[NF] Real vs. Imagined You

[Jack Flak]

potential sucks. leads to delusions of grandeur and frustration.

It can. Far be it from me to refrain from criticizing even those I admire, so I'll continue.

In long term interaction between someone like myself (how much like myself is required, I don't know) and ENFPs, it seems that I am admired more initially than at later times, because the ENFP tends to see that which isn't there, and eventually becomes frustrated (if only slightly, and subconsciously) that I remain static, failing to greatly demonstrate qualities which were more perceived than present.

That said, it sure beats the hell out of someone disliking me because they failed to understand me to any significant level.

 

[Wild horses]

I can't see how potential leads to feelings of grandeur? When striving for a goal do you feel as if you have already arrived there? The above is quite true... OPpps sorry I don't mean in this particualr case but I can kinda see that perhaps we idealise situations and people seeing potentials that probably won't be reached and eventually loosing interest.. when the potential is reached though and your faith was not misplaced.. well that is just magic!

 

[EcK]

In long term interaction between someone like myself (how much like myself is required, I don't know) and ENFPs, it seems that I am admired more initially than at later times,

Lots of my now friends, (especially my intp friend) told me I used to be wait what's the word ? despisable : P.
But i eventually won them over.

 

[Thinkerninja]

Sometimes i wish i could keep up with my imagination. sigh

 

[Phantonym]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

Not often. I don't usually think of myself as any special kind of a good, caring, etc, etc, or whatever person. I've never deliberately created any pedestals for myself because I don't consider myself better (or worse) than the rest of the population. There's hardly nowhere to fall because usually I have my feet steady on the ground.

I try to live my life the way I think is best for me by staying true to myself and in a way that doesn't harm anybody else around me, but that doesn't mean that I'm good at it. I am way too passive under normal circumstances. I have my "ideal" moments but I can be as cold, distant and uncaring as any other person, I'm mostly unaware of the real damage I might accidentally cause.

However, I do have moments where I realize that my understanding of who I am can change in a heartbeat because, indeed, aspects of myself that don't match my previous understanding of myself can emerge in different situations that I had no knowledge of before as the situation is completely new.

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

It's not anything pretty, that's for sure. Some things are easier to deal with and accept and I can adapt my view. But it can also completely throw me off my balance. Initially I freeze and then I tend to run and hide, so that I could analyze the situation and my reactions at peace. Sometimes I have a hard time letting go of the things that I find, so I keep analyzing and analyzing until I finally reach some kind of a conclusion I can feel at peace with. This can last for a very long time.

 

[KDude]

Not sure if this thread's only for NF's, but I encounter this problem especially when taking a personality test :S

For example, I'm still an empathetic person, but not as much as I like to imagine sometimes. There are times when I can really identify with the pain of others, and times when I don't care about someone's concerns, because I might find them petty or even stupid. Someone could tell me about being heartbroken, but if I thought their ex was an idiot, then I don't care for their heartbreak. I want them to snap out of it. Or there was this one guy I met a party not too long ago, a jeweler, who was bemoaning how the bad economy had halved his income. I then found out that "half" was still a crapload of money.. he was still making nearly 90k. I wanted to punch him.

Ideals and ethics are situational to me, I think..

 

[sculpting]

I constantly self assess. So I dont surprise myself too often. My main rule is not to intentionally harm others-although I know I often harm via not being considerate of social graces and cues.

Perhaps because my Fi is primitive, I just feel a sense of good or bad as a person without a lot of resolution. I can endlessly forgive others but self forgiveness is very, very hard. I judge myself much more harshly that I judge others. So when I fall or fail-meaning I hurt another person intentionally, I am exceptionally harsh, even cruel in my self assessment.

The feeling is one of ripping off bandages and scabs on a wound over and over again, showing that flaw, bludgeoning it, hyperanalyzing it and then very consciously imprinting in my own mind to never repeat that mistake again. I feel their pain at my mistreatment over and over again and get trapped in it and punish myself for it.

 

[WoodsWoman]

I'm much more likely to have to be assured I have a place on that pedestal. Perhaps it has to do with being an INFP, don't know, but I'm much more likely to see myself as not measuring up, not being that great a person a to qualify for a place on such a pedestal. I still have to work at this.

 

[BerberElla]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

Never really before the age of 30, but something (the fall) I've been dealing with quite painfully over the last year or so.

Bit of a wake up call to reality, and something that rather than being a tool I instantly grasped upon to help improve myself, has been a stick I've been able to beat myself with since learning that I'm not as caring and compassionate as I once was so sure I was, infact I have major flaws in the things I most value, myself.

Not that I thought I was the theresa of good people, but I had a confidence that I was just wholesomely good.

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

In my younger years I simply wouldn't have confronted it, refused to evaluate it, if indeed I ever recognised it.

I'm sort of in a phase at the moment, in which I am learning to confront those parts of me that don't match up, and deal with them head on.

Who I am actually and what I value in a person are really at odds with each other, but this is something I am just waking up to now, so being open to it is how I say I react to it now.

 

[Vasilisa]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

When I ruminate on it, I feel bad about the fact that I consider myself a quality, caring person, and I know people like me and yet I have let a lot of people fall away from me and have not fought to keep them emotionally close. So now I feel like I am the one falling alone. I wonder have I grown cold. Maybe you recall the scene in Labyrinth. Sarah is surrounded by all these "helping hands" in a tunnel, but she is freaked by them and doesn't want them all grabbing her, and she demands they let go. But then when they all let go she is falling, and she tries in vain to grasp them again, but its too late. She is falling, alone and afraid, straight down. I feel like this. It is hard for me to deal with I get very emotional and sad about it. In the past, I would just not examine it for very long. I think that is why I started investigating MBTI stuff again lately, to try to gain insight into my personality preferences and how it manifests in my behavior and state of mind. I hope that I can improve myself with some insight.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I can't relate to the OP. I don't see myself as compassionate or caring most of the time. The times I feel that way are moments which surprise me. When other people see me that way, it surprises me even more. Maybe that's why I often test as a Thinker.

I tend to see myself in more negative terms: I am cranky, moody, and withdrawn from others. It might be the environment I was raised in. I grew up with a lot of SFs in my family who criticized my personality a lot and told me I was cold and unfeeling. It took me awhile to see that I just have a different brand of empathizing or caring; it stays hidden from my family because I don't feel safe due to all the criticism from them. I'm not a warm person (or at least I don't often express warm feeling), but I do have a capacity for emotional healing. It's a side of myself I only began to embrace and even identify a few years ago. Other people had to recognize it in my first (people outside of my family).

I think I become annoyed with INFP profiles that are sicky sweet because of this....I can't see myself as that nice. I see too much deficiency in my demeanor, or even when I feel nice, it does not come across as strongly as I feel it.

If I am on any high horse, then it may be in my moral views, my taste (literature, music, art, etc), and my intelligence. My identity is more of a creative & an intelligent person than an empath. When this becomes threatened because my standards get so high, then I begin to wonder what my value is in the world, and I become depressed. Then I try and see myself through kinder eyes and I re-establish my identity on less idealistic terms. It's a never-ending cycle though.

 

[pyramid]

I don't get knocked off my benevolent NF pedestal because I work hard to stay there. No one else can knock me off, only I can lose my own balance. I know I am no more or less of a saint than every other person in the world

On that note as a NF it's hard to watch yourself fall, if you see yourself doing it you'd scramble to straighten back up and salvage something. You really only know in pure retrospect that you fell. :rolli: