy and can convey that you really just like to talk a lot (and aren't just needy and insecure), i think the istp/istj can appreciate the fact that you are being yourself.

istjs take longer to warm up though than istps. my roommate took a good year, but by the end he did appreciate me very much (even though i still puzzle him).
 

Rachelinpa

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Other F types.

Besides, I can't imagine that ENFPs communicate more than ESFPs or even ESFJs. I don't. Then again, I'm a more introverted ENFP, but still. We aren't supposed to even be extreme extroverts in any case.

me: "I can't imagine that ENFPs communicate more than ESFPs or even ESFJs." plz. lies.

jock: LOL. Yeah really. ESFs at least have a concept of decency and appropriateness. you ENFPs do not.

me: HAHAHAHA. i'm posting this.
 

Lady_X

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the only way i could see a couple like this being happy is if they truly liked the reasons why the other one did what they did...i have a hard time buying it truly happens tho...because by nature the istj seems to believe there is a set standard to which you should abide...one right way to do it and by nature the enfp feels the opposite....or the standard just comes from a very opposite place...in my experience...not something so easy to pick up on at first...might take years and years with the way enfps tend to see mostly the good in people or project our empathy onto others and the istjs steadfastness and determination to make things work and do what's necessary...but in the end...you might very well see you were both working towards different goals under very different assumptions.
 

Esoteric Wench

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ISTJ.

Principles, rules, rigid, wannabe model people : model lovers, friends, they wanna do the right thing, they wanna be the 'true friend'.

Their world revolves around their principles.

Observe then interact, but only interact with people who fit in their principles no whores or bad people allowed.

Things must be a certain subjective way. Good bad, true false etc.

I don't know if all ISTJs are this way, but I have an ISTJ friend and that's how he is.

The ultimate listener/advisor. He makes people open, fast, just like that. In 15 minutes some girl who doesn't know him just starts talking about her life.

Their lack of intuition is SO ANNOYING. They just don't get it.

+1

I thought this was really well said, guesswho.
 

blomiki

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Sep 28, 2009
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-
Lol. My father is an ISTJ. If INFP mother wasn't there, I would have been a wreck.

Only when I discovered MBTI and realized how radically differently my father sees the world did I relax in my relationship with him - because now I understand that it's okay if he doesn't "approve/admire/affirm" me. He just doesn't get it.

The idea of being romantically involved with an ISTJ sounds like a tantalizing challenge. ENFPs like to "chameleon into" others, just to see if we can do it, and get affirmation from winning their respect. But I have to agree with everyone else: once the game is over, we've done our role playing and it was cute... once we actually want to build a life together, I can't imagine ISTJ+ENFP to be fulfilling.

I did find the point that we have exactly the same functions (only in reverse) to be an interesting point. But still. My father and I may have reached a truce, but the relationship is no grand adventure.

Religious issues, especially, will probably be a major difference forever.
 
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