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Thread: Common INFJ issues
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12-30-2012, 08:50 AM #55103/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!
04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy
02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack
03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
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12-30-2012, 08:56 AM #552
Well even I have that. I think it applies to anybody spotting incoherence, which I think Pattern oriented people (N primary especially) are very susceptible to. More so when the incoherence is poking at the way they process information. (Fe= Relation between people, Ti= Structural logical consistency, Te=Effective functioning, etc...)
I especially cannot stand suckups. I keep telling them NOT to do it as its irrelevant to their performance.
Or people who tell you to respect someone BECAUSE They are older than you. That just, puzzles me. If I wouldn't respect them in a given regard at age 20 i would respect the same mental state/degree of competence an order of magnitude less in someone twice that age and possessing of 5 times the experience in the specifically discussed field.
After 50 I'll consider that their brain might be degenerating/Unable to cope with rapid environmental changes and could be more lenient.
Or statements basically meaning 'you are really competent but I wont give you that job/raise etc. because... (bad reason)
It may be a N(pattern) + Ti (structural mismatch of the whole while it is stated as part of the same system) thing.
though with me its not about people saying stuff about me as much as people not letting me have what I want for what I deem to be incoherent reasons (ie: they are not giving me the real reason or/and are not efficient at decision making).Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"
Theory is always superseded by Fact...
... In theory.
“I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
Richard Feynman's last recorded words
"Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE
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12-30-2012, 09:43 AM #553RivaGuest
Thank you so much for this long reply which I could have totally missed since you didn't use the quote function - FYI.
I am so glad to hear the last part. Reoccurring patterns that seemingly cannot be changed would be a disappointment to any person.
I wonder whether Z Buck McFate would agree with that. But by what she said it seems to be not the case.
Thank you. I thought it would be cocky of me to state that particular thought - since I have never been in a long term committed relationship - and nearly omitted it. I slightly edited it after you replied FYI but the point remains the same.
Does this compatibility turn in to attraction and lead you to a thought of lifelong commitment? If not I would say there is no difference at all.
Then again like I said earlier attraction leads one to ignore incompatibilities, therefore 'if not' I cannot exactly say that there is no difference at all. So I guess 'urghhh I do not know what to say' is the correct thing to say.
Maybe I put too much weight in to the word attraction to get the point across thereby left no room for disagreement when the word attraction was used?
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12-30-2012, 09:53 AM #554SocietyGuest
wait, is the assumption that if they have negative critique of you they don't have a credible opinion / don't really know you, or that if they think they need to soften the blow they don't know that they wouldn't need too and thus don't know that one thing about you which you relate to some core understanding you have about yourself and thus its the same as not knowing you at all?
i just find the behavior of utilizing compliments to soften the blow to be ignorant but in such a narrow and specific way that it can't be quite extended to mean that the person is ignorant as a whole, since [nerd warning:] there has being published research showing that the chemicals released upon negative feedback block the reception of the chemicals released on positive feedback, which is why telling a child "you did really well in school, i only wished you invested more time in this and that" is pointless - there has to be a good distance of time and mood between the different types of feedback... too be specific for most people to expect most people to get an intuitive grasp of or to judge someone by whether they have found or looked for anything that could lead them to that specific set of information, or whether their philosophy disagrees with the way the information has being obtained.
most people doing this are just following a social formality of sorts that they've being indoctrinated with, based on how people have treated them. unlike them, whose ignorant is quite narrow, people who believe that they are immune to such blind spots due to indoctrination by society are people whose ignorance towards themselves might actually be measurable to the point of characterizing who they are (by virtue of being willful).
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12-30-2012, 10:01 AM #555
No, the lack mutual familiarity between me & the individual decreases the degree of emotional stock I may place in their opinions. It's not so much a question of their credibility- it simply means I'm less emotionally sensitive to their potentially negative or positive feedback, but I still try to objectively process what they say for what it is, & may try to interpret intent. And yeah, if they knew me better, they'd know the need to sugarcoat would be unnecessary. Because they don't know me, I can't in good conscience hold that against them. I attribute having thick skin regarding feedback from strangers to experiences in acting, with some tyrannical, brutal directors. You can't take certain things personally. However, you can look for overall relevance.
If someone I'm very close to did that, I might feel bothered about it- like they believe I can't take the criticism as is. It'd feel like a red flag in terms of our overall understanding of one another & our communication dynamics. It'd be distressing- & I could easily see how it might create future problems- thus I would want to work to resolve it.
Fortunately, for the most part, those who are close to me realize this and it's rarely an issue- hence my post.03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!
04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy
02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack
03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
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12-30-2012, 10:14 AM #556SocietyGuest
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12-30-2012, 10:16 AM #557
I'm sure it's happened before. We all have blind spots. Pardon, my lack of Si keeps me from immediately calling to mind specific instances. But it indeed has happened, & I grew from the experiences. My core beliefs about myself aren't static, for this very reason. (Hell, I'm still in the process of building a healthy self that I can teach my poorly wired brain to accept, hah).
03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!
04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy
02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack
03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
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12-30-2012, 10:30 AM #558SocietyGuest
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12-30-2012, 10:31 AM #55903/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!
04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy
02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack
03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
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12-30-2012, 11:36 AM #560
I don’t know, I kinda think she was saying the same thing I was: the disappointment usually isn’t in the people themselves so much as finding out there’s some irreconcilable difference in values/priorities. And if I’m already close to someone, then it does make me really sad- the moment I start suspecting it’s gotten to the ‘irreconcilable’ point.
Thank you. I thought it would be cocky of me to state that particular thought - since I have never been in a long term committed relationship - and nearly omitted it. I slightly edited it after you replied FYI but the point remains the same.
Does this compatibility turn in to attraction and lead you to a thought of lifelong commitment? If not I would say there is no difference at all.
Then again like I said earlier attraction leads one to ignore incompatibilities, therefore 'if not' I cannot exactly say that there is no difference at all. So I guess 'urghhh I do not know what to say' is the correct thing to say.
Maybe I put too much weight in to the word attraction to get the point across thereby left no room for disagreement when the word attraction was used?
I do think Pe’ers are more optimistic- assuming something/someone new in their external environment is going to work out well for them until they see reason to believe otherwise, whereas a Pi’ers tend to either have no opinion or a gloomy one until experience proves optimistic.
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